The Duna Maniac, DunaManiac's Duna Adventures

[DunaManiac]

Ever since the early days of kerbalkind, kerbals have always had a longing, consciously or unconsciously to explore the stars.

It wasn't until the Centennial War to make kerbals realize it.

The Kerbal Space Program was formed, astonishing all of Kerbin with their incredible feats.

But now the public was tired of putting around Kerbin with probes and small manned vessels.

So in the year KFNC 29 (Kerbin Federation New Calendar) The Duna Exploration Division (DED) of the Official Kerbal Space Program was formed. With an unlimited budget and some of the best kerbonauts in the buisness, they set out to colonize Duna.

Jebediah Kerman immediately resigned his post as head of the Kerbonaut Korps to head DED.

Year 0: Day 180 DED Log.

Gene (Head of the Mission Department): Jebediah, sir, we've managed to build the explatory probe you asked for preliminary exploration of Duna.

Jebediah: What. Is. This.

Linus (Official Representative for Wernher von Kerman, Chief of Science): This is the probe the Engineering and Science Departments agreed on.

Jebediah: You can't be serious.

Linus: Do you have a problem with it, sir, this is the unmanned probe you asked for.

Jebediah: DO I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH IT? I SAID CREWED PROBE NOT UNCREWED PROBE! HOW DARE YOU BUILD THIS AFFRONT TO KERBALKIND?!

Genemin (Federation Official Attendant of Jebediah Kerman): Calm down Jeb...

Jebediah: HOW CAN I CALM DOWN WHEN THIS MONSTROSITY IS SITTING IN FRONT OF ME?!

Gene: Alright Jeb, calm down, we'll build the crewed probe, calm down.

Jebediah: *Pants*

Linus: (quietly) How are we going to build a manned spacecraft capable of reaching Duna in only 50 days? It took us 200 days just to build this probe!

Gene: That's because we have a two hour workday. I'll increase it to 3, 4 hours if I have to to finish it.

Jebediah: Alright, build it already.

Year 0 day 224 DED Log.

Gene: Alright, presenting the new plans for the DESP 1.

Mortimer (Head of Funds and Accounting): *Collapses*

All: We need a medic! Mortimer is having a seizure!

...

Valentina: So, you launched it.

Jebediah: Yep.

Valentina: So, how'd it go?

Jebediah: Well, it took off safely, I wanted to fly it too, but Genemin was at his therapist.

Valentina: Who was taking all these pictures?

Jebediah: I don't know, they just gave them to me. Anyways, on with the story!

Jebediah: Yeah, but the orbital insertion burn took to much fuel, so we had to cut into the fuel of the nuclear tug.

Jebediah: And well, we achieved the goal, we reached orbit!

Jebediah: Well, you don't know how mad the guys back at the KSC were when I told them that I wasted some of the fuel of the nuclear tug. They asked me, "how are we supposed to refuel AND crew the DESP in a week?". I showed 'em.

[DunaManiac]

Year 0 Day 225 DED Log

Jebediah: So, to satisfy a few doubts in this board, I've designed this.

Jebediah: It's all in one! A fuel tank, a crew transport, it's everything!

All: You can't be serious.

Mortimer: *Breathes Heavily*

Gene: It's okay Mortimer, it's all right, it can't hurt you.

Linus: I have to admit, it's brilliant!

Gene: How so?

Linus: This is just the thing we need. Instead of two launches, we'll only need one!

Gene: What about safety?

Jebediah: I mean, it has an escape tower. What more can you possibly want? It's the safest thing of all safe things!

 Gene: Fine then, seeing as we don't have an option, I accept, but who would be crazy enough to fly it.

Gene: Oh...

Jebediah: Alright, begin preparations for launch!

Gene: But under one condition: you fly it on a shake down cruise and then return to Kerbin

Year 0 Day 226 DED log.

Gene: Alright, all departments prepare for immediate rocket launch. All nonessential personnel please evacuate the premises.

Jebediah: HEY!

Gene: It's a standard safety procedure. Also, who's idea was it to launch it ON STILTS!

Bobak (Assistant Missions Director): I don't know, consult the engineering department, they were in charge of the launch clamps.

Gene: No time! Preparing for launch in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...

Gene: Seperating launch clamps!

Jebediah: WAIT WAIT WAIT I'M NOT READY

*Crash*

Jebediah: I wasn't ready!

Gene: At least there wasn't any damage to the engines!

Jebediah: Are you sure about that? I'm getting a few strange readings here.

Gene: Never mind that! I'm surprised it even got off the ground!

Gene: Alright, launch is nominal so far, you've separated the first stage, correct?

Jebediah: Yep.

Gene: Have you seperated the LES?

Jebediah: Whoops, forgot about that.

Gene: You're flying something we designed and built in a week and you forgot to separate the Launch Escape System?!

Jebediah: Hey it's not we need it anyways.

Jebediah: Alright, we've made it into orbit!

All: *Sighs deeply*

Jebediah: What is it?

Gene: We didn't have enough time to wait for a window so step on it! Rendezvous with DESP1!

