Survive That Attack!

[Sesni]

I use my kraken-away to get the foam away.

The user below me is being talked to death by people who believe that consoles are 300% superior than PC.

[Captain Sierra]

I open my $900 gaming desktop, take out one of my RAM sticks, and slit my throat to end the suffering.

The next user's most expensive electronic device explodes in their face.

[megatiger78]

tHe PoWeR oF nEgReP dEfEnDs Me

NeXt PoStEr SuMoNs GiC tHe WrOnG wAy

[Sesni]

I do not know how to summon the Green Iron Crown, therefore I would never do it. Logic.

The poster below me (uses grammar, wait, wrong game.) is submerged in a tank of liquid oxygen.

[Captain Sierra]

The LOX boils off, and I am left feeling rather invigorated.

The next user has just been shot out an airlock on a space station, without a helmet.

[michaelsteele3]

Ha! Then nobody is going to post if they don't want to get sho- oh wait a minute...

I die.

I fall and a rock swings out of my hand towards the next person to post.

[Vaporo]

I am traveling near the same velocity as you, so I receive a light tap on my forehead.

The next poster is deleted from existence.

[Tex]

The fact that this post exists begins to dangerously overheat the next poster's brain.

[Captain Sierra]

I promptly install a liquid cooling system.

The next poster is stuck in an industrial refrigerator.

[Starwhip]

:|

I can breathe fire. It's all good.

Next poster is falling from a high-altitude jet with no parachute.

[Tex]

Thinking quickly, I use my RCS thrusters after first enabling infinite EVA fuel and slow myself for a nice touchdown.

The next poster is orbiting in a space station and a large piece of space debris is on a collision course with the station.

[Space_Kraken]

I use the station maneuvering thrusters to safely float away.

The next poster divides their mass times zero.

[flashcactus]

<my mass> × 0 ÷ <something> = 0. Ergo, nothing happens.

I sprinkle some Kraken Bait onto the next poster.

[Captain Sierra]

The kraken is summoned. I shake hands (tentacles?) with it and tell it Danny needed it for a sacrifice. It ran off happily to oblige.

The next poster is on a command-seat lander which has already burned for deorbit.

[Tex]

I eject, stealing the last parachute from the lander, deflecting the attack to the next poster.

[Captain Sierra]

The lander is deorbiting down to Tylo. I land safely, plant a flag, and ascent back to orbit.

The next poster just had a sniper pull the trigger on them from a quarter mile away. You have 0.2 seconds to do something.

[flashcactus]

His rifle had a bogus firing pin installed.

The next poster is falling, alone without any craft, into Jool.

[Tex]

A single tear rolls down my cheek in my spacesuit as I realize there's no escape. I begin feeling the tug of Jool's atmosphere on my suit as I roll onto my back and cast a last look at the ship that brought me here.

I mutter into my microphone, and the automatic self-destruct on the ship engages, all overrides off.

[Captain Sierra]

WTG destroying a 1-man transfer vehicle.

Next poster is on a shuttle reentering down to a laythe base when the vehicle suffers a catastrophic partial disassembly (there's an entire wing missing).

[Sampa]

As the developers have not added the actual reentry heat with the effects, i jump out in a winged flightsuit.

The next person gets attacked by eva-01 in berserker mode.

[Sesni]

I teleport on the other side of the observable universe because that makes sense because I have no idea what EVA-01 is.

The user below me is heated to 142000000000000000000000000000000 degrees Celsius. (Note that that is the temperature physics stops working.)

[Anister]

A reality that kills the next poster

[TonyC]

I switch to the next parallel universe where reality can't kill me.

I send a volley of heavy artillery at the next poster.

[InterCity]

No problem. I'm hiding in a bunker 50 m under the surface.

I send a coke poisoned with clostridium botullinum to the next poster.

[Tex]

I prefer Pepsi.

I cunningly throw a kunai at the next poster.