Explodey Explorations (Chapter 16, Kommunications Emergency!)

[CAKE99]

This is my new as-stock-as-possible-without-driving-me-insane career mission report! ATM the only mods are Kerbal Engineer Redux and Kerbal Alarm Clock.

Chapters:

Chapter 1 (This post)
Chapter 2 (The post just below this post)
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14, Illegitimately Acquired Cheese
Chapter 15, The Cheesy Escape
Chapter 16, Kommunications Emergency

Chapter 1

Spoiler

Gene: "Welcome to the new Explodey Explorations space center!"
Jeb: "It's smaller than I expected, will I still be able to fly big, expensive and explodey rockets?"
Mort: "THERE WILL BE NO BIG, EXPENSIVE OR EXPLODEY ROCKETS!"
Gene: "Actually we will have to make big and expensive rockets."
Mort: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" *crashes to the ground*
Gene: "Erm... CAN WE HAVE A MEDIC HERE?!"

Gene: "HEY JEB!"
Jeb: "You called?"
Gene: "Bill designed this rocket, it's called the 1."
Jeb: "So you want me to fly it."
Gene: "NAILED IT!"
Jeb: "Are there cheese sandwiches?"

Gene: "Do you like the cheese sandwiches?"
Jeb: "NO! IT'S THE WRONG BRAND!"
Mort: "WHAT'S WRONG WITH ERIDRIEN CHEESE?! IT'S THE CHEAPEST AVAILBLE!!!"
Jeb: "THAT'S WHY IT TASTES HORRIBLE!"
Mort: "WELL WHAT BRAND DO YOU WANT?!"
Jeb: "KUZZTER CHEESE!"
Mort: "THAT'S WAY TOO EXPENSIVE!"
Jeb: "IT'S ONLY 3 ROOTS MOAR EXPENSIVE THEN ERIDRIEN BRAND CHEESE!"
RMKK1*: "NO ARGUING OVER THE RADIO!"
Mort and Jeb: "SHUSH!"

[Some time later]

Gene: "Good mor-"
Mort and Jeb: "SHUSH!"
Gene: "YOU ARE STILL ARGUING?!"
Jeb: "YES!"
Gene: "IN THE TIME YOU HAVE BEEN ARGUING KERBIN HAS ROTATED!" *Walks over to Mort, plugs keyboard and mouse into Mort's KSB**.*
Mort: "NO NO NO NO N-" *Crashes to the ground*
Jeb: "HOW DID YOU DO THAT?!"
Gene: "Simple, MortimerOS is based on Kerbdows, therefore I can put Mort into sleep mode at anytime."
Jeb: "So, you are saying that Mort is a robot?"
Gene: "Yup, now you have to launch the rocket."
Jeb: "Can you program Mort to hallucinate that Kuzzter cheese is cheaper than Eridrien cheese?"
Gene: "Nope, all of Mort's code is encrypted."
Jeb: Note to self, find Mort's creator and get him to reprogram Mort.
Gene: "Anyway, it's rocket launching time!"

Jeb: "SCIENCE!"
Linus: "Well that science is useless if it doesn't make it back in one piece."

Jeb: "Parachutes deployed!"

Mort: "BEEP, BEEP, BEEP."
Gene: "It looks like Mort is starting up again!"
Jeb: "If he starts complaining then show him this photo."
Gene: "Great idea!"

Gene: "The parachutes worked! I was getting worried!"
Linus: "About what? Jeb or the Science?"
Gene: "Both."

Gene: "Version 1.1 of KerbdowsSpace is great!"
Jeb: "The framerate is a bit bad though."
Linus: "That's because a 3rd party modification hasn't been updated yet."
Mort: "THE FINS BROKE!!! NOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Jeb, Linus, Bill and Gene: "THEY WERE ONLY 200 ROOTS!"

Jeb: "I'm going to get some water science now."

Linus: "Mmmmmmm, delicious science."

Gene: "I will accept the escape the atmosphere and the testing one for the Swivel."
Jeb: "You know how the World's First Organization promised us that Koffee machine if I survived?"
Gene: "Yes."
Jeb: "Well we haven't got it."
Gene: "I will call them."

[Some time later]

WFOPK***: "Hello this is the World's First Organization."
Gene: "I'm Gene Kerman, from Explodey Explorations, the head of your Space department promised us a Koffee machine with a years supply of Koffee if our pilot on our rocket survived, we don't have it."
Gene: "Hello? They hung up."
Jeb: "I have an idea!"
Gene: "What is it?"
Jeb: "Let's stand outside their HQ with pitchforks, rockets (pointed at the building), and torches (the burning kind, not the electric ones)."
Gene: "BRILLIANT IDEA!"

[Some time later]

Jeb: "We have our Koffee machine!"
Everyone (except for Bob): "YAY!!!!"
Gene: "They gave us a 10 years supply of Koffee instead of 1 year!"
Everyone (except for Bob): "YAY!!!!"
Bob: "I don't like Koffee, I want Hot Khocolate!"

Linus: "We have done science and unlocked new parts!"
Mort: "We have loads of money! (At least by our standards)."

