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If my ASAS could talk.


Runescope

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ASAS: You know, I'm cool with keeping this lander level but don't you think that a descent speed of 30m/s at a hill is less than optimal?

Me: Probably, hey what about this horizontal velocity, you think I shoulda killed it a little higher up?

ASAS:Ooh this is gonna hurt...

*Slams into Mun, leg flies off and ship bounces*

ASAS: Oh God! RCS left, right, forward, backward, oh Jeez, I'm keeping this thing balanced on three legs, please take off again!

Me: Nah, you can hold her steady...

ASAS: I hate you...

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Jeb: Alright ASAS let's stabilize for staging

ASAS: Gotcha!

Jeb: Good

ASAS: Want some music?

Jeb: Errr... sure I guess that would be nice

ASAS: YOU DO THE HOKEY POKEY AND YOU TURN YOUR ROCKET 'ROUND

*Rocket implodes*

Edited by gamowin
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ASAS: LOOOOOK AT ME I CAN FLYYYYYYYYYY

Me: No ASAS, you can't. Stop trying.

ASAS: NOOOOOOOOOO LOOK AT ME SPINNING THROUGH THE SKY LIKE AN EAGLE, PILOTING A BLIMP!

Me: That's it ASAS, i'm calling in Mechjeb!

ASAS: Whut?

Mechjeb: STFU ASAS, Sit in the corner, don't move til I tell you!

ASAS: D:

Mechjeb: Derp

Me: oh god....

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  • 3 weeks later...
He's not just a regular moron. He's the product of the greatest minds of a generation working together with the express purpose of building the dumbest moron who ever lived.

Nice portal reference.

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ASAS: Calculating Engineering technique and expertise before liftoff.

Me: Okay buddy, just hollar when you're ready.

ASAS: Umm, it appears this ship was designed by a borderline psychopath suffering from bouts of epilepsy.

Me: Allright, Great! Are you ready?! Liftoff!

ASAS: I'm afraid I can't do that, Dave.

Edited by msyblade
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ASAS: up up up up

Jeb: Let's buzz the tower!

ASAS: YAAAAAAY down down down

Bob: What the hell ASAS you know better! He'll kill you!

ASAS: Oh right, left left left riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight

Bob: no NO what are you doing!

ASAS: SQUIRREL!

Jeb: SQUIRREL!

Bill: Abort, triggering chutes ejecting ASAS... Jeb, time for your EVA...

Jeb YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY *impact*

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I think you ought to know I'm feeling very depressed.

"And wow! Hey! What's this thing coming towards me very fast? Very very fast. So big and flat and round, it needs a big wide sounding word like... ow... ound... round... ground! That's it! That's a good name - ground! I wonder if it will be friends with me."

Actually, the whale's entire thought process is pretty much spot on.

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SAS: Dude, I'm keeping the rockets stable, they won't get me!

ASAS: ahhh, AHHH, ACHOO!

Jeb: What is it?

SAS: ASAS is allergic to monopropellant.

ASAS: Well, You're allergic to control surfaces! ACHOO!

SAS: Glitch, please, I AM a control surface.

ASAS: Jeb, Why was I never informed of this?

Jeb: You didn't know that SAS is a control surface?

ASAS: Well, no, I can't feel him in my controls.

Jeb: You know what?

SAS: What?

ASAS: DO A BARREL ROLL!

Jeb: NO DAMNIT!

SAS: Desist, Desist, Desist...

ASAS: Now back the other way...

SAS: I can't stop him! He's too powerful!

ASAS: And now back the other way!

SAS MUST SPIN BACK HARDER...

Jeb: Oh, krap.

*ship implodes*

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ASAS: "Barrel roll! Barrel roll! Do a barrel-barrel-barrel roll!"

SAS: "Stop. Moving."

Avionics: "Flaps. Must take control of flaps. Rudder left. Flaps trim set down, 45 degrees, rudder right 32 degrees. Pitch set 30. Yaw 12. Yaw 11. Left flaps up. Set trim down. Full trim reset. The ground is 2 meters down. Nice. Let's crash into it. Oh, you're pitching up! The plane is unstable! Okay, let's nose down, the ground won't hurt! That will keep the plane sta--

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I've not been playing KSP long and I thought that I was doing something wrong for my ASAS to be, well... off kilter. Every time it does something unexplainable I generally have an image of GIR from Invader Zim in my head. There's probably all sorts of muffins and tuna in my rockets. Occasionally it does an absolutely sterling job, however.

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Me: Ok hold that position while I slow down to dock

ASAS: Ok,that is cool.

Me: I need to turn on RCS to dock

*Turns on RCS

ASAS: Did you just turn on RCS

Me: NO WAIT!

*ASAS procedes to spin out of control into my station a months work is destroyed ,and then quickly rebuilt in a quicksave

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Cmdr. Kirrel: "Okay, holding steady at 75 degrees, altitude 17Km. Cut the atmo eng..."

Capt. McRazzer: "We've got multiple flameouts."

Cmdr. Kirrel: "ASAS, can you hold it?"

ASAS: "I'm doing my best. RCS, help please!"

RCS: "Here you go."

Cmdr. Kirrel: "That' better."

ASAS: "Oh no! Where did all the air go!? I don't know what to do with the flaps!"

Capt. McRazzer: "GET THAT MAIN ENGINE GIMBAL WORKING!"

ASAS: "SOOOOOD IIIIIIIIIT!" *Proceeds to let the spaceplane fall over backwards*

Cmdr. Kirrel: "Damn it ASAS! Abort mission, cut engines and deploy chutes! Mayday."

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I don't know what all you are complaining about my asas works fine it crashes everything like its supposed to. jezz people forget there was a time when you had to crash it by HAND! it was terrible.

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Ademone Kerman - Rocket's starting to roll a little bit, gonna turn on ASAS.

ASAS - Okie dokie Ademone, I got this. Pushing on all fins, rocket stabilized.

Ademone Kerman - All systems nominal, beginning to exit atmosphere.

ASAS - Ademone, can't use my fins in space! Can you pass me the RCS?

Ademone Kerman - ...Okay ASAS, I trust you. You've done a fantastic job so far. Just hold us at 45 degrees. *activates RCS*

ASAS - oh wow, this is coo- whoa, what's this?! 44 DEGREES?!?1!11 UNACCEPTABLE! ALL POWER TO STARBOARD WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! AHHHHHH! 46 DEGREES! ALL POWER TO PORT! AHHHHH! 40 DEGREES! ALL POWER TO STARBOARD! AHHHH, I'M LOSING IT!

*rocket spins out and explodes*

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