CommanderPetrovaski

Thanks HebaruSan and everyone else that read and liked this. Its really hard to write about this my bouts of depression and mania and its even harder for me to talk about it with my family and friends. When it gets bad I generally write kinda random stories like this a lot but this was the first time I have ever shared one. Thanks again guys

I didn't really know where else to put this so mission reports it is I wrote because i needed to and it is about a rescue mission so it kinda fits KSP and Depression or Delta-V for a Nightmare Six thirty and I feel splashes of water hit my arm, my son giggles happily in the tub, his smiles and laughter break me out of the fog I am in. I splash back and play with him for a while before he gets bored and wants out. Seven fifteen and I pull the bottle of milk out of the microwave and fasten the top on it and scoop up John into my arms and wrap a blanket around him. We sit in a rocking chair the sounds of an ocean front filling the darkened room as he drifts off to sleep. Looking down at him asleep I can feel the creeping on my skin and know that I won't share in the comfort of sleep tonight, I feel the memories surface in my mind, the phantoms of days past, the tightening around my neck and the smell of salt and oil fill my nose. Seven forty and I lay my infant son down in his crib and tuck his blanket around him and make sure his Pooh Bear is next to him. I leave the room and grab my head phones off the door knob and plug into whatever music I think might make me feel better while checking my email. More rejection notices and come-on's, no news that I have been craving, no offers again, another day gone. I sit at my desk and fire up my laptop, eight years on and still going strong, it never lets me down. I open up Steam and browse my library nothing sticking out at me. The door slams and my wife returns home. Nine O'clock and Anna is in bed and I am still awake fighting the growing fear of my own head and I am back at my computer, Eddy's keys glow blue and welcoming. I just click an icon to do something not caring what, moments later the familiar of three little green men screaming in fear and adulation covers the screen. I settle in for the long load time, my old laptop is a trooper but his age is showing. Nine fifteen and I look around the KSC checking my contracts and my active missions, nothing really checking my eye then I notice it, an alert in the corner WARNING: Vessel “Artemis 5” low on supplies. Reading that I remember; a bad mission, a lone kerbanaught stranded on the mun the failed takeoff. The recollection triggers a flood of pent up emotions I have been carrying all day and suddenly I am all alone feeling the fingers in my mind dragging me down... NO I am not there anymore I am safe and goddamn it I am going to bring poor Edmin home safe too. I open up Spotify on my phone and put on power metal, he is coming home. Ten forty and I stand outside in the cold my boot loose on my feet the embers of a cigarette glowing faintly. I run through delta-v requirements in my head, going through my limited engines and parts available. My mind races as I think of ship designs, then I have it I know what to build and how to do it. I am back inside after I scrub my hands and face I am designing then its ready to go. I push the construct button and time wrap watching the time tick down, the clock races and its finished with five days left before Edmin runs out. I scan my roster of available pilots and there is only one option for a mission of such magnitude, Jeb go bring our boy home. Eleven O'clock and the rocket screams into the sky. All system nominal good track and a nice roll, then it happens I hear it even through my head phones, the anguished cries of a child in fear. I move like lightening and am at the crib-side in a moment. John is sitting up, tears streaking his face. As I look down at him I feel the shared dread of dreams and hate that he already has things to fear in the night. I pick him up in a moment holding him close. His whimpers calming and a small smile forming on his face, and I know that he will be hanging out for a bit. I carry my little guy out to the living room where my desk is and sit him on my lap a blanket tucked around him. He wiggles a moment before settling in for an late evening with dad, happy to be in my lap. Then the mission is back on. Eleven Forty and I feel someones head slump over and look down in my lap. John is fast asleep a faint snoring the only indicator of life. I go to stand up and I am greeted by a whimper of protest, guess he isn't ready to move. I go back to fiddling with my maneuver nodes planing my landing approach. I make another attempt to stand and get a grunt of dismay from my lap. Fine... Back to the mission. Deorbit burn, adjustment burns, final approach... this is it this is the make or break moment legs down, kill horizontal velocity and moments later touch down. The muffled womp of a decoupler and the rover is deployed and Jeb is off into the crater towards the canyons. The rover bounces along zipping across the Munar surface Twelve ten and finally reached the crash site of the Artemis with a nudge of the rover Jeb rolls the capsule so the hatch is up and Edmin is freed. Its the work of a minute and he is on the rover on the way home at last, a few minutes later and the lander is lifting off leaving behind the rock that would have been his tomb. I am on the edge of me seat white knuckled the whole way. A routine return from the mun suddenly has much more weight and as the capsule makes its descent through Kerbin's atmosphere I wait with fear in my heart as the ablator ticks down. Heat builds and my anxiety grows. Its not going to make it I came in too steep. I panic trying to think of options, What would Manly do?, maybe I can aerofoil the capsule decrease the drag... then its over the flames are gone and its slowing down. Foomp and the parachutes deploy, then splashdown. I want to shout I want to cheer. We saved Edmin we got him home. Then I can feel them hot and heavy, the tears running down my face as I let it out and I face the terror in my head, the fear, the lonely isolation all washing over me. I feel the tide rising and I feel like I am going to lose it but I see the smiling faces of Jeb and Edmin in the corner of my screen and feel a little tug on my shirt and look down at the baby in my lap. I got you home Edmin go home kiss your wife hug your kids you made it home, buddy. I wipe my eyes and close my laptop, I hitch John up to my shoulder and carry him off to bed again. As I walk back to the living room killing the lights I pause for a moment and say aloud I'm glad I got you home Edmin and thanks for helping me get home tonight too.

