REWRITE IN PROGRESS (Mission to Duna)

[mythic_fci]

PLEASE NOTE

This AAR is undergoing a massive rewrite. Not only has my computer died on me twice in the making of this, the chapters are proving to be difficult to edit in their current states. New chapters will be up as soon as I can regain my footing. For the meantime, however, this thread will be in standby.

Edited June 13, 2014 by FCISuperGuy
Modified OP; revamped Prologue

[PlonioFludrasco]

That's nice, looking forward for the next episode!

[mythic_fci]

Aww, thanks! Nice to have some attention Next chapter will be up within one or two days, depending on time schedule.

[mythic_fci]

-BULLETIN 6/5/2014-

Hello fellow readers, and welcome to my new story! These bulletins are what you think they are - info bulletins, and will include information relevant to the progress of this story. More than not, questions will be answered in a group here and a sneak-peek screenshot or two will be posted. Now, on with the bulletin!

The chapter ideas are coming up smoothly, with the first few chapters "pre-written" in my head. Since I left the prologue pretty vague, I have a competition for you readers: you get to pick what disaster the Hope faced! PM me with suggestions, and I will pick a winner. If there are too little suggestions, then I will use my own idea for this. Only rule is: Make it realistic. Something like "Aliens attacked!" or "KRAKEN!!!" isn't going to cut the bill here.

Edited June 12, 2014 by FCISuperGuy

[mythic_fci]

-BULLETTIN 6/7/2014-

Sorry, fellow readers, my game has gone haywire on me. I will be attempting to debug this issue and will reinstall the game and the save. Also, exams are coming up for me anyway, so I need to stop and study. Until then, this story will be on a short hiatus. Chapter 1 will still be up very soon however.

Edited June 7, 2014 by FCISuperGuy

[mythic_fci]

Anyone here? It's just me and my lonely little chapters here... Anyway, reviews are greatly appreciated, even if negative! I could use some suggestions on improvement... Also, the prologue and first chapter have been rewritten in more story-esque style. The OP has been modified to add the statuses of all the kerbonauts in color based on status, and the flight plan of the Mercy is up. Recommendations for mods are also appreciated, as the mission will have to be restarted with a rebuilt ship anyway.

[PrivateFlip]

When you wright something, do so firstly for your own enjoyment of writing. If while doing so you get good enough for others to take notice, that's really nice too.

I personally don't like to already know exactly what's up with Bill in the first chapter. Between Sidwig's diagnosis and the comments by himself and Bob, it pretty obvious thats he is indeed having some form of survivor guild. This is not a bad thing, if this is what you want to establish, but it's a little to explicit for my taste.

There's this phrase in writing "show, don't tell" which advices writers to write as if only to display what's going on and leave it to the reader to interpret it.

A example would be the section: "The controllers were intrigued and immediately reported this to Mission Control."

This is all pretty explicitly telling us what's happening. A variation like "The controllers looked at the message with intrigue on their faces", a bad sentence for altogether different reasons, is just a little less explicit. Instead of 'being intrigued' we only mention there was 'intrigue on their faces' and leave the rest for the reader to figure out, making the read more interesting. "The red glow of the message, flashing on the main screen, reflecting in the now dilated pupils of those present..."

[mythic_fci]

When you wright something, do so firstly for your own enjoyment of writing. If while doing so you get good enough for others to take notice, that's really nice too.

I personally don't like to already know exactly what's up with Bill in the first chapter. Between Sidwig's diagnosis and the comments by himself and Bob, it pretty obvious thats he is indeed having some form of survivor guild. This is not a bad thing, if this is what you want to establish, but it's a little to explicit for my taste.

There's this phrase in writing "show, don't tell" which advices writers to write as if only to display what's going on and leave it to the reader to interpret it.

A example would be the section: "The controllers were intrigued and immediately reported this to Mission Control."

This is all pretty explicitly telling us what's happening. A variation like "The controllers looked at the message with intrigue on their faces", a bad sentence for altogether different reasons, is just a little less explicit. Instead of 'being intrigued' we only mention there was 'intrigue on their faces' and leave the rest for the reader to figure out, making the read more interesting. "The red glow of the message, flashing on the main screen, reflecting in the now dilated pupils of those present..."

Thank you sir, the chapters have been edited using these tips. SPOILER ALERT: The diagnosis isn't very obvious anymore, some lines of dialogue have been edited/deleted, and parts of the story slightly modified.

Edited June 8, 2014 by FCISuperGuy

[mythic_fci]

-BULLETIN 6/8/2014-

This story has been a blast to write, knowing I can put out all those thoughts of space disaster inspired by movies and stories in my own way out here for others. All the bugs have been ironed out; however, the mission parts will have to be reflown. New photos will be posted soon. Due to exams, however, the 2nd chapter is going to be out after at least 1 and a half weeks.

EDIT: Sorry, this is going to go on a hiatus. My computer can't take the awesome sauce of the ships above, and so I'll have to use a new smaller ship and reconfigure the saves.

Edited June 9, 2014 by FCISuperGuy
Hiatus

[mythic_fci]

-BULLETIN 6/12/14-

Due to gross underestimation of the efforts required in this type of AAR, this story will be put on a temporary hiatus.

Edited June 13, 2014 by FCISuperGuy

[robopilot99]

Sounds good so far. Keep it up!