ALIEN SKIES: A 6.4-scale playthrough of GPP/Rald

[CatastrophicFailure]

Year 8, Day 28...

'Twas the night before [nonspecific solstice celebration],
And all through the Space Center, 
Not a creature was stirring,
Not even a--

 

JIMINY JUMPED-UP CHRISTMAS, DID YOU GUYS SEE THE SIZE OF THAT THING?!?

Holey flarp, that thing had teeth like THIS! Somebody call an exterminator! Dangit, Vlad, I've told you not to leave food lying around like that, it attracts... creatures!

 

Anyways, the crew continues to push on towards Rald's north pole. The low plains have given way to middling midlands, driving them back into their suits...

...so thankfully we can't see Jencine in those awful shorts anymore. Hey!

Spoiler

 

 

The RaldBase FrankenFrog BaitFish whatever they're calling it now looses an outrigger wheel on this side hill, but the punchy bunch doesn't let it slow them down.

Which might explain a few things. No sane person would do that...

 

The destination begins to rise over the distant horizon...

 

This towering spire at the exact center of Rald's north pole is what the orbiting imgur detected. What mysteries might it hold?

I really don't want to know. But somehow I think advising the crew to run and hide would be pointless at this, er, point. 

 

At last... there it is...

This is what they've come all this way for, this is the end of the road. This... is just plain nuts. It's like four kilometers straight up, all the readings on everything are off the charts. 

I have a very bad feeling about this...

 

I'ma go poke it with a STICK!

Triti, no! We've been through this already, we do not go around poking strange eldritch things with sticks!

 

Woooooo hooooo!!!

Stop, Triti!

 

After everything that's happened already, are you sure you want to go do that?

Flarp, yes! I'll show that thing who's boss!

 

Triti, you've got to stop! You're being tailed by a bizarre disembodied flying mustache hiding in the sun!

Bah, I'll shave when I get back.

That's not what I meant. Sort of.

 

There's the summit!

Give it up, Triti! You can't make it!

 

Victory is an act of sheer will!

Don't you see that giant gaping gash in the very fabric of space and time?

I brought duct tape.

 

You can't make it! The JetWing barely flies at all at that altitude, you can't possibly hover in for a landing!

Wanna bet?

Triti, noooooooo!!!!

 

Here I come, thing, ready or not!

Triti!

 

Uh oh.

Get away from it!

 

I feel funny. Everything tastes all purple.

 

Come back, now!

Whoooooaaaahhhh....

 

Triti!

Ah hah! Victory is...

Aw, crap.

 

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH!!!!

No, Triti!

 

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
 

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH!!!!!

 

Oh, no! Triti!

 

 

.

 

 

 

.

 

 

 

.

 

. . . Triti?

 

 

 

.

 

 

.

 

 

.

 

Wait.... wait, there's something moving... what is...

 

 

 

.

 

 

 

.

 

 

 

.

 

 

 

 

You....

...'ve got to be kidding me.

 

Spoiler

 

And now that I've wasted nearly me entire time as TOTM, I finally have an update!

 

...And I heard him exclaim,
As he rose out of sight,
"Merry Flarpsmas to all,
And to all a-- crapshouldacheckedstaging *thud*crash*BOOM!

 

 

 

 

 

Edited January 1, 2018 by CatastrophicFailure

[insert_name]

1 hour ago, CatastrophicFailure said:

 orbiting imgur 

perhaps this is why imgur has been so laggy for me. 

also I don't get that ending, did triti hit her head and become a Mexican space pirate or is that supposed to be a raldean?

[CatastrophicFailure]

1 hour ago, insert_name said:

did triti hit her head and become a Mexican space pirate or is that supposed to be a raldean?

Asking the real questions... 

[Geschosskopf]

Geez, the geographical breakdown of that pic of planting the flag at the summit  

I think this thread will for all time hold the record for most Wilhelm Screams ....

So......   Triti and Lodvin.,  Which one's the Keymaster and which one's the Gatekeeper?  And who gets to choose the form of the Destructor?

 

Edited December 26, 2017 by Geschosskopf

[NotAgain]

ALIEN SKIES: An extensive saga of falling down ever increasingly tall hills...

[CatastrophicFailure]

On 12/25/2017 at 7:24 PM, Geschosskopf said:

Geez, the geographical breakdown of that pic of planting the flag at the summit  

I think this thread will for all time hold the record for most Wilhelm Screams ....

