How to ask someone out...?

[kenbobo]

As a middle schooler (Admins please don't erase, it's key to my request) I need help asking someone out.

As a nerd, I am not exactly the best choice for girls.

Could you guys give me advice?

Thanks!

"Ken the four-eyed loser"

(name taken from school nickname)

[CelticCossack51]

Oh, man. I never did it in middle school, even though my friends would probably say so (it's just unreliable propaganda that ruined relations between two people that I have to clean up. Even though I have been in this position, I was being approached and completely bombed it...thanks friends.

I think this is where your knowledge comes in. Not all of them love nerds, but there at least have to some who do. Make sure your not only talking about your self, try to ask questions about her interests. Also answer her questions as best as you can. Try to take steady breaths and remain sane. And try to not be disappointed in any mistakes that you think you did, even though it might be funny to others, try to remember there could be worse mistakes that can happen that will give people nightmares. That's all the advice I have to offer, let me know if it sounds cliche, because I only slightly experienced that scenario.

Edited March 23, 2015 by CelticCossack51

[r4pt0r]

Confidence is attractive. when you get an opportunity you have to seize it, just go right into it.

[Flixxbeatz]

So apparently, based on what you said, you are playing this game called "life" on a hard level...

Confidence is attractive. when you get an opportunity you have to seize it, just go right into it.

What this guy said. Wait for the opportunity but don't wait too long or or let shyness get the best in you, otherwise you might be overtaken by someone 100x cooler than you.*

Also, keep your head high. Believe in yourself. If your crush is on a cooler clique then you may find it impossible, but hey, it can happen .

Get your ish together and tell her face-to-face. If you get rejected then so what, there's plenty of fish in the sea.

Should you not excel on that stage, there's always high school and college. Some people are just late bloomers, like me

*speaking from experience

EXTRA (may/may not be related): Want to excel? Change your interests, hobbies, the image you project, and the way you talk to people. Socialize! Gather friends. Attend gatherings (clue: look at my avatar) :D:D:D

I hate to tell this, but lets face it: coolness plays a major factor in most of today's generation, even that it won't help you in the long run.

Edited March 23, 2015 by Flixxbeatz

[Bill Phil]

there's plenty of fish in the sea.

Sometimes the problem isn't the number of fish in the sea, it's an "I'm terrible at fishing" problem.

[Flixxbeatz]

Sometimes the problem isn't the number of fish in the sea, it's an "I'm terrible at fishing" problem.

Ah, yes. That's another possibility. Edited my post anyway

[RainDreamer]

Speaking from experience as someone who used to ghostwrite love letters for friends (in exchange for...compensations) back when I was in middle school, I suggest a romantic love letter. Middle-schooler has this idealized concept of romantic relationship, and things that would be considered cheesy or awkward by the time of high school actually works pretty well. Just don't be too dramatic or overdoing it though, it might come off as sarcastic or creepy.

Just be sure that you have the ability to talk afterward.

[T-Bouw]

Can you tell that the girl likes/knows you too?

For instance, asking someone that you've never even made eye-contact with is almost guaranteed to fail.

If you look at her and she looks back at you in a positive way, even when she's amongst friends, go for it!

But ask when you two are (almost) alone.

[Sampa]

Can you tell that the girl likes/knows you too?

For instance, asking someone that you've never even made eye-contact with is almost guaranteed to fail.

If you look at her and she looks back at you in a positive way, even when she's amongst friends, go for it!

But ask when you two are (almost) alone.

Key... I would also take your time and don't rush her. If she says no the first time, don't feel down (especially if she gives an indication that she is interested) just say, "ok, maybe some other time!" Also, don't feel down if she friend-zones you! Believe it or not, that is a girl's indication that she is interested in a long term relationship, but wants to take it slower. Learned that the hard way.

[RainDreamer]

While I don't want to discourage you from asking people out and experience love, usually relationship on middle school/high school time will eventually fall out. That is not a pessimistic view of things, it is just means instead of thinking too far into the future, you should think about the present, and enjoy as much time as possible with the person you love in those times, since after all, you are not going to need to worry about serious adult things now. I helps you not to fuzz out too much, just go with your heart.

