The Voyage

Alpha_Mike_741 · August 21, 2016

Big Edit : Since the story is growing much bigger then i initially had in mind i decided to change the topic (Aka story) name to a broader one

Greetings Kerbonauts!

Well, first post here after lurking anonymously for ages So i'm a bit confused and kinda very excited to be here and post a mission report!

(I may later create a master topic to put all of mission reports there but i haven't come up with a kool name yet )^_^

(for the images, i still cant figure imgur (lol rhymed) out , so did a google search and used an alternative)

btw this is going to be my first EVER beyond Kerbin's SOI mission!!! so i'm double excited

The Voyager begins :

In the conference room: (like sometime before skygate's launch)

Gene : We're going to go for duna for first ever time in kerbalkind's history . To do this ladies and gentlekerbs , I would like to introduce you the .....

http://cubeupload.com/im/oN4xbZ.jpg

Well , the ~~literally blue~~ blueprint of HNENJIPNBCLS

Spoiler

(TOP SECRET : Hopefully Not exploding Non-jeb interplanetary NERV breaking Cool looking ship)

Even though our engineers don't yet know what that means i can assure you that its going to make ~~spectacularly explosive~~ history !

Reporter : But sir , there's no snack there , how are we gonna

*Jeb rushes in throwing snacks all over the place*

Jeb : Ok everybody time to get back to work . Let's go

Gene : *Facepalm*

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

present day

*OnBoard the skyGate*

Crisly doing engineering : Hmm, oh silly me! this goes there and that goes there annnnnd then ... *Jetpack thruster sends papers flying * GODDAMMIT JEB!

Jeb while eating Mystrey goo : Oh hey there , sorry didn't see *BUMPS against a wall* ...... Ouch! you

Crisly : ok ok ok, calm down , calm down . BIll? is jeb Goo high again ?

Bill : (Also Goo high ,Singing) I'm the wind i'm the best , i'm the king , i'm the BILLLWhat ? did someone say Bill?

Crisly typing in terminal :

Hatch PowerKerb
KopyLeft K y1 Kerbosoft All rights REVERSED

PK K:\hatch\kerbin32\kmd.kxe -> sendFile -f "JebFacepalmRepprt.kerbDoc"
PowerKerb -> SENDING FILES ......
PowerKerb -> COMPLETE

Crisly : emm yes *spots goo drop on bill's suit* n No , Nevermind *Awkwardly smiles*

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*VAB*

Random Engineer : HeatShield inflate , CHECK. HeatShield deflate , CHECK . HeatShield seperation , Activate , CHECK *bump*

Gene: Ok so this is the , eh Dunar lander .. thing right?

Random Engineer : yes Sir , i think we're ready for a test , i mean a real test like*Gene's phone : Message recieved from skyGate* *Engineer Starts throwing nerdy arguments*

*More Nerdy talks this time from flight sim division and flight surgeon*

Random Scientist : Sir ?

*Gene jumps back surprised * : Wowa , sorry . yes ?

Random Scientist : Sir, do you confirm the list?

Gene *Still confused* : y ye Yeah , sounds good !

Flight Surgeon : Alright then , get me the kerbonauts *Evil smile*

Edited August 24, 2016 by Alpha_Mike_741
fixed an image link , Story name change

JadeOfMaar · August 22, 2016

Greetings. This post is very well-done. The kerbals themselves are quite konvincing, and SkyGate looks fabulous. I'll be looking out for whether Jebediah and Bill change colors or grow appendages from eating the Goo™. It's known to change and reflect the next planet or klimate it's brought to, and to show emotions.

Alpha_Mike_741 · August 22, 2016

I changed my mind so i'm not gonna ~~cant~~ narrate the story and do the mission simultaneously (There's lots of video editing / photoshop / plot plotting to learn/do) AND Because im SOOO EXCITED about this mission that i don't want to kerbalize any moment of it for now (this post)

So , i had CLM (Communications and Logistics Module) and HM (Habitation module) in orbit . and as i previously wanted to have feed for the kerbal story (which is currently on hold) i rushed things up .