Jebediah: Whoops, missed the transfer window by a few minutes, don't worry, we've got plenty of fuel to spare.

Bob: Now I understand why the Federation had to send an attendant to keep an eye on Jeb.

Genemin: Well, one s-s-step c-closer t-to re-retirem-ment?

Gene: Alright Jeb, begin the inclination burn.

Jebediah: Completed alright.

Jebediah: I've established an intercept of 0.2 kilometers with the DESP 1.

All: Jebediah!

Jebediah: So what if I overshot?

Gene: Alright, enable RCS and begin docking sequence.

Jebediah: Um... I think I forgot to put RCS on the craft...

Gene: YOU DID WHAT?!

Jebediah: Don't worry, I think I have a way to dock anyways!

Gene: What are you doing?

Jebediah: Docking without RCS!

\

All: I can't believe it, he docked!

Jebediah: It was nothing!

Gene: Alright Jeb, you're all set for the DESP 1 to begin it's shakedown cruise!

[DunaManiac]

Year 0 Day 226 DED Log.

Jebediah: Okay, I'm separating the stage on the Crew Transport and Tanker Vehicle.

Gene: Wait, don't we'll need it!

*KSH*

Gene: Jeb, we could've used that!

Jebediah: Why? What for?

Gene: We could have used it as extra fuel for the DESP 1!

Jebediah: But I thought that less junk means more delta v, right?

Gene: A SHAKEDOWN CRUISE DOSEN'T NEED AN INSANE AMOUNT OF DELTA V! Plus, you're up there too, we need to get you down from there.

Jebediah: Fine then, but what's done is done. Also, when can I go to the Mun?

Gene: In a few minutes.

Jebediah: Whoo! Just like the old days!

*A few days later*

Jebediah: WEEEE! Hi Mun! Bye Mun!

Bob: I've never remembered him this giddy before, even when I was trapped with him on two week long missions to Minmus...

Genemin: H-he g-g-g-e-ets s-so e-e-xcited...

*A few days later*

Jebediah: Gene, is your mission finshed yet?

Gene: Yes, but thanks to you we only have a few hours until the Duna window, and we might not have enough fuel to complete the trip to Duna and Back.

Jebediah: Okay, I think we're in a low orbit now, commencing inclination burn.

Jebediah: Alright, we're done. Come and get me down now!

-

Gene: Alright you whitesuits, you are of the 11 newbies hired recently because Jebediah was an idiot and you three will be piloting the Crew Transport and Tanker Vehicle. Dunul, you will be chief pilot, Lefty, Chief of Maintinence, and you Crisrod, will be Science Specialist. Any questions?

Lefty: Is space dark?

Gene: Yes.

Crisrod: Oh no!

Gene: The capsule will be bright Crisrod, you'll be fine.

Dunul: Are we there yet?

Gene: But... we haven't even taken off yet.

Dunul: Are we there now?

Gene: (mutters) I don't know which is worse, whitesuits, or Jebediah.

Jebediah: See you guys up in space!

Lefty & Crisrod: Yay!

Dunul: Are we there yet?

Gene: WHY IS THE ROCKET STILL ON STILTS!?

Gus (Head of Operations & Engineering): Well, the boys in the VAB didn't have enough time to change the blueprints.

Gene: Did you remember to turn on the autopilot?

Gus: Thankfully, yes. BOBAK!

Bobak: Yes?

Gus: Are you ready to fly the craft?

Bobak: Yep.

Jebediah: Hold on, can I fly it?

All: But-

Jebediah: If you tie in the telemetry to my copy of Human Space Program, I can actually fly it!

Gene: But how could you be able to play HSP?

Jebediah: Hey! Somebody's got to do something while on missions! I wasn't just screaming in delight the whole time y'know!

Gene: Fine, but we'll transfer back to Bobak in case something goes wrong.

Jebediah: Fine with me!

Dunul: Are we there yet?

Lefty: Yay! We're flying!

Crisrod: The stars are so pretty!

Dunul: Are we there yet?
 

Jebediah: Okay Gene, we've reached an encounter of 6km due to inclination.

Jebediah: Okay, I've gotten us to within 1 kilometer.

Jebediah: Okay, here comes the tricky part. I'm a pro at HSP, so what could possibly go wrong?

Jebediah: Hold on, I can't dock, the capsule is in the way!

Gene: Everybody, get off the capsule and seal the hatch! Bob, you decouple the capsule from the DESP 1 before they dock with us!

Jebediah: Almost there...

Jebediah: Wow, we've docked!

All: I can't believe his luck...

Jebediah: What? I see this as an absolute win! Okay everybody, back into the capsule.

Crisrod: Yay, we're here! I wonder how long we'll be here, hopefully in time for dinner!

Gene: (Quietly) Its a ship filled with idiots...

Jebediah: Okay, time to fly the real T&T!

Jebediah: Now wait... wouldn't it be fun if we took the other capsule with us? Hehehehe...

Gene: WHAT ARE YOU-

Jebediah: See, I knew I could do it!

Gene: Well I suppose its less space debri...

Jebediah: See what I did there, this'll make Mortimer's day!