So......   Triti and Lodvin.,  Which one's the Keymaster and which one's the Gatekeeper?  And who gets to choose the form of the Destructor?

 

Aaaaaaand there goes a mental image I did not need. *shudders*

On 12/27/2017 at 7:42 AM, NotAgain said:

ALIEN SKIES: An extensive saga of falling down ever increasingly tall hills...

Hm. I may need to find some taller hills... 

[Geschosskopf]

7 hours ago, CatastrophicFailure said:

Aaaaaaand there goes a mental image I did not need. *shudders*

So I'm not asking the real questions?  

[CatastrophicFailure]

Director's log, supplemental...

...why I now have two logs, I'm still not sure. Vlad insists it's some sort of winter solstice tradition. Strange, that we've been here for over 8 years and he's only now mentioning it. And it's kind of... sticky. I hope it's just sap. Maybe I should have worn gloves.

But back to the matter at hand... after tripping a rift in the very fabric of space and time, and hitting her head really hard, it seems Triti Kerman is now convinced she's some sort of... sigh...

...pirate...

Spoiler

 

'At's right, matey, I'm a fearsome pirate!

Quiet, you.

She's also apparently commandeered the RaldBase and driven it off to places unknown.

Aaaar, because I'm a fearsome pirate! That's sort of what we do...

Triti, you should maybe go lie down for a bit... take some aspirin...

Blimey, not when there's pillagin' to do!

You're not giving this up, are you? 

Arrrr, I'm the dead priate Cap'n No-Beard!

But... you're wearing a sombrero...

'At's me pirate hat!

It's a sombrero. And what even is that thing on your face?

'At's me eye patch!

There's nothing wrong with your eyes. You're a pilot. They're better than most, actually.

Arrrrr!

You must be the worst pirate I've ever seen.

But ye have seen me.

Stop stealing gags!

And this be me fearsome pirate crew!

Neckbeard the Pirate, bosun's mate!

Aaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Haylotte? Don't tell me you're in with this ridiculousness, too?

 

Chestbeard the Pirate, gunner's mate!

Arr-- wait, I do not have chest hair!

Jencine? Not you too...

 

And Mister Longjohns Silverware, me first mate!

Ok I did not need to know that.

Lodvin? Have you always had a lazy eye?

Arrrrrrr!

Oh for Kerm's sake...

Blimey, what in the seven briny seas is a Kerm?

Nevermind.

 

And this, be me fearsome pirate ship, the Black Pearl!

Um, you can't call it that.

What?

It's already been taken.

What?!

Pirates of the Keribbean, everyone knows that.

Blast! Um... er... the Flying Dutchman!

Nope, same movie.

Ah... the Adventure Galley!

Nope, try again.

Bachelor's Delight!

Nope.

Royal Fortune!

Nuh-uh.

Golden Hind!

Been done.

Queen Anne's Revenge!

'Fraid not.

Satisfaction!

I could use a drink right now, but no.

The Golden Fleece!

Keep trying.

Whydah!

Nope again.

Rose Pink!

Don't think so.

Fancy!

Taken.

Squirrel.

Really?

Happy Delivery!

Are you going down a list or something?

No, Rising Sun!

This is getting old.

Speaker!

Bzzzt.

Enterprise!

Not really a pirate ship.

Heart of Gold!

No.

Millennium Falcon!

I don't think so.

Serenity!

Don't you dare.

Oh, fart in the wind!

Nope aga-- er, wait I don't think that's been used.

Huh? Er, I mean, yes! Yes! Me fearsome pirate ship, the Fart in the Wind, home to this scurvy band of sea-dogs!

You all eat a carefully monitored balanced diet of vitamin-fortified mush, none of you have scurvy.

Arrr!

We needs some music to pillage by, play me a sea chantey, matey!

Um... but I don't have an accordion...

Blast. Well, what do ye have?

 

Eh, close enough. Play me a chantey about accordions, then!

But... I don't know how to play this thing...

Blast! Well, be there anyone here who can play?

I can...

Then let's hear an accordion song, matey!

 

And-a one, and-a two, and...

