So I finally got around to writing a KSP review on Steam.

[Whackjob]

Here it is. Did I capture the essence?

Imagine the most intricate, accurate to life space vehicle simulator you can. Dozens of toggle switches, displays ranging from the strange and esoteric to the vague and incomprehensible, buttons flashing angrily at you and daring you to press them. The screen shakes and aside from the roar of liftoff, the only thing you can hear is your own labored breathing and the pulse in your ears. Do you have this picture in your head? Good.

Because KSP is nothing like that. Take parts, attach parts, launch parts, land parts, detonate parts, survive falling parts. KSP is learning through failure. Unless you go on Youtube and look up the Scott Manley videos, you are going to fail. You gonna fail bad. But it's okay. Failure is only data by another name. Bit by bit, you'll learn how to do things right. You'll realize that putting the engines under the tanks is probably a good idea. Putting the crew capsule in a place not likely to be burned or detonated is also probably a good idea. Parachutes seem like a logical choice, but what the heck, right? Maybe you just need a five hundred meter long crumple zone. Nobody's gonna stop you. That's the great thing, isn't it? You can put anything at all you want on the launchpad, and nobody knows well enough to try to stop you. The Kerbish OSHA rep is permanently locked into the bathroom. He's not gettin' out of there. We welded the window shut, locked the door, and put model airplane glue in the keyhole. Cell phone reception in there is sketchy. You're safe. So go nuts.

There's places you can go. Land at the poles, the sea, the mountains, or all three at once with a creatively timed spray of shrapnel. There's other worlds. A big burning thing with no surface that'll tan you for free if you check it out. It'll tan you to the bone. So that's a bonus. There's other worlds. Red world. Purple world. Green world with little worlds around it. Hidden stuff everywhere. All of these places are fit to seed with refuse. Landers, rovers, living quarters, stations, battleships, pasteboard furniture, lawnmowers, spaceplanes, robots, scooters, springboards, et cetera. KSP is a litterer's dream. There's so many places you can leave stuff you have no hope of bringing home. And it's worth doing it just to see that stuff sitting there.

But I've got to warn you. You've reached TL;DR level four, so here's a bonus. This game has very unexpected side effects. You will learn things. Hoffman transfer. Periapsis. Apoapsis. How orbit actually works. Why orbit is halfway to anywhere. Launch windows. Free transfer windows. Free returns. If you make the horrifying inadvertent mistake of buying this game for yourself or your child, somebody's gonna learn things. It's unavoidable. Real things, even. Newton's spectre haunts this game. You will find no escape, and he fears no earthly garlic.

Lemmie wrap this up for the TL;DR folks who check the bottom summary. Just get KSP already. You aren't really learning anything from my review you probably didn't know already. Let's be honest with each other, here. Ok? You don't want to learn whether or not this game is worth buying. You're looking for someone to make the excuse for you. You're already gonna get it, you just want someone to possibly take the fall for you if you catch heat for doing it. And to you, good sirs and madams, I say; Yes. Yes, I'll take the blame. "That fat idiot Whackjob from KSP told me to get the game, or he said he'd cut me." They'll believe you. You're good. So do it. Hit that buy button.

Thank me later.

~Whackjob of KSP

[Frank_G]

On the point, cant stop smiling while reading it. And thanks for taking the blame you...

Only the Hoffman transfer is actually a Hohmann transfer

[Whackjob]

On the point, cant stop smiling while reading it. And thanks for taking the blame you...

Only the Hoffman transfer is actually a Hohmann transfer

I've been accused of imperfect memory more than once. And if you give me a few days, I might remember when.

[DisarmingBaton5]

So, so much this.

[Boomerang]

Hey, now that's a fine piece of writing. A very accurate and entertaining and I imagine effective review.

[astropapi1]

Whack, you've got what many call the "gift of words". I still remember your coffe thread, and it makes me happy to have you as a member of this community.

[Whackjob]

Whack, you've got what many call the "gift of words". I still remember your coffe thread, and it makes me happy to have you as a member of this community.