That only took a hour to write 

* RMKK = Random Mission Kontroller Kerbal
** KSB = Kerbal Serial Bus, a Kerbal version of a USB (Universal Serial Bus)
*** WFOPK = World's First Organization Phone Kontroller

Edited December 21, 2016 by CAKE99

[CAKE99]

Chapter 2

Spoiler

Gene: "This is the new rocket we built."
Bill: "Not WE, I built it."
Gene: "Whatever, it's designed to go to space but not to orb-"
Jeb: "Are there cheese sandwiches?"
Gene: "As I was saying, it's designed to go to space but not to orbit, so DON'T TRY TO ORBIT IT."
Jeb: "ARE THERE KUZZTER CHEESE SANDWICHES?!"
Gene: "YES!"

Jeb: "T-Z-SPACE WHOO!"
Gene: *Facepalms*

Gene: "THE ROCKET IS SPINNING!!!!"
Jeb: "THIS IS SO AWESOME!"
Gene: *Facepalms*

Jeb: "There! I fixed it!"
Gene: "GOOD."
Jeb: "It was thanks to the power of Kuzzter cheese samdwiches!"

Gene: "Your Apoapsis is outside the atmosphere."

Jeb: "I'm in spaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace!"
Gene: "Get the science."

Jeb: "I'm going back down!"

Gene: "WHY AREN'T YOU IN THE SHIP?!!?!??!"
Jeb: "The top of the atmosphere is only 3 Kilometers away."

Jeb: "It's getting warm in here! Good thing I saved one sandwich and brought some marshmallows!"
Gene: "YOU BROUGHT MARSHMALLOWS?!"
Linus: "CALM DOWN GENE! Marshmallows are light enough so that the vessel can take the weight."
Jeb: "Hey Gene..."
Gene: "What?!"
Jeb: "YOU GOT REKT!"
Gene: "[REDACTED] YOU!"

Jeb: "Parachutes deployed! Why are the parachutes so weird?"
Bill: "One parachute probably wouldn't be enough."

Gene: "Now get science from the water."

Linus: "Science!"

Gene: "HOW DID YOU SMASH YOUR EVA VISOR ON A ROUTINE TESTING MISSION?!"
Jeb: "THE ROCKET ATTACKED ME AND LAUNCHED ME OFF IT WHEN I TRIED TO EVA!"
Gene: *Punches wall*
Jeb: "I have a app on my smartphone that can fix this!"

Gene: "Hax... Really?!"

Chapter 2 is done 

[Mister Dilsby]

This format works for you--good story. Will send cheese.  

[CAKE99]

21 hours ago, Kuzzter said:

This format works for you--good story. Will send cheese.  

Thanks! Cheese will be needed 

 

Chapter 3

Spoiler

Gene: "This is the Number III."
Jeb: "Why name it Number III when you can just name it 3?"
???: "Because Number III sounds kooler than 3."
Jeb: "WHO WAS THAT?"
Gene: "That was Wherner Von Kerman, lead rocket scientist at Explodey Explorations."
Jeb: "Isn't Bill the lead rocket scientist?"
Wherner: "Nein, Bill was just designing ze Atmospheric and Sub-Orbital rockets because they are too boring."

Jeb: "Boosters separated!"
Wherner: "WHY IS ALL ZE CHEESE IN ZE R&D FACILITY FRIDGE ERIDRIEN CHEESE?!"
Mort: "BECAUSE IT'S CHEAP!"
Wherner: "AND RUBBISH! BUY SOME KUZZTER CHEESE OR I BURN ZE VAB TO ZE GROUND! THEN YOU WILL HAVE ZE BIGGER MONEY PROBLEMS!"
Gene: "WE'LL BUY YOU AS MUCH KUZZTER CHEESE AS YOU WANT! JUST DON'T BURN ANY BUILDINGS!"
Jeb: "I can burn buildings as well if I get the wrong cheese."
Gene: "OK WE'LL GET YOU CHEESE AS WELL!"

Gene: "JEB GET BACK IN THE SHIP!

Jeb: "I am in orbit!"
Wherner: "ZE ROCKET WORKED!"

Jeb: "Now to go back into the capsule!"

Jeb: "I'm going suborbital!"

Jeb: "Good thing I brought marshmallows!
Gene: "AGAIN?!"

Gene: "Well, we can use Advanced Technology to revert to launch."

Jeb: "I landed really close to the KSC!"

After Number III finished I launched Number IV, a probe to do 2 testing contracts on a Kerbin escape trajectory, I also got some science from Kerbol.

[CAKE99]

Chapter 4

Spoiler

Gene: *calls Jeb* "Come to mission kontrol."
Jeb: "No."
Gene: "I'll give you 10 kilograms of Kuzzter cheese."
Jeb: *Smashes the door of the astronaut komplex, runs to mission kontrol*
Gene: "We have a rocket for you to-"
Jeb: "WHERE'S MY 10 KILOGRAMS OF CHEESE?!"
Gene: "Fine." *Gives Jeb Kuzzter cheese*
Jeb: "THIS IS ONLY 8 KILOGRAMS!"
Gene: *Gives Jeb 2 moar Kilograms of Kuzzter cheese* "We have a rocket for you to remotely pilot."
Jeb: "Why remotely?"
Gene: "Because this rocket is on a one-way trip to the Mun."
Jeb: "Why not abandon me on the Mun and when another lander comes with some other Kerbals they can collect me."
Gene: *Facepalms* "The rocket has already been designed and built."

