Unfair parents.

[bandit4910]

Well everytime i get into an argument with my sister, my parents listen to her side of the story.

Just this morning i went to get a drink, my sister grabbed the drink from the fridge, she knew I was getting the drink, we got into an argument.

She got my parents, she told her side of the story, that was it, me and my mom and i started yelling at eachother, my dad took away the pc.

My parents each came in my room and tried to talk to me, i turned up the music so i couldnt hear them.

Any way to deal with this?

(P.S. I\'m on my tablet, sorry for grammar.)

[Monkthespy]

Say they are not listening to you, also, tell them that there punishments are making it worse if you really want to hit them hard.

[wired2thenet]

Take your lickin\'s, son We all go through that at some point in our lives. 41-years old, I am, and I still get that in regards to my brother and parents. You learn to live with it (as well as your mother mothering you like you were 12, for the rest of your life ((seriously ... 41 years old, and she still treats me like I\'m 12 ... /sigh)). Cold hard fact of life).

Honestly? Blow a few Kermen to smithereens to vent frustration. When I was a teen, I had similar issues, and meditated or played video games to vent that frustration and anger. Helped quite a bit.

Look into that Dobsonian hobby, and find an amateur astronomy group near you (they are literally all OVER the place). Look into The Planetary Society, which frequently posts Stargazing groups and schedules.

[cardgame]

Whatever happens, stay calm.

[ping111]

That sounds rough man.

My only ideas are to try and cut off the root from the source.

Label your drinks, be a pushover, whatever it takes.

Or, parents are naturally accepting, so you have to take the first step and consult them. Ask them to listen to your part of the story.

Cheers

[Sordid]

Remember the saying 'you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar'? Yelling and turning up the music when they try to talk to you is the absolutely worst thing you can possibly do, that\'s just going to make them angry at you. Staying calm won\'t make your parents listen to you, but at least it won\'t get your PC taken away. If it makes you feel any better, I\'m fairly sure your sister also thinks they never listen to her. That\'s just how parents are.

Also, don\'t start arguments over something silly like a drink. I\'m sure there are other things in your house that you can drink. Choose your battles, and don\'t fight with your parents. That\'s a fight you can\'t win. So make your sister fight with them. Then they\'ll be angry with her and you\'ll win. Learn to push her buttons to make her do things that make them angry. Always have a plausible justification, though. If your parents suspect you manipulated your sister on purpose, you\'ll be in deep trouble. Always, always stay calm. Fear is the mind-killer, and so is anger. If you\'re not thinking clearly, you\'re going to do something stupid that\'ll make your situation worse.

[Ydoow]

Remember the saying 'you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar'? Yelling and turning up the music when they try to talk to you is the absolutely worst thing you can possibly do, that\'s just going to make them angry at you. Staying calm won\'t make your parents listen to you, but at least it won\'t get your PC taken away. If it makes you feel any better, I\'m fairly sure your sister also thinks they never listen to her. That\'s just how parents are.

Also, don\'t start arguments over something silly like a drink. I\'m sure there are other things in your house that you can drink. Choose your battles, and don\'t fight with your parents. That\'s a fight you can\'t win. So make your sister fight with them. Then they\'ll be angry with her and you\'ll win. Learn to push her buttons to make her do things that make them angry.

What he said.

Eventually, these arguments become memories you cherish for some odd reason. But just remember they\'re small things, and talking with your parents is better than blocking them out with music.

If you think about it, blocking them out is your way of communicating 'You are unfair, so this is me being unfair'

But I can assure you, you will make much greater progress by talking it out.

This whole thing reminds me of me and my sisters about 4 years ago lol

[socket7]

Your sister engaged in a dialog with your parents and told them (right or wrong) that she had been wronged by you.

You responded by yelling at your parents, refusing to tell your side of the story calmly, and then were rude to your parents again when they tried to talk to you.

It is no wonder your sister got listened to.

Never get angry. Anger clouds the mind and makes rational thought impossible.

Outsmart your sister. Go to your parents first. Have a list of verifiable offenses. Document your claims. Never get angry. Anger makes you dumb.

