On the Origin of Kerbals

[NASAFanboy]

Kerbals are an sentient life form known to inhabit HD243c, a habitable world some 98.9 LY from the homeworld of the United Nations Outer Space Authority, which is governed by the United Nations of Earth.

Discovery

The Kerbals where first discovered by United States Space Probe the "Intrepid", a interstellar probe operating under the acclubierre drive.

The first discovery was an accident, as the USSP Interpid was supposed to warp to Glise 581g, but navigational errors by the National Space Administration (Which was a more-well funded NASA that was in charge of charting new planets and sending exploratory ships) caused it to warp to the Kerbal home world instead.

The discovery of a new world that contained sentient beings alarmed the United States, and an international coalition of advanced star-faring nations (US, Russia, Japan, Russia, China, Australia, Canada, United Europe, and the Republic of the Moon) mobilized their forces. However, further observation revealed the Kerbals to be peaceful and primitive, and in accordance with Protocol 17, no contact was made and the system was listed a a protectorate of the United Nations Interstellar Authority, which currently defends it from anything that could hamper the natural development of Kerbals (And the approval ratings for the POTUS went downnnnn)

Anatomy

Kerbals have both the genetic makeup of plants and animals, though they seem to lack a little of the latter. They have abnormally large eyes, but have poor eyesight and rely on the size of their eyes to see. Even so, their eyesight (From subjects that where taken for sampling, interrogation, and learning that where later dosed with Ammesiacs before return to Kerbin) is slightly poorer than the average human.

Kerbals are highly adjustable, and can be classified as "extremophoiles" under the Interplanetary Biologists Association. Their air intake system is a mystery, as they breath both oxygen and CO2, and exhale oxygen and CO2, allowing for Kerbals to survive with a tiny amount of oxygen/CO2 for extremely long periods of time. However, restrictions by the United Nations of Earth have banned dissecting/inner exploration of Kerbals under grounds of it being "inhumane to an sentient being".

Kerbals appear to have some sort of photosynthesis, but can stay in dark areas for months or more without any ill effects (This is just a assumption, as crews where not permitted to handle Kerbals for more than three hours).

They have hair, which is darkly colored and lies in a small puff above their head. They have almost no natural predators, and can survive with little food due to photosynthesis. Unlike other plants, Kerbals are less sensitive to temperature and are resistant to radiation, but have relatively shorter lifespans on average than a human. Kerbals have a very large [Word omitted by researchers], which causes them to walk awkwardly (They cannot run, and are much slower than a human).

Kerbals are also weaker than humans based on muscle composition, but are still capable of lifting large objects.

Culture

Kerbal culture is rather hazardous by Terran standards. Their technology level is similar to that of 1990's America, and have the basic beginnings of a space age set up. One space station orbiting HD243c has been observed, and is of an extremely primitive design.

From time to time, small spacecraft can been seen docking with the station.

On occasion, a large spacecraft will approach the moon of the Kerbal home planet. It will land, and head back. The furthest Kerbals have gone from their home planet was to the distant second moon (A flyby mission), but increasing activity around the fourth planet in their system (Dubbed "Mars II" by personnel stationed on HD243e, due to its resembelence) has suggested a future mission to that planet.

Kerbal robotic spacecraft have been spotted all over the home system, and only in rare cases are UNE officers allowed to fire on them (One probe nearly discovered the human base at HD243e. The probe was instantly vaporized by laser).

Kerbal weapons technology is the 21st century equivalent, though Kerbal armies sometimes use swords and bayonets.

Kerbals also have their own space program, which currently operates at [REDACTED].

No contact with Kerbals of any kind is allowed, to prevent interference with their natural development.

Rules for Researchers

1. Return Kerbals to their home planet after three hours, always.

2. Do not uplift the Kerbals. Do not give then FTL drives. Do not hover our dreadnoughts over Kerbal cities.

3. Kerbals are not animals. They are to be treated with the same care and respect as a human.

Addendum 1-01: Whoever is taking potshots at Kerbal Spacecraft with EMP weapons, kinetic projectiles, and old bottles of Vodka, please stop. This is starting to hamper the Kerbals progress in space due to fear of a "kraken".

Addendum 1-02: Please do not further instigate the fears oft the "kraken" by using leftover calamari as a projectile.

Addendum 1-03: Due to the incident that involved a EVA pod, a Kerbal Probe, and the base commanders dish of calamari (Somehow stolen from his table when he went it the bathroom), squid related food is now banned from the base.

Addendum 1-04: That includes octopus

Edited September 14, 2013 by NASAFanboy

[NASAFanboy]

Bump.

Can anyone reply?

[KAO]

wrong forum, should be under KSP Fan Works as [Writing]

[NASAFanboy]

Please move this, if you are a mod

[Rage097]

This looks cool!

[sal_vager]

Movenated

[Rainbowtrout]

This is better than mine.

[musicpenguin]

Very good.

[NASAFanboy]

Added a little note regarding the "kraken"

[Rage097]

Oh god. That addenda...Lord, my sides. Thumbs up!

[Dockillar]

AHAHHAHAHAHA! No more squid or octopi for you!

[DaserTheGamer]

NASAFanboy do more please!

[BenHR]

This needs more to it. I say a second report where Kerbals stumbled upon the human researchers and now we document their first real interactions.