Jeb: "Liftoff!" *Munches on some Kuzzter cheese*
Cake: "Or should you say *(•_•) / ( •_•)>⌐■-■ / (⌐■_■)* MUNches" 
Gene: "Who was that?!"
Cake: "Just the author, I'm going now."
Wherner: "Vhat ze [REDACTED]?!"

Gene: "The rockets flipping!!!"
Jeb: "Thanks Kaptain Obvious."

Jeb: "I landed the rocket, now to refuel."
Gene: "With hacks."

Jeb: "I give up, Hyperedit time."
Cake: "ARRRGH ITS SO HARD WRITING THIS ON MY PHONE IN THE RAIN."

Jeb: "The probe is in orbit."
Gene: "Thanks Kaptain Obvious."
Jeb: "That's my line!"

Jeb: "Maneuver planned!"

Jeb: "Shiny!"

Jeb: "The probe is in the Mün's SOI!"
Gene: "Thanks Kaptain Obvious."
Jeb: "STOP STEALING MY LINES!"

Jeb: "I'm doing the orbit burn!"
Cake: "This is where I forgot to take screenshots. After I orbited the Mün I did some science then went to a higher altitude to get thermometer data from high above the Mün because I forgot to before."
Jeb: "GO AWAY AUTHOR!"
Cake: "Well I've finished this chapter so I will go now."
Jeb: "GO AWAY!"

 

Edited April 29, 2016 by CAKE99

[CAKE99]

Sorry about the wait for chapter 5, it won't be done until tomorrow (at earliest), I got a new graphics card a few days ago and I've been playing a LOT of Assassin's Creed, so not much KSP stuff done, but here's a spoiler!

Spoiler

Wherner: "First stage, 6 LV-T45 Swivels and 6 Mk-55 Thuds, second stage, 6 Mk-55 Thuds, third stage, 4 LV-909 Terriers, fourth and final stage, 1 LV-909 Terriers."
Mort: "AHHHHHHHHH IT'S SO EXPENSIVE!"
Gene: "Calm down, it was only about 40K."|
Mort: "AHHHHHHHH!"

 

[CAKE99]

Chapter 5

Spoiler

Wherner: "First stage, 6 LV-T45 Swivels and 6 Mk-55 Thuds, second stage, 6 Mk-55 Thuds, third stage, 4 LV-909 Terriers, fourth and final stage, 1 LV-909 Terriers."
Mort: "AHHHHHHHHH IT'S SO EXPENSIVE!"
Gene: "Calm down, it was only about 40K."|
Mort: "AHHHHHHHH!

Gene: "THE ROCKET DISASSEMBLED!"
Cake: "Oops."
Wherner: "Vhat did you do author?"
Cake: "I presses Space when I meant to press F1 to take a screenshot, by the way call me Cake, it's quicker to type than author."
Gene: *Sighs* "Well then revert to launch."

[Some time later]

Jeb: "Why did you put me in charge of a TOURIST ship?"
Gene: "We did some testing of the Munar I and it didn't work..."
Wherner: "Ve did ze testing in ze simulator."
Gene: "So Whern designed the Munar II..."
Wherner: "Und then ve had to upgrade zr launchpad..."\
Mort: "But SOMEONE forgot to check the price of the upgrade..."
Gene: "So now we have to do some tourist contracts, yay."
Elijorie: "Are you sure it's safe for me to be facing this way?"
Gene: "Don't worry"

Elijorie: "AHHHH I CAN FEEL MY EYES BEING PULLED OUT OF THEIR SOCKETS!"
Gene: "Don't worry."

[Some timer later]

Elijorie: "We're in spaaaaaaaaaaaaace!"
Podwig: "Now where are the edibles?"
Jeb: "The edibles are Eridrien Cheese sandwiches and some probably cheap drinks, Mort choose the edibles."
Elijorie and Podwig: "WHAT!?!?!?! ERIDRIEN CHEESE?!?!?!"

Jeb: "We are about to reenter, hold on to your drinks!"

Wherner: "Zat is interesting, ze second stage survived reentry."
Podwig: "Now WE have to survive the landing."

Jeb: "Splashdown!"
Mort: "Yay! No legal fees!"

Cake: "After that mission several more tourist contracts were done with the same rocket, one of them even landed on the island ru-"
Gene: "STOP NARRATING!"
Cake: "No HEHEHEHEHE."

So ATM I have completed the Mun landing, if by completed you mean landed on the Mun but not returned, don't worry it SHOULD be able to return to Kerbin.

Now back to getting realism mods working on 1.1.2/playing Assassin's Creed.

Edited July 4, 2016 by CAKE99
Fixed grammar

[CAKE99]

Chapter 6

Spoiler

Gene: "This is the Munar 2."
Mort: "It was so expensive..."

Jeb: "Debris! Yay!"
Gene: "EVERYONE TAKE COVER!"

Jeb: "Second stage detached!"