Which is an interesting thing, given in person I'm a bumbling fool and borderline incoherent. I can only think properly through my fingers.

[TimberWolffe]

"Imagine a perfect space game. KSP is not that. In fact, the best part about this game is the fact that it sucks so much"

pretty much what I got from the first sentence. I mean it's true and all but damn son

[r4pt0r]

dug through steam just to up-rate your review good sir. well said. the learning through failure is one of the reasons I love KSP so much.

[huell3]

Had a good laugh reading it, though you're simply telling the truth.

[TheFlyingPigs]

"That was beautiful" *tear runs down cheek

*salutes

"FOR KERBALKIND"

[rdwulfe]

Two thumbs up; would read again!

- - Wulfe

[Jon Tash]

Whackjob, are you a professional hypnotist? Because that pretty much hypnotized me into buying the game again (almost). It's summed up pretty good and does a good job as a selling point. Great Job!

[lajoswinkler]

I will find you and then I'm going to thumbup you.

(Did that come out wrong? LOL)

[Mitchz95]

That may have been the funniest and most accurate review I've ever read. Bravo.

[RazorWolf19]

Very Well Written; A+ Execution.

Let`s hope you reel in a couple Kerbonauts by writing this extravagant review.

Once again; great job,Whackjob. (Get it?!)

[Norpo]

This review brought back vivid memories of my first ships, tumbling inside and out, with no regard for safety, nor efficiency, they were what they were, and that was awesome, because they were giant trashcans full o' boom. I figured RCS was an automatic thing, I always got into orbit, but that's because my ships were always at an angle anyways, I had no idea what to do with manouver* nodes, and landing on the mun was a dream.

Little by little I learned, I sent my first ship to the mun, then minmus, then I ventured out among the planets, and headed to duna, heck, I think I even did an eve flyby at one point!

But I know i'll always have room for improvement.

Not just in the sense i'll get better at saving funds, not just because i'll finally get to eeloo, but because, after all that, I will not get there in the conventional way.

I will get there by doing what I did, in the beginning, to find the "normal" way to do it.

By experimenting. There is literally* a thousand ways to do any one thing in kerbal space program, and that's what I love about it. Each mission is mostly like the last, until you try to challenge yourself, and that's when it becomes completely different. When you challenge yourself by only ever having your center of mass completely misaligned, when you only use mainsails, what would most people call this?

Completely, and utterly, insane. And that's a GOOD thing. That's what this game is.

10/10 would play again

*yes I know this is a typo I was too lazy to google it to get it right

*no, I don't think I misused literally

Thank you whackjob, for summarizing kerbal space program in the best way possible. Couldn't of said it better myself.

[Sirrobert]

You sir, are an artist. I am touched

[Motokid600]

I read that whole thing. Very nice.

[Jetenginestar]

Landers, rovers, living quarters, stations, battleships, pasteboard furniture, lawnmowers, spaceplanes, robots, scooters, springboards, et cetera

That's one thing I love about KSP, you're thrown with a bunch of parts, and you can make anything you want. Like ANYTHING, as long as you can imagine it .

[Thomas988]

And that, Whackjob, is why you have so much rep! Is there ANY other perfect way to summarize KSP perfectly?

I completely agree with what you wrote. You don't have to go to space. You don't have to build rockets. KSP allows you to do anything you want, whether it be going to space or not. This game is big, much bigger than one thinks when they first buy it.

Also, there's one thing you didn't really touch base on: the KSP community. Sure it technically isn't the game, so I can see your reasoning there. But here's the thing: when you buy KSP, you're inevitably going to fall in the community back the game up. There's the forums, Reddit, YouTube, Twitch, dev blogs, and more. Share your experiences with others and hear what they have to say.

But it doesn't stop there! You got thousands of mods and addons, some completely useless and some revolutionary. Don't want to wait until multiplayers comes out long after 1.0? Just download it now! What everything to look really pretty? Download it! Want to go faster than light? Sure, just download it! If Squad won't add it in, there's probably a mod or two out there already, just waiting to be installed with one or two click-and-drags.

I love this game I love this community. We are all friends here. Long live KSP!