Survive That Attack!

[Souper]

Hi, virus.

That's a nice ability to interact with my bodily cells you have there.

It'd be a real shame if i were a methane based life-form.

The next poster plays Mortal Kombat in real life, and loses.

[Darthzeus]

I pull the plug on the mortal Kombat simulator, then rewrite it to drop the next poster into a standard KSP n00b launch

[Sun]

I'm Jeb. I don't make mistakes.

The next poster will be teleported to the singularity of a black hole.

[Spearka]

I am also a black hole, creating an even larger black hole

The smell of onions fill the next posters nose as Shrek appears

[Guest Fyre Flare]

No.

I will do something to the next person.

[gooddog15]

you cant, because I'm not here!

the next poster will be teleported into a house filled with lasers

[SlimeCrusher]

They were actually detector lasers, that activated the launch of an ICBM, i hack it and send it to the next poster

[Thomas988]

I build a spaceplane and fly to the ICBM where I disassemble it.

Now the individual parts of the missile are flying at the next poster.

[vexx32]

I stare them down and come out of it unscathed.

I calmly stab the next person through the abdomen.

[gooddog15]

I'm a robot, so I don't feel pain. Also the knife goes through my nerve gas compartment

the next poster will get a high fived with a chair

[Designer225]

High five, chair! *slaps on the chair*

The next poster is about to get crushed by a 5-ton elephant.

[gooddog15]

It happens, but in space!

The next poster will be shoved off a dock and be swallowed whole by a great white shark

[Rainbowtrout]

No water, so the shark dies. I have a parachute, so I live.

The next poster will be duct taped to Sedna, and left to die.

[Vaporo]

After living a long, full life in the peaceful solitude of my space habitat (which included a sharp set of knives for cutting duct tape), I finally die.

Before I die, I teleport the next poster into the core of VY Canis Majoris.

[AletzN1]

Doesn't say when, so i blow VY canis majoris. Good luck finding the core.

The next poster shall be consumed by the toilet paper monster!

[Lundmunchkins]

Paper isn't immune to H2O!

However the next poster drowns.

[vexx32]

Almost. Almost drowns. You never specified how deep the water was, so I'll just roll out of this puddle you so rudely pushed me into.

I fire dart tipped with lethal poison at the next poster.

[Souper]

I grab it mid-flight right before it hits me, and throw into Mt. doom.

Next poster is teleported to my homeplanet, Venus.

[Red Iron Crown]

I've spent years building an immunity to iocaine powder that poison, so it has no effect.

I go back in a time machine and kill the next poster's parents before they conceive.

[Spica]

The poison happens to be bacterial in nature (i.e. Anthrax), and since I happen to be taking antibiotics because of an infected cut, the poison has no effect.

I swap all the atoms of iodine in the next poster's body with astatine, making them radioactive.

EDIT: Ninja'd

[Souper]

Biggest ninja in history.

The next poster is teleported to my homeplanet, Venus's surface.

[Sun]

I'm a robot made of tungsten.

The next poster will be floating a foot away from a supernova about to happen.

[mikeman7918]

I use all the boosters I had with me at the time (you would be surprised how many boosters I have with me at any given time in the case of an emergency where a ship needs more thrust) to boost me away from the star right before it explodes.

I accidentally crash into the next poster at unprecedented speeds.

[Sun]

FORCE FIELD

The next poster......... will be killed by my lack of a descriptive attack.

[Designer225]

I know what it is, and you failed due to my lack of a descriptive escape. (Surprise, surprise!)

The next poster bumped into the previous poster.