The Kerb Kerman Show!

[Xacktar]

Oh, and this is public service announcement from Xackylvania State Television.

"The Kerb Kerman show is compul.... clean family viewing. Any references whatsoever to Oggy's sepratron will be frowned upon most severely by his awesomeness, the mighty, the watcher over us all, Xacktar.

All hail his name."

Bwahahahaha

[victory143]

Xacktar! Land on Jool!

[ramnrmeul]

I SAY MODS! Give Oggy some Interstellar stuff and see what he builds with it!

[Patupi]

I SAY MODS! Give Oggy some Interstellar stuff and see what he builds with it!

The Peeging Kraken? The mind boggles!

[Xacktar]

I SAY MODS! Give Oggy some Interstellar stuff and see what he builds with it!

Oh geep... like Oggy needs more encouragement!

[Patupi]

That's it, the SS Encouragement. The vast enterprise to 'Encourage' a neighbor to join Xacktar's magnificence!

[KSK]

Uhh - I invoke 'Loading Screen Hint #234 - Retreating to a safe distance...'

On the other hand - bucket seat plus warp drive plus gigawatt class reactor to power it = the ultimate in high speed, everything to the metal, suici...engineering minimalism.

So umm yeah. If you ask yourself 'What would Oggy do?', it would probably be something more or less like that. With headbutts.

Go for it!

[Xacktar]

Hahah... I need to start thinking about a new episode. Maybe something Eve-related... not sure.

[Patupi]

Maybe a rescue mission? Xactar's great achievement to put an permanent base, and not an accidental inability of the ship to take off from Eve at all, nosiree!, now has served it's purpose and our glorious leader as magnanimously decreed that no expense will be spared in bringing the brave souls back to Kerbin... somehow.

Maybe Oggy gets his hands on the Vista designs for the return ship.... Uh oh!

[Xacktar]

Maybe a rescue mission? Xactar's great achievement to put an permanent base, and not an accidental inability of the ship to take off from Eve at all, nosiree!, now has served it's purpose and our glorious leader as magnanimously decreed that no expense will be spared in bringing the brave souls back to Kerbin... somehow.

Maybe Oggy gets his hands on the Vista designs for the return ship.... Uh oh!

The problem is that I have yet to do a return mission from Eve. Eve is, well, Eve-il. I'm sure I COULD, if I number crunched and treated KSP like statistics class... but that's not the Oggy/Xacktar way.

[Patupi]

Lots and lots and lots of staging. That's the key! Although telling that to Oggy might end up with a ship made up of decouplers and not a lot else

[The Error]

Return from Eve can actually be fairly easy.

Airplane + LV-Ns. Efficient and flies nice.

[Xacktar]

We will return you to your regularly scheduled 23-hour daily marathon of 'Gee, I Sure Love Xackylvania' in just a few minutes. Now it is time for your hour of Xackylvania History with your host, Kerb Kerman.

Kerb: Hello Everyone! Welcome back to the Kerb Kerman Show! I'm your host, Kerb Kerman, and with me today on special dispensation from the All-Kerbin Makehappy Psychiatric Hospital, Is none other than your favorite conspiracy nut whom we are not to take seriously... Lemmmmmmsted Kerman!

Lemsted: I AM to be taken seriously!

Kerb: Hah Hah hah. I'm sure, Lemmy. Now, why don't you tell us why you are here today. I'm sure that I would like to know! Hah. Hah. Seriously, why is he here?

Lemsted: I heard that.

Kerb: What?

Lemsted: When you talked in the small font! I heard that!

Kerb: Hah Ha. Talking in font! What a weirdo, right folks?

Lemsted: I am TRYING to get the truth out! Operation Bring Kirbree Home NEVER HAPPENED! Do you hear me, people! Kirbree and the others are STILL on DUNA! The government has LIED to you!

Kerb: Then you won't mind me putting up a few pictures of the rescue mission, will you? Hah. Hah.

Lemsted: You seriously don't see a thing wrong with THIS being the rescue craft.

Kerb: I see fuel tanks, and engines... and command pods for the other Kerbals.

Lemsted: What about PARACHUTES, Kerb! WAKE UP! Look! How are they gonna land back on Kerbin without those? They don't even have enough Fuel to get into orbit! This is all a cover-up! A staged photo shoot to lull the public into thinking that everything is alright!