For a long time I have been playing KSP, modding the game chatting with friends about it, making converts where I can but throughout it all I have always had the mindset I am just a mechanic and a crappy pilot. As life imitates art sometime games imitate life and I was trapped in my real mindset of fix not fly build not run. In the almost two years I have been loving this game I have almost exclusively ran with MechJeb, and I was fine with that. Recently though I have been working on getting my Engineer's License Third Class Unlimited for ocean going ships and I have been struggling with it, the entire concept of running things rather than fixing has been beating my behind. That is until recently, with the update to Beta I couldn't install MechJeb for a little bit and had to fly manually and I just kept flying manual. Strange as it is to say but flying without autopilot help change my mindset about being a Engineer rather than a Mechanic and I have able to get more of the concepts and study easier. So thanks you KSP and Squad for helping me become a better operator. TL:DR Thanks KSP for making me a better sailor

Congratulations on the official release, I love your mods. Fair winds on your path Rubber Ducky you will be sorely missed, you were always really nice and quick with help to new guys. You were the first person to repsond to my very first question on the forum. I promise not to cry I'll miss!

I was laughing so hard I cried a little, the Foosball table and Gypsy Danger... oh man that was great

Evening Gents, having a small issue with Toolbar and I am right confused. When I updated to the newest version I found that Toolbar no longer appears in the VAB, the SPH, or when I am view an active vessel. It shows up everywhere else just fine including map view. Now I don't understand if this is cause by a mod interaction or was caused by a wetware issue. Any enlightenment on my plight would be appreciated, and as always thank you in advance Dan

I have tried that and it has no effect. With all buttons on the toolbar the only two red buttons are Contract select and Mission select buttons, all others are blue

I apologize if this has been asked before, but during the course of play I somehow managed to close the GUI's for mission selection and contract selection while having the buttons on the toolbar still redded out as if they were open. This has caused me to become locked out of said menus. Is there a fix for this or am I just an idiot? I appreciate any help with this issue as I am rather fond of the save I buggered up. Thank you in advance

I love the mod Rubber Ducky, and I have to mention that some of the parts I.E. the gyroscopes, are extremely useful in applications other than intended. They are great for building rovers via KAS on low gravity bodies. I never realized how useful a small KAS attachable SAS unit would be. On another note do not send a telescope outside the Kerbin SOI it produces game breaking amounts of science

Ah I see now, use a Brayton cycle turbine you don't have to effect a change of state in the working fluid which would allow the exhaust pressure of the turbine to provide Net positive suction head for the compressor as long as the working fluid remains in a gaseous state. Very elegant Fractal

I apologize for the potential derail in advance: First: Fractal love your work this is one of my favorite mods. The new update is great. Second: A question about your generators: Did you base the design on an actual prototype or concept and if so what was it? I have worked on and around nuclear propulsion plants most of my adult life and I can not fathom how a turbine generator would work in zero gravity. I can figure out how a condenser would function much less the condensate/feed systems without gravity. Also love that work on nuclear parts is a royal pain that's some truth in fiction