The Venturer Program: Tour of the planets

[RogueMason]

CHAPTER 55: MONUMENT TO STRUGGLES PAST

Dean: “Oi, watch the bloody drill, you idiot.â€Â

Mac: “I’m sorry, were you in the way again? This is one of the drilling spots, you see, so I kind of need to work here.â€Â

Dean: “Yeah, well, I’m busy in this spot. Go somewhere else before you get that ego of yours worked up.â€Â

Bob: *under breath* “Oh great…â€Â

Mac: “Dean, don’t be stubborn, just move.â€Â

Dean: “I’m busy. Good Kod, man, maybe you should get a brain to go with those ears.â€Â

Bob: “Guys.â€Â

Mac: “Well, go and be busy elsewhere, you’re only supposed to be taking samples and drilling beneath the lander!â€Â

Dean: “Perhaps I’m taking a drill sample from here.â€Â

Mac: “That’s what I’ve got the bloody core drill for!â€Â

Bob: “Guys…!â€Â

Dean: “Does it really matter??â€Â

Mac: “Yes! It’s on the mission profile; drill a core sample a couple of metres from the lander in any suitable spot, and you’re on the most suitable spot!â€Â

Dean: “That’s why I’m here, because, as you said, I’m taking samples.â€Â

Mac: “My Kod, you’ll ruin any core sample I try to take from here!â€Â

Dean: “So sue me, then. Geez, it’s a bit of rock! Calm down, youâ€â€Ã¢â‚¬Å“

Dean: “OOF!â€Â

Bob: “Mac!â€Â

Mac: “Bloody idiot. Are you intentionally trying to be disruptive just because it’s me?? Don’t answer that, I already know what you’ll say. Now for Kod’s sake, get the hell away from this spot!â€Â

Dean: “Are you frakking mental?! You could have shattered my visor? What sort of doctor are you??â€Â

Mac: “One who doesn’t stand up for imbecility.â€Â

Bob: “Geez, Mac, stand down!â€Â

Mac: “Sorry, Bob, it had to be done.â€Â

Bob: “No, itâ€â€Ã¢â‚¬Å“

Mac: “Yes, it did, don’t question my actions.â€Â

Bob: “You dare…â€Â

Mac: “Forgive the insubordination, commander, but there’s only so much any one person can take from another before they crack a little.â€Â

Bob: “You’re acting like punching him was no big deal, what the hell?!â€Â

Mac: “Of course it was a big deal, that’s why I hit the side of his helmet and not the visor. If I wanted him dead, I wouldn’t do it here.â€Â

Bob: “Good Kod, Mac, I don’t even know what to say. Just… get back in the landâ€â€Ã¢â‚¬Å“

Dean: “HEEEYARGH!â€Â

Mac: “AGH!â€Â

Bob: “Dean!â€Â

Dean: “Take that you b******!â€Â

Mac’s EVA Comp: [WARNING, COOLANT FLOW FAULT DETECTED]

Mac: “Oh crap!â€Â

Bob: “Kod damn it you two, stand down!â€Â

Dean jetpacks over to Mac, who sees it coming and jetpacks himself to get away.

Dean: “Get back here, Mac!â€Â

Mac: “Stay the hell away from me!â€Â

Dean slams into Mac.

Mac: “OOF!â€Â

Dean: “ARGH!â€Â

Bob: “GUYS, ENOUGH!â€Â

Dean’s EVA Comp: [WARNING, RCS FUNCTIONALITY IMPAIRED]

Dean: “Wha… oh. OOOH!â€Â

Mac: *coughs* Ugh…â€Â

Mac: “OW!â€Â

Dean: “HNGH!â€Â

Bob: “Right, that’s it.â€Â

Bob: “Enough!â€Â

Dean: “Get out of the way, Bob!â€Â

Bob: “Shut up, Dean!â€Â

Dean: “I saidâ€â€Ã¢â‚¬Å“

Bob: “I don’t care what you said, you idiot! You shut up and stand down when I tell you to, is that understood?!â€Â

