DREADLAND HISTORY. a ksp comedy season one

[Dreadthrone]

this is NOT over.. i just cant do much ksp at all anymore i got bored...

prepare for many "wubs" as halrim derps through many guests who have something historic to say!

halrim: today from your ( least) favorite history channel! since it is illegal to not like this show....

bob: so what are we even doing here?

halrim: SAY SOMETHING ABOUT HISTORY!!!!1!!!

bob: ok so the 'krucible' project was a mission that was totally-not-inspired-by-the dark elf flagship from thor!

halrim: i just happen to have a clicker here that has an image of the thing!

bob: ok ( click)

halrim: ok so here is a picture of the thing.........................

bob: OH SHI

halrim: so what is happening in this picture?

bob: oh nothing it is just doing a barrel role!

halrim: and totally NOT crashing into the vab?

bob: yeah.... kinda....

halrim: so who made the thing?

bob: jeb... he is one crazy honkydoodle!

halrim: where you on that thing?

bob: OHH THE MEMORIES ( pukes on halrim)

halrim: OHH GROSS ( runs to the washing machine that was there for no apparent reason)

bob: what are you doing?!!?

halrim: GETTING THIS PUKE IF ME!!

bob: that is NOT how you get pu OH DON'T CLIMB IN THERE!

( washing machine starts)

halrim:WUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUB!

camera man: QUICK STOP THE RECORDING! THIS CANT GO PUBLIC!

halrim:WUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUB

THIS RECORDING HAS BEEN TERMINATED

REASON: harsh brilliance!

RECORDING CONTINUED.

halrim: ok PREPARE FOR VENGENCE!!!11!!

bob: .....

halrim: ok so here is a picture that will ruin your life....

click!

bob: what is that? it is functioning perfectly!

halrim: THEN WHY IS IT EXPLODING!

bob: dude... that is BLATANTLY photoshoped!

halrim: it is not....

bob: no one will believe that.....

halrim: they will! i have power over all of dreadland! if they don't obey they get executed!

bob:

halrim: cameraman please delete that footage....

bob:

halrim: INTO THE WASHING MACHINE YOU GO YOU LITTLE FREAKLET %#*(%(&@^*&%

bob: WUB!

BROADCAST TERMINATED.

reason... editing failure.. deploying mind eraser drones to calm public....

this chapter took an hour even with no pictures....

prepare for MANY of these VERY fast!

​wub!

Edited July 18, 2014 by Dreadthrone

[Dreadthrone]

CHAPTER TWO

halrim: sorry for the sudden cut last time! our low qual NO top of the line camera!

bob: WUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUB

halrim: oh that's just the washing machine nothing weird here:blush:

bob: LET ME OUT OF WUBWUBWUBWUB HEEErWUBWUBWUB!

halrim: certainly no person in there... it is perfectly normal:blush:

halrim: cameraman.... would you mind placing your shirt in the washing machinne? i would like to show the audience a little trick...

cameraman: sure!

BOOM!

halrim: I RIGGED IT WITH EXPLOSIVES! I COULDN'T TAKE THAT ANY LONGER!

bob: WUBWUBWUBWUBWUB

halrim: ..... i did not just say anything about rigging the cameraman's shirt with explosives

( rains some hardware)

halrim: MIND ERASE DRONES...... SECOND TIME TODAY..... if this happens one more time you are FIRED!

camera man:

halrim: zeppelin operator get up here!

zeppelin operator: history i'm guessing?

halrim: damn right:cool:

zeppelin operator: i was flying the K101!

halrim: we are gonna have some good history today!

zeppelin operator: the thing was supposed to be a kindenburg style ride.... but it crashed....

halrim: was a relative of bob on that thing?

zeppelin operator: yeah

halrim: MOST GLORIOUS DAY IN HISTORY! I WOULD SOAK IN BOBS BLOOD!

zeppelin operator: ...... what did you just say?

halrim: camera man... release the drones... AGAIN.... and erase all those memories!

camera man: drones released.....

halrim: and... YOU ARE FIRED!!!11!!!!

camera man: what did i do?! why do I get fired?!

halrim: uhhhhhhh YOU RIGGED YOUR SHIRT AND TRIED TO KILL ME!!!

camera man: C'mon I HAVE THE AUDIO RECORDS RIGHT HERE! it says... 1:25 "I RIGGED THE SHIRT WITH EXPLOSIVES!"

halrim: GIVE ME THAT!!!1!! (grabs a pen) (scribbles the record to say -1:24 camera man: MUHAHAH I RIGGED THE SHIRT WITH EXPLOSIVES!)

halrim: (holds it close to the camera) SEE? IT SAYS CAMERA MAN RIGGED IT! PROOF ENOUGH?!

zeppelin operator: duuude that is not normal behavior.....

bob: FINALLY I'M OUT!

halrim: drones......

more chapters tomorrow!