[Dman979]

Don't rush. But don't go too slowly, or you might get FZ'ed.

If your "friends" rib you about hanging out with a girl you like, there are basically two ways to respond. Either take the "we're just friends" route, or put your arm around her and ask "Why, you jealous or something?" There are pros and cons to each path. The WJF path could lead to the friendzone, but it's not a bad path to take. The "Jelly?" path might lead to you getting a small rejection, but will definitely show that you can hold your own in verbal sparring (a critical life skill to have), and also has the added benefit of breaking the touch barrier.

Get a wingman. Things are always easier when you have a friend helping you, so why should dating be any different? He (or she) can give you openings, prevent awkwardness, and generally watch your back.

Simmilarly, girls- esp. in middle school- like to form cliques. Get to know the other members of your potential girlfriend's clique.

Go to the school's social activities. Find someone to hang out with there. If you know that the girl you like is going to the dance, you might be able to hang out with her before it starts, or after it ends.

Get good at comebacks and putdowns, even if that's not the type of person you are. Especially if that's not the type of person you are. Unfortunately, that's how the world works. If you become proficient, you can minimize your involvement on verbal fights. And, it always helps score compassion points if you stick up for someone who's being teased. If it's that girl, even better!

What makes you YOU? What are you good at? I'm good at math, so my opening can be helping with math homework. What have you done? What are you proud of? Why are the other guys worse than you?

Try to build your self-esteem.

Don't worry if you do get rejected. You're in MIDDLE SCHOOL, FER CRIS SAKES! It's not the end of the world.

You might want to see these threads as well:

Dating Advice for Nerds/Geeks

Advice for Dealing with Rejection?

They're in the Space Lounge forum.

Edited March 23, 2015 by Dman979

[r4pt0r]

Publius Vergilius Maro, otherwise known as the poet Virgil, has some words for you as well.

Audaces fortuna iuvat

Which depending on the translation means "Fortune sides with him who dares" or more commonly, "Fortune favors the bold"

[kenbobo]

Can you tell that the girl likes/knows you too?

For instance, asking someone that you've never even made eye-contact with is almost guaranteed to fail.

If you look at her and she looks back at you in a positive way, even when she's amongst friends, go for it!

But ask when you two are (almost) alone.

Answering that if she likes me thing:

I don't know. We went to the dance as friends, I paid for her admission. She sorta walked away from me. So IDK

[T-Bouw]

Being friends doen't mean that people have to be/dance together the whole time, but it doesn't sound like she's interrested in you personally.

It seems she's made up her mind about you two for now, though being friends she could still, in time, come around and see that there's more to you than she thought at first.

I don't want to say it but I must though, be careful about people using you. That means, doing people favors but never receiving any back.

Edited March 24, 2015 by T-Bouw

[Guest]

As a middle schooler (Admins please don't erase, it's key to my request) I need help asking someone out.

As a nerd, I am not exactly the best choice for girls.

Could you guys give me advice?

Thanks!

"Ken the four-eyed loser"

(name taken from school nickname)

Go towards her, thump your torso in a manly manner and say "I'M DA MAN!, humpf?"

Success guaranteed! If not try bringing on your virility in a less direct way.

Seriously tho, don't think you have to do what you don't want to do because some ...... told you so

[Whirligig Girl]

Middle School is the toughest time for everything. No matter what people tell you about asking someone out, it's really really going to be hard. Don't even a little bit expect it to be easy with the advice others give you. But that doesn't mean "give up."

[Flixxbeatz]

Read this. It may help you gather enough confidence and morale, and you may think of changing your image.

[Randox]

I want to make a point about the usage of friendzone. Be wary of the term, because it implies that there is some way to guarantee success. Sometimes girls just aren't interested and it was never going to happen.

Some of this stuff I have no answer for, because middle school was a while ago and I wouldn't know how that works now, but some tidbits anyway.