[bandit4910]

@socket7

Forgot to add in after they heard my sisters side they said i was in the wrong.

So naturally i yelled which i shouldnt of done.

Well my parents said they we were having a meeting tommorw.

I was in the right and they know it, they refuse to admit I am in the right.

[Key of door]

@socket7

Forgot to add in after they heard my sisters side they said i was in the wrong.

So naturally i yelled which i shouldnt of done.

Well my parents said they we were having a meeting tommorw.

I was in the right and they know it, they refuse to admit I am in the right.

Seemingly that this happens to me a lot, be smart and think , a lot.

If you\'re punished wrongly figure out how to bypass it , practice what you will say.

But if you are punished fairly, take the punishment.

[cardgame]

@socket7

Forgot to add in after they heard my sisters side they said i was in the wrong.

So naturally i yelled which i shouldnt of done.

Well my parents said they we were having a meeting tommorw.

I was in the right and they know it, they refuse to admit I am in the right.

I know this may seem frustrating to hear, but it\'s not about who\'s right, it\'s about attitude.

[Key of door]

Sorry if this is invading of your privacy , but how old are you?

[Caesar15]

That sounds rough man.

My only ideas are to try and cut off the root from the source.

Label your drinks, be a pushover, whatever it takes.

Or, parents are naturally accepting, so you have to take the first step and consult them. Ask them to listen to your part of the story.

Cheers

Cutting the root, so eliminating his sister?

[bandit4910]

@ydoow

I have tried talking things out with my parents.

I\'m better off not, they just end up getting me more raged.

They don\'t know how to talk to me.

Oh yeah i did write a song in this situation...

[bandit4910]

Cutting the root, so eliminating his sister?

I am not eliminating my sister.

[Sordid]

They don\'t know how to talk to me.

You have that the wrong way around, I\'m afraid. Like it or not, they\'re in charge. It\'s you who\'s going to have to learn how to talk to them if you want to get anywhere.

[wired2thenet]

You have that the wrong way around, I\'m afraid. Like it or not, they\'re in charge. It\'s you who\'s going to have to learn how to talk to them if you want to get anywhere.

He speaks 100% truth here.

[CardBoardBoxProcessor]

DDOS your parents computer. very easy

But if you really want to win. You must get smarter. Get on your sisters good side. get yourself in position to get revenge

but my best advice would be to not do that. You would become a terrible person like me :/

[Amram]

im sorry guys, this is huge, i know it is, but im not sure how to streamline it further without losing points, or meaning. Rather than hack it down and not offer a complete thought and my advice, i\'ve rewritten whole sections a few times to shorten them but not diced it up, its still huge.

One hundred victories in one hundred battles is not the most skillful. Subduing the other\'s military without battle is most skillful.

this definitely applies here. You\'re having squabbles with your sister, and its causing your parents to become peacekeeper and dish out penalties. You can\'t beat parents that are on the warpath, generally the outcome they seek is the outcome they will force to occur. Your going to toe the line they will draw, regardless of whether or not you like it. Once they are past talking, there\'s no point in holding your ground, they\'ll just raise the stakes until you relent.

Where I think most teenagers go wrong, and i\'ve been guilty of this many times, as im sure all the rest of us have too, is that they get angry, and stray from calm and logic. Once you start telling them instead of discussing with them. Once you start yelling instead of talking. Once you say 'no thats not' with nothing more than an opinion to back you up. once you have done any of those you have almost always lost the argument.

We are all unique, we are all different, we all handle everything differently. but most importantly, we are all stuck on this same little rock at the same time. Your best bet at fixing this, is reason, and not holding ground you cannot reasonably defend. As much as it may hurt, offend, or just plain suck, give ground when you must, it helps immensely. Sometimes its necessary to take a loss when you are definitely in the right, in order to achieve a larger victory.

You mentioned having tried to talk it out and that it doesn\'t work, you get angry. That happens. Its definitely much more common as a teenager. But im afraid talking it out is your solution, it usually is. But do not get angry, and do try to bring the conversation to a close, at least temporarily when this happens.

