Survive That Attack!

[Souper]

I eat the rocket. 'Nuff said.

The smell of onions fills the next poster's nose as Shrek appears.

[megatiger78]

my helmet filters the onions out so I can shoot Shrek with a rocket launcher.

next poster is eaten by super after he rages at my ninja skills. yes super if you post next you are trying to eat yoursself

[Souper]

I am unable to eat myself due to the pain associated with attempting to do so.

I go back in time.

============================

The smell of onions fills the next poster's nose as Shrek appears.

==============================

[megatiger78]

see my last post and next poster explodes from my ninja skills

[Engineer of Stuff]

But I have backed-up myself, so I just copy myself back over.

The next poster disappears and is never seen again.

[Guest alemagno12]

same as the previous post.

the next poster explodes

[Designer225]

Fake fire. Always the magician's trick.

The next poster explodes for real.

[AletzN1]

Within 10cm away from you.

Congratulations you got bone shrapnel on your squishy brain.

The next guy gets bone shrapnel aswell.

[Designer225]

I'm a robot, and I have a backup brain, so it does not affect me at all.

I bite the next poster.

[Souper]

You don't have a mouth.

Venera 13 decided it has a mini gun, the ability to fly, and a lust for killing next posters!

[victory143]

I am a Space Marine, and I chainsword it to death.

I don a suit of centurion armor and kill the next poster.

[GreeningGalaxy]

I am wearing graphene-composite powered armor, and don't really care about such frivolities as swords.

I steal the next poster's homework, which was due in 10 minutes.

[megatiger78]

I am also a space marine, and I acid-spit you then take it back (space marines can do that right?) then shoot the next poster

[Designer225]

[COLOR="#800080"]public class[/COLOR] SurviveThatAttack {
    [COLOR="#008000"]// YourDefense is my defense, and YourHealth is my health [/COLOR]
    [COLOR="#800080"]private static int [/COLOR][COLOR="#0000FF"]YourHealth[/COLOR] = 200;
    [COLOR="#800080"]private static int [/COLOR][COLOR="#0000FF"]YourDefense [/COLOR]= 50;
    [COLOR="#800080"]private static int [/COLOR][COLOR="#0000FF"]enemyHealth[/COLOR] = 200;
    [COLOR="#800080"]private static int [/COLOR][COLOR="#0000FF"]enemyDefense[/COLOR];

    [COLOR="#800080"]public static void[/COLOR] main (String[] [COLOR="#FF8C00"]args[/COLOR]) {
        [I]defend[/I](30);
        [I]attack[/I](2000);
        [COLOR="#008000"]// Next poster, fill in this line here.[/COLOR]
    }

    [COLOR="#800080"]public static void[/COLOR] defend ([COLOR="#800080"]int[/COLOR] [COLOR="#FF8C00"]x[/COLOR]) {
        [COLOR="#800080"]if[/COLOR] ([COLOR="#FF8C00"]x[/COLOR] > [COLOR="#0000FF"]YourDefense[/COLOR]) {
            [COLOR="#0000FF"]YourHealth[/COLOR] = [COLOR="#FF8C00"]x[/COLOR] - [COLOR="#0000FF"]YourDefense[/COLOR];
        }
    }

    [COLOR="#800080"]public static void [/COLOR]attack ([COLOR="#800080"]int[/COLOR] [COLOR="#FF8C00"]x[/COLOR]) {
        [COLOR="#800080"]if [/COLOR]([COLOR="#FF8C00"]x[/COLOR] > [COLOR="#0000FF"]enemyDefense[/COLOR]) {
            [COLOR="#0000FF"]enemyHealth [/COLOR]= [COLOR="#FF8C00"]x[/COLOR] - [COLOR="#0000FF"]enemyDefense[/COLOR];
        }
    }
}

A programmer's way to say that your acid attack did nothing to me, and that I fry the next poster.

