Please Don't Pick Me. (The Two Thousand Four Hundred Sixty Second Space Program)

[Whirligig Girl]

Becoming an astronaut is never easy. You just have to hope that once you're picked to be in a space program, you're going to a good one. Everyone wants to be part of Scott Manley's space program, and everyone wants to be on a KSPTV Streamer like Shimmy or Kofeyh, and there are a whole lot of space programs no one wants to be in. Xactar, for instance, can be rather cruel, but he seems to value us to some extent, if not only for some small amount of conversation. And he does apologize whenever one of his Kerbal astronauts dies. But there's one space program none of us want to be redirected to.

One shudders to imagine what inhuman, unkerbal thoughts lie behind that screen, what dreams of chronic and sustained cruelty.

I was once happy to meet the famous Jebediah Kerman. When I mentioned the Two Thousand Four Hundred and Sixty Second space program, his badass smile drooped. "I fear no director. But that... thing... It scares me."

Throughout all of Kerbin Prime, The Director of that space program goes by many names. "The Torturer", "The Killer", "Xactar's Evil Twin", "Danny." This space program has never held a good reputation since Stardate Zero-Fourteen. Since then, he has shown not only disregard for all kerbal life, but a disdain for it. He once taunted his kerbals with a nice christmas tree. Of death. He once promised he wouldn't kill a bunch of us, then magic'd some Solid Fuel Boosters on top of the ship. This madman makes us all shudder. There's millions of astronauts, and only one Danny.

My story is no worse than any other of Danny's Kerbals. My name is Kirrim. I used to be called Anbur. I went from Hero to Zero, just like that. I was once one of Scott Manley's Kerbanauts, one of the more prestigious in fact. I was a special agent, deploying a space satellite. One wrong touch of the wire... anyway I'm sure Manley would merely have used the power of Eff-Fiev to fix that. But instead of reverting, I was reborn at the astronaut megacomplex on Kerbin Prime. I was quickly shuffled into the Astronaut Line, and then... The horror of the moment made me drop down into tears as many Kerbals of this space program do upon being hired. I was chosen for The Two Thousand Four Hundred and Sixty Second space program. Worse of all, The Torturer cloned me, and would not hesistate to recreate me any time I died. And the thing about death in Danny's universe. I've seen the other side. I've been there. There's nothing there.

But I've finally been respawned, and due to a glitch in the system, I'm back on Kerbin Prime. And there's only one thing I can ask before I have to be chosen again. Danny2462, Please don't pick me.

[Rolanvorxariat]

So, that's Kirrim's backstory...

Interesting

[Tw1]

Well, this is an interesting take on that famous kerbal. It is true he never looked that confident while flying, but maybe kerbals are just more expressive than us. Are you aiming to give Danny a guilt trip?

[The Jedi Master]

OK, Krimm, calm down. You just fell down some stairs, no need for the melodrama...

[Yukon0009]

One shudders to imagine what inhuman, unkerbal thoughts lie behind that screen, what dreams of chronic and sustained cruelty.

I see you watched Meet The Pyro.