Dean: “Damn it, Bob!â€Â

Bob: “IS THAT UNDERSTOOD?â€Â

Dean: *intense staring*

Bob: “Well?!â€Â

Dean: “…Fine, just get the hell out of my face.â€Â

Bob: “Good. Mac, the same applies to you, capice?!â€Â

Mac: “…Very well, though I stand by myâ€â€Ã¢â‚¬Å“

Bob: “I don’t want to hear it! Both of you, back in the lander before you keel over. Dean, you’re not flying, I’m taking over.â€Â

Dean: “What?! You dareâ€â€Ã¢â‚¬Å“

Bob: “Damn it, Dean, of course I dare, I’m a superior officer and I’ve just relieved you of duty indefinitely! Both of you!â€Â

Mac: “That’s hardly a good idea considering my posting, Bob.â€Â

Bob: “You can tell Ed what to do, he’s more than competent enough. It’ll be until I decide that you’re both fit for duty again. Lander, now.â€Â

Bob: “Now, we actually have another objective for Bop, but seeing as you two just lost most of your privileges mission-wise, I’m the only one who’s gonna be doing anything at the next site.â€Â

Mac: “The next site…?â€Â

Bob: “Yes. In case you two didn’t notice, we have another flag stowed. We’re visiting an old friend.â€Â

Mac: “…â€Â

Dean: “Wait, you don’t mean…â€Â

Bob: “We’re going to the Kraken.â€Â

Dean: “Insanity. This is utter insanity!â€Â

Bob: “So what? What you two just did back there was insanity, yet you weren’t complaining about that in such a manner! Seriously, you two have no say in what’s happening until I’m satisfied you can behave.â€Â

Bob: “Hmm… ah, there it is.â€Â

Dean: “Should we be concerned that you can just recognise the Kraken from this distance?â€Â

Bob: “I’ve been here once before, I know this place, so no, you shouldn’t be concerned.â€Â

Bob: “Ok, you two are staying inside, not least for the fact that your suits are in no way ready to go back out there. Don’t do anything stupid while I’m gone.â€Â

Mac: “Just… be careful. If anything happens to you, just remember you’ve stripped me of my medical duties.â€Â

Bob: “Don’t threaten me, Mac. I’ll be back in 5 minutes, roughly.â€Â

Bob: “Once more unto the breach, Bob…â€Â

Bob: “It hasn’t changed since the last time…â€Â

Kraken: “Of course I haven’t changed. I’m dead. You killed me.â€Â

Bob: “Good Kod, you’re still lurking around here?â€Â

Kraken: “Just about, mortal. Your bombs annihilated me almost completely. This body remains my only conduit to your world.â€Â

Bob: “Well, I’d say sorry about that, but you did try to wipe us out, so…â€Â

Kraken: “It matters not. I will return stronger than before at some point in the future, and when I do, I’ll – wait, what are you doing?â€Â

Bob: “Oh, don’t mind me, I’m just here to plant a flag commemorating Kerbal solidarity in the face of adversity.â€Â

Kraken: “Plant a flag…?â€Â

Kraken: “OW! How… how did such a simple mortal instrument cause me harm?â€Â

Bob: “Beats me. You’re the semi-omniscient one, you figure it out.â€Â

Kraken: “This is salt to the wound, foul creature. I will still return, and I will succeed in my mission when I do.â€Â

Bob: “Oh yeah, I know why this simple mortal instrument hurt you. It’s got a small Krakensbane radiation emitter in the pole. Have fun trying to gather you armies now.â€Â

Kraken: “Krakensbane radiation? No!â€Â

Bob: “I’m afraid so. Wasn’t my idea, but I have to say, it was rather a clever one. Now, if you don’t mind, I’ve got two imbeciles to keep an eye on, so I’ve got to return to exploring our solar system. Goodbye, Kraken.â€Â

Kraken: “No!â€Â

Bob: “Yep, gotta go.â€Â

Bob re-enters the lander cabin.