The Kraken went down to Omork,
He was looking for a soul to steal
He was in a bind, 'cause he was way behind,
He was willing to make a deal
When he came across this young man
Jamming an accordion and playing it hot
And the Kraken jumped up on an old Kerm stump and said,
"Feller let me tell ya what:
I guess you didn´t know it, but I'm an accordion player too,
And if you'd care to take a dare,
I'll make a bet with you
Now you play a pretty good squeezebox, boy
But give the Kraken his due
I bet an accordion of gold against your soul
'Cause I think I'm better than you"

The boy said, "My name's Jeb and it might be a sin,
But I'll take your bet, you're gonna regret,
'Cause I'm the best there's ever been"

Jeb, open up your bellows and play that accordion hard,
'Cause hell's broke loose in Omork and the Kraken deals the cards
And if you win you'll get this shiny accordion painted gold,
But if you lose, the Kraken gets your soul!

The Kraken opened up his case and he said, "I'll start this show"
And fire blew from his fingertips as he opened up the folds
And he strapped his accordion on and it made a evil hiss
Then a random polka band joined in,
And it sounded something like this

[Everybody Polka!]

When the Kraken finished, young Jeb said,
"Well you're pretty good old son
But sit down on that stump right there
And let me show you how it's done!"

Kraken on the mountain, run boys run!
Kraken's in the house of the rising sun!
Kraken in the breadpan slappin' that dough!
Kraken don't your squid flarp? "No, heck no!"

[Gratuitous accordioning]

The Kraken bowed his head because he knew that he'd been beat
And he laid that golden fiddle on the ground at young Jeb´s feet
Jeb said, "Kraken, just come on back
If you ever want to try again,
I done told you once, you son of a [LANGUAGE!],
I'm the best there´s ever been"

He played,
Kraken on the mountain, run boys run!
Kraken's in the house of the rising sun!
Kraken in the breadpan slappin' that dough!
Kraken won't your squid flarp? "No, heck no!"

 

That drink is sounding better and better Have you all lost your flarping minds??

Arrrrrr!

We have not yet begun to pillage! Seems the pickins are mighty few 'round here...

Up and at em, you sweat from a manatee's nethers! Trim the mizzen! Square the jib! Troll the lines! Flarp the squids! On to adventure and booty!

Arrrrrr!

Arrrrrrr!

Arrrrrrrrr!

Arrrrrrrrrrrgh!

[Record scratch]

.     .     .

Get the plank.

 

 

What was on that log, anyway? I should know better than to handle anything from Vlad with bare hands. This can't be real. Maybe I'm dreaming. Someone pinch--

YEEEEEEARGH!

 

Not with pliers! Who even does that?!? This can't possibly get any worse!
And what could they want with a plank?

 

Edited January 8, 2018 by CatastrophicFailure

[IncongruousGoat]

I wish I could give you two likes for that. One for the whole thing in general, the other for Johnny Cash. It's not every day that someone on this forum parodies a song and I don't have to ask anyone what song, exactly, is being parodied.

I do wonder, however, if the jolly (?) crew of the Fart in the Wind are ever going to A: manage to pillage anything or B: make it back to Gael.

[CatastrophicFailure]

Johnny Cash?!?  Flarp you with a squid, that’s Charlie Daniels! 

 

9 minutes ago, IncongruousGoat said:

I do wonder, however, if the jolly (?) crew of the Fart in the Wind are ever going to A: manage to pillage anything or B: make it back to Gael

Also asking the real questions. 

On 12/29/2017 at 8:04 AM, Geschosskopf said:

So I'm not asking the real questions?  

The real disturbing ones. 

 

I’ll have to see how the night goes, there may be one last laugh in 2017.

tho... where I am, everyone else will be in 2018 anyway...

[IncongruousGoat]

6 minutes ago, CatastrophicFailure said:

Johnny Cash?!?  Flarp you with a squid, that’s Charlie Daniels! 

Whoops. Welp, it's confirmed. I know nothing about music.

For some reason, I thought that it was Johnny Cash. Don't ask me why.

[CatastrophicFailure]

9 minutes ago, IncongruousGoat said:

Whoops. Welp, it's confirmed. I know nothing about music.

For some reason, I thought that it was Johnny Cash. Don't ask me why.

Welp, I suppose in the interest of full disclosure, I may have stoled borrowed some lyrics from this...  and a certain Judd...

No, the other one. No, the other one.

[CatastrophicFailure]

Is this thing on? Shhh, quiet! OK, everyone ready? Get off my foot! 
Why are we all wearing space suits again? Jim's idea? Jim who?
It can't be @Just Jim, it's Jim Bob... or Jim... Brown... Jim Kirk,  Jim Parsons, something!
This thing is itchy! OK, we're on! Not yet? OK.

Spoiler

 

Why do I have to be the ball, again? Quit staring at me! Oh, ok.
Now we're on? OK, we're on, everyone! Shouldn't there be more of us?