Jebediah: We did it! We're landed!

Gene: I don't know what to say, (TELL ME ALL YOUR SECRETS)

-

Jebediah: Was everyone recovered safely?

All: Well duh...

Gene: Alright, Dunul, we've plotted the trajectory, now, just pull up the throttle lever.

Dunul: Are we there yet?

Gene: THAT'S IT I'M GOING TO TALK TO THE KERBONAUT KORPS ABOUT THEIR TRAINING CURRICULUM

*Storms out of the room*

Lefty: Ooh, what does that button do?

*BSSSSHHHHHHH*

Bobak: Okay, I'll just create a correction burn and set it a little closer...

Bobak: There! Did anybody see that? No... Oh well...

*Silence as there is nobody there*

\

[Space Nerd]

11 hours ago, DunaManiac said:

This looks awesome!

[DunaManiac]

3 hours ago, Space Nerd said:

This looks awesome!

Yeah, the mod Spectra is responsible, the only thing I don't like about it  is that sometimes the lens flares obscures the thing you're actually trying to get a screenshot of.

[Kerminator K-100]

1 hour ago, DunaManiac said:

Yeah, the mod Spectra is responsible

It took me while to find Spectra but I was looking at some of my old screenshots (from before I got Spectra) and they look terrible compared to Spectra screenshots.

Also, great story! Its really funny!

[DunaManiac]

Year 0 Day 227 DED Log

Jedediah: So, Gene, what have you been working on?

Gene: This: the Duna Exploratory Lander.

Gus: How is this a lander?

Gene: Because of those landing legs at the bottom.'

Gus: Oh, it's really hard to see.

Jebediah: Seems a little bit optomistically placed, even for you Gene.

Gene: Moooving on, it has a scientific array.

Gene: It features a super computer by Del, along with seismic, temperature, atmospheric, and ore scanners.  Gus, it's your turn.

Gus: BEHOLD! THE MIGHTY ROCKET!

Jebediah: APROVED!

Gene: But-

Jebediah: THAT ROCKET IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL I'VE EVER SEEN!

Gene: *Sighs*

Year 0 Day 227 DED Log

Gene: And we have liftoff!

Gene: Bobak! What's with all the exhaust!

Bobak: Sorry, I'll switch the camera feed.

Bobak: Whoops

Bobak: There we go! By the way, is this live coverage.

Gene: Um, yes.

Bobak: Hi everybody! I'm Bobak, has anyone ever heard of me? No... oh, they can't hear me. Never mind.

Gene: Just Do your job Bobak.

Gene: Alright, core stage is out, deploying fairings.

Jebediah: Hey! Who designed the fairing like that?

Gene: I'll call up Gus and ask him. Also, core stage has dropped away sucsessfully.

Gene: Deployment sequence has functioned properly. Now, start the burn.

Bobak: Um gene, the probe is entering the atmsosphere! It's engine wasn't powerful enough to get into orbit!

Gene: What?!

Bobak: Temperature sensors report that it's glowing red hot!

Bobak: Gene! The lander is on fire!

Bobak: I'm now totally burning upwards, the lander is burning!

Bobak: Ok! I've reached orbital velocity, just got to cruise through the atmosphere now...

Gene: WHAT?! You're going to let it cook like a fried snack there?!

Bobak: I've gotten it out all right! The adapter is red hot but we'll be fine, the solar panels, communications and science array wasn't damaged.

Gene: Odd, shouldn't the solar panels and communications devices been destroyed?

Munwise (Random Engineer): See! I told Gus to add reinforced solar panels and communications devices! Take that Jezzor! *Maniacal Laughter*

Gene: Alright, it appears that the-

Jebediah: Wow! So entertaining, thanks Gene for getting it out of there! It's almost as fun as seeing it crash!

Gene: *Sigh* I've plotted a course to Duna, we'll be burning there in 22 minutes.

Gene: I am happy to report that the injection burn has begun, taking us to Duna.

Gene: Staging.

Jebediah: Aw man! It's dark! How can I see anything?! Make it brighter Gene!

Gene: I wish.

Gene: BOBAK!

Bobak: I've plotted a maneuver, it will pass within 150 days.

Gene: Take a cinematic shot while you're at it.

Bobak: Whoops! Wrong way!

All: BOBAK! TAKE ONE CAMERA SHOT RIGHT!

On 8/25/2020 at 9:43 AM, Kerminator1000 said:

Also, great story! Its really funny!

Actually, fun fact, all the mishaps I had were actual errors, not part of the story.

[Kerminator K-100]

1 hour ago, DunaManiac said:

Actually, fun fact, all the mishaps I had were actual errors, not part of the story.

I'm doing something like this, with my career game, and I installed BARIS, Kerbal Health, and Snacks for all the various mistakes and explosions then documenting it as a story. To limit myself even more, I'm only allowed to take screenshots from the ground or the inside of the capsule or the side of the rocket (one exception is that if I launch a small camera or am on EVA I can take a shot). That way it adds realism. 

Its been a few days and I'm cursing myself for getting myself into this.