HM

CLM

------------------

Aside from fixing the HM's orbit and losing it in tracking station (it was a vessel filter that hid the HM)i began to do the rendezvous using HM's "handler". in the very first plane matching maneuver i realized the remaining delta v is increasing . Yep , game atumatically switched to mechjeb case :|

after fixing that i rendezvoused (Mechjeb) with CLM . a minor bug disabled the sun flare . so i had to switch out then back to have the aesthetics back . only to witness another delta v increase :mellow: (vessel swtiched -> again the case took over)

The docking was one hell of a adrenaline ride for me ! it was my second EVER manual docking . and i had interstellar soundtrack in the background ...CANT describe how i felt there.i think ksp has some sort of drug inside it

Docking photos :

Spoiler

So ?, So now that i have HM and CLM docked i can proceed to launch the propulsion module then bring back the crew from SkyGate . do some other missions (Minmus mining , munar maintenance.. stuff.. stuff..) then time warp to t minus 20 days

WOW i still have the feeling when typing these words .is there a word like Spacuphoria ? .

Side note (s) :

Devs! your game's worth the whole damn AAAs put together (*hint*

Spoiler

gatsby

*hint*)

and here's how far i went before putting the kerbodialgoues on hold

Spoiler

Inexperienced

don't go gentle into that , oh wait not the terrain !

*DLM Ascent /Descent and landing test*

*T minus 15 minutes and counting*

Gene : Ow god i got this weird feeling

Neil (Chief design engineer) : Don't worry boss , we've done this before.

Gene :We've done what ?

Neil : hmm nothing boss .

Gene : "Ok Titan , you are go for pressurization procedure "

Milgard : "Copy that Red Dart , AirLock Check.Sealed , hatch indicators : check . green reserve oxygen indicator . nominal . cabin is sealed . pressurization begins at 5 seconds from now "

Milgard : "1 kilo pascals , 5 kilo pascals All systems look good . "

Gene : "T minus 7 min 20 seconds"

Milgard : "Pressure stable , cabin atmosphere readouts nominal . hats off i repeat hats off"

Pasei : "hats off confirmed "

Gene : "Copy that Titian , Initiate launch procedures . you got 7 minutes"

Milgard :"Affirmative Red Dart , engine 1 bus . Active engine 3 bus active . Flight computer boot sequence . fuel feed safety latch . latched engine 2 bus . Active "

Gene : "T minus 20 seconds"

Pasei :"(internal) hurry up Mil!"

Milgard :" engine 4 bus . Active .Launch Electricity augmentation . ARMED . Emergency lifesupport provider . ARMED.. Engine prep confirmed. "

Pasei : "Pause the sequence . protocol 13"

Milgard : "Please repeat ."

Pasei : "Flight computer BIT has Failed . ascent protocol 13 . manual launch "

Milgard : " flight computer irresponsive . initiating Protocol 13"

Gene : "Be advised Titan you got 20 seconds "

Milgard (Slow): Oh god that's not good

Gene : "Titan , message unclear . Please repeat"

Milgard : "Ah , nothing red dart . calculating profile "

Gene : "T minus 10 , 9 , 8 , 7 , 6 "

Pasei : Dammit .

Milgard : (As gene says 0 ) "l eh launch "

Neil : Don't go gentle into that . Oh Lord no NO

[near miss pic]

Milgard :" Red Dart . This thing is hard to fly "

Milgard : "Red Dart . initating test landing sequen

To be continued ....................................................................................................

Notes : The built in test failure was planned to test crew readiness when things go wrong

The lander shown in the pics doesn't have the inflatable heatshielding component

The reason that i deprecated the Apollo style lander desgin is because after the test i realized its not going to have enough delta v and error margin + i would need an extra command pod for kerbin reentry , which could complicate things further . also this design wasn't part count efficient

The DLM would undock from the Voyager , de orbit , inflate its heatshield then perhaps turn after reentry to maximize heatshield drag and safely discard it . then Turn again to face retrograde , open its chutes and burn to slow down for a nice touchdown

for getting back to orbit it would use the reminder of descent stage fuel , then unlike Apollo discard it in mid air/space then from a magical source of fuel (design limitation) burn enough to achieve orbit and rendezvous back with the voyager

Edited August 22, 2016 by Alpha_Mike_741
Pic fix plus some extra notes

Alpha_Mike_741 · August 22, 2016

35 minutes ago, JadeOfMaar said:

Greetings. This post is very well-done. The kerbals themselves are quite konvincing, and SkyGate looks fabulous. I'll be looking out for whether Jebediah and Bill change colors or grow appendages from eating the Goo™. It's known to change and reflect the next planet or klimate it's brought to, and to show emotions.