Jeb: "Beginning orbital burn!"

Cake: "The rocket is called the Munar 1-B, just as I thought."
Gene: "GO AWAY CAKE!"

Jeb: "I have a... something... with the Mun."
Cake: "I haven't played KSP recently."

Jeb: "I'm nearly on the Mun!"

Jeb: "YOLO!"

Jeb: "I landed!"
Gene: "YOU DIDN'T LAND CORRECTLY!"

Jeb: "I'm sliding!"

Jeb: "I got the rocket pointing up!"

Cake: "I meant to write the Enter key, that feature is my favorite thing about 1.1!"
Jeb: "LOL"

Wherner: "SCCCCCCCCCCCCIENCE!"

Jeb: "Wherner! Start assembling a Duna rocket for me!"
Wherner: "Nein."

 

Sorry for taking so long, I wanted to post this chapter on the 6th of June (the 6th month) 2016, which is today.

Well, for Australians it is 

[CAKE99]

Chapter 7

Spoiler

Gene: "Liftoff in 3-"

Jeb: "Liftoff!"
Gene: "[REDACTED]"
Jeb: "I ran out cheese sandwiches."
Gene: "You will have to wait about a day to get moar."

Jeb: "Maneuver node planned."

Gene: "YOU MISSED THE NODE!"
Jeb: "Trolololololololololololololo-"
Gene: *Switches off communication*

Gene: *Switches communication back on*
Jeb: "-IN THE USSARI, SOMETIMES SOMETHING IS GOING WRONG, BUT WE DON'T NEED TO GO AND CALL A SPECIALIST-"
Gene: "What are you singing?"
Jeb: "It's a song I found on KerbTube."

Jeb: "I'm in the atmosphere!"

Jeb: "That stage lasted longer then I thought it would."

Jeb: "Drogue chutes deployed!"

Jeb: "That stage survived reentry."

Gene: "Quickload time."

Jeb: "I landed!"

Gene: "REALLY?! NOW?!?!!"

Cake: "Trivia, that song Jeb was singing earlier "In the Ussari" is actually a parody I just made of a real song on YouTube called "In the Russia"."
Literally everyone at the KSC: "GO AWAY!"

 

[CAKE99]

Chapter 8

Spoiler

Gene: "It's 96.7 kilometers away, and it shows up on the map." *Brain explodes*

Gene: "HEY JEB COME TO THE MISSION KONTROL!"
[A few minutes later]
Jeb: "I'm here, why didn't you use the announcement system?"
Gene: "It's broken, and Mort is refusing to let it be fixed."
Jeb: "How expensive is it?"
Mort: "10 Roots, way too expensive."
Gene: "No Mor-"
Jeb: "10 Roots is the price of a large packet of Kuzzter cheese!"
Mort: "NO CHEESE OR REPAIRS!"
Jeb: "We should spend the 10 Roots on cheese!"
Mort: "NO."
Gene: *Thinking* I'm surrounded by idiots.

[A VERY long time later]

Gene: "OK, ENOUGH ARGUING ABOUT MONEY, REPAIRS AND CHEESE!"
Jeb: "But-"
Wherner: "NEIN, NO BUTS!"
Mort: "Where did you come from!?"
Wherner: "I don't know."
Gene: "What????"
Cake: "I teleported Wherner to Mission Kontrol. Now launch the rocket."
Jeb: "Once the argument has been completed!"
Cake: "DO IT."
Gene, Mort and Jeb: "Yes."

Jeb: "Liftoff!"
Jeb: "So, I remember a moment ago I was arguing with, well, LITERALLY EVERYONE, and then I passed out and now I'm here, does anyone know what happened?"
Cake: "I used mind kontrol."
Jeb: "YOU HAVE MIND KONTROL?!!??!?!!?!?!??!??!??!?!?!!??!?!?!?!?"
Cake: "Yup, it's part of the author-hax I have, because I'm the author."
Jeb: "Ok."
Cake: "NOW STOP TALKING AND FLY THE ROCKET."
Jeb: "Yes." 

Jeb: "Beginning orbital burn."

Cake: "I installed KAC to plan a transfer time to Duna."
Cake: "The window is in about 200 days."
Literally everyone at the KSC, except for Jeb, Jeb is eating, he's eating Kuzzter cheese sandwiches: "GO AWAY!"
Cake: "NEIN."

Sorry for the lack of stuff, I've been developing a mod for the game Terraria, (which is released, it's here.) so I've been too busy to play KSP, plus it doesn't really run as well as it did on 1.0.5.

[CAKE99]

Chapter 9

Spoiler

Gene: "HEY JEB COME BACK TO MISSION KONTROL!"
Jeb: "But I just launched that rocket."
Gene: "We have a new rocket, the Red Flyer 2."
Jeb: "What was the Red Flyer 1?"
Gene: "That rocket you launched a few minutes ago."

Jeb: "Liftoff!"

Jeb: "Stage dropped!"
LITERALLY EVERYONE: "We noticed."

Jeb: "First pair of drop tanks dropped!"

