Survive That Attack!

[temporalExile]

I exhibit both wavelike and particle like behavior .

I throw a spoon at the next poster

[njmksr]

I realize that there is no spoon

I drop a lemon on the next poster from orbit

[kerbiloid]

You realize that dV you can provide was tiny compared to orbital speed, and on the next turn catch the lemon with the spaceship windscreen.

I push a watermelon out of crew hatch, on the way of the next poster, and safely deorbit.

[DaMachinator]

I perform a slight course correction, the watermelon misses me by several kilometers.

I detonate a nuclear weapon in space over the next poster. _{and yes my space capsule is shielded appropriately why do you ask}

[kerbiloid]

Happily, the next poster is already 200 km below (he had landed after deorbit a post before) and even didn't notice the explosion far in the space.

But the explosion took off 3 large communication satellites, and their owners want to meet and thank the person who did it.

Edited September 15, 2016 by kerbiloid

[Dark Junior]

I shot the owners

I send invisible, silent, AT-AT's and sectopods after the next poser

[DaMachinator]

Unfortunately, they still take up space and have mass. They also still emit radiation in other regions of the EM spectrum. I detect them with a wide-spectrum scanner and shoot enough explosives at them to send them on a solar escape trajectory.

[njmksr]

19 minutes ago, DaMachinator said:

Unfortunately, they still take up space and have mass. They also still emit radiation in other regions of the EM spectrum. I detect them with a wide-spectrum scanner and shoot enough explosives at them to send them on a solar escape trajectory.

I capture the sectopods and hand them over to XKOM's Dr. Kahlen

I throw an alligator through the window of the next poster

[ZentroCatson]

Dis is a knoaf!

*terrified alligator screaming*

The frightened alligator flees and attacks the next poster.

[greenTurtle1134]

I shoot the alligator with a gun (Chekhov's gun) and then turn it on the next guy. (Edit: The gun, not the alligator)

The Chekhov thing means that the gun was mine to use because I needed it.

Edited September 15, 2016 by greenTurtle1134
Clarification.

[cantab]

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ChekhovsGun

[TopHeavy11]

I pull a John Cena while pulling a Chuck Norris and mix in a little infinty, and voila, complete invincibility.

 

I let the next poster do what he wants to me because I know I won't feel a thing, and if I do, will immediately win.

[cantab]

Well yeah, but so what. It's the next poster who should worry that they've just had a nuclear bomb pressed up against their eyeball and detonated.

[TopHeavy11]

Remember, invincibility.

 

I shove a nuke down the next posters throat after coating it with super-glue.

[DaMachinator]

I roll 1d20 == 20 to evade. Your attack misses.

I shoot the next poster with the USN's prototype railgun.

[Dark Junior]

You roll a 1=critical failure.

I poke the next user

[ZentroCatson]

And I poke back with a sword.

I shoot the next user with a swiss assault rifle. And those things are pin-point accurate, just so you know.

[DaMachinator]

I coincidentally have a temporary existence failure just before the bullet reaches my expected location.

I pour a bucket of 20-sided dice on the next poster from 2 miles above the ground.

[Dark Junior]

They're all 1's. You miss.

I summon mighty renegade Femshep to murder the next poster

[TopHeavy11]

I summon the might of Chekhov's Gun to help me. It turns out this time it was a simple asteroid, which hits a critical component, and the whole ship explodes.

 

I send the U.S.S. Enterprise after the next poster.

 

On 9/16/2016 at 9:24 AM, Dark Junior said:

I poke the next user

Wait...THAT WAS IN COMIC SAAAAANS!

[ZentroCatson]

The simple illogicalness of that thing makes it disintegrate right after it leaves the dock.

The debris of the USS Enterprise hit the next user.

[TedwinKnockman66]

Whoosh! they are missed.

I use a Land Shark to murder next user

[TopHeavy11]

I use Deus Ex Machina Land Tank to defeat puny Land Shark.

 

The next user is now certainly banished into an inescapeable, never ending lava pit of eternal death.

[Omegagoldfish]

Good thing I'm immune to lava. And pits. 

 

I punch the next user. Really hard. Hard enough to shatter concrete.

[DaMachinator]

Fortunately, concrete is far more brittle than a person.

I give the next poster an existential crisis.