Science Jokes

[Fr8monkey]

Q: What's the difference between Max Factor and Quantum Theorist?

A: Max Factor has models that work.

*Heisenberg was driving down the Autobahn whereupon he was pulled over by a policeman. The policeman asked, "Do you know how fast you were going back there? Heisenberg replied, "No, but I know where I am."

*Two atoms bump into each other. One says "I think I lost an electron!" The other asks, "Are you sure?", to which the first replies, "I'm positive."

*A neutron walks into a bar and ask how much for a drink. The bartender looks at him and says "For you, no charge"

*Some helium floats into a bar and the bartender says: "Sorry, we don't serve noble gases here."

The helium doesn't react.

*Two professors went to a bar. Prof 1: I want some H2O. Prof 2: I want some H2O too... Prof 2 died.

*A Higgs-Boson walks into a church and the preist says "Hey! We don't allow you lot in here"

and the Higgs-Boson replies "But without me you can't have mass"

*In the physicist heaven, they decide to play tag and Einstein is counting. They all run to hide except Newton who is staying a few meters from Einstein...

While counting (45...46...47...), Einstein sees that Newton is drawing something on the ground. When the count is up (50!!!), Albert move to Isaac, standing on his very beautiful square shape drawing.

Albert: Tag, you're it!!!

Isaac: I don't think so!!!

Albert: what do you mean, Isaac? You're not protected while being in that shape.

Isaac: No, but i'm a Newton on 1 square meter...you caught Pascal!!!

[Depth]

Hahaha

I read a few good math jokes a while back, a quick google found them

A physicist, a biologist, and a mathematician are sitting on a bench across from a house. They watch as two people go into the house, and then a little later, three people walk out.

The physicist says, "The initial measurement was incorrect."

The biologist says, "They must have reproduced."

And the mathematician says, "If exactly one person enters that house, it will be empty."

Infinitely many mathematicians walk into a bar. The first says, "I'll have a beer." The second says, "I'll have half a beer." The third says, "I'll have a quarter of a beer." The fourth says, "I'll have an eighth of a beer." The barman pulls out just two beers. The mathematicians are all like, "That's all you're giving us? How drunk do you expect us to get on that?" The bartender says, "Come on guys. Know your limits."

[MC.STEEL]

How to insult a mathematician;

YOUR BRAIN IS ANY X<0!!!

btw the last one about scientist heaven was a killer and wadsworth from fallout 3 says a similar joke to 2 and 3... ah the memories

Edited November 13, 2013 by MC.STEEL

[hugix]

A mathematician goes to a conference in another city and checks in at his hotel. When he walks towards his room he notices all the fire safety measurements, the emergency signs and exits. The fire extinguishers. the smoke alarms and all.And what do you guess, later that day a big fire breaks out in the hotel and everybody has to evacuate the hotel.

when the fire department makes a sweep trough the hotel one firemen finds the mathematician in his room just doodling some graphs on a piece of paper and enjoying his math.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING MAN! THERE IS A FIRE WHY AREN'T YOU OUTSIDE".

To which the mathematician replies "Well I saw the emergency exits, the fire extinguishes, the detectors. The equation is solved. Now I'm just waiting for an engineer to implement the solution."