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If my ASAS could talk.


Runescope

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I saw this posted on a different board, about a totally different subject, but it fit so well with how I design and fly rockets, I had to steal it :D

"It isn't what you'd normally call air-worthy. It would be flaming wreckage at the end of every runway if it weren't for the avionics computer constantly going; "left... left... RIGHTRIGHTRIGHT.. hold... holBACKLEFT,OH********, OK got it, JESUS!RIGHTRIGHT!!"

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Scream jibberish into a large, industrial fan. I imagine that's what it would sound like. All those vibrations and a hint of "I DON'T KNOW WHAT WE'RE YELLING ABOUT"

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"OH POOP, I'M APPROACHING A SPACE STATION AND THE RCS IS ON. I MUST THRUST IN EVERY SINGLE DIRECTION TO AVOID DOCKING," is what the ASAS would say during docking.

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This is mine:

ASAS: Right! Left! Down! Roll!!!

Jeb: I think I'm going to be sick

*turns off ASAS*

*Ship starts tumbling out of control*

Jeb: WHOA!

*turns on ASAS*

ASAS: OMG! RIGHT!!!! LEFT!!! WOBBLE!!!

*ship explodes into a million pieces*

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Jeb: SPAAAAAAAAAACE!!!!

SAS: STAAAAAAAAARS!!!!

Bill: AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! OMG OMG OMG!!!!!!!

Bob: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

ASAS: SHUT UP, OMG LEFT, RIGHT, UP, LEFT, DOWN, BARREL ROLLS, WOBBLE, BACKFLIPS, ABORT!!! Eh, screw it, MUUUUUUUUUUUN DUUUUUUUUUUUSSSST!!!!!

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'Wait, wait, wait, you mean you want to detach, and pull a 180, IN ATMO?! Man, screw this, Im outta here.'

*ASAS disconnects from rocket, rocket makes it to orbit with out it, and the RCS ports it had....*

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ASAS: Sooo, wings, and control surfaces.

Me: Right.

ASAS: And we aren't going straight up?

Me: Right again.

ASAS: Are you sure that's possible?

Me: Yep. LIFTOFF!

ASAS: HOLY CRAP THIS IS AMAZING.

Me: Okay, time for a course correction, turn off ASAS for a bit, change, and...

ASAS: I AM A BALLERINA OF THE SKY!

Bill: Hurk...BLARGHhhhh

ASAS was destroyed

Mk-2 Cockpit was destroyed

Bill Kerman was killed

Player has facepalmed

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kerbal mission control: liftoff! of the third mun rocket today.

Jeb: oh, i forgot to turn on ASAS *pushes ASAS button*

ASAS: your one degree left of center FULL RIGHT!

*boom*

kerbal mission control: liftoff! of the fourth mun rocket today.

(repeat)

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"Come on! This is the most thankless job ever! I have to handle all the staging, get blamed for every mishap and spent monopropellant, and get blamed even for the slightest spin! I mean, come one, I do get confused sometimes, but no matter what I do, I'm hated. THIS IS JUST RIDICULOUS!"

Jebediah ; Uhhh...KSC...our ASAS just committed suicide. It left us a radio transmission as a suicide note. Umm...over?

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ASAS: ok, we're staging? Alright, all I have to do is hold attitude... Nononononononononono caaaaaaaan't staaaaaahp rotation!!!!!

Me: stupid probe cores without enough torque *grumblegrumblegrumbletimewarptostoprotation*

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wobblewobblewobblewobble

*turns off the gimbals on a few engines*

"Ah, much better!"

*stages*

"Hey, I think we left something behind!" as the ASAS turns the rocket around to look at the spent stage

_________________

Oh, back in .16:

*has ASAS on upside-down on lander, although at that point I had no idea which way was right because the lander was attached upside-down Apollo-style*

*turns on ASAS because even fine-tune controls wasn't fine enough*

"I HAVE NO IDEA WHICH WAY I'M POINTING!!!!!!!!!!!111!1"

*lander proceeds to spin around randomly at about 1,000 RPM*

Mission Control: "Yeah, I think our pilot is a bloody red mist floating around inside the pod now..."

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