Thank you for your kind words! Sure goo's gonna do some "things" ! ,

I'm planning to post the docking video . its not going to be great since my broadband (actually a 4g modem) plan is a a very bad one thus every megabyte counts

JadeOfMaar · August 22, 2016

Ahhh.. A video story now? I hope things work out in that department. I'm no good at speedy video delivery. Static artwork is mainly my ting but I do want to put up videos too. I know very well what it's like to have non-too-amazing internet, and to have a data cap. So, jeez. D:

You're also really encouraging me to continue with my sandbox program that has USI life support. Is Milgard the only one in the can? And did I see a RemoteTech antenna?

Alpha_Mike_741 · August 22, 2016

16 hours ago, JadeOfMaar said:

Ahhh.. A video story now? I hope things work out in that department. I'm no good at speedy video delivery. Static artwork is mainly my ting but I do want to put up videos too. I know very well what it's like to have non-too-amazing internet, and to have a data cap. So, jeez. D:

You're also really encouraging me to continue with my sandbox program that has USI life support. Is Milgard the only one in the can? And did I see a RemoteTech antenna?

Yep USI-LS is quite fun and kinda easier than TAC since one doesn't have to worry about so many factors at once . Btw the lander crew are Milgard and Pasei (Notice the part where Pasei says hurry up mil?)

And about the RemoteTech . That's why the module is Called CLM ^_^ . Also those dishes are kinda 3axis-ish rotatable (Will post a "Raw footage" of them in action )

Lastly , The "Videos" are mostly raw footages and perhaps some short films (Like a trailer ) So , All hail Static artworks!

-------------------------------

Some terminology that i was ~~too lazy~~ forgot to mention

"Messages in these are radio messages"

[Engines roaring sound] -> for describing the scene

(Occesianally these are used to express emotions / describe body language )

Spoiler

Apparently i often mess'em up

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Some Travia :

Spoiler

(Made an astronaut complex filming location)

Nothing serious , was bored .

Edited August 22, 2016 by Alpha_Mike_741
terminology update

Alpha_Mike_741 · August 23, 2016

Unexpected Reentry

it was 2 O clock in the morning . I had the second "Chapter " written and ready . but first i needed to complete "The voyager" so that i could write chapters all the way to T minus 20 Days .

I thought it was going to be just a routine launch . i had tested my LV and tugs couple of times and had the experience of docking HM with CLM so I set everything up and clicked "Launch"

<blockquote class="imgur-embed-pub" lang="en" data-id="a/OdwLi"><a href="//imgur.com/OdwLi">The voyager propulsion module</a></blockquote><script async src="//s.imgur.com/min/embed.js" charset="utf-8"></script>

propulsion module

http://imgur.com/a/OdwLi

Even my CommSats were in harmony

~~<blockquote class="imgur-embed-pub" lang="en" data-id="a/NfMyT"><a href="//imgur.com/NfMyT">PM launch one</a></blockquote><script async src="//s.imgur.com/min/embed.js" charset="utf-8"></script>~~

can't figure this whole embedding thing

launch :

http://imgur.com/a/NfMyT

Silly me thought it would be a good idea to test mechjeb's Launch to rendezvous function on this dangerous payload so i surrendered my rocket to mechjeb for the "magic" rendezvous only to see myself so close to a 90km apogee (was planning for 110)

at a very scary trajectory back to dear kerbin . disengaged autopilot cursing myself both for using mechjeb's autopilot and not figuring the extra weight of PM for LV config

So then i desperately burnt to achieve orbit OR at least get some high atmo trajectory . things were starting to look up as the acceleration was increasing but at the expense of .FLAMEOUT . Sounds like it's not my day :mellow: separated the upperstage and burnt my tug to "keep missing" the lower atmsophere while being "cooked" , it was so stressful as i constantly had to "burst" for keeping preoapsis above 40km and save a "drop" of my fuel for the apogee burn. Can't believe how i made it through

See? That's why i love ksp . you plan your every single step , and still witness the impossible happen .

I may later upload the videos cause man all the fun is there :lol:

Chapter 2 is done! *hype* *hype*

Spoiler

Edited August 23, 2016 by Alpha_Mike_741
imgur!

