Paler Blue Dot - A KSP Story

[Kerbiter]

1 hour ago, Noob21 said:

So let me get this straight

• Reddit, Twitter, Vine, and probably multiple other social media websites somehow still exist
• Everyone talks like they're on 4chan
• We still don't have an SSTO

What a dark future we're in for. All that aside, you still have a nice story you've got going. I have my own head canon of kerbals and humans meeting each other, but it doesn't involve us. It involves a game franchise's universe.

The sites have basically went to no return, they're very different. And 4chan is 30% of the internet. Therefore senses of humor have upgraded 30%.

[Noob21]

4 minutes ago, Kerbiter said:

The sites have basically went to no return, they're very different. And 4chan is 30% of the internet. Therefore senses of humor have upgraded 30%.

4chan is 30% of the internet? That would mean there's like 3 sites left.

[Kerbiter]

Just now, Noob21 said:

4chan is 30% of the internet? That would mean there's like 3 sites left.

No, that's everything on 4chan. 4chan spiked in 2020-2050 because people loved memes too much. It's calmed down already by 2081.

The internet has grown 7x its present size (data 2081, not very accurate). I'm sorry, new sources say only 30% of the present internet's size. About 6%.

[Kerbiter]

Soon in the next part of this story we will have sat deployments, Kerbals playing KSP to a live audience, and much, much more. Stay tuned.

[Kerbiter]

A BIT LATER

<gene_the_third> Waiting for satellite deployment

<xand_xand> This is going to be very exciting

<jp_man> I know man so great

<potus_no1> Yeah

<gene_the_third> Satellite deployed, trans-stage has seperated

<skelly_jr> Get that image for me

<lil_gene> Dude already did, just copy paste it

<skelly_jr> Well, OK

<the_seti_man> I declare this a great endeavor

IN 6 DAYS

<the_seti_man> OK

<the_seti_man> You ready?

<wernher> yes

<the_seti_man> Sending transmission

<the_seti_man> It should be coming in

<wernher> yes i hear beeping and see image of satellite

<the_seti_man> Good man

<gene_the_third has joined>

<gene_the_third> I confirm success

<wernher> yes

<wernher> now

<wernher> we get game

<the_seti_man> OK man, I'm not good at it, and Xander wanted it, so he's getting it

<the_seti_man> jp_man needs to be here

<jp_man is back>

<jp_man> You needed me?

<the_seti_man> Yes, and Wernher, send Xand

KERBIN

Wernher on phone: Jander!

Xander: Yes Wern?

Wernher: Come ovar hya ve need ju!

Xander: Over

Wernher: Bye

IRC

<xand_xand> Yes?

<jp_man> Kerbal Space Program 6.12

<xand_xand> Ooh

<xand_xand> Downloading...

<xand_xand> Done!

<xand_xand> Let me open it

<xand_xand> That's us? Wow, what a darn good job they did!

<xand_xand> Let me make a sandbox save game and

<xand_xand> That's the same space center

<jp_man> You impressed sir?

<xand_xand> Yes!

<xand_xand> Let me open the hangar and pull out a plane

<xand_xand> Dove plane...

<xand_xand> Our high orbital SSTO, wow!

<xand_xand> I have to see if Jeb can fly it...

<jp_man> Who's Jeb?

<xand_xand> Our main pilot, he flew the SSTOs to the probe

<jp_man> Oh, get him on here

<potus_no1 has joined>

<potus_no1> I read everything, will be glad to meet him

<xand_xand> Sending him over

Kerbin

Xander on phone: Jeb?

Jeb: Yeah?

Xander: Where are you, we need you at tracking station!

Jeb: I'm at the Astronaut Complex about to do a few things, it can wait

Xander: OK, bye

Tracking Station

ENTER NICKNAME

THE_ONLY_JEB_____

Jeb: There we go

<screen clear>

GOOD

YOU MAY PROCEED

PRESS ANY KEY

<Jeb presses a random key>

IRC

<the_only_jeb has joined>

<the_only_jeb> Xander, why you send me here?