Edited July 8, 2014 by Dreadthrone

[Dreadthrone]

CHAPTER THREE

halrim: ok new camera man....

halrim: camera man! how many hours before the next mind erase drones arrive?

cameraman: about three hours...

halrim: ok this must be FLAWLESS or else you get fired!

cameraman: WHIT Ihs Fyerd bean?

halrim: ok your fired...

halrim: NEXT

cameraman 2.0: i'm READY!

halrim: ok lets get going.... launch the nukes....

cameraman 2.0: YEAH!1! LAUNCHED!

halrim: QUICK START THE REPORT!

halrim: OKOK A NUKE HAS BEEN FIRED AT ETHERIUM! IT IS TRULY A TIME WE WONT FORGET!

cameraman 2.0: truly;.;

halrim: it will launch mini-nukes if its launch site is checked...

cameraman 2.0: YEAH THE NUKE!! WE FIRED A NUKE! WE ARE THE GREATEST!

halrim: i think we have a culprit..... SECURITY LOCKDOWN PLUS RED ALERT!1!!!

cameraman 2.0: i am jeb!

jeb: muhahahahha!

halrim: lets see what you say when you get blasted by a security mech.....

halrim: LET THERE BE MUCH SPLATTER AND CRUNCH!

(jeb gets crushed by a security mech the size of a large spacecraft..)

halrim: WE STOPPED THE NUCLEAR CATASTROPHE

meanwhile in etherian airspace..

bob: WUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUB WUBWUBWUBWUBWUB ( oh what is this symbol on the wall.... OMG I AM IN A NUKE IN A WASHING MACHINE!)

back in ksc....

halrim: i totally did not tell jeb to put bob in the nuke...

all the chapters for today!

[Dreadthrone]

halrim: NEWS REPORT! a new kind of mind erase drones have been developed! why are we telling you about classified info you may be wondering? well.... to test the NEW and IMPROVED drones!

camera man: drones released!

computer: drones worked!

halrim: YEAH:cool:

halrim: get the new dude up here....

minimus explorer crew member: ok! history?

halrim: YEAH

click!

halrim: what is that thing?

mecm ( minimus explorer): it was the first dreadland vessel to reach minimus! it had two parts.... a lander and..... a... SPACE STATION! WOW! I NEVER KNEW THAT!!1!!

halrim: oh wow! you are truly a expert on this subject! camera man please delete the inkt! footage...

camera man: ok.....

halrim: ok so how did the mission go?

mecm: its end was lost.... it ether separated into its components ( lander and station) or was not disassembled...

halrim: ok.... lets talk about the first EVER mission from dreadland!

mecm: ok... it was the... CLAMPOTRONIC!

halrim: the clicker is out of battery;.;

mecm: the clampotronic was a totally NOT newb vessel! its only problems where that it was using rocket engines with oxidizer-less tanks! and that it was COVERED in clampotrons:cool:

halrim: it was a GLORIOUS flight was it not?

mecm: well.. it exploded on takeoff!

halrim: ok that's enough! you can probably tell what i am going to say....

mecm: release the drones?

halrim: YEAH! i'm not saying what the drones do though!

mecm: nothing?

halrim: ok please retrieve the cookie i have placed in the washing machine! then we can get to ending this report!

mecm: (runs into the washing machine) there is no cookie in here?!

halrim: (closes the washing machine door)

washing machine: nuclear warheads activated! time untell detonation... 1:25 minutes

halrim: QUICK GET AWAY!

washing machine: FIVE FOUR THREE TWO ONE

mecm: WUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUB!

BOOM!

halrim: VICTORY!

camera man: ..... i am speechless

halrim: drones! ( again!)

[Dreadthrone]

halrim: ok this is ready....

camera man: yeah... i assume the camera is not broken...

halrim: no its not broken...

phone: RING!

halrim: AHHHAHHAHHAHAHHAHH!H!H!H!H!H!H!A!HAH!HA!HHA!AHH!

camera man: dude! its a phone not godzilla!

halrim: oh... i thought it was lord Cthulhu!

camera man: what have you been drinking recently?

halrim: PERFECTA VODKA!

camera man: no wonder!

halrim: ok phone time...

( picks up the phone)

kerlock the dark overlord: BEHOLD THE DARK LORD KERLOCK! ( yes i have a kerbal named kerlock in my ksp)

halrim: OH hi boss!

kerlock the dark overlord: ..... i really need to satisfy my firing innocent kerbals that did nothing wrong need! make sure that it is not you!

halrim: yeah! nothing will go wrong! kinda

kerlock the dark overlord: ok there are better kerbals then you! they would be more satisfying to fire!

( hangs up)

halrim: RELIEF! ( does some very intense head butting)

camera man: dude.. that cant be good for your health!

halrim: ok lets get this report going...

sorry that there is not the next part here... the small option was messing around...