Alpha_Mike_741 · August 23, 2016

Videos , took a while , though .

Edit (copy pasting embed link didn't work) :

Spoiler

Edited August 23, 2016 by Alpha_Mike_741

JadeOfMaar · August 24, 2016

You know your music, how to fly with the HUD down as much as possible, and you totally brought the suspense in the segment with the bleeding low periapsis. Your videos just need some trimming and you can start getting medals for video work. And the meme pic.

The Optimist · August 24, 2016

I saw this and I got all excited, but now I am disappointed

latest?cb=20070320211144&path-prefix=en

JadeOfMaar · August 24, 2016

Oh no. Why're you disappointed? I see a connection though. That Voyager.

Edited August 24, 2016 by JadeOfMaar

Alpha_Mike_741 · August 24, 2016

Thanks for replays Y'all !

20 hours ago, The Optimist said:

I saw this and I got all excited, but now I am disappointed

i wanted to change the name lately myself how about say "The Voyage " ?

Spoiler

I know it may sound silly but , what movie is that ?

Guys , chapter two isn't finished , imean it was finished , before losing control of my own mission report :lol: . Its just getting Moar and Moar lines . hope i'll be able to finish it somewhere :)))

========================================================================================================================================================================

Chapter two

HomeLess

Milgard : "Ense , ok ok , how tricky this thing is ! "

Pasei : "Red dart , this is Titan , we have almost killed all of our horizontial speed , protocol 100 , landing sequence "

Milgard : Slow down , nope too much ,

Jason (Mission control guy) : T+ 61 seconds

Miilgard : "Throttling back , good , we're starting to pick up some dust "

Neil : "Keep it up , Don't go gentle into that good OH GOSH TERRAIN "

Gene :" WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING MIL..."

[T+67 seconds]

Titan radio :[Metal crushing sound]
Titan radio : [parts snapping sound ]
Titan radio : [Static.............]

Gene : "Titan this is red dart , report your status "

Gene : "Flight , How long ?"

Jason : "Control , 5 seconds after static "

Gene (growls slowly) : That's too long , God help us

Gene : " Titan , this is Red dart , please respond "

Jason : "T+75 seconds"

Pasei : "Red... dart........... this is titan . we have lost our landing legs ........ instrument readouts indicate......fuel leakage , cabin pressure is stable , Milgard is irresponsive . Permission for protocol 53 "

Gene : "Titan , it's good to have you back . we don't know how bad it was , We're getting you outta there Titan. Permission denied "

Gene : "Recovery this is control , you are go "

Gene : " Recovery Exercise extra caution , we've heard about some leakage "

Gene [Frustrated ]: "Close the doors"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mission control . doors closed

Gene (Trying to control his anger ) : What the HECK was that ????

Gene : [Shouts] WHAT THE F***

Jason : Calm down boss , at least crew is ..

Gene : I DON'T CARE ! IF THAT (points to the giantic Mission control LCDs (which are all out freaked out)) HAPPENS AGAIN , WE ARE HOMELESS !

Jason [rises his voice a little bit] : Look , A Yelling contest Won't buy us our "homes" Keep it to together , boSS

[Everyone remains silent]

Gene : [panting] , [sweats] : Dammit, GET ... me .. the kerbs ,

Jason [Announcing in the speakers] : You heard the kerb . Conference room 5 minutes . No exceptions .

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Conference room , all doors closed

Gene : Okay , Okay , what was that ?

Telemetry guys : Sir , all systems were nominal until the crash . we don't believe it could be a Systems failure .

Flight guys : Initial hover ascent went smooth . the sudden turn was unexpected .

Gene : Milgard was constantly whining about the stability . Sam , was it milgard's ?

Sam [Training officer , Test pilot , Head of SimTeam ] : i highly doubt it sir , we covered and practiced all such scenarios ,

Sam [Clears throat] : Extensively

Gene : Neil ?

Neil [suprised] : Wh .. What , Yes sir ?

Gene : Those being said , do you have a clue on why the lander was that unstable ?

Neil [Worried] : No...No...Yes , Nn .. No .....i don't know .

Gene :Al...Right then . I'm gonna grab a coffee .you guys work it out now cause I want some sense on this ,you have an hour

[kerbals start chattering , mostly surprised,worried ]

Gene : 59 Minutes!