If they don\'t want to talk, then don\'t persist. it takes two people to hold a discussion, it takes one person to earn a penalty.

If you go to them to talk about something, and your not in any trouble, then often you will be free to end the chat and walk away to calm down when you get angry. Do this. Ask to stop, take a break, and you\'ll come back and proceed further when calmer. They may say no, they want to finish this now. Do your damage control first. Apologise for anything you might say now, and remind them that if history is any indication your going to say something stupid(most people do when angry), and ask that they take it in stride since they wish to continue.

Not 'you get what your asking for'. this isn\'t validation to be an ass, and avoid at all costs making it sound like that is the position your taking. Instead, you know your going to be at fault for something if this continues, and your sorry, and if they could overlook that this time, then maybe you can reach the bottom of the real issues before it all comes apart, discussion meets failure, no progress is made, and your in trouble again.

if they let you walk away-and they are almost certain to, then you have real progress. For one, you know one of your next discussion topics. you got angry, WHY? Talk about that. Follow the points that make you angry, in more than one sitting if necessary.

What you need, above all, is to be able to discuss these things without the anger. The anger is coming from what you view as a lack of functional communication, from misunderstanding('they don\'t know how to talk to me'). you don\'t need to work on talking, I don\'t know any teenagers that need work there. You need to work on the misunderstandings and why\'s of what angers you and what angers them.

Clear up enough of what makes you/them angry, and why, and it will change things for the better. For one, they don\'t like dealing with you when angry, because it usually makes them angry. They miss the days when you were simpler, easier to understand. This makes you angry, that makes you happy. As a teenager, all that goes out the window. Your mind is reaching its potential, exploring its limits, and pushing boundaries, and responds in very complex and poorly defined ways that do not stop changing. You are not the cute little toddler that was so easy to deal with anymore.

If you ask any adult that has children that are now adults what part of all that they hated the most, likely all of them will say the exact same thing. The teenage years. It used to be so easy to keep the peace between you, now it seems to them that they cannot win. this makes you happy, except when it makes you angry. That makes you sad, except when it also makes you angry, or sometimes happy. The predictability is gone, and your right, they don\'t understand you anymore. All parents and their children go through this stage.

If they know what sets you off, and why it sets you off, they can alter their approach to avoid that. if you know what makes them angry, and why it makes them angry, you can alter your approach to avoid that. Clear up enough, and there won\'t be that many angry arguments where the only outcome is you in trouble. The causes of your anger will not stop fluctuating until your well past being in school. your parents are fairly simple to come to understand well, you aren\'t, this is MUCH easier for you than it is for them.

in a nutshell, thats growing up. most teenagers, myself included, do that the dumb way. why am i in trouble ....... im right, your wrong ......why am I in more trouble now!? WTF!?!?.....RAGE! by the time your grown and on your own, you can probably do as you please when visiting your parents, or in dealings with siblings or other family members, and there will be few if any arguments because after all this time you know how to avoid pushing them too far, they know how far not to push you, and you can both stay calm, and discuss or even argue, and both know when to seek mediation or to walk away to keep it civil.

Save yourself the grief, and time, start the talking now, work on it, and get there much more quickly. it takes forever when you do it the hard way, getting how to keep your parents civil hammered into you by trial and error, followed by many many punishment cycles.

Apologies on the length, but im not sure how to shorten much of that, without cutting what i think are important points and avoid possible misunderstandings.

And last of all.

I\'ve been kicked out of schools for excessive fighting(at my worst i was averaging 2+ fights per day), because dealing with others often left me so blindingly angry that life was mostly shades of red, and how to force upon others the idea that i shouldn\'t be pushed that far. Diplomacy seemed to have failed, and violence appeared to be setting the better success rate in getting me left in peace.

I\'ve been shipped off to live with my dad for a few years cause I angered my mother enough that everything was taken much too far. They divorced when i was three, when I was eleven she married again. So I\'ve got four sisters, all younger, 3 from a different father than mine, 1 from a different mother.

