Chemistry humor

[Starwaster]

I laughed so long and so hard that my cat was staring at me in concern.

[Spartwo]

It's been overused.

[rpayne88]

This was on the front page of a chemistry test:

Johny was a chemist's son

But Johny is no more

For what Johny thought was H2O

Was H2SO4

[trvtannenberg]

More like pharmacological pun: do not **** with dopamine. That refer to fact that dopaminergics have nasty side effects and/or cause addiction and role of dopamine in arousal.

Edited December 9, 2013 by trvtannenberg

[fatfluffycat]

What the worst subject in school?

Chemistry

haha

[Galacticruler]

[ZedNova]

Why would they even consider serving hydrogen peroxide at a bar or restaurant?

[Deadpangod3]

I laughed so long and so hard that my cat was staring at me in concern.

I don't get it, H2O too? Is that susposed be two?

In that case, what's H2O 2? Anti water?

[vetrox]

Nothing like a classic

[Tex_NL]

I don't get it, H2O too? Is that susposed be two?

In that case, what's H2O 2? Anti water?

H₂O₂ is Hydrogen peroxide. Very corrosive (strong oxidizer) and pretty dangerous in higher concentrations.

[Smidge204]

A mosquito was heard to exclaim

"A chemist has poisoned my brain!"

The cause of her sorrow

Was paradichloro

diphenyltrichloroethane.

People who like this tread might also enjoy: http://pipeline.corante.com/archives/things_i_wont_work_with/

IIn that case, what's H2O 2? Anti water?

H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. It is nasty stuff.

=Smidge=

[Deadpangod3]

H₂O₂ is Hydrogen peroxide. Very corrosive (strong oxidizer) and pretty dangerous in higher concentrations.

Oh I get it now, lol

Wouldn't it melt his stomach though?

[Tex_NL]

Oh I get it now, lol

Wouldn't it melt his stomach though?

Not melt it, just burn it.

I work with diluted H₂O₂ on a regular basis in the brewery. Get the 'undiluted' 10% solution on your bare hands and you're certain to notice it. Trust me, I speak from experience.

[Deadpangod3]

Not melt it, just burn it.

I work with diluted H₂O₂ on a regular basis in the brewery. Get the 'undiluted' 10% solution on your bare hands and you're certain to notice it. Trust me, I speak from experience.

Ouch...

(Tenchars)

[lajoswinkler]

Oh I get it now, lol

Wouldn't it melt his stomach though?

100% hydrogen peroxide is impossible to make because it decomposes quickly. You can make >95% but it will last for a short time, a day maybe until the percentage drops below, unless you put some decomposition inhibitors inside.

You can buy 35% as a lab reagent and 3% for treating skin conditions.

Beware of youtube - if you do a search regarding this compound, most of the hits will refer to fraudulent clips regarding ingestion of this compound to treat cancer etc. It does destroy cancer cells just like an atomic bomb does. Or a gun.

Consuming it even in 3% solution would cause damage to your stomach lining, increasing the chance of ulcer development.

If you drink a small sip of >95% solution, it would form a highly corrosive mixture with 0.5% HCl in your stomach and that would start eating through your tissue but before your stomach is penetrated, your oesophagus, wet from the chemical, would swell and you'd gargle and suffocate in foam of H2O2 and mucous proteins. The foam would probably catch fire.

If you ingest more of it, like a whole glass, your stomach would start burning like rocket fuel after your oesophagus. If your oesophageal sphyncter gives way, your charred oesophagus would act as a chimney for the hell in your tummy... at least for a few seconds before the fire rips open your stomach.

If it doesn't give way, your stomach would pop from all the gases and fire inside.

35% just gives very painful skin burns that look like tiny, smelly, white blisters.

Peroxide enters your skin, breaks down tissues and the broken cells release enzymes that accelerate its decomposition to water an O2, so your tissue forms a solid foam filled with oxygen and oxidized proteins. The foam is white because tiny bubbles disperse the light. The pain is considerable and it takes a long time before your skin looks fine.

Bottom line - don't **** with peroxide.

[Starwaster]

What would the Isp be? (of ingested H2O2)

[lajoswinkler]

What would the Isp be? (of ingested H2O2)

I don't know if you're joking or not, but in case you aren't, it would be negligible.

[Somejob]

So argon walks into a bar and the bartender tells him "sorry we don't serve noble gases"...he had no reaction.

[Tex_NL]

...

...

Bottom line - don't **** with peroxide.

Oh yeah, that looks painfully familiar. Burns from 10% look nearly identical. You won't get blisters but it itches like hell.

[rpayne88]

Oh yeah, that looks painfully familiar. Burns from 10% look nearly identical. You won't get blisters but it itches like hell.

I've heard that it can be used as a remedy to a "mucousy" throat. I've gargled with the kind you can buy at CVS with no problem (and it still cleared my throat.)

[lajoswinkler]

I've heard that it can be used as a remedy to a "mucousy" throat. I've gargled with the kind you can buy at CVS with no problem (and it still cleared my throat.)

It kills living cells, so it will kill bacteria and fungi, too, so you can gargle it occasionally and treat foot odor. However if you gargle, use only 3% and lower concentrations, and you must spit it out afterwards.

[Needles_10]

So argon walks into a bar and the bartender tells him "sorry we don't serve noble gases"...he had no reaction.

The bartender should have charged Argon. Then he'd be more illuminated.

[stupid_chris]

And what do they do with Chemist who die drinking peroxyde?

They baryum.

[KvickFlygarn87]

This one has got to be said already but here's an awesome pickup line:

"Hey babe, are you full of beryllium, gold and titanium? Because you are Be-au-ti-ful!"

Okay, that one was terrible. But all the good jokes argon!

[dudester28]

Here are a couple cheesy ones:

What you do when you are a cloud- Uranium

What you do in a play- Actinium

A funny inmate- Silicon

What the doctor tells you to stick out- Tungsten

I apologize to mankind