<xand_xand> Kerbal Space Program 6.12

<the_only_jeb> How cool, let me check it out

<the_only_jeb> Woah, let me go into the hanger and load the SSTO

<the_only_jeb> There we go, press ... Launch, aha!

<the_only_jeb> Wait, why is it outsi

<the_only_jeb> Hey it's me!

<xand_xand> Yup

<jp_man> Yes in fact the whole gang is probably there

<the_only_jeb> IVA... I'll click it

<skelly_jr has joined>

<skelly_jr> How great, Jeb

<the_only_jeb> You are?

<skelly_jr> Scott Kelly Jr., astronaut, resident of Starlab, an Earth orbital space station

<the_only_jeb> OK

<the_seti_man has joined>

<the_seti_man> Beginning satellite uplink...

<the_seti_man> You should get your signals up

<lil_gene is back>

<lil_gene> Sending signal

<the_seti_man> It comes back to us, Jeb is playing

<the_only_jeb> I see the panels, all are OK

<the_only_jeb> What are the controls?

<jp_man> KSP Controls

<the_only_jeb> Thanks, that's great

<the_only_jeb> Woohoo baby! She's a real smoothie!!!

<the_only_jeb> I'm getting the external views too, it looks great

<the_only_jeb> Let me land at the island over there

<the_only_jeb> Feels good, I like it

<the_only_jeb> We need Wernher one day to build a rocket with this, it seems like a great simulation

NEXT PART: THE ACTUAL THING

SORRY IF THIS SEEMS A BIT TOO MUCH OF WAIT, I HAVE TONS OF CONFLICTING IDEAS AND IT'S A BIT HARD WITH ALL OF THEM

I HOPE YOU LIKE THIS

Edited April 16, 2016 by Kerbiter

[Kerbiter]

<wernher> finish rocket

<xand_xand> Let m-

<xand_xand> There we go

<lil_gene> Looks good

<the_only_jeb> 9/10

<xand_xand> 3, 2, 1, lift-off!!!

<gene_the_third is back : Refilled my coffee>

<gene_the_third> Woah guys, congrats Xand and Wern

<lil_gene> Hey I suggested liquid fuel boosters!

<gene_the_third> No wonder, they're much more reliable

<potus_no1 is back : Work>

<potus_no1> Wow

<potus_no1> Good to see you guys got it well

<jp_man is back : This is my work>

<jp_man> You guys are rolling it man!

<xand_xand> Thanks man

<jp_man> You've worked the camera angles well

<the_only_jeb> Yeah he just found the middle mouse button lol

<xand_xand> Jeb!

<the_only_jeb> Sorry, but it's true

<potus_no1> lol man

<lil_gene> Boosters are near burnout

<lil_gene> Wernher, you built the boosters as less fuel as the core right?

<wernher> yes yes

<xand_xand> Booster seperation confirmed

<jp_man> Ooh

<the_only_jeb> I like the smoke effects from the radial decouplers

<jp_man> Me too

<xand_xand> I'm looking at the panels, and the apoapsis is already there

<potus_no1> Very very cool man

<xand_xand> Time warp and apoapsis

<xand_xand> Core stage sep and second stage ignition

<jp_man> How do you know all this rocket stuff?

<xand_xand> Wernher gave me dusty old rocket books

<wernher> so old dust blow off could be call "dust storm"

<xand_xand> Yeah Wern\

<the_seti_man is back : Trying to find other intelligent species>

<the_seti_man> I hope you get to orbit and back well

<xand_xand> Orbital insertion nominal, spacecraft deployment

<skelly_jr is back : Just back from an EVA>

<skelly_jr> How beautiful! Love that craft; get an image of it

\

<skelly_jr> Perfect!

<the_only_jeb> Get an EVA out

<xand_xand> OK, ... EVA

<xand_xand> Let me activate RCS on EVA

<xand_xand> This is really cool

<the_only_jeb> It's cooler for me

<xand_xand> Let me get back into the ship

<xand_xand> Now I time warp a while, and do retro rocketing

<lil_gene> This is a great simulation, now let me get my koffee

<lil_gene> How do you do that away command again?