I\'ve dealt with favoritism. younger siblings often get more attention/perks/gifts, etc. And biological siblings are often viewed a bit differently as well, generally in their favor. Its still noticeable in our family to some extent. Its not fair, it does suck, and they are quite honestly somewhat blind to the fact they are even guilty of it.

i lost count when growing up of how many times I got my oldest sister into trouble for things I did. They knew it was me that did it, but had nothing to support it. they tried forcing me to cave by sitting us both down at the table with a time limit, and a more severe punishment if we exhausted the time. I saw an opportunity. I made it clear to my sister that i was not going to cave. if I had to get in trouble, I could take solace in knowing i wasn\'t alone. She believed she faced a no-win situation. i made it painfully clear that either way, she was going to be punished, but the more severe punishment came if we reached the end of the timelimit. if she caved, she got a lesser punishment. She caved, more than once.

Teenagers can be surprisingly evil. Teens are basically adult minds, without the tempering of patience and society. Unbridled ambitions and passions without the restraint of experience. An opportunity to use someone for their own ends will often be taken without even thinking about it. I never did, and i took advantage whenever I found such opportunities.

I battled often, especially once I was larger than my stepdad. I was emboldened by knowing I could take him physically if it ever got that far. Intimidation was no longer a factor in angering my father, i wasn\'t intimidated anymore.

I entrap people in words, to twist and double back, to imply but not state. It was great fun to confound my siblings, never giving straight answers, often implying something completely different. Almost always misleading yet rarely lying outright. Many a time I implied they could do something they actually couldn\'t. I never took it so far as to put them in danger, but often far enough to get them into trouble. I was somewhat evil as a teen, took much of my amusement, and comfort in growing up from ensuring i wasn\'t alone in getting into trouble often.

It made it very difficult for me to be caught out in the wrong for something I said, but it also is a source of anger for many. They understood me to have said this, then I seem to double back on the meaning of the same wording and they think I was lying. Yet the words never changed. They misunderstood, that much seemed obvious to me. Their view is that I have misstated, or failed to clarify, I said one thing and meant another, I lied.

In using an ambiguous statement, its true, I had failed to clarify my statement and be clear about my meaning. its also true that they have misunderstood my intent, and that I was not lying nor changing my story. If it was against my parents, I was in crap, every time.

I\'ll close this off repeating much of what has been said, and what you will hear over and over as time goes on.

[list type=decimal]

[li]Pick your battles, its not worth it in the long run to fight them all. Some you simply cannot win, even with a stacked deck.[/li]

[li]Talk, talk, and when you\'re done, talk more. if there are still disagreements or anger to be talked about, then your not finished[/li]

[li]Stay calm. they will be trying hard to stay calm, you need to as well, and it WILL be difficult at times. if possible seek a break to calm down.[/li]

[li]It does get better. It may get worse before it gets better, it might take what seems to be an eternity, but it DOES get better.[/li]

[li]and last of all, your parents WILL say this someday

your turn as the parent is coming, and your children WILL make you hate them from time to time. And it will all begin again, with you on the other team for game 2.[/li]

[Johno]

A lot of good advice has been given. I hate to say this, because you\'re obviously feeling bad enough, but you need to know it- if I were your parents, I would probably have found in favour fo your sister too.

Maybe it\'s unfair - but she held her cool and you didn\'t. What you may not realise is that this makes it look to anyone outside your head that YOU, not your sister, are the one who\'s trying to be a pain.

Now, she may well be being a pain in the rear end too. But here\'s the trick - she wasn\'t being a pain when Mum and Dad were there, and you were.

Put yourself in their shoes. WHAT REASON DID YOU GIVE THEM FOR THINKING THAT YOUR SISTER\'S VERSION WASN\'T THE TRUTH?

If you think about it, no reason at all!

Just so you know I understand what your parents were thinking: I have two kids too. Although they\'re younger than you, they are quite capable of being rude little so-and-sos; so I have to deal with stuff like this every day. Trust me, the one who\'s being rude and obnoxious always loses to the one who\'s being polite and cooperative.

