All a Kerbal is.

[Whirligig Girl]

Kerbals are simple. Yet they are so fun. They are funny, they have personalities, they live, they die, but they are SO simple. They are a very simple set of rules and that's ALL they are.

This defines Kerbalkind in all of it's glory.

Rule number 1. All Kerbals like feeling weightless.
Rule number 2. Kerbal pilots enjoy high speeds, their passengers don't.
Rule number 3. Kerbal pilots don't mind spinning craft as much as their other passengers do.
Rule number 4. Stupid kerbals enjoy spinning to a certain extent.
Rule number 5. All kerbals panic at extreme spin.
Rule number 6. Brave kerbals regain their composure faster.
Rule number 7. Stupid Kerbals are quick to excite.

This defines a specific Kerbal.

Is he a "Recruit" or a "Crew"?
What is his name?
On a scale of 0 to 1, how brave is he?
On a scale of 0 to 1, how dumb is he?
Is he a Badass?
Is he Dead?
When will he sign up?

And here's a random name generator for the Kerbs if you don't want the game to make one for you.

 Kerbals all have randomly generated names with pseudo-randomly generated stats, with a 10% chance of having the badass stat, except for the three starting crew whose names and stats are fixed:

Jebediah Kerman, stupidity 50%, courage 50%, badass
Bill Kerman, stupidity 80%, courage 50%
Bob Kerman, stupidity 10%, courage 30%

1/20 chance of having a 'proper' name, chosen from a list
19/20 chance of name being prefix+suffix
all last names are Kerman

additionally, names containing the following are immediately rejected and a new name will be generated: "Kerbal", "Kerman", "eee", "rrr", and "Dildo"

--- LIST OF PROPER NAMES  ---
Adam
Al
Alan
Archibald
Buzz
Carson
Chad
Charlie
Chris
Chuck
Dean
Ed
Edan
Edlu
Frank
Franklin
Gus
Hans
Jack
James
Jim
Kirk
Kurt
Lars
Luke
Mac
Matt
Phil
Randall
Scott
Scott
Sean
Steve
Tom
Will
--- END OF PROPER NAMES ---

--- LIST OF PREFIXES FOR RANDOMLY GENERATED NAMES ---
Ad
Al
Ald
An
Bar
Bart
Bil
Billy-Bob
Bob
Bur
Cal
Cam
Chad
Cor
Dan
Der
Des
Dil
Do
Don
Dood
Dud
Dun
Ed
El
En
Er
Fer
Fred
Gene
Geof
Ger
Gil
Greg
Gus
Had
Hal
Han
Har
Hen
Her
Hud
Jed
Jen
Jer
Joe
John
Jon
Jor
Kel
Ken
Ker
Kir
Lan
Lem
Len
Lo
Lod
Lu
Lud
Mac
Mal
Mat
Mel
Mer
Mil
Mit
Mun
Ned
Neil
Nel
New
Ob
Or
Pat
Phil
Ray
Rib
Rich
Ro
Rod
Ron
Sam
Sean
See
Shel
Shep
Sher
Sid
Sig
Son
Thom
Thomp
Tom
Wehr
Wil
--- END OF PREFIXES FOR RANDOMLY GENERATED NAMES ---

--- LIST OF SUFFIXES FOR RANDOMLY GENERATED NAMES ---
ald
bal
bald
bart
bas
berry
bert
bin
ble
bles
bo
bree
brett
bro
bur
burry
bus
by
cal
can
cas
cott
dan
das
den
din
do
don
dorf
dos
dous
dred
drin
dun
ely
emone
emy
eny
fal
fel
fen
field
ford
fred
frey
frey
frid
frod
fry
furt
gan
gard
gas
gee
gel
ger
gun
hat
ing
ke
kin
lan
las
ler
ley
lie
lin
lin
lo
lock
long
lorf
ly
mal
man
min
ming
mon
more
mund
my
nand
nard
ner
ney
nie
ny
oly
ory
rey
rick
rie
righ
rim
rod
ry
sby
sel
sen
sey
ski
son
sted
ster
sy
ton
top
trey
van
vey
vin
vis
well
wig
win
wise
zer
zon
zor
--- END OF SUFFIXES FOR RANDOMLY GENERATED NAMES ---

And yet we can be as connected to the Kerbs as one is to their Sims or Norns, despite a complete lack of intelligence. What do you think?

Edited February 21, 2014 by GregroxMun

[Silverchain]

Kerbals are mental parasites - they steal our brains through the computer screen and harness our thoughts to help them build rockets.

[Poryy]

Kerbals are living memetic control agents!

[Whirligig Girl]

interesting ideas...

[LordQ]

I feel stupid for asking, but how is a badass different?

[Lazro]

They smile all the time. Except if their ship is exploding.

[mellojoe]

I thought I was going to have to strand Jebediah on Eve and my wife shouted at me, "NO! You save my little buddy!"

Yes, ma'am.

[Whirligig Girl]

NO STRANDING KERBALS (capslock please)

[Chaosdjinn]

I thought I was going to have to strand Jebediah on Eve and my wife shouted at me, "NO! You save my little buddy!"

Yes, ma'am.

Yes, ma'am=PRICELESS

[ArmchairGravy]

Do the same names generate badasses every time? Doodbro has popped up in a few saves and he's always a badass.

I try to balance personalities. A badass like Jeb, a worrier like Bill, and a screamer like Bob. Bob, not Jeb, is my favorite. I'm always glad to see him smile.

Also, I've noticed that 25k seems to be the threshold for when Kerbals stop freaking out from launch. Is that when weightless conditions kick in?

Edited February 23, 2014 by ArmchairGravy

[Whirligig Girl]

Do the same names generate badasses every time? Doodbro has popped up in a few saves and he's always a badass.

I try to balance personalities. A badass like Jeb, a worrier like Bill, and a screamer like Bob. Bob, not Jeb, is my favorite. I'm always glad to see him smile.

Also, I've noticed that 25k seems to be the threshold for when Kerbals stop freaking out from launch. Is that when weightless conditions kick in?

No, it's random. Freefall seems to be when you are not under a large amount of accelleration, for Kerbals act the same on Hack Gravity kerbin as they do in space or on Gilly.