 

TEN!

NINE!

EIGHT!

SEVEN!

SIX!

FIVE!

FOUR!

THREE!

TWO!

ONE!

splat.

Ow.

One and two and...
Um, guys...

Should old explosions be forgot
And neeeever brough to mind?
Guys...
Should old explosions be forgot
That came from bad designs? 
I don't think these are the right lyrics....

I think I'm really hurt, here...
From bad designs, my dear,
From bad deeeee-siiiiiiiiiigns!
You're off key!
We'll spare a cup of rocket fuel
Foooor baa-aaad deeee-siiiiiiiiiigns!
Guys... hey guys...

Guys...

I can see my tibia...

Ooooooooohhhhhhhh......

Ahhhhhhhhh.......

Guys...? 

 

 

Edited January 8, 2018 by CatastrophicFailure

[Geschosskopf]

16 hours ago, CatastrophicFailure said:

Maybe I should have worn gloves

Strange to say, that's the 1st thing I usually think when I wake up with a hangover on New Year's Day  

 

16 hours ago, CatastrophicFailure said:

The real disturbing ones. 

So they ARE the real questions  

 

12 hours ago, CatastrophicFailure said:

Why do I have to be the ball, again?

This, we do not speak of.

 

17 hours ago, CatastrophicFailure said:

Up and at em, you sweat from a manatee's nethers! Trim the mizzen! Square the jib! Troll the lines! Flarp the squids! On to adventure and booty!

See, this is why you're supposed to send one of the expendable junior commissars with every mission..... 

Great stuff and great way to sign off on TOTM 

[CatastrophicFailure]

We now return to our irregularly scheduled insanity, already in progress...

...where it seems Triti is about to make poor Jencine... sigh... walk the plank.

Arrrrrrr, I'm about to make 'er walk the plank!

Spoiler

 

Yeah, that's pretty much what I just said...

Chestbeard the Pirate I do not have chest hair!, ye stand accused of the most heinous of pirate crimes, that of puttin' a G on the end of it!

Arrrr!
Arrrr!

How do ye plead?

Um... I'm not even sure what's going on anymore.

You and me, both.

Be it recorded that the prisoner has entered a plea of "stupid," Mr. Silverware!

Arr!

Chestbeard the Pirate, as cap'n of this vessel, I hereby sentence ye to walk the plank, and may Davey Jones have mercy on yer soul!

What?

Er, nothing! Koos nooma!

 

That was an... oddly graceful entry...

.

.

.

.

.

So, um, what happens now?

Huh? Are ye not getting torn limb from limb by ravenous sharks?

Nuh-uh.

No ravenous sharks. Ok, how about starving barracuda?

Nope.

Hm. Mildly malnourished morays?

No, no eels.

Peckish piranha? 

None of those.

Rabid clownfish?

'Fraid not.

Minnow with the munchies?

No.

Blast! Well... are ye at least drowning, then?

She's wearing a spacesuit, you dolt! She'll stay afloat as long as her neck dam is inflated.

Blast! Chestbeard, be yer neck dam inflated?

Um... yeah.

Would ye... er... would ye mind deflating it?

I'm not doing that!

Blast! Are ye at least dying of hypothermia?

Uh-uh, the water's nice.

Of course it is, she's got more fur than a polar bear.

What was that?!?

Nothing.

So, like, can I come out now?

Sigh. Er... I mean... Arrrr! Oh, well, then, bring her aboard and lets' get back to pillagin'!
Awww, my baguette's all soggy...

You're the only people on the entire planet. There's no other ships to pillage. In fact, I'm pretty sure you've the only ship in the entire solar system!

The strange disembodied-voice-person has a point, me 'earties!

I do?

You there! Disembodied-Voice-Person!

What now?

You're goin' to provide us a ship to pillage!

You're, er, not exactly in a position to make demands right now, guys...

Aren't we now?

What??

 

That's... impossible! Somehow they've hacked the orbiting return ship's controls! They're bringing it down remotely!

 

This could be a problem...

Now, then, lubber! You've got until we reach this infernal contraption to provide us wiath a ship to pillage... or else...

Or else what?

Or else... we're comin' to find ye, and once't we do...

I'll shiver yer timbers!

 

. . . oh, crap.

 

 

Edited January 12, 2018 by CatastrophicFailure

[Geschosskopf]

10 hours ago, CatastrophicFailure said:

I'll shiver yer timbers!