Jeb: "Orbit! Now where's the cheese?"
Gene: "What cheese?"
Jeb: "You said you would give me 10 Kilograms of Kuzzter cheese in exchange for launching the rocket."
Gene: "No???"
Jeb: *Picks up leftover pitchfork from when the World's First Organization was raided* "You did."
Gene: "OK OK YOU CAN HAVE THE CHEESE!" *Gives 20 Kilograms of Kuzzter cheese to Jeb*

Wherner: "I planned ze transfer times. Now I want some of ze Kuzzter cheese."
Gene: "NO."
Wherner: *Picks up Sepratron and lighter*
Gene: "OK FINE JUST STOP POINTING DANGEROUS STUFF AT ME!" *Gives Wherner some Kuzzter cheese*

 

[CAKE99]

A quick update, in chapter 10 I will launch a tourist mission with 2 tourists to orbit, but I thought I didn't have any crew modules that could have 2 Kerbals, so I used 2 command pods and a probe core, but it seems that I have the 2 Kerbal container that is probably supposed to be used in planes.

That wasn't really a quick update 

[Geschosskopf]

1 hour ago, CAKE99 said:

*Picks up Sepratron and lighter*

I live Sepratrons

 

[CAKE99]

22 hours ago, Geschosskopf said:

I live Sepratrons

Was that a reference? If so I don't get it 

Chapter 10

Spoiler

Gene: "WHAT THE [REDACTED] ARE YOU DOING THIS TIME?!!?!?"
Mort: "Gene's here!"
Wherner: "Destroy ze evidence!"

Jeb: "Evidence destroyed!"
Mort: "YOU DIDN'T DO A VERY GOOD JOB OF DESTROYING IT! THE CLEANUP WILL BE VERY EXPENSIVE!"
Gene: "WHAT WHERE YOU DOING?!"
Mort: "THERE WAS A CONTRACT TO TEST THAT!"
Gene: "WHY WAS IT SO BIG-"
Wherner: "JEB'S IDEA!"
Jeb: "IT WAS YOUR IDEA!"
Wherner: "NO!"
Jeb: "IT WAS YOUR IDEA!"
Wherner: "NEIN!"
Gene: "THE IDEA WAS PROBABLY BY BOTH OF YOU! NO KUZZTER CHEESE FOR THE NEXT YEAR!"
Jeb: *Grabs pitchfork*
Wherner: *Pulls Sepratron and lighter from pocket*
Gene: "OK FINE YOU CAN HAVE KUZZTER CHEESE!"
Jeb: *Throws pitchfork through the window*
Wherner: *Stuffs Sepratron and lighter back in pocket*

[A few hours of cleaning up broken glass and putting duct tape over smashed windows later]

Jeb: "Liftoff! What exactly is this mission for?"
Gene: "Tourism."
Wherner: "I FORGOT THAT I COULD USE ONE OF ZE 2 KERBAL CONTAINERS! I USED 2 OF ZE ONE KERBAL PODS!"
Gene: *Facepalm*
Cake: "FIRST RADIATORS AND NOW CREW CONTAINERS!"
Wherner: "What do you mean?"
Cake: "If you read that graphic novel I started in September 2015 you would know."
Wherner: "WHAT GRAPHIC NOVEL?!"
Cake: "IGNORE THAT, JUST LAUNCH THE ROCKET."
Jeb and Gene: "Yes."
Wherner: "Ja."

Jeb: "I landed really close to the KSC!"

The tourists: "WHY IS THERE WATER IN THIS POD?!"
Gene: "MORTIMER!"
Mort: "Waterproofing is expensive!"

Yes, I noticed how it said "randontourist" instead of "randomtourist", I was to lazy to fix that typo.

[CAKE99]

Chapter 11   2 chapters in one day!

Spoiler

Gene: (Over shiny new announcement system) "Come to the VAB-"
Jeb: "I'm here!"
Gene: "NO NOT YOU!"
Jeb: "What?!"
Gene:(Over shiny new announcement system) "Come to the VAB Val."
Jeb: "Why are you calling Val? Everyone knows I've flown moar stuff!"
Gene: "We need spare pilots when we send you on a one way trip to Jool-"
Mort: "DON'T TELL JEB OUR PLAN!"
Jeb: "ONE WAY TRIP TO JOOL?!?!?!??! WHEN DOES IT LAUNCH!?!?!?!??!?!?! I WANT TO GO!"
Gene: *Facepalms*

[A while later of trying to get Jeb to leave]

Gene: "That took AGES."
Val: "So, what is this rocket for?"
Wherner: *Reads from phone* "Ze Floaty Donut I is designed to rescue 1 Kerbal and carry a tourist-"
Val: "Why is it called the Floaty Donut?"
Gene: "You know those donut shaped floaty things on boat? That's what the rocket was named after."

Cake: "The rocket is in LKO, there is something wrong with the camera."

Eligela: "I'm EVAing to the rocket!"
Literally everyone: "We noticed."

Wherner: "[REDACTED], I FORGOT THAT BECAUSE OF INCONVENIENT PLACING OF THE DOOR ON THE 2 KERBAL CONTAINER NO ONE CAN ENTER IT!"
Val: "I know a solution!"

Val: "I've transferred to the container!"
Eligela: "I'm guessing I go in the pod and land the rocket?"
Val: "NAILED IT!"