<jp_man> ./away

<lil_gene is away : Getting koffee>

<jp_man> Following this

<the_seti_man> Me too, but I'm also scanning with my telescope

<lil_gene is back : Sweet glory>

<lil_gene> Oh that's great

<xand_xand> Retrorockets fire!!!

<jp_man> That's some great firepower

<xand_xand> Retrorockets done firing, time warp

<xand_xand> Retrorocket sep

<lil_gene> Ooh baby

<wernher> rocket work well

<lil_gene> Yes Wernher

<the_seti_man> You know what?

<the_seti_man> Get some companies to make some rockets and eventually manned programs

<wernher> we never do that but yes now we should do that

<lil_gene> I second

<xand_xand> I third man, as long as they don't get SSTOs

<the_seti_man> But you agree to sell rights to one company for sub orbital space planes?

<xand_xand> Yes of course

<xand_xand> Re-entry!

<lil_gene> I don't see it

<jp_man> Yeah move it

<the_seti_man> You know what?

<the_seti_man> You guys are very very rare

<the_seti_man> The fact you lil guys think very very similar to us is unique, other species could think very different from ours

<lil_gene> Thanks, it's a nice coincidence

<xand_xand> 500 meters per second

<gene_the_third> Hopefully you can give me the telemetry

<xand_xand> 350 meters per second, supersonics cancelling out, drag is lurking in

<xand_xand> 250 meters per second, parachute deploy at approx. 7.5 km

<xand_xand> Time warp to splash down

<xand_xand> 1 km, parachute fully deployed and still time warping

<jp_man> How did you get the hang of this?

<the_only_jeb> After I went ahead and flew the Dove for about a minute around the space center, we decided to look at the in game tutorials to help us play

<the_only_jeb> Xand was the best, he's hooked on this

<xand_xand> WAIT SPLASHDOWN NEARLY THERE

<xand_xand> SPLASHDOWN

<potus_no1> Congratulations

<the_only_jeb> Bro you the best

<lil_gene> That was great

<gene_the_third> Definetely a success

<wernher> my rocket work good see?

<jp_man> You guys got the hang of this

<xand_xand> Now the kerbonaut gets out, I don't remember her name quite well

<jp_man> OK

<the_only_jeb> Hoo hoo she fine

<xand_xand> Oh Jeb hahaha

<xand_xand> Let me get her back in and recover vessel

<lil_gene> Sweet heaven

<xand_xand> What your koffee again?

<lil_gene> Sweet heaven is a successful mission, sweet glory is my koffee

<potus_no1> Yeah good job guys, keep doing your simulations

<potus_no1> What are your currency over there?

<xand_xand> Kerblingos (KER, Ƙ)

<xand_xand> 1,000 Kerblingos are 1 Fund

<jp_man> Over here we have a currency (Dollar, USD, $)

<jp_man> Maybe sell this for 18 Kerblingos as KSP is $18 over here on Earth

<xand_xand> Good thing we're Kerbals because we can sell it as a simulation

<xand_xand> Maybe I should contact this kid, he's a great programmer, he calls himself "The Shadow"

<xand_xand> He made some toy aliens and launched them on fireworks, the Hyoiman series

<jp_man> We had one over here named HarvesteR, he did the same thing as a kid, but with the Kerbal series

<xand_xand> That's cool man, the origins of this

<jp_man> We had a simulation game a long time ago too, Orbiter

<jp_man> But it's really old

<xand_xand> OK

<xand_xand> Tomorrow I'm getting him over here

 

[Kerbiter]

I want you guys to predict what will happen in the rest of the story! Want to see some good guesses...

[KAL 9000]

Version 6.2!!! Someone get Doc on the phone, get me to 2081! Also, great idea for a story

[Noob21]

I like how it's version 6.12 over 70 years later and Nova's parts are still in game.

[KAL 9000]

And that, kids, is why you never let Jeb near IRL rockets.

[Kerbiter]

7 hours ago, KAL 9000 said:

And that, kids, is why you never let Jeb near IRL rockets.

He ran out of orange suits.

[Kerbiter]

A shorter episode this time.

IRC:

<xand_xand> So Sir Presdient of the United States

<potus_no1> Yes Xander?