Gene [while opening the door] : DOORS STAY CLOSED

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

KSC Astronaut Complex Clinic

Milgard : wh .. what happened? [attempts to get up]

Thomas (Flight surgeon) : Easy now , easy now , you've been unconsicous .

Milgard : The... smell [coughs] it was , gas , my suit [coughs] it [coughs]

Thomas : [looks worried] don't worry pal , it's ok , you're safe now

Nurse : Doctor , his vitals look rock soli..

Milgard shouts) : SRB FTW!!!!

Thomas looking at Mildly stitched Pasei sitting next to mil : Don't worry , its painkillers ...... i guess..............

Nurse : Emm .. As i was saying , He thank god is mostly O.K But He.....[Hesitiates] How do i put that .. He

Thomas :Go ahead.

Nurse : Well , He emmm He ca...

Milgard : can't feel my LEGS!!!!!!!!!! WHEN I'M WITH GOOOOOOOOOooooo BooooOOOY i LOve IT

[passes out]

Thomas : [in his mind] If only Gene finds out

Pasei : [gets up] Doctor , Tim... you were? , kinda think i might have some memory problems , i don't remember what exactly happened , there was some gas maybe , i don't know ...

Thomas : possibly you had a mild head trauma , gilly ? can you company our brave kerbonaut to head trauma recovery ward , please ?

Nurse (gilly) : Sure doc , Pasei do you feel dizzy of some sort ? if need help for walking please let me know

Pasei : no , no , i think i'm fine

Gilly : Great ? let's go then , Shall we?

*10 seconds later*

Pasei : : MOAR BOOSTERS , ASPARAGUS , WEEEEEEEEE

[thomas types a message to Sam really fast]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Conference room

[Papers and snacks are everywhere]
[Nerd kerbals debating over stuff]
[Chatter , chatter , chatter , slide rulers ]
Gene walking in (calmed down) : Ok [clap clap] Time's up . Flight , Engineers, Telemetry Sim . i want the reports :

[Starts reading the reports]

[utter silence]

Gene : Okay , it seems like it was a pilot error . i'm looking at you SAM!

[some papers drop]

Gene : what is this [Paper reads top secret] it sayyyyyyyys hmmm WHAT?!?!? : don't let Gene SEE THIS ??!??!

[MOar utter silence]

PAPER 1 :                From : XXXXXXXX Co.
                   To : KSC
                   subject : Duna expedition

               We are so inclined to be able to take part in kerbalkind's most exciting endeavor . our Chief executive officer Mr.XXXXXXXX Kerman has
               Offered an opportunity to provide necessary mission assets , required infrastructure and crew training facilities . We would like to discuss this matter further
               using confidential protocols

Sincerely
XXXXXXa Kerman ,CFO of XXXXXX Co.

[Papers after papers , gene slightly starting to breath really fast]

paper (God knows what number) :

                   From : XXXXo.
                   To : KSC
                   subject : DXXar XXXXXX XodXXX

               XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXdecent/ascent stage will arrive XXXXXXX   at XXXday, 2:30 AM XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
               XXXXXXXXXXXXX telemetry XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX , XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXX Co. Specialized avionics and XXXXXX composite production facilities
               XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sincenerly
XXXXXXX Kerman , XXXXXXXXXX of JXXXXXXX Co.

Gene : you know what ? WE ARE GOING TO BE HOMELESS

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
One week Later

KSA EC (Kerbin space agency , Endeavour continent) HQ

[After hours of meetings with the people involved]

Alderson Kerman [Director of KSA EC] : Mr.Gene , you are confusing me . what do you mean of 'partial failure complete success failure but nevermind snacks are cool failure we are sorry we can fix this it was krakene's fault don't fire us please please please ' ?

Alderson : and by the way , it's kraken NOT krakene .

Gene : Yes..Y ..Y..es ss..s..sure it it it isss....

Alderson : I've heared enough . you may go now

   [Gene goes for the door]
   [Stops and turns back]
   Gene :Sir , Are we ?

Alderson : kraken YES W ehm [clears throat] you are !

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next day
KSC

Guard : Sir , you need to swipe your ID Kard....

[Gene bumps into the gate]

Gene : Ouch.... I guess so .. [smiles]

a staff kerb : Mr.Gene ? we have a skygate. [gene interrupts]

Gene : Gather everyone ! , mission control , 2 minutes !

