Survive That Attack!

[GreeningGalaxy]

I perform a spatio-thaumaturgical working on the quantum vacuum surrounding me, effectively rescaling the space in my immediate vicinity and putting a good kilometer between myself an everything else, including Shrek.

I draw an apportation circle and displace the next poster into the space the previous poster is occupying.

[Vaporo]

The resulting nuclear explosion annihilates half the earth. However, I am too awesome to die in it.

The next poster is standing three feet away from said explosion when it occurs.

[Space_Kraken]

I use the power of quantum super positioning to teleport one instance of my self to the other side of the earth. I then procede to launch on a rocket to mars.

The next poster gets hit by tungsten rods from a hyperboilic orbit.

[GreeningGalaxy]

Since the tungsten rods look like mini-suns in their shock-heated plasma sheaths on the way down, the fraction of a minute it takes for them to reach the surface from the top of the atmosphere is more than enough time for me to see them, calculate their trajectories, and then get out of the way.

I steal the next poster's phone.

[Souper]

I buy a new one, and hack the one you stole.

I use a Shampoo nuke on the next poster, they (and anything in 500 meters) is covered in soapy suds.

[Sun]

No.

The next poster is 3 feet away from a supernova. Also, you don't have anything to protect yourself, not a space suit, not even clothes.

[Souper]

No.

The next poster is 3 feet away from a supernova. Also, you don't have anything to protect yourself, not a space suit, not even clothes.

ERROR: The rules cleary state you can't simpyl say "no" You must use a creative means or surviving!

Therefore, may the next poster refer to 2 posts earlier:

Shampoo nuke

Everything in 500 meters covered in soapy suds.

You clean up mess.

Edited September 14, 2014 by Souper

[Sun]

Actually, the rules said that you could just say no, unless I read wrong.

The next poster is 3 feet away from a supernova. Also, you don't have anything to protect yourself, not a space suit, not even clothes.

[Souper]

Yeah, you read wrong. Don't just say "no", it's annoying.

Shampoo nuke, 500 meters soapy suds, you clean up mess!

P.S Go read the new rule i just implemented. >

[Samniss Arandeen]

Shampoo bomb? I guess everyone on deck starts swabbin' the deck.

You find yourself attacked by free lunches. (Bonus points if you can quote the acronym or name the book it comes from.)

[GreeningGalaxy]

No.

The next poster is 3 feet away from a supernova. Also, you don't have anything to protect yourself, not a space suit, not even clothes.

In being three feet away from the origin of a supernova, I would have to be well inside the convection zone of the star, if not all the way inside the core. When placed there, my body probably doesn't even have time to be burned in any chemical sense before the electrons are stripped from my atoms and the remaining nuclei fissioned into lighter elements before dispersing. When the rate of photodisintegration in the star's core finally overtakes the power output of the fusion reactions and blows the star apart in a pair-instability supernova, I'm long gone.

The supernova technically failed to cause my death, therefore I win.

My three-dimensional projection may have been destroyed, but I still have the rest of my four-dimensional body, including tentacles, which I dip back into your universe, grab the next poster, and lift them out, exposing them to four-dimensional space. Three-dimensional matter doesn't generally like that sort of thing.

[Souper]

My 4D counterpart is the only one that travels to 4D space, you got nothin' on me.

Universe.dat is deleted, therefore the next poster is also deleted.

[Megalodon 720]

I manage to climb out of the recycling bin and back into existence.

The next poster has just been guillotined and his/her brain remains alive but unconscious for a few seconds.

[Sun]

Force field.

The next poster is 3 feet away from a star about to go supernova. Also, you don't have anything to protect yourself, not a space suit, not even clothes.

[Souper]

I go back in time, hurl a Shampoo bomb at the supernova, increasing the star's lifespan just long enough for me to jetpack away.

The next poster is in the middle of an interplanetary collision.

[_Augustus_]

I detonate thousands of nukes, sending the planets away.

The next poster is being shot at by a million Russian commandos.

[Souper]

There bullets return to their barrels because they all realise i'm a Soviet cosmonaut.

The next poster is trolled to death.

[GreeningGalaxy]

This poster literally is a Troll.

And she fires a multi-gigawatt pulse laser rifle at the next poster.

[Sun]

Eat my Death Star!

(íхþ) (attack and defense)

[GreeningGalaxy]

My laser pulse finds its way right down your thermal exhaust port. ...but it does nothing when it hits the reactor, because the reactor is already dealing with hundreds of gigawatts of angry plasma energy.

I generate an Alcubierre bubble around you instead and send you warping straight into the surface of a neutron star. The hole punched in the star closes quickly, but with you still inside, and just in case you survived the radiation blast, I doubt the Death Star has a neutron degeneracy pressure higher than any other matter.

[Vaporo]

We are the Borg. Your neutron star will be assimilated. Resistance is futile.

We are the Borg. The next poster will be assimilated. Resistance is futile.

Edited September 15, 2014 by Vaporo

[Bilfr3d]

Resistance is worthless, so I give you some money.

The next poster will be destroyed by my black hole.

[Sun]

I have dark energy, which I shoot at the next poster.

[Souper]

I become less heavy, jump really high, and suckerpunch the next poster while they are piloting a biplane. They lose consciousness and crash.

[GreeningGalaxy]

The biplane has an autopilot which automatically engages when my hands leave the controls. (It's a really fancy high-tech biplane, okay?) I wake up a few minutes later and land safely.

I unleash a swarm Alcubierre-bubble nanobots on the next poster- they each travel in microscopic warp bubbles, and whenever they collide with matter, they use the influx of particles and energy created by the interaction of atoms with the bubble boundary to construct more nanobots and warp bubbles. They're impossible to see coming until it's too late, and their numbers are such that they can wipe out an entire star system in a matter of hours.