<xand_xand> You want diplomacy and connections?

<potus_no1> Yes absolutely

<xand_xand> I will have to inform the Ekuando leader (KSC is in that nation) to ask other leaders to hitch a ride in an FTL ship

<xand_xand> Presumably of yours

<potus_no1> We have one, FTL Mothership

<potus_no1> It houses way too many people

<potus_no1> Ask the leader of Ekuan-whatever to send 8 of the best (including his/herself), yourself, and Jeb

<lil_gene> Hey why do I get cut off?

<potus_no1> We are worried about telepathy dangers

<xand_xand> It's a man, thanks

<xand_xand> And I'd like to go

<xand_xand> Maybe soon I can meet the administrator of your space program, NASA

<skelly_jr is back : Finished science>

<skelly_jr> You want to hitch Jeb on a ride to Starlab?

Spoiler

On 4/18/2016 at 0:31 PM, KAL 9000 said:

And that, kids, is why you never let Jeb near IRL rockets.

I don't care, let's do it anyways

<the_only_jeb> Oh yeah I should

<the_only_jeb> What is your spacecraft capable of?

<skelly_jr> Not much on its own but it can hatch up to the mothership, crew capacity is 6

<xand_xand> I'm worried about space sickness

<skelly_jr> We have about 7 barf bags a person

<xand_xand> Wow

<the_only_jeb> Let's tell Gene

<lil_gene is back : I just woke up guys>

<lil_gene> I know, and I will probably use all my barf bags

<lil_gene> Let's admit it, I'm a fat wimp

<potus_no1> Want to hitch a ride on an Orion-X?

<the_only_jeb> Yeah

<skelly_jr> Starlab is a pretty cool place, I think you lil buddies will fit in it well

<lil_gene> Yeah man

<xand_xand> He's willing to do it, as long as he gets a ride on a 0G plane for everyone

COMING SOON: JEB CAUSES THE SUN TO EXPLODE DUE TO CONTROLLING A SOL-SCALE CRAFT (JUST KIDDING GUYS)

[max_creative]

12 hours ago, Kerbiter said:

COMING SOON: JEB CAUSES THE SUN TO EXPLODE DUE TO CONTROLLING A SOL-SCALE CRAFT (JUST KIDDING GUYS)

BOOM!!!

[max_creative]

I wonder what would happen if Jeb actually did do that... Probably don't want to know.

[Kerbiter]

AFTER MANY WEEKS OF PREPARATION, THE LEADERS OF EKUANDO, ZAKAN, USSARI FEDERATION, KHINA, UNITED PROVINCES, AND SPACE PROGRAM EMPLOYEES GENE, WERNHER, XANDER, AND JEBEDIAH SET OUT ON A MOTHERSHIP AFTER BEING LAUNCHED ON A SMALLER VERSION OF THE KRLS NORMAL LIFT CREATED BY THE SPACE PROGRAM TO SATISFY THE CREWED LAUNCH. SHORTLY AFTER, AN ALCUBIERRE ENGINE CALLED THE Z-XII-E SENT THE MOTHERSHIP TO THE SOL SYSTEM.

Jeb looking through a telescope: Woah, is that Earth?

Commander Byron Jones: Yes indeed

Flight Attendant Ella Smith over mothership intercom: Welcome to the solar system, get ready for another FTL burn to get closer to Earth.

20 HOURS LATER

Xander: Woah

Koro Kerman, Prime Minister of Zakan: I can see many advanced cloud formations

Vladimir Kerman, President of Ussari Federation: Looking at the atlas book, I was able to find a country called Russian Federation... Russia is an anagram of Ussari, therefore it is the Earth's Ussari Federation!

Commander: Yes indeed

MID-NOTE: THE KERBALS ARE IN THEIR OWN ROOM RIGHT BEHIND THE COCKPIT SO COMMUNICATION WITH THE COMMANDER IS EASY

Wernher von Kerman: Now vatch hshuman space station

Commander: We have to reach 600 km altitude

Commander: We are very far from that

3 HOURS LATER

Vlad: Not bad!