Mort: "You got a bonus contract!"

Cake: "AHHHHHHH THE CAMERA IS SO BROKEN! OK, IT'S EMERGENCY HYPEREDIT TIME!"

Val: "The craft landed upright!"
Linus: "Eligela, go and do some science."
Eligela: *Does some science*

Linus: "The 20 science wasn't enough to get anything "
Gene: *Whispers to Mort and Wherner* "We should start designing the craft to send Jeb to Jool."

 

[Geschosskopf]

5 hours ago, CAKE99 said:

Was that a reference? If so I don't get it 

Typo.  I meant to say "I LOVE Sepratrons".  A few days ago, there was a thread about what's your favorite engine and I voted for the Sepratron because it has many fun uses.  However, I hadn't thought of Kerbals using them as hand grenades like you're doing in the dialog here.  That's hilarious.

[CAKE99]

On 7/5/2016 at 7:44 PM, Geschosskopf said:

Typo.  I meant to say "I LOVE Sepratrons".  A few days ago, there was a thread about what's your favorite engine and I voted for the Sepratron because it has many fun uses.  However, I hadn't thought of Kerbals using them as hand grenades like you're doing in the dialog here.  That's hilarious.

Thanks 

Wherner wasn't using them as grenades though, in the spoiler there is a diagram of how the Sepratron was used.

Spoiler

 

 

 

Chapter 12

Spoiler

Gene: *Walks in to Mission Kontrol from the Astronaut Komplex because the MK koffee machine was broken* "I'm back-" *Drops koffee* "WHAAAAAAAAAT!?!?!? WHERE DID WE GET ALL THIS MONEY FROM?!!?!??"
Mort: "While you were away some Kontracts were done."
Gene: "SOME!?!?!? HOW DID YOU DO SO MANY IN SUCH A SHORT AMOUNT OF TIME?!"
Mort: "A lot of the Kontracts were getting science from/planting a flag on the Mun."
Gene: "So you're saying you used advanced technology to do those Kontracts because they had been done in the past?"
Jeb: "NAILED IT! My plan worked really well, I wasn't expecting to get 2 MILLION though."

[Some time later]

Wherner: "This is ze Minty Icecream Eater 1."
Jeb: "Let me guess, it's going to take me on a one way trip to Jool."
Gene: "No, it's taking Val on a two way trip to Minnmus."
Wherner: "It's a Munar 1-b with Kickbacks."

Val: *Smashes eject button by hitting it*
Mort: "NOOOOO THAT BUTTON WAS EXPENSIVE!"

Val: "This is too slow, but still fun!"
Mort: "HOW IS LOSING A 100K ROCKET FUN?!
Val: "I have a better idea!"

Gene: "VAL WHAT THE [REDACTED] ARE YOU DOING!?!?!?!"
Val: "This is better!"

Val: "AHAHAHAHAHA I LANDED SAFELY!!!!"

Gene: "I reverted the mission."
Val: "I still have my memories of the previous attempt!"

Wherner: "VHAT EXPLODED THIS TIME?"

Gene: "Revert time!"

Wherner: "This time ze boosters are attached to a different place."

Wherner: "IT WORKED!" *Evil laughter*

Gene: "AHHHHHH THE ROCKET IS SPINNING!!!"
Val: "It's fun!"

Val: "I fixed it!"

Val: "Overly massive stage dropped!"
Wherner: "First stage asterisk."
Gene: "What do you mean by that?"
Wherner: "On ze KerboNet a asterisk is used to correct spelling."

Val: "All drop tanks dropped!"

[Literally 17 days later]

Gene: "It seems you missed the Minnmus alignment you have been waiting for 17 days to appear."
Val: *Punches wall of pod, makes hole, but because of the spacesuit, it's fine* 

Val: "Less big but still big stage dropped!"

Gene: "You will arrive in a few days."

 

Edited July 9, 2016 by CAKE99

[Geschosskopf]

50 minutes ago, CAKE99 said:

Gene: "I reverted the mission."
Val: "I still have my memories of the previous attempt!"

This is why all Kerbals have PTSD and nobody knows why

 

[CAKE99]

Chapter 13

Spoiler

Val: "I am in orbit of the ice-cream!"
Linus: "MINNMUS!"
Val: "ICE-CREAM!"
Linus: "MINNM-" *Gets Koffee poured on his head by Jeb* "OW OW OW OW IT BURNS!"

Val: "I am in a small orbit! I am also hungry! And the snacks have run out!"
Jeb: "The mission kontrol Koffee machine is broken AGAIN."
Mort: "It's too expensive to repair!"
Gene: "STOP TALKING ABOUT FOOD, KOFFEE, SNACKS AND FOOD!"
Jeb: "You said food twice. Also repair the machine."
Bob: "The Hot Khokolate machine is working!"
Jeb: "The fridge is out of Kuzzter cheese again."
Wherner: "I have built a rocket to get moar from ze factory which is conveniently nearby."
Gene: "YOU CAN LAUNCH IT LATER."

Val: "I've landed!"
Jeb: "Make sure to take loads of samples!"

