The Kerb Kerman Show!

[guto8797]

I have some ideas resultant of bathroom pondering:

-A Giant sligshot designed by great xactar to swing ships to far away spots.

-A mission from the point of view of the Kerbals

-Exploding a giant nuke to propel a craft forward

-Someone bright enough to go to Minmus and remove their helmets to try to taste the mint pudding

[Geschosskopf]

If only I could sing... I would so do this. XD

Well, your Barry White voice was enough for Oggy to knock up Jeb's girlfriend last month so I think you've got that covered Seriously, "HMS Pinafore" with all part sung by Barry White but with different scenes accompanied by accordions, cyborg marching bands, and exploding rockets while insane Kerbalness happens on-screen. What's not to like?

For inspiration, I recommend watching some

videos

[quasarrgames]

Good show Xactar, Good show! Comedy gold, right here.

Maybe one of these episodes could be about how the Xackylvanian empire freed people from the totally-evil-and-not-nice-government. Did they do it with tanks and jets that were totally-designed-to-strike-fear-in-the-enemy-and-not-just-really-overbuilt, or did they do it with really, really big bombs that left clouds in the shape of those things Oggy eats to get a buzz every now and then?

[Xacktar]

Ok, guys. I'm stuck. No more ideas. :S

Feed me inspirations!

I know that Ike, Gilly or Space Station should be the theme of the next episode, but beyond that I am stumped. Hm.

Actually...

Hm.

Ok, how bout you guys pitch a bunch of ideas at me, then I'll put a poll together in a few days and everyone can vote on what they want to see? Sound fun?

Edited March 21, 2014 by Xacktar

[Tex]

Have a representative from Rockomax to come in and argue that they shouldn't have to have made their adapters!

The ingame descriptions say Rockomax was facing legal action if they didn't make the adapters. So yeah.

That's all I got for now...

[Patupi]

How about a standard 'All Hail Xactar' Kerb Kerman moment with interruptions from (horribly bad) demonstrators, complaining (or attempting to before the audio cuts out) about all the rockets landing on their homes. Just show a few idiots running from studio staff before the enforcers... um, Happy Guides... yeah, Happy Guides, catch up to them, but have video feeds of crowds outside. Eventually find the 'big demonstration' was orchestrated by a handfull of geeks who just patched together a load of video of themselves to look like a crowd, then patched it into the TV station... and no, they aren't that good at this, and it blows the fuses of the TV station.

OK, maybe I'm over-thinking these things?

[victory143]

Large Kerbal collider?

[Xacktar]

How about a standard 'All Hail Xactar' Kerb Kerman moment with interruptions from (horribly bad) demonstrators, complaining (or attempting to before the audio cuts out) about all the rockets landing on their homes. Just show a few idiots running from studio staff before the enforcers... um, Happy Guides... yeah, Happy Guides, catch up to them, but have video feeds of crowds outside. Eventually find the 'big demonstration' was orchestrated by a handfull of geeks who just patched together a load of video of themselves to look like a crowd, then patched it into the TV station... and no, they aren't that good at this, and it blows the fuses of the TV station.

OK, maybe I'm over-thinking these things?

I LOVE the name 'Happy Guides.' A protest is an interesting idea, especially since I said previously that I might use Episode 10 as the one where the glorious and not-at-all evil Xacktar is interviewed. *ponders*

Have a representative from Rockomax to come in and argue that they shouldn't have to have made their adapters!

The ingame descriptions say Rockomax was facing legal action if they didn't make the adapters. So yeah.

That's all I got for now...

I haven't yet done any of the company reps. (who are all subsidiaries of Xacktar Aerospace, of course.) Definite possibilities here.

[Patupi]

The enfo... Happy Guides should have visor with a smiley face painted on it... and have difficulty seeing through it. Ensue much confusion!

[KSK]

Well Gilly is the space potato right? I think the XAC Advanced Snack Division may want to investigate that. Some options.

The giant space fork (we stabbed Gilly WITH A FORK!)

Xacktar's totally cool but actually super hot Space Barbecue (aka a giant array of Mainsails to cook Gilly)

Oggy's Dicer (aka a not at all failed and we totally meant this to happen experiment in rotating space stations that spun itself out of orbit and crash.... Performed a precision intercept with Gilly)

[KSK]

It's kinda similar to the last chapter but... Speedboat Racing. With rockets. On Laythe.

[Xacktar]

The giant space fork (we stabbed Gilly WITH A FORK!)

Giant Space Fork has a good ring to it.

[Patupi]

And now for something completely the same.... SPOOOOON!

(Yes, I admit it. I'm a horrible Tick addict!)

[Geschosskopf]

I know that Ike, Gilly or Space Station should be the theme of the next episode, but beyond that I am stumped. Hm.....

