The Hitchhiker's Guide to Kerbals: A Primer on the Species

[SkyRender]

On a whim, I wrote up a rather whimsical piece explaining the naming schemes of the various planets of the Kerbal solar system. People seemed to like it, so I figured I'd write a few more entries as well and post the lot of them here. Enjoy!

Kerbals

Kerbals are possibly the most backwards, sideways, and upside-down space-faring species in the entire galaxy, and that's really saying something. Their primary export to the rest of the galaxy is large explosions, though frequently said explosions never escape the confines of their planet. For whatever reason, Kerbals are utterly obsessed with three things: space flight, snacks, and science. Even their solar system's naming schemes reflect this, with each planet being named for a type of scientific instrument, each moon named for a type of snack, and reportedly they've nicknamed their sun for their local term for delta-V. If you ever encounter a Kerbal in your travels, be sure not to mention any of their favorite things unless you wish to hear them rant for hours on end about them in great detail. Should the Kerbal you meet be named Jebediah, you may as well just turn around and start running now. You might outrun the explosions that way, but don't bet on it.

Related Entries:

Kerbals->Legends->The Space Kraken

Kerbals->Legends->Jebediah Kerman

Kerbals->Beverages->Jeb's Coffee

Kerbals->Toxic Substances->Jeb's Coffee

Kerbals->Disturbing->Hazing Rituals->The Coffee Strainer Exercise

Kerbals->Local Lore->The Kerbal Solar System

The Space Kraken

Before Kerbalkind had even understood that the depths of space were in fact a vast void of mostly nothing interspersed with the occasional mass of something, they had a legend about the night skies above. This legend was that of the Space Kraken, a fearsome beast which would consume anything trying to escape the confines of the planet Kerbin. The local lore stated that the Space Kraken was the unholy spawn of a particularly unpleasant-yet-beloved Kerbal snack called "bop", which consists of dried seaweed and tree bark mixed together in a fashion that completely fails to appeal to any sort of appetite. Escaped from this nasty concoction, the Space Kraken swore revenge upon Kerbalkind for their horrible invention and departed for space. There, it would wait for Kerbals to develop space flight, and then destroy anything they sent into space.

The fearsome tales of the Space Kraken still exist even today, though some say that the beast was slain and that its corpse resides, in poetic fashion, on the distant Joolian moon of Bop. Others believe that the Space Kraken cannot die, and continue to fear even looking up into space, lest the Space Kraken eat their eyes out and give them "star blindness". In these modern times, most Kerbals know that "star blindness" is actually caused by staring at the sun with a telescope for too long, a favorite pastime of Kerbal astronomers long ago.

Jebediah Kerman

It's not entirely clear how one particular Kerbal became so famous, but Jebediah Kerman has become something of a symbol for his people throughout the galaxy (for good or for ill; often the latter). Relatively little is known about this particular Kerbal, save three things for certain: he owns a scrapyard that produces much of the Kerbal Space Program's equipment, he insists on piloting the first ship built in any endeavour to go into space, and he is utterly unflappable for more than 2 seconds at a time.

Editor's Addenum: It has come to our attention that there is a fourth thing known about Jebediah Kerman which should not be omitted by any means: he is prone to causing spontaneous and quite impressive explosions which have been known to engulf entire worlds in flame for weeks. Rumors that he has been contacted by the band Sunsmasher for a job as the pyrotechnician for their next concert cannot be confirmed, but it would not surprise anyone if it happened.

Jeb's Coffee

Purportedly invented by Jebediah Kerman in a fit of inspiration and apoplexy, "Jeb's Coffee" is actually a mixture of liquid fuel and oxidizer with a dash of monopropellant. It has been banned on over 16,000 planets throughout the galaxy, several of which have never actually even heard of what it contains. Kerbals are known to drink it during space flights, which might explain why they seem to be able to survive indefinitely within the depths of space. Jeb's Coffee has been shown to halt a large number of fundamental biological processes, including eating, digesting, sleeping, breathing, and blinking. In many species it has also been reported to be severely fatal if ingested in any quantity, although Kerbals seem to be able to drink gallons of the stuff without any ill effects. Excluding the almost total shutdown of all of their vital bodily functions of course, but strangely this does not actually inhibit them very much.

The Coffee Strainer Exercise

This article has been redacted due to crimes against all life everywhere in the known universe. The actual exercise itself is somewhat more unbelievably unpleasant than what used to be written here.