Mac: “What happened? You turned your suit communicator off.â€Â

Bob: “Did it occur to you that there might be a reason for that?â€Â

Dean: “You’re in league with the Kraken.â€Â

Bob: “Ah, let’s see, uh… no. Did you notice the flag was humming? Krakensbane generator in the pole. The Kraken will never attack en masse again.â€Â

Dean: “…â€Â

Mac: “Huh, I guess that makes this trip worth it.â€Â

Bob: “It does. Now, let’s get you two idiots back to Enterprise before the tension in here starts weighing us down on this rock.â€Â

[The Error]

Wuh-oh. Got some disagreements happenin' on the Enterprise (or her mission, but you get it).

[wasmic]

Dean: *intense staring*

This part is the best ever. STARING INTENSIFISESES.

[The Error]

[staring intensifies]

[RogueMason]

CHAPTER 56: PREPARATION FOR POL

A few hours later…

Bill: “How… eventful.â€Â

Bob: “They’re lucky to be alive, the way they acted.â€Â

Bill: “Yes, I got that. So I take it you’re keeping an eye on them?â€Â

Bob: “Of course I am, I pretty much told them that. Until I deem them fit for duty, they aren’t doing a damn thing.â€Â

Bill: “And what if we need Mac for an emergency?â€Â

Bob: “I’m pretty sure Ed can handle most things. After all, he’s been shadowing Mac for the past few years while we’ve been out here, and he was already competent to begin with, so…â€Â

Bill: “So… what?â€Â

Bob: “So… we won’t really be needing Mac unless disaster strikes.â€Â

Bill: “Hmm.â€Â

Bob: “I know what you’re thinking, but this is the only way to get those two to cool down, and if that means the chief medical officer being put out of action for a bit, then so be it.â€Â

Bill: “Alright, but I’m bringing him in if we really need him.â€Â

Bob: “Which I pretty much just said we could do.â€Â

Bill: “Yeah.â€Â

Buzz floats into the bridge.

Buzz: “I believe I’m needed?â€Â

Bill: “Yes, I’ve already plotted the course to Pol. We need to get going in a few minutes.â€Â

Buzz: “Right, get everyone strapped in.â€Â

Bob: “I’m on it.â€Â

Aside from the hum of the ship and a few bleeps, the cabin goes silent for a moment.

Buzz: “…It’s weird getting to pilot the ship so much.â€Â

Bill: “How so?â€Â

Buzz: “It’s usually Jeb, but obviously he’s on Laythe… hell, it’s weird without Jeb here.â€Â

Bill: “You’re telling me…â€Â

Buzz: “Heh.â€Â

Bill: “We’d have Jim or Dean flying the ship, too, but they’ve sort of been problematic as of late, so you’re the only one in any reasonable state to take the helm.â€Â

Buzz: “Well, I may be focused right now, but I wouldn’t say I’m in any reasonable state. I’m still a bit torn up from Eve. I’m just stuffing all that to one side.â€Â

Bill: “I thought you’d got better?â€Â

Buzz: “I have, much better. I’m in control of myself, but occasionally, I’ll feel a bit paranoid. It’s nothing of any major concern, Bill, so don’t worry. Commencing burn in 20 seconds.â€Â

Bill: “Roger. Well, so long as you are actually fine...â€Â

Buzz: “I am.â€Â

Bill: “Good.â€Â

ANSI/Stanley: “10 seconds to burn. All systems nominal.â€Â

A few moments later…

ANSI/Stanley: “We are now on an escape trajectory. Plotting Pol transfer manoeuvre.â€Â

Bill: “Let me help, Stanley.â€Â

ANSI/Stanley: “Of course.â€Â

Some time later…

Bill: “There, we’re on the way to Pol.â€Â

Buzz: “Good. At least it wasn’t as elusive as Bop.â€Â

Bill: “Fortunately. I’m getting a little concerned regarding our fuel supplies.â€Â