1. Don't play the long game. You don't have to be totally direct about what you want from the get go, but don't embark on some month(s) long journey of trying to ask someone out or hinting or whatever. This usually ends in one of two ways. The first is that the object of your attention never catches on, because hints are only obvious to the people making them. Alternately, you'll just weird people out until they feel like they have to confront you, or start avoiding you so they don't have to do that.

2. Her friends are useful resources. If you want to know if someone is interested in you, or you want to know if someone is trying to drop you hints and you don't feel you can ask that person directly, then talk to their friends. These are the people next most likely to know what's up. There is no universal girl code, so asking your guy friends, or people on the internet if they think some girl is interested in you, or what she means when she says ____ is literally about as productive as consulting a magic 8-ball, so don't do that.

3. Middle School is awkward. This is just a fact of life at the age middle school happens to encompass. Everyone is learning new social skills, exploring new types of relationships. Be at peace with this fact, and don't sweat it if you can't become mister confidence. Take a deep breath and do your best. This is how we learn if nothing else.

This isn't going to apply perfectly, but my typically approach is this. When I find a girl I think I might like to have a relationship with, I find a reason to talk to her. This is a good time to express interest by the way. Ask direct questions about her that invite more than a yes/no answer. Hobbies/interests are a good place to start, and with any luck this will develop into further conversation. If she asks you questions, try to avoid simple yes/no answers or short answers that don't invite more conversation.

After a bit of socializing, if I still think I want to pursue a relationship after getting to know her a little better, I invite her out to some future outing. For me, that usually means coffee which combines simplicity, further social interaction, and is a fairly well accepted code for first date where I live for people my age. This is the part I can't help you with. When I was in middle school, asking someone out to coffee was instead inviting them to go see a movie. Maybe it still is.

If the 'date' goes well, then I make plans for us to do something else, ideally something a bit more romantic. A pretty easy one for me is dinner and a movie (or dinner then a movie if I don't feel like cooking), but I've also used public gardens and sporting events. Especially if you have gotten to this point without making anything officially a date, you would ideally want to get at least a hug in at the end. This is part of being clear and not playing the long/creepy game. Failure to do more than hang out and talk typically means you are just interested in being friends.

Hopefully something in all that is of use to you.

[Kinglet]

Middle School is the toughest time for everything. No matter what people tell you about asking someone out, it's really really going to be hard. Don't even a little bit expect it to be easy with the advice others give you. But that doesn't mean "give up."

Actually, in most cases giving up will save you pain and improve your grades by far. Middle school is a awful time for dating.

[RainDreamer]

Another advice: Just treat the person you like as a person.

Don't think they are like some kind of mysterious alien life form that you can't even begin to comprehend. They are just people, with simply different thought patterns and ideas. They will react like human for most things. (there is a slim chance that they are an actual alien and may take you to do battle evil forces and save the galaxy in giant robots. Very, very slim chance)

Don't think they are a sort of obstacle you have to overcome, similar to a boss in a game where you have to use tricks and manipulation to get through them, and that once you "beat" them you get their "love" as reward. There are many ways to approach them, but approach them as someone who simply want to be with them, not as someone who try to subdue and seduce them with suaveness or coolness or toughness or whatever. Instead of being someone you think they may like, you should be just yourself. If you are not someone they like, then well, it was not meant to be. But if you are someone they like, then it is much easier to just living as yourself, than having to pretend till you can't pretend anymore.

Don't place them on pedestals and consider them as some kind of deity. It will just mean you are in love with the ideal image of that person instead of themself as a person. Things get awkward once that ideal got broken because they are just human in the end. It is also very weird to be on the receiving end of that, and might make people want to back out.

---

Remember. A person is a person, even if you have a crush on them.

[DMSP]

I'll back most of the advice on this page.

As I was just in the same position as you (I'm in Middle School (Surprise, because who knew), I'm "too smart" and not the most attractive), but I thought "What do I have to lose".

So when we went to Vienna on the school science fair trip, I decided I would take the chance.

I was about to, and then she won the top level, and two other awards.

It went pretty well.

Let's just say that last Saturday was a great movie night.