Kerb: I'm sure they found a way, It says so in the Xackylvanian Official Report of Things That Really Happened and Shut Up. Alfey sent me a copy last week.

Lemsted: You are BLIND to the truth, Kerb. As Blind as Oggy after fifteen Double-Rock Whiskeys.

Kerb: Whatever you say, Lemmy. OooOoooh, Hah. Hah. Next Picture!

Kerb: See? Here is the rescue craft, in space, heading to Duna. Proof, Lemmy. Check it out.

Lemsted: Oh yeah? Well, if that is in space... why are there smoke trails... smoke trails DRIFTING DOWN WITH GRAVITY! Eat that you pompus geeping puppet of the empire.

Kerb: I'm sure they were just making a turn when the picture was taken.

Lemsted: With the engines on?

Kerb: Sure! They have enough fuel.

Lemsted: NO THEY DON'T! I JUST SAID THAT THEY... You know what, forget it. This guy is thicker than Ronbo's glasses, sheesh.

Kerb: How about another Picture? I got a new clicker last episode, its so nice... and smooth. Mmmm.

Lemsted: Right.... Why am I the one in the psych ward?

Kerb: Ahhhh. See, completely in space! Says so right on the report here, 'Totally got to space.'

Lemsted: So it doesn't bother you that there are no decouplers between the stages.

Kerb: Nope.

Lemsted: Or that there is only a ladder for the main command pod.

Kerb: Nope.

Lemsted: Or the lack of parachutes, inadequate fuel, strange smoke trails...

Kerb: I'm sorry, but now it's time to stand up and sing our daily tune, 'All Hail Xacktar, He's Really Cool!' We'll be back in just a moment!

Lemsted: Ugghhhh

---

Edited July 11, 2015 by Xacktar

[Xacktar]

We now return you to your most honest and trustworthy host, Kerb Kerman!

Kerb: Thank you, Bob. Once again, we are here with the ever-popular conspiracy theorist, Lemsted Kerman!

Lemsted: I'd rather be in my padded cell.

Kerb: Hah. Ha. I'm sure those things are comfy. When we left off you were trying to convince us that operation Bring Kirbree Home never happened, even though every government report and newspaper says it did.

Lemsted: What about independent sources!

Kerb: Why would we need those when we can get our news straight from the Xackylvanian Empire itself?

Lemsted: BECAUSE THEY... you know what, forget it. Click another picture or something.

Lemsted: Oh Come ON!

Kerb: See? That's the rescue ship... and there is Duna!

Lemsted: I can't even begin to explain how stupid you are.

Kerb: Hey!

Lemsted: The photograph has obviously been altered! Look, you can see the cutout lines... and it has a completely different second stage! Its even pixelated from being blown up too much!

Kerb: You know as well as I do that nothing ever blows up at the XAC.

Lemsted: Are you serious... can you be? You CAN NOT be serious. THE SERIOUS HERE CANNOT BE, SERIOUSLY.

Kerb: I think you need to calm down a little, maybe take your medication.

Lemsted: NO MEDICATION! IT TASTES LIKE PINK FURRY THINGS! AH, I mean... *sigh* Just put the next picture up.

Lemsted: So you can look at that... and tell me... that nothing is wrong with that picture.

Kerb: Looks great, Lemmy.

Lemsted: So grass and parts of the XAC are supposed to be brought with the lander...

Kerb: I'm sure it helps the kerbonauts feel right at home.

Lemsted: and the solar panels sticking out from under the grass?

Kerb: Well, they gotta put em some place where the sun can reach em, right?

Lemsted: You have to be the du-

Kerb: Oooh, another picture!

Lemsted: Are you kidding me? Now it has its original second stage back? You're buying this, aren't you? You're gonna look at this and tell me it looks real to you. Then I'm gonna pop a vein in my forehead and... You know what, I don't even care anymore. Don't care. The whole world, well, what's left of it, is crazy. I'm the only sane one left. It's the only explanation. Yup. yup. I'm the only one. The ONLY ONE!

Kerb: Uh, Bob... I think its snack time.

We'll be right back after these heart-shaped chocolates.

Edited February 18, 2014 by Xacktar

[Xacktar]

We now return you to... Kerb, you got a little something on your chin... there you go.

Kerb: Thanks, Bob.

Lemsted: How long do I have to stay here?

Kerb: Just a bit longer, Lemmy. Want some snacks?

