How to deal with loss of friend?

[kenbobo]

Not by death, but due to him deciding I was "too nerdy" or "not good enough" for him

[Bill Phil]

Obviously not a good friend if petty excuses are made up to not hang out...

[Kinglet]

Not by death, but due to him deciding I was "too nerdy" or "not good enough" for him

Would someone who calls you "too nerdy" or "not good enough" fit your definition of friend? You should not be very upset about this, as it's not nearly as bad as loosing a good friend who accepts you as a good person. There are much better people out there, and I am pretty sure you will meet one of them and become friends with them. (Unless you are a microbe. Microbes can't talk or really be seen by people.)

[dryer_lint]

him deciding I was "not good enough" for him

Sounds like a jerk.

Like others have said, don't get upset about it. There are much better people out there to be friends with...

[kenbobo]

but i thought he was a close friend, i'm worried he'll spill my secrets

[Ethanadams]

Well I don't mean to sound harsh mean or a jerk but we all make bad decisions and some of those decisions bit us in the but I know I had a *friend* like yours at one time and I still regret it

[NovaSilisko]

He sounds like a .....

Hmm, the censor system won't let me speak my true thoughts. In more gentle terms, good riddance. He doesn't sound like somebody you'd want to be friends with anyway.

[Deutherius]

but i thought he was a close friend, i'm worried he'll spill my secrets

There's nothing you can do about that - you can just watch him make an even bigger jerk of himself if he does. And don't worry - people who are worth hanging out with will see that.

[xcorps]

People will move in and out of your life. Some will be close, some not so close. Some you will wish you had never met, some you will wish you had never lost.

Find another friend and move on. Live your life for you and those you chose to share it with. Some will rejoice, some will reject.

[Xannari Ferrows]

Not a true friend, if you ask me. Whoever cannot accept you for who you are will never be a genuine friend, and you have to embrace who you are. It's easier said then done, I know, but I know you can do it.

[dryer_lint]

but i thought he was a close friend, i'm worried he'll spill my secrets

Chances are people will notice that he's spilling your secrets, people will realize he's enough of a jerk to ditch a friend like this, and then he'll get the "bad reputation".

[Seshins]

I think you should hold your head up and move on. What friend would stop being there because of arbitrary things like that? I have friends from all walks of life. Keep your chin up and soldier on man.

[Duxwing]

Ohhhh... :-( Here's a big, warm *hug*. It's OK to be upset: someone for whom you've cared deeply has spurned, betrayed, and insulted you.

-Duxwing

[Special Agent Sigvan]

Obviously not a good friend if petty excuses are made up to not hang out...

Probably this.

[RainDreamer]

There can be a lot of reasons someone may do that, so I am not gonna judge about your friend. Since after all, saying bad thing about another person isn't going to make them come back or make you suddenly have a new friend (and if you gain a friend from talking bad things about other people....I would be wary about that "friend").

If things fall out between you two, with no way to reconcile, then there is not much to do but move on. You can hang out with other people, or doing more things alone. Try talking with a counsellor if it problem you too much.

[Rainbowtrout]

but due to him deciding I was "too nerdy" or "not good enough" for him

Then he wasn't your friend. Besides, if he uses "too nerdy" as an excuse not to talk to you, just be happy in the fact that he probably isn't that smart.

*hugs*

[Frozen_Heart]

Its hard when that happens but you've just got to accept it and move on. If he's not prepared to accept how you are then he's not a true friend.

[Red Iron Crown]

As a fellow nerdy person, I sympathize. I don't have a big circle of friends so losing one would be a real loss.

The other replies are on the right track, though. If a friend doesn't accept you for who you are then they're not really your friend. It sucks, and it hurts, but it's the truth.

[kenbobo]

Thanks everyone for the hugs! I really need it, I'm actually quite sick on top of this.

[michaelsteele3]

I'm assuming he thinks he's the Governor of the World or something.

Don't feel bad about it.

Edited April 10, 2015 by michaelsteele3
A PM would of been better, starwhip :(

[Starwhip]

I'm amusing...

No, you're not amusing...

All of my really close friends are fellow nerds. But some of my previous "friends" did not appreciate me, just like yours.

If you're not good enough for him, then he is most definitely not good enough for you.

*wing-hug*

[Trann]

Fellow nerd, here. You'll be fine. Short term feelings of annoyance, abandonment, anger are expected so let it happen but don't dwell. Accepting who you are is important. Be happy about what you makes you happy. Enjoy what gives you joy. And while you're busy doing those things, you will discover others who are like you, too.

Don't worry, you'll find your local tribe. In the mean time, the luxury of the internet gives you a virtual tribe. Rock on, dude or dudette. \m/

[michaelsteele3]

No, you're not amusing...

I think a simple PM would of been better.

[Mister Dilsby]

When I was 5 I didn't know I was a nerd. I only knew that I liked rockets, and when I was older I was going to fly Apollo LVII to space with my little brother.

When I was 15 I knew something was up. Girls weren't interested, guys didn't think I was funny and sometimes they hit me. I played Traveler and D&D with the other outcasts.

When I was 25 I had an engineering degree and a pretty good job. I wasn't in the "in" group at work, so having acted a bit in college I hung out with theater nerds.

When I was 35 I had been married to a book nerd (librarian) for 6 years. All the preschool moms and dads we knew were nerds of various types, technical and otherwise. All of them had a similar story to tell.

I'll be 45 this month. My daughter is in middle school. She wants to be a biologist. Some days she comes home super-excited because something cool happened in robotics club, or they talked about something in science class that she already knew from playing KSP. Some days she mopes in her room reading dystopian YA novels because one of the three "friends" she has put her down to make points with the cool kids. My son is 10 and somehow manages to bridge the nerd- and not-nerd social worlds. We'll see how that holds up when he starts getting more interested in girls.

It gets better. A LOT better. The rest of your world just needs a little time to catch up with you. I like who I am now, and I like who my kids are even more.

[Columbia]

Well.. as the others have said, if he doesn't accept you for who you are, then that's his problem. He can't make you change if that's what you are. It's not your fault that you're not what he likes. Just find new friends who will accept you for who you are. Don't feel guilty that you're not right for him. If he criticizes you for what you do, if he hates you because you're just being you, then it just shows that he's not respecting you for who you are.

Just find new friends who can accept you for who you are, because it's not as if it's your fault anyways.