Commander: Ready for crew module separation

*latch*

Commander: Crew module sep

Commander: Jeb you're on it

Jeb: Oh baby, we're going Krakenspeed!

Commander: I'll get you on ground contact

Houston: This is Houston, we're contacting Krakenspeed

Jeb: That wasn't going to be the name of the craft but I call it, over

Houston: Are you go for docking?

Jeb: Houston, we are go for docking

Jini Kerman, Supreme Leader of Khina: We dock now

Wernher: Ja Jini

Gene: Jeb remember to aim it right

Jeb: Loading docking camera

Houston: 5 meters from nominal docking position

Houston: 2 meters

Jeb: We copy, Houston

Houston: Precise, get 57 degree roll heading, and thrust forward

Jeb: Got it, Houston, we're doing it

Johnny Kerman, President of Ekuando: Let's do this

Robin Kerman, President of United Provinces: The view's beautiful

Koro: My goodness, we're doing it, get the snacks my friends

*snacks come out from compartments*

Koro: Now num

Crew: *num num num num*

Jeb: 50 meters from docking

Houston: This is Houston, we're having all station personnel observe Krakenspeed approach the space station

Jeb: 25 meters

Jeb: 22...20.....16

Jeb: 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, latch

Houston: This is Houston, press for docking lock

Jeb: Houston, we are go for docking lock

Jeb: *pushes button and docking latches lock in*

Gene: Eh, Houston, Starlab, we have Krakenspeed onboard

COMING SOON: HUMANS SEE KERBALS IN REAL LIFE FOR THE FIRST TIME

 

[SpaceplaneAddict]

k..... w8 wot m9? That's interesting..... FTL travel and Humans meeting Kerbals....
*Determination/

[KAL 9000]

3 hours ago, SpaceplaneAddict said:

k..... w8 wot m9? That's interesting..... FTL travel and Humans meeting Kerbals....
*Determination/

What is with people saying *Determination? I don't get it.

[Geschosskopf]

2 hours ago, KAL 9000 said:

What is with people saying *Determination? I don't get it.

Me neither.  But I shall endeavor to persevere

 

[KAL 9000]

9 hours ago, Geschosskopf said:

Me neither.  But I shall endeavor to persevere

 

Love your new avatar, BTW.

[SpaceplaneAddict]

The determination is just me ;P

[Kerbiter]

3 HOURS LATER

Zurich: OK guys, we have commanded the commander of Starlab, Scott Kelly Jr., to open the hatch

Jeb: Hey we know that guy!

Gene: Yeah!

Zurich: Jeb, press the CAM view on the dashboard, you will get the inside Starlab feed

Jeb: Button *presses button*

Gene: Woah, is that him?

Scott Kelly Jr.: Yup it's me

Scott: Wait a minute, get ready for hatch opening, Zurich we are go

Scott: First I have to get my crew

Then Alex Aveira (ESA, Portugal) and Valentina Navichsolev (Roscosmos, Russia) come out from the lab module to the starboard hatch of the core module.

Alex: I am Alex Avuera of Portugall (I am trying to get on an accent here)

Val: And I am Valntina Navishlev of Rrusha

Koro: Heyu *waving*

Scott: 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1

*hatch opens*

*the crew swims through the hatch and into the station*

Scott: Hey lil dudes, come on in!

Gene: Aww thanks

*Gene hugs Scott awkwardly*

Val: You vanna do sciunce? Because ve got sciunce!

Scott: First introductions

Jeb: I'm Jebediah, and I'm the main pilot of the space program

Gene: I'm Gene, and I'm the mission control director

Xander: I'm Xander, I direct the space program

Wernher: I Varnar, I rrokat scintist (Accents again)

Johnny: I am Johnny, president of Ekuando, the nation in which the KSC is in

Robin: I am Robin, president of the United Provinces, just above Ekuando

Koro: Fellow spacefarers, I am the honorable Koro, prime minister of the stand-out country named Zakan

Vladimir: Comrades, I am Vladimir Kerman, respectable ... "president" of only and best Ussari Federation

Jini: And I am Jini, prime supreme of Khina, that country that is almost knockoff of itself