Lemsted: No, the government drugs all snacks to make us compliant and stupid.

Kerb: It's got peanut butter!

Lemsted: Ooh, Peanut butter... NO! Click the picture, already!

Lemsted: I don't know which is worse... talking to you or looking at this. This makes my brain hurt.

Kerb: I get that when I drink a milkshake too fast!

Lemsted: I mean, look at it... you can see space THROUGH DUNA.

Kerb: Yeah, they should probably get that fixed. Might make it hard to land.

Lemsted: Do you even pay attention to the things coming out of your mouth?

Kerb: Now I really want a milkshake.

Lemsted: I feel crazy saying this...

Kerb: HA.

Lemsted: ...but I want to go back to the Psych Ward.

Kerb: Let's look at the landing picture! I like those! Kirbree rescue ahoy!

Kerb: Hmmm.

Lemsted: What now?

Kerb: There is something off with that picture...

Lemsted: Really! You FINALLY see what I'm talking about! Grass on Duna, the bad outlines, the complete improbability of any of this actually happening! HAVE I FINALLY GOTTEN SOMETHING THROUGH THAT THICK GREEN HEAD OF YOURS!?!?!

Kerb: That flag doesn't look right.

Lemsted: AHA- WHAT?

Kerb: The flag... its shadow. I think its facing the wrong way.

Lemsted: The flag.

Kerb: Yeah, look at it. It seems off somehow. It doesn't match up with the shadow of the lander.

Lemsted: OH FOR THE LOVE OF-

Kerb: I think this one was edited! They obviously forgot the flag and had to make sure one was in the picture. Lord Xacktar does like his flags. Puts em on everything, even my Kofey Cup, see?

Lemsted: So the flag is wrong, is it? The Flag. NOT EVERYTHING ELSE IN EVERY PICTURE I SHOWED YOU? You know what... gimme that... and the scissors... and these crayons...

Kerb: What are you doing over there? HEY! Gimme my clicker back!

Lemsted: THERE! I bet that looks fine, doesn't it. Completely real to you.

Kerb: Hey, you fixed it!

Lemsted: I was right, hahaha. I'm the only sane one. Everyone else is MAD. MAD, I TELL YOU! No one believes me, no one wants to face the TRUTH. Kirbree is still on DUNA! The XAC is EVIL! Lord Xacktar CAN KISS MY BIG GREEN-

Kerb: And the guest going insane means its the end of our show for today! Thank you for tuning in... because its mandatory! We'll see you soon on the Kerb Kerman show! Good night, everybody!

We now return you to your 23-hour marathon of 'Gee, I Sure Love Xackylvania'

[Xacktar]

There you go, guys. Kirbree and the others are totally 'rescued' now!

[Patupi]

Totally rescued. And the fact that a tiny rocket was reportedly sent to Duna with little pink pills, one for each of the crew, has nothing to do with it.... Mmmmm, pink!

(Psst, what color is cyanide anyway?)

[Xacktar]

Totally rescued. And the fact that a tiny rocket was reportedly sent to Duna with little pink pills, one for each of the crew, has nothing to do with it.... Mmmmm, pink!

(Psst, what color is cyanide anyway?)

Xackylvania Brand Totally Not-Evil Pills come in a variety of shapes, colors, flavors and sizes!

[Tw1]

Totally rescued. The fact that no one has been able to contact them is irrelevant.

[victory143]

Xacktar could you have a play around with a K-drive for a kerbal video? It's stock and quite funny.

[Patupi]

Totally rescued. The fact that no one has been able to contact them is irrelevant.

Irrelevant and very convenient .... Oh, long live our glorious leader! (Dang, that was a close one! Got be careful what I say around here!)

[Xacktar]

Irrelevant and very convenient .... Oh, long live our glorious leader! (Dang, that was a close one! Got be careful what I say around here!)

Better watch it! *goes back to hanging propaganda posters around the place*

[Patupi]

OHMEGAWDS! *lol* Attack of the raging Geeping Kraken! Looks like a B-movie poster like 'Day of the giant Tarantula that grew for no really good reason.'

[kenbobo]

more All Kerbd up please!

[Xacktar]

OHMEGAWDS! *lol* Attack of the raging Geeping Kraken! Looks like a B-movie poster like 'Day of the giant Tarantula that grew for no really good reason.'

Incidentally, that is Oggy's favorite movie.