The Kerbal Solar System

Back in the mists of time, forgotten to all but a handful of Kerbals who are believed to actually be lying about their age, the Kerbal solar system was formed. It was many billions of years later that the Kerbal race actually emerged, hence the discrepancy in the claims of one Rodemy Kerman that he personally saw the birth of the sun and that it was, in his own words, 'pretty neat'.

Regardless of questions of origin, the Kerbal solar system is formed primarily of at least 7 planets and 9 moons, although there is some debate about how accurate this count is given that Kerbals are notorious for mistaking grains of pollen, specks of dust, and other such common detritus for planets and moons as well. It was several million years before any of them actually realized that 'that strange floating disc in the sky' was in fact a moon, despite the fact that they had already identified several planets and moons by this point.

The first planet that Kerbals readily identified was their closest neighbor, which they named Eve (after the ancient Kerbal tool for measuring the distance between the top of a really tall cliff and the bottom; the term roughly translates to "really big rock with a wristwatch strapped to it"). Its miniscule moon was dubbed Gilly, after the Kerbals' favorite snack food (a sort of gelatinous flavored substance which is believed to cause hyperactivity in young Kerbals, but actually just causes severe gilly addiction).

Eventually, the Kerbals also realized that there was another planet further in from Eve, and dubbed it Moho (named for another ancient Kerbal scientific instrument that had been used in times of old to gauge how hard the wind was blowing; the term roughly translates to "piece of cloth tied to a stick and jammed really hard into the ground", though strangely this is considered to be completely different in concept from a flag).

The next planet and moon discovered by Kerbals, much to their shock, was in fact further away from their sun than Kerbin. Prior to this, Kerbals had long believed that Kerbin was the most distant object in their solar system, mostly because none of them wanted to actually look too closely at the night sky due to fears of "star blindness". This new planet was called Duna, after the most beloved Kerbal scientific instrument of the age (which, when translated out, means "really cool thing that everyone needs to have but nobody is really sure what it does"; this instrument makes an awful lot of noise every few minutes and flashes very interesting light patterns, but even Kerbal scientists have yet to discover what purpose it serves in spite of having invented it themselves). Orbiting Duna was a good-sized moon, which the Kerbals named Ike (after a fatty form of snack food which Kerbals eat religiously; the Church of Ike was founded specifically for the worship of these small, round, flat discs, in fact).

After discovering that planets existed beyond Kerbin, the Kerbals then discovered that another small planet existed further out from Duna. One particularly clever Kerbal scientist decided to call it Dres, after the scientific instrument formerly used to measure water depth (which translates to "extremely heavy rock with a Kerbal tied to it"; use of dreses has fallen out of favor in recent years with the recent discovery of the principle of buoyancy).

Beyond Dres, a large gas giant was discovered, which surprised the heck out of the Kerbal scientific community since, according to Dr. Munbus Kerman, 'we were pretty sure nothing that big existed anywhere'. This gas giant was named Jool, after the old scientific instrument utilized to measure the viscosity of gilly (which translates out to "sticking your finger in the goop and seeing how thick it sticks to it"; despite better instrumentation existing today, the use of jools to measure one's gilly viscosity remains very popular indeed).

Orbiting Jool, it was discovered, were no less than five moons. Laythe (named for a fizzy drink that tastes almost, but not quite, entirely unlike gilly mixed with ike), Vall (a fizzy drink that tastes exactly like gilly mixed with ike), Tylo (a hard candy which tastes nothing at all like gilly or ike, but an awful lot like bop), Bop (a truly nasty combination of seaweed and tree bark which nonetheless Kerbals love to pieces), and Pol (a concentrated mixture of laythe and tylo, often used by adolescent Kerbals to play pranks on their parents by pouring it into their morning coffee).

One particularly cheeky Kerbal scientist pointed out that there was another planet even further out from Jool, and was promptly ostracized for it, as Kerbal society demands of its scientific discoveries. However, when a planet actually was found to be there, the scientist was apologized to and given a year's supply of minmus, which is also the Kerbal societal standard for this sort of thing. The planet was named Eeloo, after the long-used scientific instrument which measures the passage of time (which translates, strangely, to "piece of rock tied to a string that is swung over one's head rapidly until it hits one in the face"; primarily eeloos are used to pass time quickly more than they are to measure the passage of time; even though that's not what they were meant to do, they're exceedingly good at it regardless).