Val: "I've got a sample! Now to eat it! It is mint Ice-cream!"
Gene: "Wait what?!"
Wherner: "Bring LOADS of ze sample!"
Val: "I just have to refill my snack containers."

Gene: "HEY WHERNER!!"
Wherner: "Ja?"
Gene: "You can launch that rocket now."
Wherner: *Evil laughter*

 

[CAKE99]

Sorry for the 2 month lack of stuff, however! Chapter 14 will be out tomorrow!

A spoiler:

Spoiler

Gene: "Hey Jeb."
Jeb: "Yeah?"
Gene: "Don't tell anyone except for me, Bill, Bob, Val and Wherner about this vehicle."
Jeb: "Why not?"
Gene: "Erm... Well the parts were sourced from the black market, and there's the fact that the Kuzzter Korporation will be looking for this vehicle by the end of the mission."
Jeb: "Ok."

(The Kuzzter Korporation is the company that makes Kuzzter Cheese)

Edited September 19, 2016 by CAKE99

[CAKE99]

Chapter 14, Illegitimately Acquired Cheese! Finally! Also chapter names!

Spoiler

Bill: "This is the vehicle that you will be using."
Jeb: "What will I be using it for?"

Gene: "This is an image taken by a reconnaissance drone, the orange thing is the factory, the vehicle next to it is a convoy full of cheese."

Gene: "Hey Jeb."
Jeb: "Yeah?"
Gene: "Don't tell anyone except for me, Bill, Bob, Val and Wherner about this vehicle."
Jeb: "Why not?"
Gene: "Erm... Well the parts were sourced from the black market, and there's the fact that the Kuzzter Korporation will be looking for this vehicle by the end of the mission."
Jeb: "Ok."

Jeb: "Target is 8.9 KM away."
Gene: "Yep, very convenient, did you know that the KSC used to be a factory for Kuzzter cheese?"
Jeb: "Really!? Why did we get it then?"
Gene: "Well, the KSC was designed about 20 years ago as a cheese factory, shortly before we bought it, there was a major cheese-making scientific breakthrough, so the KSC became obsolete and the Kuzzter Korporation decided that putting a new factory 9 KM away would be cheaper than upgrading the KSC, there's also the fact that the KSC has high concentrations of Kasbestos which was discovered to be highly dangerous around the same time as the cheese-making scientific breakthrough, so they built a new factory and sold the KSC to us."
Jeb: "Why would a cheese factory have a VAB, SPH, launchpad and runway?"
Gene: "It didn't, the VAB and SPH were the largest cheese making buildings at the site, the launchpad and runway were built by us."

Jeb: "I just noticed the rocket boost button!"
Gene: "Save that for when you need to get away from the cheese factory."

Jeb: "NOPE."

Jeb: "Whee!"
Gene: "HOW DID YOU GET LAUNCHED OVER A KILOMETER AWAY FROM THE VEHICLE?!?!?!"
Jeb: "Probably because MY HEAD WAS STICKING THROUGH THE ROOF."

Jeb: "I look like something from Spore now!"

Gene: "Well you only have 1.3 KM left."

Jeb: "NOPE, advanced technology FTW!"
Gene: "WHY ARE YOU GOING UPSIDE DOWN?!!?!"

Jeb: "I'm back on target!"

Jeb: "The wheels burst!"
Gene: "OY BILL, GO TO WHERE JEB IS AND FIX THE WHEELS!"

Bill: "That... Took... Soooooooooo... Long... And I didn't even get a plane, I HAD TO WALK."

Bill: "The wheels are fixed... HEY DON'T GO OFF WITHOUT ME!"
Jeb: "I'll collect you on the way back."

Gene: "Our drone that's following you can see the factory! By the way Jeb, we are monitoring the communications of the factory, we've set it so that we can hear them, but not speak to them."
Kuzzter Korporation person: "Hey Factory manager."
Factory Manager: *Yawn* "Yeah?"
Kuzzter Korporation person: "Our satellites have detected a abnormally warm object moving towards you."
Factory Manager: "Ok." *Yawn*
Kuzzter Korporation person: "And try not to fall asleep AGAIN."
Factory Manager: "Ok." *Eats box of donuts and falls back to sleep*

Jeb: "I can see the factory."

Factory Manager: *Yawns* "AHHH, FACTORY MANAGER TO KUZZTER KORPORATION, SOME VEHICLE IS NEAR THE CHEESE CONVOY! REQUESTING BACKUP!"
Kuzzter Korporation person: "WE ARE SENDING IN A JET, REMAIN CALM AND DON'T LET THE CHEESE GET STOLEN."

Factory Manager: "THEY'VE GOT THE CHEESE!"
Jeb: "Jeb to Mission Kontrol, I've got the cheese."

A note about the 1.2 prereleases, I won't be using the prereleases for EE, but I will use 1.2 when it's officially released.

[RocketSquid]

Now the cheese is on the other hand... er, foot... er, rover.

Speaking of cheese, I was just trying to figure out the specific impulse of spray cheese.

[CAKE99]

Chapter 15, The Cheesy Escape! This took way too long to release.