Staff : But Sir , we ...

Gene : 1 minute and 54 Seconds

[Staff krakens (curses) Gene :P]

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thomas and Sam at cafeteria

[Thomas using a vending machine]

Sam : T, eh can we have a word please ?

Thomas : [opening his snack] : ok , sure . Emm want some snacks ?

Sam : No thanks doc . I'm on a diet so no extra kalories , y'know

[Both chuckle]

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thomas and Sam , walking random ways at mission control

Sam : You said Milgard and pasei are kinda injured , am i right ?

Thomas : keep it between us , pasei's gone crazy, milgard's paralyzed..

Sam : Oh boy,

Thomas : and crazy .

Thomas: He kind of said something about some "gas" thing in his suit ,pasei also mentioned it

Sam : interesting , hmm I remember Neil saying something 'bout suits , eh Mind if i tell him?

Thomas : Should i repeat the " keep it between us" thing?

Sam : sorry ! , em btw having said those I think it would be good if we looked for a new , experienced crew , y'know

Thomas : So who's on the list ?

Sam : remember skyGate ? From what i preserve , the mission is likely be handed over , or even turned down for budget reasons So i thought maybe we could

Thomas : wait , you want 'Jeb' to have a seat in our already unreliable prototype slash blueprint imaginary ship ?

Sam : No! nononono , that wasn't my point , see there are kerbals other than jeb up there. I'm talking about experienced kerbonauts like crisly kerman , and perhaps bill .
   Yes he's jeb's buddy , been stranded in a lander can on mun for god knows how long after a disaster much worse than DLM
   Also , crisly was the one to rescue them , I mean val and bill frim that can , she also has enormous experience both in spacewalks and emergencies , remember when she recovered the dead thomlock (yep ! named it after thomlock . One of my characters in Forgotten space program . :D) module
   and docked it back to skyGate ? Or when she chased some lost parts at 68Km ? No one else would do that !

Thomas : Fair enough! [ Spots Jason walking by] Jay ! Hey kerb (man) !

Jam : Oh hey guys , what's up ?

Sam : Listen jay , I know you guys are busy doing the voyager thing but it's important .It's skygate

Jason : I'm listening

Thomas : Pasei and Milgard won't be ready anytime soon, so we want skygate's crew can you do it?

Jason : Those kerbs have been there for long enough , i think so.

Thomas and Sam : Great !

Thomas : emmmmmm... they're fine!

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Mission control 3 days later , Gene is so late to work

Gene : [Puts his rain coat on jay's desk] : Hey jay!

Jason : Hey! quite a rainy day today huh ?

Gene : How do you know genius ? [Giggles]

Jason : see [ shows some flooded papers] not so hard

Gene [awkwardly grabs the coat , slowly walking away] : Oh I see, that wasn't some important stuff right ?

Jason : Gene , may i ask you something ?

Gene : Yep ?

Jason : I shouldn't have to explain though . After all the things happened this week I think its wiser to get our skyGate crew back home huh ?

Gene : Alright ! But just pick a few of the guys you need and hide em .

Jason : What ?

[Gene sneaks away]

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

few minutes later

Gene [Holding a giant speaker] : 3..2..1 Pfff testing ........

Jason [looking at Thomas] : He's high on something huh?

Thomas : Maybe low?

Gene : To everyone's surprise! [clears throat] We are going to Duna ,

[Kerbals "Owwwww" of disappointment" ]

Gene : I want a ship , NEXT WEEK

Kerbals : Noooooo......

Gene : Do whatever , violate kopyLeft lefts , steal patents , sneak into government facilities , what the kraken ever you do , JUST DO IT!

Gene : 6 Days and 5 hours and 59 minutes , Hurry up!

Edited August 24, 2016 by Alpha_Mike_741

The Optimist · August 24, 2016

Okay, and I mean this in the best, most constructive way possible, your dialogue is dry and not engaging. Other than the lack of quotation marks, the story itself is more of a script than a real story. My old english teacher told us to "show, not tell," while you're literally just putting a little box indicating what's going on in your text. The interaction between different characters should be more fluid, with less one-way communication, and more detail, to subtly indicate the emotions or actions of a character. And remember, use your commas and put '...' to indicate pauses in somebody's speech in order to give a sense of rhythm to the text. Thank you, and good luck.

The Voyage

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