Kerbals then focused their attention locally, and discovered to their shock that there were in fact moons orbiting their planet. The first one discovered was named Minmus (after a form of sugary, rubbery plastic-like material that Kerbals for some reason chew when they're nervous). Perhaps most embarrassing, however, was when they realized that the large disc in the sky they always had so much trouble not looking at when trying to find other planets was in fact a moon. They promptly named it Mun, after the world-famous confectionary dessert which is comprised of sixteen layers of various seafood dipped in sugar, laythe, vall, and gilly. For reasons unknown to anyone else in the galaxy, Kerbals are very fond of making mun, even though they absolutely refuse to eat it since it tastes like sicky-sweet fish covered in seaweed and tree bark.

[ZingidyZongxxx]

This is great! I love the reasoning behind the names. It sounds very Kerbal.

[zekew11]

I love this; keep it up!

[CommanderMartin]

Did anyone else unknowingly read the writing in the narrator's voice from the movie? Cause I did, and I fell out of my chair many times while doing so.

[firerider521]

The writing style really is Adams-esque.

[SuperWeegee4000]

Please, take all of my yes.

This is so awesome. Thinking of more to write about?

[Whirligig Girl]

This si ood, although I wish you could'v stayed in canon, after all the tracking station has it's own lore on the planets and moons.

[SkyRender]

This si ood, although I wish you could'v stayed in canon, after all the tracking station has it's own lore on the planets and moons.

I was more staying true to the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy series's underlying theme of never being consistent with anything previously released, and if possible contradicting itself in places as well. As the first book itself put it, there is much in the Guide which is apocryphal, if not outright wrong, but it continues to sell better than the Encyclopedia Galactica for two key reasons. First, it is slightly cheaper, and second, it has a nice cover with the words "Don't Panic!" emblazoned on the front.

[Needles_10]

I had asked someone to do something like this! THIS IS GREAT!

[KSK]

I had asked someone to do something like this! THIS IS GREAT!

Um, that would have been me. Unfortunately I got distracted onto another piece of writing. I have to say though, that SkyRender's version is way way better than what I had in mind!

[Kerbal01]

Make an entry on SRB's!

[SkyRender]

Solid Rocket Boosters

The solid rocket booster, or SRB, is a very common device amongst primitive and advanced spacefaring races alike. Its primary use amongst primitive spacefarers is as a means of speeding one's escape from the horribly oppressive and life-giving atmosphere of the planet one finds oneself on. Its primary use amongst advanced spacefaring races is strapping them on top of one's spaceship and firing them like a missile at other nearby ships for fun. Interestingly, the Kerbal race has managed to simultaneously bypass the primitive stage of SRB use and also embrace it wholeheartedly as well. This is mostly due to Jebediah Kerman (see entry: Jebediah Kerman for more details and warnings).

Within the Kerbal Space Program, the primary use of SRBs is in fact to find new and amazingly painful ways to blow things up. The phrase "more boosters" came to be a mantra for when a rocket was proving to be too successful at remaining intact or not raining its debris over a wide enough area. There is some debate amongst Kerbologists about whether or not Kerbals are in fact trying to increase their lift speeds with the extra SRBs, but neither one of them will agree with one another on the matter. Whatever the case may be, you should seriously consider evacuating the premises and possibly the planet entirely if you happen upon a Kerbal with an SRB at his disposal.

Never, ever, ever under any circumstances let a Kerbal convince you to ride an SRB.

[Mekan1k]

True. So very true.

[SkyRender]

Struts

Only a handful of species lucky enough to discover the negative gravioli principle of flight manage to develop craft which do not need some form of strutting to keep their massive vessels intact. Kerbals, in their usual backwards fashion, mastered the negative gravioli principle and promptly destroyed all of their work because they felt it was too easy. They then found a way to increase the local mass of their entire solar system by several magnitudes for an encore, just to make sure that space flight would be as challenging as they could make it. As such, they rely more heavily on struts than most spacefaring species.

In spite of this determination to make their own lives more difficult, Kerbals nonetheless have accidentally managed to employ some very advanced technology indeed into their struts which makes them decidedly more capable than they should have any right to expect them to be. Ostensibly made of long bars of solid metal, Kerbal struts actually weigh nothing, have no atmospheric drag, are perfectly uniform, have infallible rigidity no matter how much mass they support, and can be made to conveniently sever themselves as soon as their connecting stage has been released from the rocket. The leading Kerbologist in the galaxy believes that they employ quantum physics to form absolute links between the two ends of the strut, and that the connecting bar is simply there for show. The other leading Kerbologist in the galaxy feels this is a load of dingo's kidneys and that Kerbals are unlikely to have developed anything so advanced when they still keep time by smacking themselves in the face repeatedly with rocks on strings.

