Jebediah Kerman, First Kerbal on the Mun

[LaydeeDem]

This is a little story I wrote based on my first Mun landing in 0.17. Please give constructive criticism.

Jebediah Kerman was the right stuff. He had guts, pride and years of training. Strenuous tests had led up to this moment, a lonely Kerbonaut, eyes glued to his window, the cratered Munar surface beneath him. A quarter of an orbit more and he would begin the de-orbit burn. The Kerbal Space Center had made it very clear that failure was not an option, and ensured that by picking a flat crater. Interesting geology would be saved for later missions, he was told. His thoughts were interrupted by the chatter of the Kerbal Space Center. The voice of CAPCOM came on. "Uh... Jeb, we're going to need you to begin the de-orbit burn." Jebidiah acknowledged this and eased the throttle to full. He read his velocity; 600...500...400...350. He cut the throttle. He undershot the landing site purposefully, it gave him extra margin for error. The voice came on the speaker again. "Okay Jeb we're tracking ya... we need you to engage your reaction control system." He flipped the switch, the ship responded with a large bang.

Jebediah stared out of his window. He saw debris. He saw his precious RCS fuel spray out. He cursed. Something really, really, bad had happened. Jebidiah checked his course; the craft was headed for a small, rocky canyon. The voice came through the speaker; "Jeb... we need you to abort..." Jebediah looked at his fuel levels. He wasn't going home either way. "Jebediah, abort the mi-..." Jeb shut off his communications. He flicked on the radar altimeter, read his velocity, and gripped the throttle. Ten thousand meters up. He eased the throttle. 500...400...350...200...145. He was down to 100 meters per second, a manageable speed. He watched his altitude drop; 1000...850...400. He slowly oriented the ship with the retrograde marker. He wished he had more than the pod's RCS to use. His speed had dropped considerably. He cut the throttle. The ship drifted down to the surface. The landing legs depressed themselves into the Munar surface. He had landed.

Jebediah stared out at the gray dunes around him. In front of him was a large gash in the surface; possibly from a meteor impact? He looked up and saw the bright stars around him. Behind him was his craft, which was his home until the next flight. The Kerbal Space Center had celebrated his landing, despite his disobedience. They had decided Jebidiah's landing spot would be perfect to begin the first Munar outpost, studying the exposed rock near the landing site. Jebidiah looked out to the east. He saw Kerbin. He covered the blue world up with his thumb.

He didn't feel like a giant. He felt very, very small.

Edited October 4, 2012 by Nutt007

[LaydeeDem]

So; thirty five readers, what are your thoughts?

(shameless bump)

[halocon720]

You spelled Jebediah wrong. Just saying. Overall, good story.

[Grand Lander]

Just spell Jeb

Makes it easier.

[LaydeeDem]

Just spell Jeb

Makes it easier.

A lone Kerbonaut inched down the ladder. His large eyes fixed to the Munar regolith below. The sun gloriously reflecting off his golden visor as he triumphantly pressed his foot into the soil. His name was Jeb.

No back story.

No full name

It doesn't make him feel like a real character.

He is Jebediah Kerman and he will stay that way.

[Whatshtisthis]

No back story.

No full name

It doesn't make him feel like a real character.

He is Jebediah Kerman and he will stay that way.

How about this?

A lone Kerbonaut inched down the ladder. His large eyes fixed to the Munar regolith below. The sun gloriously reflecting off his golden visor as he triumphantly pressed his foot into the soil. To the future generation of young Kerbals, he was known as Jeb Kerman, the first Kerbal on the Mun, "Jeb" was in fact Jebediah Kerman, an ace pilot and known daredevil.