Spoiler

Jeb: "I'm en route to the KSC with the convoy."
Bill: "Mort will be happy, unless the Kuzzter Korporation finds out that we stole the cheese, and then launches a Lawsuit at us."
Jeb: "Don't worry, I won't get caught."
Bill: "Remember that time when we were being trained after we were accepted into the Space Program, you said while in the training plane, "Don't worry, I won't crash this", you crashed it, and you only survived because you smashed the cockpit windows and jumped out?"
Jeb: "The only reason I crashed is because the plane was defective!"
Bill: "That reminds me, I haven't posted that on my blog and Kwitter yet."
Jeb: "If you do that I won't let you board the convoy while I am on the way to the KSC."
Bill: "OK OK I WON'T POST IT."

Jeb: "Why do these wheels have so little friction against the ground? WHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY??!!?!?!?!?!"

Gene: "HOW IN THE [REDACTED] ARE YOU DRIVING BACKWARDS!?!?!?!"
Jeb: "IT ACCIDENTALLY SPUN AROUND!!!"
Mort: *Yawns* "What's all this yelling? At 5, so late."
Gene: "Val, Bob and Wherner, please come to mission kontrol."
Val, Bob and Wherner: "What are we here for?"
Gene: "Please remove Mort from the room until the Plan has been finished."
Mort: "Ummm, what?"
Val, Bob and Wherner proceeded to literally pick up Mort, then they carried him to his office, and then took the keys from Mort and locked the door.

Gene: "What. Are. You. DOING?!!?!"
Jeb: "Nothing..."

Jeb: "HEY BILL!"
Bill: "No need to alert half the entire Kuzzter Korporation of our location! We have communication systems built into out suits!"

Bill: "GO GO GO!"

Bill: "Ow."

Bill: "At least I'm wedged in the corner."

Jeb: "I can see the KSC!"
Bill: "Try not to snap the vehicle in half."

Gene: "Hide in the RnD building!"

Jeb: "The vehicle is parked!"
Gene: "We will get the RnD staff to move out the barrels of cheese, after the the SPH workers will disassemble the convoy, the car will be hidden in the fake pool."
Jeb: "Wait, fake pool?!"
Gene: "There is a pool next to the Administration Building, it is fake though, it was only discovered around the time of the first Minnmus mission by us."
Jeb: "Was it there when we got the KSC?"
Gene: "Yep."
Jeb: "I wonder what the Kuzzter Korporation used it for... Also, how did we discover it?"
Gene: "One of the interns wanted to go for a swim, he jumped into the pool head first, he hit concrete, he survived though."
Jeb: "I should try that..."
Gene: "No."

These screenshots were taken in 1.1, although all future screenshots will be from 1.2.

The time system I am using for this (the one when Mort said "What's all this yelling? At 5, so late.") is, the time 0 is the start of the day, and it's when the sun rises, 3 is when the sun sets (one full rotation of Kerbin is 6 hours), 3 hours after the time 3 the sun rises again, this system has no need for a AM/PM system.

Also, I now plan on making one of these at least every week or so

Edited December 20, 2016 by CAKE99

[Mister Dilsby]

I would dispatch a team of KuzzCorp lawyers with a "cease and desist", but it's too darn funny. You may proceed.  

[CAKE99]

Chapter 16, Kommunications Emergency! 

Spoiler

Alarms started ringing across Mission Kontrol, all the important staff went to the building.
Gene: "Wherner, what happened?!"
Wherner: "Ze inexplicable infinite-range plot device Kommunications network has gone down! Ve only have a few stations on ze ground zat magically appeared left!"
Gene: "So when the Red Flyers go to Duna we won't be able to kommunicate with them?"
Wherner: "Yes, ve can solve this with Kommunication Satellites, or KomSats."
Gene: "Ok, Wherner, do we have the hardware to launch KomSats?"
Wherner: "Ja, sort of."
Gene: "What do you mean, "sort of"?!"
Wherner: "Ve have the kommunication systems, but ve lack powerful enough solar panels!"
Gene: "Will we be able to get them using the science from the mission Val is on?"
Wherner: "Ja, problem ist, ve can't kommunicate with Val."
Gene: "Ah, well, she has been instructed so that, if there is no kommunications from the KSC for 24 hours, she is to return to LKO."

[Meanwhile on Minnmus]

Val: "There's been no contact for 24 hours, time to return to LKO."

Val: "KSC do you read me?"
Gene: "Yes, there was a failure of our inexplicable infinite-range plot device Kommunications network earlier."
Val: "Ok, returning to the KSC."

Val: "De-orbit burn komplete, unfortunately I will be landing in water."

Val: "I will try to slow down the craft enough so that it will land on land near the KSC, by getting out of the craft and using my EVA pack!"
Gene: "NO DON'T!"
Linus: "THE SCIENCE YOU HAVE IS VALUABLE!"

Val: "Marshmallows!"

Val: "Splashdown!"
Gene: "A recovery boat is en route to your location."

Wherner: "Oh mein Gott!"

Note: This mission report isn't fully stock anymoar, the mods I have are:

Through the Eyes of a Kerbal

[x] Science!

Kerbal Engineer Redux

Kerbal Alarm Clock

Edited December 21, 2016 by CAKE99