[KSK]

Struts

Only a handful of species lucky enough to discover the negative gravioli principle of flight manage to develop craft which do not need some form of strutting to keep their massive vessels intact. Kerbals, in their usual backwards fashion, mastered the negative gravioli principle and promptly destroyed all of their work because they felt it was too easy. They then found a way to increase the local mass of their entire solar system by several magnitudes for an encore, just to make sure that space flight would be as challenging as they could make it. As such, they rely more heavily on struts than most spacefaring species.

In spite of this determination to make their own lives more difficult, Kerbals nonetheless have accidentally managed to employ some very advanced technology indeed into their struts which makes them decidedly more capable than they should have any right to expect them to be. Ostensibly made of long bars of solid metal, Kerbal struts actually weigh nothing, have no atmospheric drag, are perfectly uniform, have infallible rigidity no matter how much mass they support, and can be made to conveniently sever themselves as soon as their connecting stage has been released from the rocket. The leading Kerbologist in the galaxy believes that they employ quantum physics to form absolute links between the two ends of the strut, and that the connecting bar is simply there for show. The other leading Kerbologist in the galaxy feels this is a load of dingo's kidneys and that Kerbals are unlikely to have developed anything so advanced when they still keep time by smacking themselves in the face repeatedly with rocks on strings.

Not many posts make me laugh out loud. This one did!

[Xorth Tanovar]

Struts

...feels this is a load of dingo's kidneys and that Kerbals are unlikely to have developed anything so advanced when they still keep time by smacking themselves in the face repeatedly with rocks on strings.

Congrats, you just made me spray coffee on my laptop! :D :D

You've done Douglas Adams proud.

[rdfox]

OK, I can *totally* hear Peter Jones reading these. Good job!

[SkyRender]

Kerbal Life Cycle

Details concerning the biological processes of the Kerbal species have remained a mystery to the greater galaxy for some time, mostly because the vast majority of the greater galaxy wants nothing to do with such an explosion-prone species in the first place. However, one brave Kerbologist and his assistant managed to corner a Kerbal long enough to interview him on the details of Kerbal biology. The results were very disturbing and not at all fit for print, and thus the editor has taken the liberty of adjusting this article to be less outright offensive.

Kerbals are born from trees as fruit, and mature over the course of six weeks into full-grown adults. When they die, they release a cloud of spores which, assuming they don't explode in the depths of space or on an inhospitable world, will spread out and plant new trees for new Kerbals to be born from. This has led to a worldwide boom of the Kerbal population, a problem which is primarily addressed by launching the excess Kerbals into space under chalked-up stories of space travel. One might argue that this is not a very cost-effective means of population control, mostly because it is not, and one would find that the Kerbal government does not actually care. This is mostly because the Kerbal government consists of three dried-up pieces of seaweed tied to a tree branch which the Kerbals consult by nibbling on. If the Kerbal in question fails to keel over in pain, it is assumed that the answer was "no". As this has never happened, every single decision any Kerbal makes after consulting with the government is considered to be approved.

The editor would like to remind you that sections of the above paragraph had to be changed because the actual biological processes of Kerbal reproduction are quite a bit more horrifying. The anecdote on their government, it should be noted, is completely accurate.

[sytaline]

Ha ha ha, keep going!

[JakeGrey]

Did anyone else unknowingly read the writing in the narrator's voice from the movie? Cause I did, and I fell out of my chair many times while doing so.

No, but I did read it in the voice of the late Peter Jones, voice of The Book in the original radio series and the first screen adaptation for BBC television. If you've never seen or heard either of these versions, here's a sample.

[SkyRender]

The Origin of the Species

For reasons unclear to anyone with any sort of sense, the subject of the origins of the Kerbal species is of great interest to many people who lack the good sense to steer clear of the Kerbals. These two people have, over a painstaking timespan of three days, assembled a conclusive biological origin of the Kerbals from their earliest ancestors to present. While some might question the accuracy of such results, it's highly unlikely that anyone would bother given that the species in question are so explosively inclined.