[Dreadthrone]

URGENT NEWS! ETHERIUM THINKS ITS BETTER THEN THE DREADLAND IMPERIUM!

halrim: etherium recently launched a large rocket that was propelled upwards using nukes! NUKES WHAT INSANITY! but we boarded it and took the ship intact...

lars: yeah... all the science and nukes on that thing... it was meant to nuke dreadland outposts on other bodies....

halrim: lol...

lars: ......

halrim: anyway... we are building a similar system to nuke etherian outposts... its BIGGER!

lars: .... screw you....

halrim: ok pics....

there is the ship we captured...

lars: are you joking?

halrim: NOPE!

lars: WHAT IS THE TECHNOLOGICAL MIGHT OF DREADLAND!? it is nice and kracken juicing...

halrim: ....

lars: i think my sanity levels are near the void of ZERO.... ALL HAIL CTHULHU!

halrim: drones..... and stuff him in the washing machine....

lars: what was i just talking about?

WUB!

halrim: oh yeah! those sound dampening drones really work!

camera man: yeah... i LOVE those things...

halrim: what do you use them on?

camera man: my dog voidhugger dark mc Cthulhu barks allot....

halrim: voidhugger dark mc Cthulhu? are you kidding me?!

camera man: no...

halrim: ok i'm phoning my boss... this is NOT working...

camera man: uhhh:blush:

kerlock: hello THIS IS THE DARK LORD KERLOCK!!1!!!!!

halrim: PLEASE FIRE MY CAMERA MAN!! HE IS DRIVING ME INSANE!!

kerlock: please give me a reason to save you from this dude...

halrim: HE IS DRIVING ME INSANE!!!!!

kerlock: i like watching you suffer.... deal with it!

halrim: ..... i am speachless....

kerlock: MUAHHAHA

( kerlock hangs up)

halrim: lars please go cry in that dark corner...... it would really gain me some rep with my boss.....

lars:

Edited July 11, 2014 by Dreadthrone

[Dreadthrone]

halrim: so what distant galaxy has lars been launched to?

camera man: darkspace prison creeplet:cool:

halrim: that filthy mess.... kerlock is the BEST namer of buildings!not! i'm just saying that so i don't get sent there!

camera man: yeah he is! once i lived on a street called "creeping fudge cake" I'M SO BADASS

halrim: yeah... he is truly the best at everything!

camera man: he also named my kug ( kerbal pug) "FEAR THE REAPER!"

halrim: wow... truly the best name... totally not a reference.....

camera man: oh and... I AM ULTIMATE!!!!

halrim: what?

camera man: you did not just hear that!

halrim: should we get this report going and not fail?

camera man: yeah

halrim: ok!

NEWS kerlock funds a gondola resort company!

halrim: the last few months kerlock has been putting BILLIONS off kollars into building a high-tech gondola system for kerbals who need a break from space to have fun in! it will also have other places! such as hotels!

kerlock: yeah... ultimate gondolas! they are cool!

halrim: do i get i free ticket? after all i am the source of you propogan NO EPICNESS!

kerlock: ......

halrim: i didn't say anything

kerlock: yeah... lets just end this report.... have the full thousand kollars for this thing...

halrim: wow... A THOUSAND KOLLARS IN THIRTY SECONDS! what is this? bribery or something:huh:

kerlock: kinda

HISTORY

halrim: so bill... what have YOU done?

bill: gone from being a space dude to being a professional puppy fattener!

halrim: .....

bill: don't judge...

halrim: i mean what have you done HISTORICLY

bill: nothing:cool:

halrim: ok NEXT

munbald: history?

halrim: FINNALY

munbald: yeah i went to the mun!

halrim: any information you have to share?

munbald: WHUUUT IS INFUMITHION?!?!

halrim: WHY!? THIS IS BEYOND LOGIC!!!

munbald:

halrim: YOU LITTLE

THIS BROADCAST HAS BEEN TERMENATED

REASON: CHAOS

[Dreadthrone]

NEWS

halrim: we have invented lots of cool stuff that will not explode over the last couple years... now it is time to use it!

bob: why did you choose me for this? washing machine torture subject? kug trainer?

halrim: HAHAHHA very funny! you will be the warp drive operator!

bob: yeah... who will be the orion operator?

halrim: someone who doesn't value their sanity..

bob: ok... why am i going on this anyway? cant you find better kerbs for this?

halrim: you were with jeb on the original pumpy mc plate! so you certainly know how to use a similar craft!

bob: yeah... kinda.. jeb flew the thing..

halrim: where you the one who wrote kalixy quest?

bob: nope...

halrim: GOOD! we are going to send the writer to darkspace creepfest!

( NOTE: i suggest reading the last chapter of kalixy quest before reading this... it had the concepts behind this story)

bob: why?

halrim: it is etherian propaganda!

bob: oh yeah

halrim: i am going to be on the thing... i will report news... FROM SPACE! YEAH!

bob: why aren't we just going to use the etherian pumpy mc plate interplanetary drive?

halrim: that vessel is OOOLD ( this is set a hundred years after kalixy quest) most of its buttons don't even work anymore!

bob: i mean COPY the model...

halrim: this new one has a warp drive...

bob: oh HELL YEAH!

halrim: YEAH ONE NEWS REPORT WITHOUT THE NEED FOR DRONES!

HISTORY:

we cant put this up yet... we are still cleaning up the tomatoes.... we totally aren't :sticktongue:ing it off the wall...

DON'T JUDGE!