Edited October 9, 2014 by Designer225

[Vaporo]

[COLOR=#800080]private class[/COLOR] SurviveThatAttack {
    [COLOR=#008000]// YourDefense is my defense, and YourHealth is my health [/COLOR]
    [COLOR=#800080]private static int [/COLOR][COLOR=#0000FF]YourHealth[/COLOR] = 200;
    [COLOR=#800080]private static int [/COLOR][COLOR=#0000FF]YourDefense [/COLOR]= 50;
    [COLOR=#800080]private static int [/COLOR][COLOR=#0000FF]enemyHealth[/COLOR] = 200;
    [COLOR=#800080]private static int [/COLOR][COLOR=#0000FF]enemyDefense[/COLOR];

    [COLOR=#800080]public static void[/COLOR] main (String[] [COLOR=#FF8C00]args[/COLOR]) {
        [I]defend[/I](30);
        [I]attack[/I](2000);
        [COLOR=#008000]// Next poster, fill in this line here.[/COLOR]
    }

    [COLOR=#800080]public static void[/COLOR] defend ([COLOR=#800080]int[/COLOR] [COLOR=#FF8C00]x[/COLOR]) {
        [COLOR=#800080]if[/COLOR] ([COLOR=#FF8C00]x[/COLOR] > [COLOR=#0000FF]YourDefense[/COLOR]) {
            [COLOR=#0000FF]YourHealth[/COLOR] = [COLOR=#FF8C00]x[/COLOR] - [COLOR=#0000FF]YourDefense[/COLOR];
        }
    }

    [COLOR=#800080]public static void [/COLOR]attack ([COLOR=#800080]int[/COLOR] [COLOR=#FF8C00]x[/COLOR]) {
        [COLOR=#800080]if [/COLOR]([COLOR=#FF8C00]x[/COLOR] > [COLOR=#0000FF]enemyDefense[/COLOR]) {
            [COLOR=#0000FF]enemyHealth [/COLOR]= [COLOR=#FF8C00]x[/COLOR] - [COLOR=#0000FF]enemyDefense[/COLOR];
        }
    }
}

You forgot to give an initial value to enemyDefense, so it becomes an arbitrary interger that happens to be greater than 2000. (This happens in c++, but I'm not sure if this happens with c# or not.)

NextPosterHealth=0;

EvilLaugh=true;

EvilLaughDuration=10000;

[Designer225]

I don't C++ or C#; I do Java. In Java an unspecified number is the equivalent of 0 (or 0.0 in float and double). So... since I use Java, you are beaten.

Good attack on defeat, though, but I closed my computer before I even run that program, and throw the computer to the next poster.

[GreeningGalaxy]

I catch the free laptop and store it in my hoard of cast-off computers.

Using my hoard of cast-off computers, I mount a massive DDoS attack on the next poster's brain, which largely takes the form of Really Funny .Gifs interspersed with links to TVtropes.

[megatiger78]

my brain is basically 100% that already so I return with my old forum sig gif which is about 5mb so It crashes all phones on the planet then explodes them.

next poster is standing in an apple store when this happens

[-ELF-]

And I went to Apple Store wearing a class-7 battle engineers protective suit, because I was going to blow all the thing up to smithereens, and it just blown itself in front of my eyes. Beautyful...

I throw a 70 ton of trotil equivalent explosive charge set to 10 seconds to the next poster and disappear, whistling in the darkness...

[mrrpamplemousse]

I cut the red wire.

I also cut the next poster's throat.

[megatiger78]

you make a scratch n my space marine armour, which affects my space marine armour scratch OCD that all space marines have, so I kill you.

the next poster made me get blood on my sword, so I kill them

[GreeningGalaxy]

Your sword dissolves as it approaches the increased-lightspeed zone surrounding my body, its electrons suddenly jumping to higher Bohr radii. This completely messes up all the nice chemistry holding it together in the shape of a metal blade.

I fling the area of this effect through you and towards the next poster.

[Designer225]

It is too weak to change anything by the time it reaches me.

It picks up in strength, however, and heads toward the next poster.

[Guest Fyre Flare]

No.

I will now 1/3 of every nuclear weapon on the next 3 posters.

[Designer225]

You took out the ignition devices, so it buries itself on the ground.

The next poster will receive another 1/3 of the nuclear weapon.