The first life found on Kerbin, going by fossil records, were in fact a form of micro-bacteria which, when viewed under a microscope, greatly resemble Kerbals. (Editor's Note: The previous line has been found to be incorrect. What was actually found was a failed attempt at miniaturization by Kerbals, which they promptly buried in shame and hoped nobody would find.) The life cycle on Kerbin appears to have gone from bacterial life immediately to simple sea life, in spite of the biological improbability of this ever happening. (Editor's Note: The previous sentence is also incorrect. We actually have no idea whatsoever where life started on Kerbin, because we cannot find any life on Kerbin smaller than simple sea life.) This sea life then promptly and impossibly transformed into several species of seaweed, as well as developing into a number of varieties of insect. (Editor's Note: The previous sentence is, unsurprisingly, also completely wrong. Nobody has been able to trace back the origins of either the plant or insect life on Kerbin either.) Land-based plants, insects, and of course Kerbals, then proceeded to evolve from this sea morass by some form of magic. (Editor's Note: The previous sentence is so amazingly incorrect that we have since fired our resident Kerbologist. Applications are currently being accepted for the post. Thank you.)

(Please disregard the entire previous paragraph. My predecessor was completely incapable of stringing a coherent sentence together, let alone providing useful information. I will endeavour to be more helpful.) The actual origins of the Kerbal species have recently been uncovered during an extensive two-week session excavating the actual fossil records on Kerbin. This involved actually going to Kerbin, something which the previous Kerbologist had never actually done. Having been there myself, I can now understand why; I nearly got blown up three times and was strapped to an SRB twice before I realized what was going on. Let me tell you, Kerbin is not a place you ever want to visit if you value your life or your limbs... And don't even think about ordering any of their local snacks. I tried some bop, and let me tell you, I still throw up just thinking about it. Who the heck combines seaweed with tree bark, I ask you? And what's more...

(Editor's Note: Our previous Kerbologist has been fired for being incapable of actually writing any articles on the subject. We have hired back our first Kerbologist, for while he is completely wrong about everything, at least he can stay on subject.) After another two days of research, the truth about the Kerbal species origins has been uncovered! They're actually the descendants of a hyper-intelligent race of pan-dimensional beings which briefly settled on Duna before deciding that it didn't have enough life-supporting atmosphere for their tastes. The remaining handful which had not asphyxiated then migrated to Kerbin and terraformed it with their local technology, and in the process accidentally created the Kerbals. Reportedly they're currently looking for some sort of answer to the Ultimate Question of some sort. Best of luck to them in their endeavour!

(Editor's Note: It was discovered that our previous Kerbologist made everything up, just like last time. We've re-hired the second Kerbologist, since at least he backed up his claims with actual research.) Cheeky bastards, those Guide writers, hiring me and then firing me and then hiring me right back again. Guess we know who the REAL best Kerbologist in the galaxy is, hm? That's right, me! Oh yes, they wanted me to discuss the origins of the Kerbal species. Well, I took some time during my "extended vacation" from the Guide to compile more information on them by returning to Kerbin. What a miserable little planet that is! But I do like ike. It's so delicious, it's no wonder they made a religion around it. I should really bring some in to the office tomorrow. Where was I? Oh yes, the origins of the Kerbal species! According to the fossil records, which I so painstakingly compiled because I'm the only one brave enough to set foot on Kerbin, TWICE no less... Actually, let me tell you a little something about how much trouble it is to set foot on Kerbin. Have you ever tried to stand on a planet that's ten times too small for its gravity level? No? Well let me tell you, it's not comfortable at all! In fact..

(Editor's Note: We have given up on finding a Kerbologist who can stay on topic and actually get their facts from reliable sources. As such, the Editor himself has written the following after extracting the facts from our recently-fired Kerbologist over the course of a sixteen-hour rant on Kerbal annoyances.) The Kerbal fossil records show that Kerbals did not evolve at any point in the history of the planet. This is mostly because the Kerbals dug up all of the fossils they could find and ground them down into a fine powder so that they could be used as fuel for their SRBs. Their thorough campaign has eradicated all historical records for their planet, and as such, nobody will ever know the true origins of the species. Although the story about pan-dimensional beings sounds a lot more plausible now, since it seems inconceivable that any species so daft could ever evolve by chance, so let's go with that one.

Edited July 7, 2013 by SkyRender

[Whirligig Girl]

This was much cooler. Did you consider that maybe the Kerbal Religions, such as Siliskology, Chadianity (specifically the seventh order), and Harvesitism could explain the origin of Kerbals?

[SkyRender]

Kerbal Religion

The subject of religion is one of great controversy and profit in the greater galaxy, having led to nearly as many bloody and terrible wars as the discovery of the Babelfish has, and nearly as many lucrative planet-spanning empires as the Magratheans have. But one subject nobody ever wants to broach (for good reason, as it turns out) is Kerbal religion. This is mostly because the Kerbal outlook on mythology is considered to be as far from sensical as is actually possible. However, a brave Kerbologist did manage to extract from one Bill Kerman the full theological pantheon of Kerbal religion.

