Kerbal History consolidated (mostly)

[HafCoJoe]

This is the History of Kerbals as taken from the post in forum games by Goodle...

Enjoy!

Kerbal History:

250: Kerbals discover use of fire. However, as Kerbin was much drier then than now, much of the vegetation burns down, forcing the Kerbals to find new food sources. They discover a kind of goo in caves that can be eaten when cooked.

263: Kerbals invent the wheel.

264: Intrepid Kerbals start experimenting with the new wheel technology. First major breakthrough: Do not get in front of a fast rolling wheel, it hurts.

310: Kerbals discover attaching stone to wood can chip away stone that can be used to build.

311: Kerbals attach wheels to a large stick with a stone on the front, leading to an unfortunate ending when demonstrated going down a hill to the Kerbal village.

350: Kerbals discover Mystery Goo.

351: gunpowder is invented. The inventor did so by blowing up himself in the experiment.

360: gunpowder is perfected, and a simple "gun" is crafted. They fired it at the ground, and found the kerbal lifted off the ground a meter.

361: gunpowder is discovered to have the ability launch itself into the air when pointed down a tube. The first fireworks are created.

365: The first houses are built. Most houses burnt down due to fireworks display accident. Kerbals achieve civilization.

375: Kerbals develop rocket carts by strapping fireworks to their carts

376: Language, sport and religion are simultaneously invented when {said} rocket cart carries Kerbal into the air after travelling up a very steep slope.

Earliest records the word "fuego", scholars are still mystified about it's meaning...

((Remember Kerbals speak reversed Spanish))

377: First recorded car accident when 2 rocket carts crash into each other. Kerbal blood is discovered to be green when wounds are inspected. a funnel attached to the firework rocket is found to get higher, thus turning into the first SRB. (go tell Jeb's great great great great great great great grandfather. He will be excited. He has the same name so it will be easy to find.

380: first multi staged rocket is built as a mystified Kerbal strapped multiple SRBs on top each other and flew over a hill (this was Bill's ancestor)

364: First pistol invented when a soldier demanded a gun that can only fires 1 bullet at a time and is smaller. First nation : Kerballia is formed. King Jebidiah is crowned

381: the first glider invented as a kerbal held to a wooden board and was kicked down a cliff and lived by gliding. (Bob's ancestor) The kicker is Kirrim Kerman's ancestor

390: Kerbals take their first look towards the stars and invent catapults to attempt to launch themselves to "the pretty lights"

391: Cake is invented as a substitute for snacks being airdropped to stranded Kerbals. It was also found to cause Kerbals to spontaneously loose consciousness while in proximity of cake. Regardless if their space suit was on or off.

400: After realizing more gunpowder= more boom, they sucessfully create a "gunpowder rocket" it flew up to 1km, and the strechyness of the kerbal body was discovered.

401: Electricity is first used for killing as 1 kerbal is struck by lightning

402: Electricity is used for peaceful purposes as it is used to power the first light bulb for a second after the deaths of 25 kerbals that tried to attract lightning

403: A kerbal jumps on top of a firework in order to get "closer to the lightning"

404: History not found.

405: underpants are invented. The peasants rejoice!

406: the kraken is first sighted as a baby squid in the ocean that can fly up and eat birds

415: A kerbal discovers spontaneous combustion within the range of the gunpowder rocket. Various kerbals get frightened by the act of that specific kerbal's bravery.

416: The first suborbital flight is done when a stuntman, Jebidiah Kerman is strapped onto a SRB with ropes and flew. He lived somehow.

417: Bill kerman enters his career by surveying kerbins biome on a "gunpowder car"

420: the first plane is invented as the winged craft goes flying off the cliff face and into the water

420.0001: The first casualty from an accident involving a winged craft occurs

421: Jebediah Kerman is the first person to test pilot a plane on a rocket. When thought of the idea: "Why not?"

422: jebidiah is the first kerman to die in a rocket crash.

423: Jebediah all of a sudden comes back from the dead and forms the religion of Jebtianity. 2 crossed SRBs becomes its symbol.

424: Jeb attaches "More nozzles" that he calls "boosters" It goes fast, but explodes even faster. The phrase MOAR BOOSTERS begins to develop.

425: A kerbal finds a crashed ship in the desert. New materials are discovered and incorporated into their suit's helmets.

426: Jebediah Kerman, in an effort to see how moar boosters would have an effect on speed, accidentally warps time and ends up 2000 years into the future.not is now 2427.

(NOTE: Kerbals have SRB’s 300 years after being hunter gatherers)

427: Kerbals find that oil burns longer than fireworks. liquid fuel (first gen) is born

428: Kerbals now use SRBs to banish exiled criminals

430: Kerbals find that if you refine oil you get other types of fuel.

430.5: While refining oil, one of the Kerbals left the oil refining too long; it, for some reason, turned into an invisible gas. A careless Kerbal daemon started this when he lit a match while the gas was in the air.

431: It is found that the invisible gas turns into liquid when it becomes incredibly cold. The liquid is, in fact, highly flammable, much to the detriment of the 10 kerbals standing closest to it.

432: The first community space programs are formed and the liquid engine is discovered when a kerbal poured oil in to a smoking pipe.

433: The fuel tank is invented said smoking pipe was placed under a leaky oil barrel.

440: After some kind of Kerbal "middle ages" science comes again.Kerbals have been thinking of hmm... surviving? (Jeb was confused hearing this.). They invent a parachute.

445: A weird rock is found (blutonium) that makes kerbals very sick, a ritual mixing of this substance with rocket fuel and drinking it is created to appease the gods, it is known as 'Jeb's coffee'

445.0000001: First death from drinking a poison.

446: Jeb's coffee is banned by the Kerbal States. Meanwhile, Jeb hops on a leaky oil barrel with a smoke pipe on the bottom and flies 1,000........nanometers into the air.

And it keeps going for another 350 or so posts...

Comment if you want!

DO NOT CONTINUE PLEASE I DO NOT WANT TO STEAL THIS POST FROM GOODLE!

[Javster]

The wheel seems to be invented in the tech tree...

[Ph34rb0t]

This is gold!

(Not too keen on using Jeb, Bill and Bob and specifying their ancestors though. Doesn't quite fit the generalized narrative.)

[CaptainKipard]

The way I've always imagined it was that Kerbals one day emerged from caves and simply decided to build a space center.

[Tex]

The way I've always imagined it was that Kerbals one day emerged from caves and simply decided to build a space center.

Yeah, that's pretty much how I think of it, too.

[helaeon]

I'm thinking Kerbals live under ground so their whole planet is a suitable landing location. No cities to hit and craft recovery is quick because there is likely a settlement near by or directly underfoot.

Also may explain the abundance of resources. They extract resources when building their settlements rather than consume them (much like some of the opal mines in Australia).

[OrtwinS]

Kerbals invented the wheel before figuring out how to make tools.

They surely are a race of great engineering talent.