Alex: I ahm glud we did introducktions, get a tour of the statshion

Scott: Alex I'll do it, grab the camera

Alex: Recoarden

Scott: Welcome to Starlab, our cozy home in space for just a few months

Scott: We are currently in the core module, Kinship

Scott: We have a docking hub for multiple resupply and crew rotation crafts to come into the station

Scott: Now we come into the electrical and life support areas, as well as the main station control area, with a joystick to tilt the station, no touching

Jeb: Just on-

Scott: Nope nope nope, I said you can't touch it, you are not touching it

Scott: We have sleeping quarters over here, just a sleeping bag, onesies, and a computer to access the Internet

Koro: What is this Internet you speak of? Seems cool

Scott: It's this giant computer network with tons of hubs called sites and they are connected by links which you click to go to other files on the internet

Whole Kerbal crew: Oh

Scott: Also we put some personal stuff like pictures of our family and things like that

Scott: There are the Kinship port and starboard solar panels, as well as as the aft docking port of the module, we have the ATV-III over here from the European Space Agency

Scott: Come on we are going to the next module, Van Allen, with radial docking ports

Scott: This is the main operations berth, with controlling for the dockings and things like that

Scott: We do observations here

Scott: Above is the truss segments, port is the airlock, and starboard is the Adventure lab, let's go over there

Scott: This is the main lab, we currently have a plant growing experiment

Scott: We are growing potatoes

Xander: Can you eat them?

Scott: We will see

Scott: Here is a potato, let's slice it

*Scott slices the potato into french fries*

Scott: Now I put it in the microwave

*Scott sets the microwave for 5 seconds*

*whir whir whir* *ding*

Scott: Ready!

*microwave open* *plate put out*

Scott: Let me try it

*crunch crunch crunch*

Scott: A bit hard, but it passes, eat them

*Kerbals eat*

Kerbals: Meh

Scott: Anyways, that's probably it, we're doing a time lapse of Earth a bit later

Alex: Done recoarden (still accents)

Scott: OK, that's it

NEXT: HUMANS GO TO KERBIN THIS TIME

HOW DO YOU THINK WILL THE STORY END?

[ZooNamedGames]

On April 26, 2016 at 6:45 PM, SpaceplaneAddict said:

*Determination

Stop rushing me to make that stupid orbiter!! I can only do so much!

[Kerbiter]

On 4/29/2016 at 5:35 AM, ZooNamedGames said:

Stop rushing me to make that stupid orbiter!! I can only do so much!

It's from Undertale, the epitome of cringy fanbases.

[ZooNamedGames]

21 minutes ago, Kerbiter said:

It's from Undertale, the epitome of cringy fanbases.

I get that now 

[Kerbiter]

PALER BLUE DOT

Dan Athens: Looks pretty nice

Alexa Cassiopeia: Oh yeah it's a great rocket

Alexa: 65 years and nearly all the changes are under the hood

James W. Smith, Administrator of NASA: Guys, this is top secret to the Kerbals, we will not transmit the launch or rendezvous to the Kerbals, this is the biggest coverup of all time

James: We are going to perform the first landing on an exoplanet's natural satellite, Tylo orbiting Jool

Dan: No way

James: We just announced to the news stations over here, this is a great story

Alexa: Doesn't it have the same gravity as Earth?

Dan: Yeah, it'll be a hard landing but I think I can do it

Alexa: Well better eat our meal and get into the Astrovan after dawn

AFTER DAWN

Launch Commentator: T-38 seconds and counting

Launch Commentator: The crew is ready to head to the Kerbal system after this countdown

Launch Control: We are go fo-

Launch Commentator: We are go for auto sequence start, T-30 seconds

Launch Commentator: This will be an historic mission, everyone is having their hopes up

Launch Commentator: T-20

Alexa: Let's do this

Launch Commentator: Sound suppresion water system has been armed, T-15 seconds and counting, 12, 11

Launch Commentator: T-10, 9, 8, 7, we are go for main engine start

Alexa: There goes the Gs

Launch Commentator: 3, 2, 1

THAT CUTS IT THERE.

Edited May 1, 2016 by Kerbiter