Chemistry humor

[Starwaster]

This one has got to be said already but here's an awesome pickup line:

"Hey babe, are you full of beryllium, gold and titanium? Because you are Be-au-ti-ful!"

Okay, that one was terrible. But all the good jokes argon!

If by awesome you mean 'never pick up a woman ever again' then yeah, awesome pickup

[rpayne88]

What do you do with someone who is sick?

If you can helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.

[Traches]

If by awesome you mean 'never pick up a woman ever again' then yeah, awesome pickup

I know a few girls that line would totally work on.

[Kialar]

The professor demands: "Memorize the telephone directory!"

The medicine student asks: "What's the due date?"

The biologist asks: "Which pages?"

The physics and chemistry students look at each other and simultaniously ask: "Why?"

[Smidge204]

Mole Problems?

Call Avogadro

602-1023

[Suko]

Nothing like a classic

Okay, that was a good one.

[Zuni]

Not sure if this has been done before.

Helium walked into a bar and asked for a drink. The bartender said, "Sorry, but we don't server Noble gases here,". Helium didn't react.

[PakledHostage]

Not sure if this has been done before.

Arg (on)!?!... The same joke was posted on page 2 of this thread!

[DisarmingBaton5]

Mole Problems?

Call Avogadro

602-1023

I laughed harder than I care to admit.

[KvickFlygarn87]

I laughed harder than I care to admit.

Don't get the joke.

[Panzerbeard]

Don't get the joke.

Avogadro's number is 6.02 x 10^23, which refers to the number of particles in a mole, a mole being a unit of measurement.

..I think that's it, anyway, GCSE chemistry was a looong time ago for me

Edited December 12, 2013 by Panzerbeard

[KvickFlygarn87]

Avogadro's number is 6.02 x 10^23, which refers to the number of particles in a mole, a mole being a unit of measurement.

..I think that's it, anyway, GCSE chemistry was a looong time ago for me

Oh. 8th grader here so, yeah.

[MC.STEEL]

do i have any good sodium jokes

Na, i dont have any

[Duxwing]

A chemist meets a priest who, zealous, attempts to convert him,

"He cannot be seen.

He cannot be touched.

He cannot be smelt.

He cannot be tasted--"

Baffled, the chemist interrupts, "--You worship Helium?"

---

A chemist meets a children's poet who, eager, hands him his latest work,

"Ba ba black, sheep, have you any wool?

Yes sir, yes sir, three bags full--"

Baffled the chemist asks, "--are the bags full of wool, or Barium?"

---

A chemist becomes poor. Desperate, he enters his laboratory and works and toils until he emerges, bearing beautiful jewels and shining metal for cheap sale. His greedy customers daily buy him out until the police arrive, "You fraud! Ruby, gold, and diamond? More like glass, pyrite, and cubic zirconium!"

-Duxwing

[BagelRabbit]

A Higgs Boson walks into a church.

The preacher says, "We don't allow you're kind here!"

The Boson says...

"But how can you have Mass without me?"

It may not really be chemistry, but it's the best particle physics joke I know

[wasmic]

So argon walks into a bar and the bartender tells him "sorry we don't serve noble gases"...he had no reaction.

[Starwaster]

I laughed harder than I care to admit.

I giggled like a school girl...

[MC.STEEL]

A chemist meets a priest who, zealous, attempts to convert him,

"He cannot be seen.

He cannot be touched.

He cannot be smelt.

He cannot be tasted--"

Baffled, the chemist interrupts, "--You worship Helium?"

-Duxwing

that one was nice

why no one but a bannana can fuse barium + two natrium

no one can because they are two dufferent metals but then how does a tree grow BaNaNa

(i made it from the top of my head i may need to polish it a BIT.)