Ok, how bout you guys pitch a bunch of ideas at me, then I'll put a poll together in a few days and everyone can vote on what they want to see? Sound fun?

Well, Xacktar's space station would no doubt be a happy, nurturing environment where stone-hearted Kerbals are taught, via the tender application of cattle prods and pharmaceuticals, to love all things, especially Xacktar, while slaving away in a microgravity sweatshop. Kerb goes there to do a live report on its many virtues only to get caught up in some sort of prison riot or escape attempt.

I'm also thinking that the Purely Putrescent and Perfidious Purple Pixies might pose a threat to the ever-so-cool-and-peaceful realm of Xacksylvania, sadly necessitating a glorious and certain-to-be-victorious full-scale invasion of Eve with dropships, tanks, giant robots, etc.

[DisarmingBaton5]

Well,

LOL... and here I am trying to see how close I can get to mountain-crashing.

That sounds like something Kerb Kerman would report on!

[Daman453]

Make it so in the Not-Nice gov that there are rebels, and then one gets interviewed, name is unknown, is really a trick to get more money

[Xacktar]

I think I finally have an idea! You'll like it, it involves Oggy and Billy-bobdin.

[Sylandro]

I think I finally have an idea! You'll like it, it involves Oggy and Billy-bobdin.

Xactar, you're forgetting Bursby! He's so cool, that he needs to be in two episodes in a row!

[KSK]

i think i finally have an idea! You'll like it, it involves oggy and billy-bobdin.

YEAAAAHH!

Gah. Stupid editor. Apparently I can't enter a post made entirely from capital letters. *sulk*

Edited March 30, 2014 by KSK

[Xacktar]

We will return you to your regularly scheduled 23-hour daily marathon of 'Gee, I Sure Love Xackylvania' in just a few minutes. Now it is time for your hour of Xackylvania History with your host, Kerb Kerman.

Kerb: Hello everyone and welcome back to the show! We're here with everyone's favorite second assistant to the head of orbital mechanics, Mr. Billy-Bobdin Kerman!

Billy-Bobdin: Howdy.

Kerb: Now, we've been covering a lot of the XAC's interplanetary 'exploration' over the last few episodes, but now I think it's time to look a little closer to home.

Billy-Bobdin: We're going to my house?

Kerb: No, Billy. I'm talking about the most amazing thing in low orbit around Kerbin.

Billy-Bobdin: Oggy's thermos?

Kerb: Oggy's th- What?

Billy-Bobdin: He lost it when he was working on the XILASS. Man, he was soo mad. Dat thing was cool. It glowed in the dark!

Kerb: I was talking about the Xackylvanian Incorporated Laboratory and Space Station. I heard you and Oggy made some supply runs to it.

Billy-Bobdin: Oh yeah. That's pretty cool too. Can I click the picture thing?

Kerb: NO!

Kerb: Wait, what is that?

Billy-Bobdin: That's Oggy's thermos.

Kerb: I wanted a picture of the supply shuttle, not this! What is that thing on the top of it?

Billy-Bobdin: That's Oggy's Hammerknife. He slaps one on everything.

Kerb: I... I'm not gonna ask, lets just get the right picture up.

Kerb: Can you tell us a bit about this ship, Billy?

Billy-Bobdin: Oh, hey. That's the Pretty Incredibly Complicated Kerbal Utility Pod. Ya see, Ronbo grounded Oggy after the whole kidnappin' thang. Told him he could only do supply missions. Man... Oggy was geeping mad, but after Ronbo figured out that putting the rockets on stilts kept Oggy out of the parts, he didn't have no choice.

Kerb: Wait, back up a second. Stilts?

Billy-Bobdin: Yup. We have a picture. Lemme do the clicky thing.

Kerb: NO AGAIN!

Kerb: So he was flying this, uh, PICKUP on supply missions to the space station?

Billy-Bobdin: Yup. Bringin them snacks and fuel and all that.

Kerb: I have a sneaking suspicion that that didn't pan out very well....

Billy-Bobdin: I dunno. Oggy seemed to have fun with it in the end.

Kerb: Oh boy... Well, hate to cut it here, but it's time to stand up and sing 'All Hail Xacktar, He's Really Cool!' We'll be right back after this!

Edited July 11, 2015 by Xacktar

[Xacktar]

We now return you to the Kerb Kerman Show! Because it says so in my script!

Kerb: Thank you, Bob! That was the best harmonica-only rendition of the pledge I've heard this week.

Billy-Bobdin: Shoulda brought my banjo. We coulda jammed.

Kerb: I'm sure you would have, Billy. Let's get back to talking about the PICKUP.

Billy-Bobdin: Alright. Well... Oggy, man, he was chompin' at the bit. He could do orbital burns totally drunk by now.

Kerb: Wait, he was drinking on these supply runs?