Buzz: “There’s plenty there for a few more burns, we’ll be fine.â€Â

Lengas: “Yeah, we’re still good for a bit.â€Â

Bill: “Ok, if you say so.â€Â

Lengas: “Aw, don’t say that, we’ll get a fuel leak now.â€Â

Bill: “Ha.â€Â

16 days later…

ANSI/Stanley: “We are approaching the burn point.â€Â

Buzz: “Got it.â€Â

Bill: “5 seconds…â€Â

Buzz: “That’s halfway. This doesn’t take much fuel, does it?â€Â

Bill: “Not really, thankfully. We’ll be orbiting pretty slowly, though.â€Â

ANSI/Stanley: “Orbit achieved, calculating circularisation manoeuvres.â€Â

Bill: “Already done, Stanley.â€Â

ANSI/Stanley: “Oh, very well, Commander.â€Â

Bill: “Sorry.â€Â

ANSI/Stanley: “There is no need to apologise.â€Â

Bill: “Ok then.â€Â

Buzz: “Right, well, I suppose I’m sticking around here for a little longer then, huh?â€Â

Bill: “Just a little longer.â€Â

Buzz: “Alright. Just… pass me a chocolate bar from the cupboard there, would you?â€Â

Laythe…

Captain’s Log, entry 27: It’s getting a little stormy, here. I saw flashes of lightning in the distance, and the thunderclaps… my Kod, the thunderclaps were genuinely awesome! I’ve never heard anything like them on Kerbin, and thunderstorms back home were always pretty impressive, so for these ones here to be so staggeringly amazing, I’m suspecting bad stuff. Like, concentrated ionised radiation packets bad stuff. It’s also gusting a gale out there, so I’m hiding in the cockpit for now. It’s actually raining, too. Rain, what an odd sight, after so long.

It’s making me feel homesick. I just want to go home. I heard that Enterprise just got to Pol, so I’m gonna be stuck here for a few more weeks by the looks of it, the thought of which isn’t too pleasing. Oh, that leads me onto item 3…

I’m all out of snacks. I’ve got rations, but no snacks. Kod help me.

[RogueMason]

CHAPTER 57: THREE SITES

Two hours later…

Buzz: “That’s it.â€Â

Lengas: “Excellent. It won’t be long now, folks, and we’ll be down on my favourite moon.â€Â

Cal: “It’s my favourite moonlet, too.â€Â

Lengas: “And with good reason, eh?â€Â

Cal: “Yup.â€Â

Lengas: “Ok, just keep your eyes peeled for good landing sites.â€Â

Buzz: “Well, if Pol is as good as you claim it to be, then I’m seeing good landing sights everywhere.â€Â

Lengas: “Ok, something that stands out, then…â€Â

Buzz: “Hang on, I’m just gonna circularise the orbit.â€Â

Lengas: “Ok.â€Â

Buzz: “There, now this scouting will be easier.â€Â

Cal: “Say, what do you think of this upcoming site?â€Â

Lengas: “The one by the mountain?â€Â

Cal: “That’s the one.â€Â

Buzz: “Mountain?â€Â

Lengas: “Yeah, that looks good. Nicely spotted, Cal.â€Â

Cal: “No problem.â€Â

Buzz: “Sorry, you said mountain?â€Â

Lengas: “Just at the foot of one, Buzz, it looks flat enough.â€Â

Buzz: “Ok then, let’s land.â€Â

Buzz: “There. For the record, we’ll be landing in the shadow from that mountain, so it could be a little tricky to avoid these rock pillars you mentioned.â€Â

Lengas: “I’m sure we’ll be fine.â€Â

Buzz: “If you say so.â€Â

Lengas: “Well I managed to land here on the Odysseus trip, and I’m not even a pilot.â€Â

Buzz: “That’s true, but did you do it in the dark?â€Â

Lengas: “No, but we have lights on this lander, do we not?â€Â

Buzz: “So what you’re trying to say is that I’m potentially exaggerating the problem?â€Â

Lengas: “Yes.â€Â

Buzz: “Alright, I’ll pipe down a little, then.â€Â

Cal: “We’re going pretty slowly…â€Â

Lengas: “Pol’s only a little bit bigger than Gilly, you know?â€Â

Cal: “Yeah, I know that, but when I landed on Gilly, Jim sped us up a little to get us down faster.â€Â

Lengas: “Well Jim’s an idiot, as we not-so-recently discovered. Kod, the Tylo landing was a couple of months ago now…â€Â

Buzz: “All this messing around with unwanted intercepts and transfers has seen to that. Jeb’s probably wondering if we’re ever coming back for him.â€Â