It should be noted that Kerbals do in fact have 3,000 distinct religions. However, 2,995 of these religions are simply offshoots from the Church of Ike, founded in protest to the addition or subtraction of various substances to the snack food of choice of this faith. As such, this article will only focus on the five primary religions of Kerbals: Ikeism, Harvestroianism, Sunshipping, Seaformistry, and the Church of Treerock.

To begin with, the best-known and widest-spread Kerbal religion is that of Ikeism. Roughly 65% of all Kerbals (occasionally as much as 75% when the space program is taking a break from launching recruits into outer space) worship the fatty snack food known as ike. The actual tenets of Ikeism remain something of a mystery to non-Kerbal and Kerbal alike, as there are no actual texts for this faith. This is assumed to be the primary reason why there are so many divergent branches of Ikeism. The one consistent belief amongst all branches of Ikeism is that ike is really tasty, however. While some variants insist that ike must be eaten in strict moderation, others that it should be not eaten at all, and most that it should be eaten constantly, no Kerbal seems to want to establish a branch of Ikeism which states that ike is actually not really all that great.

The main reason why, of course, is that ike hate is the explicit dominion of the Church of Treerock. This particular sect is dedicated to the worship of bop, and fears the mythical Space Kraken above all else. A very penitent faith, the Church of Treerock insists that all technological advances are evil and will draw the ire of the Space Kraken, and that Kerbals are best suited to simple practices with technologies derived from rocks and trees instead of modern scientific instruments. Prior to the discovery of the Mun and Minmus, the Church of Treerock was very popular, and almost every Kerbal was a member. When it was discovered that the long-standing belief of held by the Church's higher-ups that the Mun was a piece of moldy cheese was in fact incorrect and that the Mun was a moon, however, membership declined severely. Today the adherents of the Church of Treerock mostly spend their time in the mountains eating bop and being miserable, as most Kerbals did in the times before space exploration.

Harvestroianism is the second-most-popular Kerbal religion, mostly because the majority of Kerbals not part of Ikeism don't want anything to do with the Church of Treerock and aren't really that crazy about ike. This particular belief system holds that the entirety of the Kerbal solar system is a computer program devised by hyper-intelligent pan-galactic beings, and that Kerbals came to be after these beings vacationed on Duna and decided they'd like to make a proper intelligent species. The vast majority of Harvestroianists follow this faith simply because membership guarantees one asylum from the Kerbal Space Program's test pilot programs due to a conflict of belief and goals. Harvestroianists believe very strongly in not killing oneself in the pursuit of space, while killing oneself in the pursuit of space is the charter goal of the Kerbal Space Program. In spite of this, a number of Harvestroianists are members of KSP Ground Control, mostly because they're the only Kerbals who actually know how to operate any of the spaceships which Kerbals launch so frequently.

Sunshipping is by far the most primitive of all Kerbal religions, and has had its membership drastically reduced with the advent of space flight. The Sunshippers believe that the sun is the source of all life on Kerbin, and that their ultimate goal should be to get closer to the sun. Sunshippers are thus very keen to offer up their services as test pilots for Kerbal Space Program missions involving launches into the sun. The remaining surviving members are reportedly actively recruiting under the sanction of KSP itself, mostly because the Kerbal population is seen to be too large and throwing Kerbals into the sun is an expensive-yet-convenient way of correcting this.

The final faith of Kerbalkind is Seaformistry, and it holds the distinction of being the only faith which is held by exactly one Kerbal. Decsis Kerman believes that all life on Kerbin is actually an illusion caused by giant hologram generators found at the bottom of the sea on Laythe. His provocative letters concerning how the Kerbal government has secretly implanted all of the brains of Kerbalkind with special antennae that are beamed instructions from synthetic brains stored in cities on the far side of Pol are seen as quaint and amusing, but taken seriously by none. An expedition to the far side of Pol is nonetheless listed on the Kerbal Space Program itinerary, "just in case".

Edited July 7, 2013 by SkyRender

[Tw1]

Well worth the read. Very hitch-hikers-guide-esque. Have 5 internet points.

Maybe there could be something about how kerbals consider 4 rotations of their planets to be one day. Maybe kerboligists think that 3 hours of daylight just isn't enough time to get anything done.

Edited July 8, 2013 by Tw1

[sumghai]

I LOLed so hard.

Somebody make this the official lore of the species like, now!