Avoid nervous breakdown @ IT department

[HMIC]

About to lose my nerve here at the office working on analysis and development, many annoying users and stuff going on today it's driving me insane.  Need some KSP 1.1 to cool off.  Still two hours to go here.  Any suggestions to avoid "rage mode" ??   I've used up all my possible cards. 

 

 

[Tex Mechs Robot]

everything you say to people for the rest of the day should be preceded with "sudo" and then you should act baffled when they don't comply.

[HoloYolo]

Canadian Strategy: Say "Sorry" after every negative comment. Makes people realize that you mad.

Shut your mouth Strategy: Just keep your mouth shut. Do not utter a single word until you cool off and can handle a few annoying people agai.

Drinking Water Strategy: Drink water until you forget what made you mad.

[cubinator]

Listening to Carl Sagan always makes me feel good, but I've never tried it while angry so I wouldn't know.

Umm...stupid funny internet videos?

Yee

Stunt it

[legoclone09]

Give terrible advice that will ruin their computer.

[insert_name]

inform the annoying people that their calls are being recorded and will be posted to youtube if they misbehave, along with their phone numbers

[stibbons]

6 hours ago, Tex Mechs Robot said:

everything you say to people for the rest of the day should be preceded with "sudo" and then you should act baffled when they don't comply.

"Tex Mechs Robot is not in the sudoers file. This incident will be reported."

[lobe]

Here is an algorithm (not kid friendly):

If troubles require 300 seconds to fix, just fix it.

If troubles require 300<x<3600, apply basic fix and hope it lasts the day.

If troubles require 3600<x<86400 seconds, start worrying, otherwise apply previous fix

If troubles require 86400<x seconds, better start emailing people and making code, because your job is on the line.

If you think the troubles are related to the software limitations, tell your boss, hope they agree, then you get better stuff. Otherwise someone better than you comes in, says the same thing, and gets the exact same treatment because the boss doesn't understand computers.

[pxi]

 

From http://bofh.bjash.com/ExcuseBoard.html

Quote

 

Welcome to the BOFH Excuse board - your way into a support standard for the future. Please follow the steps below

Step One.Compose the Excuse. Choose one word from the First, Second and Third Columns in the table below, concatenating them to describe the error, situation or problem you're saying has occurred. For particularly unintelligent users, adding the optional fourth parameter may help to clarify that this isn't a situation that should be celebrated...

Example:Inherent Software Corruption
Dumb Example:Inherent Software Corruption Error

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Step Two.Compose a story to backup this Excuse. Remember, the more outrageous the story, the more likely the user is to NOT understand it - and therefore believe it.

Unbelievable Explanation (for above excuse) "Well it appears that part of our software is corrupted - possibly because of some hardware error"
Believable Explanation: "It seems that the Inherency of the Software is corrupt - not the actual software itself. We're looking at getting some artificial Inherency in to solve the problem..."

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Step ThreeGet the user to become part of the problem.

Example "..But the Artificial Inherency costs about 50 bucks a user. If you could just send us the money, we'll get you sorted out"
Another Example "..But the Artificial Inherency isn't Right Hand User Compatible - I dunno, it's Welsh or something - so you're going to have to type with your left hand for the next 2 hours.."

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FIRST	SECOND	THIRD	OPTIONAL FOURTH
Temporary Intermittant Partial Redundant Total Multiplexed Inherent Duplicated Dual-Homed Synchronous Bidirectional Serial Asynchronous Multiple Replicated Non-Replicated Unregistered Non-Specific Generic Migrated Localised Resignalled Dereferenced Nullified Aborted Serious Minor Major Extraneous Illegal Insufficient Viral Unsupported Outmoded Legacy Permanent Invalid Deprecated Virtual Unreportable Undetermined Undiagnosable Unfiltered Static Dynamic Delayed Immediate Nonfatal Fatal Non-Valid Unvalidated Non-Static Unreplicatable Non-Serious	Array Systems Hardware Software Firmware Backplane Logic-Subsystem Integrity Subsystem Memory Comms Integrity Checksum Protocol Parity Bus Timing Synchronisation Topology Transmission Reception Stack Framing Code Programming Peripheral Environmental Loading Operation Parameter Syntax Initialisation Execution Resource Encryption Decryption File Precondition Authentication Paging Swapfile Service Gateway Request Proxy Media Registry Configuration Metadata Streaming Retrieval Installation Library Handler	Interruption Destabilisation Destruction Desynchronisation Failure Dereferencing Overflow Underflow NMI Interrupt Corruption Anomoly Seizure Override Reclock Rejection Invalidation Halt Exhaustion Infection Incompatibility Timeout Expiry Unavailability Bug Condition Crash Dump Crashdump Stackdump Problem Lockout	Error Problem Warning Signal Flag

 

 

 

 

 

Edited April 8, 2016 by pxi
It looked so pretty till the forum decided it didn't like the copy-pasted formatting ;_;