Buzz: “We’re almost down, just a few seconds.â€Â

Buzz: “And that, folks, is that. I’ll power down the engine.â€Â

Lengas: “Ladder extended. Alright, are we following this plan, then?â€Â

Cal: “I think so; three sites, one person per site, maybe two to help with the core drill if necessary.â€Â

Buzz: “I’m fine with that. Who’s taking this landing?â€Â

Lengas: “I’ll go on this one. Back in a bit.â€Â

Buzz: “Right then.â€Â

Lengas: “Well damn, we were pretty close to this spire.â€Â

Buzz: “But I did’t skewer us on it, did I?â€Â

Lengas: “No, and I knew you wouldn’t.â€Â

Cal: “I can see these things everywhere. This is the strangest place I’ve ever been.â€Â

Lengas: “Same here. It feels good to be back.â€Â

Lengas: “Ok, the flag’s planted, I’m gonna head off and have a look around.â€Â

Cal: “Take pictures.â€Â

Lengas: “I’ll bring samples, too.â€Â

Cal: “Excellent, though being the astrophysicist that I am, I’m more interested in the pictures.â€Â

Lengas: “Fair enough.â€Â

Lengas: “I really do wonder what made these spires… volcanism, maybe?â€Â

Buzz: “Don’t ask us, you’re the geologist.â€Â

Lengas: “Just thinking out loud. It probably was volcanism, but one never knows.â€Â

Lengas: “Hmm, different sizes, too. Sample time…â€Â

A few minutes later…

Lengas: “I’m going up the mountain.â€Â

Cal: “Be careful. One slip, and you’re in trouble.â€Â

Lengas: “Yes, I’ve dealt with mountains before, Cal, I’m no stranger to their tendency to be dangerous.â€Â

Cal: “I was just making sure, that’s all. It wouldn’t do to land here in one piece but then have our commander impaled as a result of a wrong footstep.â€Â

Lengas: “Lovely thought, Cal.â€Â

Lengas: “Impressive view from up here.â€Â

Buzz: “I’ll bet it is.â€Â

Cal: “I guess Buzz and I will just have to top your view with our sites.â€Â

Lengas: “Hah, good luck with that. Anyway, I’m carrying on up.â€Â

Lengas: “And that’s the top, almost. Pretty awesome view from up here, too. I’ll just grab a few more samples and come back down.â€Â

Buzz: “Copy that.â€Â

Lengas: “Hmm, let’s see here… hey, whoaAAH!â€Â

Cal: “Aaand, impalement.â€Â

Lengas: “Fortunately not…â€Â

Buzz: “You alright?â€Â

Lengas: “Just tripped up trying to get one of these samples. No stubbed toe, thankfully.â€Â

Buzz: “Phew.â€Â

Lengas: “I’ll just be a few minutes longer, alright?â€Â

Buzz: “No problem, we’ll still be here.â€Â

Several minutes later…

Lengas: “Ok, I’m coming back down, now.â€Â

Lengas: “Excellent. Right, who wants the next site?â€Â

Buzz: “I’ll take it, if Cal doesn’t mind.â€Â

Cal: “Go right ahead.â€Â

Buzz: “Ok then, I think that’s settled. You strapped in?â€Â

Lengas: “Yeah, let’s go.â€Â

[VelocityPolaris]

CHAPTER 4: TO THE MUN

Captain’s Log, entry 1: Well here we are again. It’s always such a pleasure.

I just realized that this is a portal 2 reference. I didn't think Jeb had the game.

[RogueMason]

I just realized that this is a portal 2 reference. I didn't think Jeb had the game.

AND WE HAVE A WINNER.

I mean, wow, I can't believe no-one caught onto that sooner. Congratulations Velocity, have a cookie!

[wasmic]

AND WE HAVE A WINNER.

I mean, wow, I can't believe no-one caught onto that sooner. Congratulations Velocity, have a cookie!

Ahem.

Captain’s Log, entry 1: Well here we are again. It’s always such a pleasure.

This line makes me afraid that something bad is gonna happen to the crew... anyway, since I just noticed this new story... YAY! MORE MASON!

(10char.)