Billy-Bobdin: What'd you think the thermos was for? He had ten kegs of whiskey in there.

Kerb: Ten kegs... TEN KEGS?

Billy-Bobdin: Yup. They had a few big canisters just sitting in the construction yard, and McKraken's Pub was just down the road, so...

Kerb: I... ok, wow. So.. how did the docking go?

Billy-Bobdin: Psh, it was cake for Oggy, man. He pulled up next to the station, did a few donuts around the communications array while waiting for clearance then slapped his nose on the docking port like pow, man.

Kerb: Isn't that a little dangerous.... nevermind.

Kerb: So what happened next? Standard procedure?

Billy-Bobdin: Yeah, right. Oggy was feeling good and took to jetpacking around the station. He was checkin out the escape pods when the fun started. Ya see, ol' Lenzer was taking a nap in one of the pods... Oggy bumped his helmet on the outside and, well, Lenzer woke up to this...

Kerb: Hey how'd you get my clicker?

Billy-Bobdin: Heh. This thing is cool.

Kerb: Gimme that back! MINE. That's right. No touchy.

Billy-Bobdin: Aww.

Kerb: How about you talk and I click pictures, ok?

Billy-Bobdin: Psh. Well... Oggys scared the geep out of Lenzer, and being that Lenzer was in an escape pod at the time, he did the first thing that came to mind.

Kerb: Oh no.

Billy-Bobdin: Yup.

Kerb: What did Oggy do, then?

Billy-Bobdin: Oggy thought that Lenzer was challenging him to a race, so he grabbed a second pod and-

Boss, we got an important call coming in for you.

Kerb: Uh, now? We're in the middle of the show, Bob.

It's important.

Kerb: Alright. Sorry, folks, we need to take a short break. When we return, we'll hear what happens with Lenzer and the runaway escape pod! Stay tuned... because you have to.

We'll be right back with more Kerb Kerman Show after these ads for the Kerb Kerman Show!

Edited July 11, 2015 by Xacktar

[Xacktar]

We now return you to the Kerb Kerman show, where history comes alive, but not like a zombie!

Kerb: And we're back! Ehehe. Everything is fine! Nothing bad at all happening!

Billy-Bobdin: That's good, 'cause its getting kinda noisy outside. Sounds like-

Kerb: LIKE EVERYTHING IS FINE! Eheh. SO!... Lenzer... Oggy... escape pod races. Tell us what went down, Billy.

Billy-Bobdin: Well... Lenzer had a good head start since Oggy had to load up his thermos into the the other escape pod before heading off after him. He's out there chasing Lenzer, pushing the tiny pod engine to the safety limit and all that.

Kerb: Sounds great. Picture.

Billy-Bobdin: Now, by this time, everything is goin' crazy. Lenzer is thinking some space monster is after him. He's screamin' at mission control while mission control is screamin' at Oggy. Ronbo was going dark green in the face screaming about stealin' govment propers or somethin, I dunno.

Kerb: Good, good. Uh, I mean, that sounds exciting! Heh. Keep going, what happened next?

Billy-Bobdin: You alright, man? You look a little-

Kerb: I'M FINE! KEEP TALKING!

Billy-Bobdin: Sure thing, just stay cool, man. Uh, you look tense. Why don't you do your clicker thing.

Kerb: CLICK!

Billy-Bobdin: Feel better?

Kerb: A little, yeah. Please, continue.

Billy-Bobdin: Alright, so... as Oggy gets closer, he starts to think that maybe this isn't a race.

Kerb: He finally comes to his senses?

Billy-Bobdin: He thinks its a bumper-car ride.

Kerb: Oh my...

Kerb: So he RAMMED Lenzer?

Billy-Bobdin: Oh yeah, man. It was a RIOT!

Kerb: NO IT WASN'T! THERE IS NO RIOTING AND SHUT UP!

Billy-Bobdin: Woah, man, just-

Kerb: BOB! SHOW IS OVER! CUT IT OUT!

But boss...

Kerb: NOW!

[...TERMINAL DISCONNECTED. PLEASE STAND BY.]

Edited July 11, 2015 by Xacktar

[Xacktar]

dun dun DUN! Drama episode!

Thanks to Patupi for the protest/riot idea. Still want to use, the 'Happy Guides' thing as well.

Edited April 2, 2014 by Xacktar

[Patupi]

*grins* I'm glad I could help, and I wanna see the 'Happy Guides' too. I gotta see if I can get a black suited Kerbal pic and put a yellow smiley face on the faceplate.

"Nothing to see here folks, move al...*OOF* Hey, who put that wall there?"

"Lenny, stop treading on me feet!"

Queue keystone cops riff

Loved the episode. Brings new meaning to 'Pod Racing'

[Xacktar]

VIDEO BONUS!

Oggy planned out a Kerbal Concert... here's the video.