Ooops.  Well, I'm sure the Usari have ways of dealing with such situations

[qzgy]

21 hours ago, CatastrophicFailure said:

not do weird tentacley things to ye

You've mentioned it, so now....

You must show it. (out of mere morbid curiosity)

I too am probably a bit insane....

[CatastrophicFailure]

Year 8, Day 75...

Well, how bout this? Our little space program is actually launching a rocket!

Spoiler

 

Sort of.

Under threat of shivering of timbers, we all here have agreed to acquiesce. Because we don't want to find out what that means. *shudder*

 

And so, still sort of being Ussaris and having a penchant for doing things the hard way, the engineering team has made a boat... out of a plane.

More specifically, out of a bunch of old wings. Yes, here we are, making a square-rigged sailing ship out of old plane parts, then launching it on a rocket to an alien moon where Kerbals we found marooned in space are now possessed by some sort of pirate delusion.

On any other day, that might seem strange.

 

But, the engineering team has never been ones to shy from a challenge usually they're running away and screaming instead, and it turns out having a whole bunch of wings on the front of a long, skinny, incredibly large rocket tends to make it inherently unstable. Which, come to think of it, describes a lot around here.

But credit to the design team, and threat of grave bodily harm, for finding a way. The Otho V lifter has just enough power to ascend with an unusually steep profile, getting up above the atmosphere as soon as possible, while rolling the payload over so the wings actually help pull it into the gravity turn. The engineering team might be celebrating and congratulating each other right now, if they weren't all hiding in the closet. Could you guys at least have picked a bigger closet? C'mon, you're engineers, you should know you can't all fit in there...

 

First stage sep is good! With the air mostly below, now, it's up to the second stage for the brunt of the impulse into orbit.

 

Interstage separation. This is starting to feel like rocketry again!

 

It takes everything the second stage has, and just a bit more, but we've actually got a good initial orbit with this 50-tonne embarrassment! 

 

Yes, you can say it. It's a... sigh...

Space ship.

Go on. Get it out of your system.

 

Ok, moving on...

It's a standard transfer to Rald. We... have no idea how much delta-V the contraption actually has. For some reason, possibly due to the water-breathing engine crammed in there, trying to bring up the display threatens to collapse reality into negative space wedgie.

The Otho upper stage burns with everything it has, while we all cross our fingers (which, being Kerbals, is extremely difficult.)

 

Oddly enough, it works! The Package arrives safely in low Rald orbit, running on fumes after the braking burn but fumes are good enough.

Also, it's hydrolox, so it's all fumes anyway.

 

Space is an ocean.

No, space is not an ocean, so we brought along more rockets anyway. Turns out we won't need them.

 

Due to a slight... miscalculation in timing the liftoff, it's a very irritating nighttime entry and landing.

 

As it turns out, our boat actually flies pretty well. Or... glides, I suppose. There's bets rapidly passed around that Mission Control might even be able to land the thing on its own.

 

But, a reminder of the whole "shivering of timbers" thing coaxes everyone into just trusting the parachutes instead.

 

It's a surprisingly gentle splashdown...

At night. Annoyingly.

 

The chutes are ditched... and now... we wait...

I have a feeling now things are really going to get weird. 

 

Ship ahoy, Cap'n!

Where?

There.

Where?!?

Right there!

Blimey, ya scurvy sea dog, I can't see a bloody thing!

It's not close enough yet.

What? But ye just said...

It's there, but we can't see it. It'll suddenly pop into sight about 2.4 kilometers way.

Will it, now? Arrr, this place be strange.

 

Arrr!

Arrr!

Arrr!

 

Edited January 15, 2018 by CatastrophicFailure

[Geschosskopf]

6 hours ago, CatastrophicFailure said:

threatens to collapse reality into negative space wedgie

This is probably the most disturbing thing you've said yet

Anyway, the hilarity of the flying sailing ship aside (which, BTW, looks great), congrats on getting the thing there.  That indeed must have been quite a challenge, especially with 6.4x and all the other things you've got in this game.  Bravo!

[NotAgain]

Am I the only one getting notes of Peter Pan here?

[CatastrophicFailure]

On 1/11/2018 at 4:45 AM, Geschosskopf said:

This is probably the most disturbing thing you've said yet

Anyway, the hilarity of the flying sailing ship aside (which, BTW, looks great), congrats on getting the thing there.  That indeed must have been quite a challenge, especially with 6.4x and all the other things you've got in this game.  Bravo!

