Kerbal History

[problemecium]

4325: Construction of the hybrid Magnetoplasmokrakubierre Drive spacecraft is finally completed, and an expedition is launched into the most remote depths of space. Barring any unforeseen catastrophes, it should reach the edge of the known universe within six years.

4326: The GARDARP catches wind of the secret development of the Magnetoplasmokrakubierre thruster and immediately bans its use in all future spacecraft for any purpose, although too late to stop the in-progress exploration mission. Meanwhile, construction begins of the Great Kathedral of Khalesm.

[Designer225]

4331: As the ship stops, the captain of the ship found out that they were never out of the particle horizon. Before he decided on whether to continuing, one of the crew member told him that the chase for the edge of the observable universe is futile and he should stop. The expedition ended with the return of the crew, again 6 years later.

4332: Construction of Keverest Tunnel began in KRC (Kerbals' Republic of China). Some doubt that the Chinese Kerbals will finish it.

4333: Amid the doubts, the Keverest Tunnel is completed. The railroad continues to extend, but the coverage about it is finished.

4337: The expedition returns to Kerbin. Other than that, literately, metaphorically, and figuratively nothing have happened this year.

[Wahgineer]

4338: The Rail tunnel caves in under the great weight of the mountain.

4340: The Microverse is accessed. The Kerbals aim to go through and research this heavily shrunken down universe.

[problemecium]

4341: A visitor to the exhibition of the Magnetoplasmokrakubierre Expedition at the Kerbonian Institution notices something missing from the ship, namely no evidence of the snacks having been properly removed post-flight. Investigations find that the crew had absentmindedly left all the snacks at the edge of the universe, and the ship is sent back in an emergency relaunch to retrieve the snacks. They are very important, after all.

4342: A biopic is released detailing the exploits of Kaptain Kerbin and his struggle to defeat the Winter Kerbonaut. The Winter Kerbonaut sues the Motion Picture Association of Kerbin for using his likeness in a commercial film without prior consent, and uses the settlement money to build an ice palace in the mountains. Shortly thereafter an obnoxious gerbal moves in next to him and drives him crazy with her incessant singing and building of snowkerbals.

4343: Bob Kerman dies of old age. A week later he shows up to work in perfect health as if nothing had happened.

[Lundmunchkins]

4350: Scientists perfect their technique of creating artificial Kerbals (by using DNA from other kerbals). However because the scientists do nothing but boring tests on him, the Kerbal decides to put himself in stasis, and wait until something exciting happens.

4350.3: Kerbals discover a planet orbiting a star some 10 million light-years away. They send a mission up to it, and the artificial Kerbal wakes up to join the mission.

Edited May 4, 2014 by Lundmunchkins

[Designer225]

4338: The Rail tunnel caves in under the great weight of the mountain.

That reminds me of the Chinese shoddy construction projects...

4351: An asteroid hit a location near Chelyabinsk but did negligible damages.

[problemecium]

4352: Noah Kerman descends from Mt. Kinai carrying the fifteen- ...ten! Ten Kommandments. Among them are: 1. If it doesn't move and it should, add more boosters. 2. If it does move and it shouldn't, add more struts. 3. Any landing after which you can stand up and walk away is a successful landing.

4353: The deep-space Magnetoplasmokrakubierre mission finally reaches the point at which it had been calculated they had left the snacks. There they discover something altogether mind-boggling: at the very edge of the universe was a colossoal, Whackjobian assemblage of struts that spanned from one end of the universe all the way to the other, preventing it from collapsing. The kaptain dubs the structure the "Sacred Strut".

C'mon people, don't let the thread die NOW! We're almost done!

Edited May 15, 2014 by parameciumkid

[Guest]

4401 : A Asteroid the size of Gilly hits Kerbin and kills 95% of all Kerbals that ever existed.

4402 : Jebediah and Kirrim Kerman go to rescue the kerbals that survived the impact.

4402.5 : Kerbin's water has completely evaporated.

4403 : Kirrim and Jeb go to The new Chix Mothership

4405 : All kerbals on Kerbin are dead. or have left.

4419 : Kerbins moons lose orbit

4420 : Kerbin's Debris hits Duna.

4420 : Minmus flies into Kerbol.

4420 : Mun flies into Kerbol.

Edited May 15, 2014 by Guest

[K3achas]

4490: Kerbin and the kerbals magical reappear.

[Guest]

Re-write of K3achas.

Kerbin survived.

The Mun didn't

Minmus didn't

4479: A plant starts growing.

4479.5 : Water Vapor turns into water

4480: Artificial Kerbals are made on Kerbin.

4490: Kerbal civilization is rebuilt.... But Kerbin remains shattered with no Mun or Minmus.

[Guest]

4491 : Jeb and Kirrim Tell the Kerbals Kerbin is still existant after the missiles and gilly size asteroid.

[problemecium]

4492: The Mun is discovered. Officially this time. Kerbals all over the world hope that their civilization will become smarter and more civilized over the next few centuries.

4493: The GARDARP is refounded, and together with the various Kerbal governments enacts a ban on all space-based weaponry. From this point forward, no weapons will be available for use by the Kerbal Space Program, and further space exploration is to be a peaceful endeavor for the good of all Kerbalkind. Of course, some Kerbals do still attempt to make weapons out of things like sepratrons, but all in all this year marks the dawn of a new era. Hopefully this will also prevent any future catastrophes that require the rebuilding of Kerbal civilization, because that's a big pain for everyone.