If they\'re BOTH being cooperative[1], then a parent actually has to sit down and think through the issues. That\'s the best deal you\'re going to get.

[1] That\'s a pretty rare situation. More usually, BOTH are being rude and obnoxious.

[bandit4910]

Trust me my sister was ticked off after she drank the rest of the drink, she tried to throw the bottle at me.

I dodged it bounced off the wall hit her in the arm.

Well my mom was even more ticked off because she could hear my music.

I was listening to I don\'t care from Apocalyptica.

So than she called in the family meeting..

[RedDwarfIV]

I don\'t get into these situations, despite having an infuriatingly annoying younger sister. I\'m presuming your sister is older. Now, here\'s a guide on how to do it right, with some backstory situations.

I have and do use violence to get might point across to my sister because often, usually in the car, she doesn\'t listen when I tell her to stop doing something or to shut up. If this seems harsh, think - have you ever been stuck in a car for an hour with a girl who eats an easter egg from her bare hands, gets her hands covered in melted chocolate, licks her hands all over, and tries to rub her hands all over everything including your own laptop? She has done this both subconsciously and deliberately.

Arguments with my sister either end with me hitting her hard enough, her finally seeing reason, or my parents breaking it up. In the case of the last one, it usually doesn\'t stop her for more than five minutes. The second one happens only rarely. The first one ends with my parents asking me why I hurt her.

This is the important part. I then explain to my parents calmly exactly what my sister was doing at the time, why violence was justified [AKA \'I did warn her repeatedly\'], and then mention that she wouldn\'t listen when my parents told her to stop whatever she was doing. This immediately brings my parents onto my side against my sister. Threats of \'you\'ll go to bed early\' from my parents do usually resolve the situation, if I remind my sister of that every so often.

I\'m not saying any of this will work for you. But shouting won\'t help, turning music on will annoy them. Listen to music through headphones if you feel like it, but a lot of parents will resent noise pollution after an argument. If you give them a headache, there will be no middle ground for you to stand on.

Your example reminds me of the arguments my sister and I have over ice creams. I choose Rolo cornettos, my sister chooses Nobbly Bobbly lollies. My sister proceeds to eat three of the four Rolo cornettos, leaving all the Nobbly Bobblys. The argument I would present to my parents is that if my sister wanted Rolo cornettos, then that is what she should have chosen. Make it your rival\'s fault. I don\'t want to be left with the Nobbly Bobblys, so I have to make a point. Then my parents can ensure my sister has, at most, half of the Rolos, and that she has her fair share of the Nobbly Bobblys rather than leaving them all. Problem solved, no need to shout.

In summary - Stay calm, resort to violence only to bring an end to an argument, ensure you have just cause for said violence [drink theft is annoying but not in this case valid - however, my sister\'s personal hygiene failure would be], and if it was your sister\'s fault, make sure you have something to say that will persuade your parents of that fact.

[Ydoow]

You have that the wrong way around, I\'m afraid. Like it or not, they\'re in charge. It\'s you who\'s going to have to learn how to talk to them if you want to get anywhere.

He speaks 100% truth here.

They\'re both correct.

Life isn\'t fair. If life was fair, the world wouldn\'t be nearly as corrupt as it is.

You\'re going to get this issue with teachers in your future, the ones who won\'t give you credit for solving a problem because 'you didn\'t do it his/her way.'

It\'s unfair, but the only way around this is to exploit it.

Basically, kiss ass and do what they say to get what you want (good grade, milk, whatever) when you encounter these types of situations, even if it makes you grind your teeth to nothing with rage.

[Johno]

Joey, you need to realise that no matter how unfair YOU think it was, EVERYTHING you have said would make basically any parent support your sister.

Now, you can get upset about it if you like, but it\'s not going to help.

Nope, your parents aren\'t being unfair (from their point of view). They think they\'re being fair, and EVERY PART of your reaction backs up what they think.

You must unlearn what you have learned, Padawan!

[boyercam]

I get this alot, especially from my dad. Just count to 10 and walk away. They will try to talk to you eventually and all will be fine.