Apparently MechJeb's delta-v display does not play well with the Otter's water engine. Spams the log as long as I have the window open and eventually crashes the game, even if the engine's not activated. So I also had to do the whole launch and transfer with no display. I'm absolutely shocked the whole thing worked. I was thinking, "all those wings on the front of a long skinny rocket and no 'fuel guage' either? I'll be Hyperediting this sooner or later." Never had to resort to that.  Then I flub the launch window and have to land at night. 

18 hours ago, NotAgain said:

Am I the only one getting notes of Peter Pan here?

Dangit...  I just know I had a "Wendy, I can fly!" gag in here somewhere, but flarped if I can find it now.

 

[CatastrophicFailure]

A long time ago, in galaxy far, far away...

...that's no moon, it's a... dwarf planet. Inhabited entirely by pirates. Really, really awful pirates. Possibly the worst pirates I've ever heard of.

Spoiler

 

But ye have heard of us.

Cut that out! Stop stealing lines!

Well, ye started it!

[Frustrated conniptions unfit for print]

There she be, lads! Full steam ahead!

But... we're girls...

Speak for yourself!

And I thought we were sailing?

Arr! Just... that a-way! Quickly!

 

She be making a break for it! Ready the cannons!

 

Cannons ready, Cap'n!

Wait, I thought I was the gunner's mate!

No, I'm the gunner's mate!

 

FIRE!!!

That was... not super effective!

 

Blimey, bring us about and prepare to board!

I said, bring us about and prepare to board!

Workin' on it Cap'n, this thing takes a few hectares to turn around...

Blast!

We already tried that, it didn't work.

Arrrrrrrrr!

 

 

I said board, not ram!

Sorry, Cap'n! Takes a while to slow down too...

Whatever. Once more unto the breech! Cry havoc, and let slip the dogs of war! Unleash heck upon them, lads!

But we're girls!

Fine, then you go first!

Arrrrrr!

 

...Arrrrr?

 

Next!

Arrrr!

 

I fell down...

NEXT!!

 

Arrrrrr!

 

Arrr? Arrrrrrrr!!!!!!

Ow.

 

Ye're wearing a bloody helmet!

Still hurt.

 

Ye lily-livered sea dogs! I'll show ye how it's done!

Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Ok, that does hurt.

 

But wait... it's BOOTY!

 

A-hahahahahahahahah!

Laugh, or I'll keel-haul ye.

A-hahahahahahah!

A-heheheheheheheh!

Uh... huh huh... um... huhuhuh... huhuh... you said boo-- *splash*.

 

We got what we came for, lads!

But we're--

Shaddap! Scuttle the ship, back to the Fart in the Wind!

 

She's listing, Cap'n!

 

Down at the stern!

 

She's breaking up, sir!

Did you just call me 'sir?!'

But... you said... *splash*

 

There she goes!

 

Down to Davey Jones's closet with ye!

 

Wait, I thought it was a locker?

He upgraded.

 

We've done it, lads! We've done... 

We...

We..

Oh for flarps sake, what have we done?!

I feel funny.

Did that all just happen?

Why are we dressed like morons?

 

It... it was real!

Oh, Kerm, I did say all that!

What's a Kerm?

I feel like such an idiot...

You look like one, too.

 

*shuffle shuffle splash splash*

 

I just... need to splash my face with water...

*splash*

 

Oh crap, she's right. That did just happen! Move over.

 

But I'm keeping these awesome shades!

*splash*

 

*disheveled groaning*

Are you guys finally done, now?!

Yeah.

Done. 

So done.

I could 'arr' some mo--*smack!*

 

Sigh. That was... anticlimactic. Well, at least they've gotten it out of their systems. One thing's for sure, after nearly two years marooned on Rald, it's finally... 

...time to go home.

 

Edited January 21, 2018 by CatastrophicFailure

[qzgy]

5 minutes ago, CatastrophicFailure said:

So very true.

[Geschosskopf]

40 minutes ago, CatastrophicFailure said:

Sigh. That was... anticlimactic. Well, at least they've gotten it out of their systems. One thing's for sure, after nearly two years marooned on Rald, it's finally... 

...time to go home.

Well, after all the work getting that ship to Rald, it does seem anticlimactic that she only lasted a few frames.

Still, there's the whole Keymaster and Gatekeeper question to be resolved  

[NotAgain]

14 hours ago, CatastrophicFailure said:

Me too, baguette-pirate. Me too.