4494: The Magnetoplasmokrakubierre expedition returns to Kerbin (again), and the crew share their incredible discovery of the Sacred Strut. Oddly enough, this does not cause any major conflicts or philosophical debates, as everyone had a general feeling there was something like that all along. Still, it was good that someone went there and documented it.

[Guest]

4494.5 : Ignoring the new law. Kirrim goes on a mission to destroy the Chix Mothership after Zombals infected the crew.

4494.6 : Jeb Evacuates the Chix Mothership.

4494.6 : Kirrim destroys the Chix Mothership.

4496 : Jeb dies of old age. After being older than the fireworks.

4500 : The Kraken is seen out of Kirrim's ship.

4500.1 : The Kraken destroys Kirrim's EVA suit and ship. And Kirrim is dead

[Souper]

Year 670: After 10 years of being stranded on Minmus, the kerbonauts finally lose it...

They re-awake after being in stasis for over 4,000 years and find long-lost Evebal technology, and conquer Kerbin.

[Tangle]

4502 : The kerbal rererereconstitutionariator is invented, allowing all Kerbals immortality but only if they're rich. However, it doesn't work on anything else.

4503 : The kerbal government collapses for a while after this unfairness.

4541: The New Kerbin Government fails, as Kerbals realize all the evil guys get immortality too.

4591: The New Evebals attack. Then the Kerbals realize they have booster guns.

Edited May 15, 2014 by Tangle

[Guest]

4600 : The Milky Way Galaxy mysteriously dissapears.

4601 : The Kerbals realize that the Kraken destroyed the Milky Way

4602 : Eve loses orbit and Mysteriously and bashes into Kerbol.

4602.5 : The Kraken is found to have uncontrollable power. The Kraken can't control It.

4603 : KST-143 Space Shuttle mission. Space Shuttle Resolute is on a Mission to Bop to Calm the kraken's uncontrollable powers

[Souper]

Year 5000: After 397 years of kerbal/kraken kombat, Kerbals finally win (kerbals = older than the kraken), via SQUAD coming up with v.1.0

[Guest]

Super.... Hell no.

4605 : The Shuttle Mission lands

4605.1 : The Crew *****s up and the kraken unleashes a huge pulse. The Shuttle is now stranded and waiting for rescue.

4605.2 : The Joolian System dissapears.

4606 : The Kraken's Powers get too uncontrollable.

4606.1 : The KSS Spirit of Kerbin is recovered

4607 : The Spirit of Kerbin Bombards Bop.

4607.1 : The Kraken loses control of his powers and collides 20 galaxies (Including the Kalaxy) together.

[victory143]

Fyre Flare, guess what? You don't control time

Year 4607: The Sacred Strut snapped and Killed the Kraken and put Eve and Kerbin's moons back in orbit. Also no asteroid hit and the Kau reappeared in Billions of star systems (they are back ). This is because when the strut snapped, reality stopped. An alternate timeline started.

Edited May 16, 2014 by victory143

[Guest]

Actual Timeline:

4700 : Kerbal Kind is fine... For now...

4701 : Gravity is destabilizing due to Kraken's Destabilizing powers

[problemecium]

4702: Jebediah comes back from his long vacation, along with Kirrim. They enjoyed some deep platonic bonding time and are now pals.

4704: Mad scientists at GARDARP HQ make a contract with the Kraken to ensure more or less peaceable relations for the forseeable future. Henceforth, any attempt by a civilization to invade or destroy another civilization's home planet will be met with one Floating Point. If any Kerbal, or the crew of any ship, station, or other space-based structure accumulates too many Floating Points, they are listed in the GARDARP's criminal database as free game for the Kraken to eat with no retaliation.

4705: the Taurus HCV is invented, creating the possibility to transport large numbers of Kerbals within a single compact, durable module.

[victory143]

Actual Actual timeline.

Year 4607: The Sacred Strut snapped and Killed the Kraken and put Eve and Kerbin's moons back in orbit. Also no asteroid hit and the Kau reappeared in Billions of star systems (they are back ). This is because when the strut snapped, reality stopped. An alternate timeline started.

[The Jeb.]

Y 4608 All dead kerbals respawned, strangely, by the dead kraken soul, he died and eliberated them

Edited May 17, 2014 by The Jeb.

[Tangle]

Actual Actual timeline.

Year 4607: The Sacred Strut snapped and Killed the Kraken and put Eve and Kerbin's moons back in orbit. Also no asteroid hit and the Kau reappeared in Billions of star systems (they are back ). This is because when the strut snapped, reality stopped. An alternate timeline started.

HAHA NO. WE ARE NOT DOING THAT AGAIN.

4706: The world begins to restabilize, when all of a sudden Eve's atmosphere becomes far more dense, killing the several missions sent there.

4707: Eve's atmosphere returns to normal.

4708: The 100 year anniversary of the Great Rebirth occurs. Many kerbals are accidentally killed in the celebration.

[Souper]

Year 4709: Kerbalkind teams up with the Kraken and manages to militarize hundreds of solar system.

While this song plays: http://www.infinitelooper.com/?v=BqJeXWNUEtg