[VelocityPolaris]

Let's see. Enterprise originally had a crew compliment of 12. Now, Dean, Mac, and Jim are all grounded, and Sid is dead. Besides that, Jeb is on Laythe. Finally, Lengas, Cal, and Buzz are on Pol, so that means:

Enterprise is currently manned by only 4 competent Kerbals.

And one ANSI-pants AI.

[RogueMason]

Ahem.

(10char.)

Ah, my apologies, I'd forgotten. You can have a cookie, too

[guto8797]

I must say Sir: Spiffing. I have dedicated about one hour of my lifetime to read this magnificent piece of literature.

Personally, the worse that has ever happened to me was my shining new Duna Voyager coliding in a MinMus orbiter with a supply cache headed for the M1 base. Yep. What are the odds?

Main body of the thing was destroyed, some pieces sent into kerbin, some into Minmus, out of 10 Kerbonats 7 saved themselfes mostly thanks to the D.E.R.P Escape pod. Rest in piece Smigolas Kerbal

[RogueMason]

Thanks

Shame about your Duna Voyager, but at least most of your crew got out alright. I've never actually collided with anything out of the blue, but I've bumped into things on deliberate approaches. The worst that's happened to me would be me damaging a ship and a station as the ship moved in to dock. Minor damages to both, but nothing that would be problematic.

Also, sorry for the lack of any chapter, folks, I just haven't really had the time. I don't think I'll be able to get one up next week either because I've got a uni trip out to Anglesey, which should be fun.

You're all just gonna have to hang in there

[guto8797]

We shall hang in here. The question is, will our heroes?

DUM DUM DUUUUUMMMM

Plus i wanna see Stanley use his game module to beat the Skrabble King. Also, Alien Isolation is bad for my hearth. Having the alien drop down 2 feet away from me is that kind of thing that just makes you scream "IM DONE WITH THIS GAME"

EDIT: WHAT IS THIS SILENCE?! AM I DEAF?

Edited November 6, 2014 by guto8797

[guto8797]

SORRY FOR DOUBLE POST BUT WHAT IS GOIN ONNNNN

*portal turret voice* Helooooo... Is anyone there?

[RogueMason]

The situation is still as described above. Don't worry, it'll come eventually, I've just been busy

[guto8797]

LIFE. EXISTANCE. SENTIENCE IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW:

Now seriously, not wanting to be annoying, you did say you were busy, but noone else even spoke. I felt lonely senpai.

[wasmic]

Ah, my apologies, I'd forgotten. You can have a cookie, too

Yay, cookies! Omnomnom.

[wasmic]

Ah, my apologies, I'd forgotten. You can have a cookie, too

Yay, cookies! Omnomnom.

[VelocityPolaris]

So, can the bridge detach from the rest of the ship?

Edited November 11, 2014 by VelocityPolaris

[RogueMason]

So, can the bridge detach from the rest of the ship?

In emergencies only, carrying four to safety. The two landers would together get another six off the ship, leaving two to bail out via EVA if it came to it.

[The Error]

Don't go full Titanic on us, Mason. Dem escape pods.

[VelocityPolaris]

Over a month ago on this thread, I said "Hats off to the Rosetta Rendezvous guys!"

Now, Everyone kindly remove your hats and spectacles for... the Rosetta First Comet Landing EVAR!

[RogueMason]

We interrupt your regularly scheduled broadcast to bring you this awesome story:

Mitby: "Come on, the lander's only got a few more metres, hurry it up!"

Falsie: "I CAN'T WATCH, THIS IS HORRIBLE."

Mitby: "We won't crash!"

Deslon: "T-minus ten seconds."

Mitby: "Come ON!!"

Selcar: "Shut up or you'll make us crash into this thing!"

Mitby: "But the other guys are about to land here, too! WE MUST BE FIRST."

Selcar: "The space race is not a literal race, Mitby!"

Deslon: "T-minus five."

*staring at screen intensifies*

Deslon: "Contact, we have contact, the Claw has engaged. Full stop on thrusters."

Falsie: "DID WE DO IT?"

Mitby: "Stop shouting!"

Deslon: "Confirmed, we have touchdown on 1337A Kerman-Lolimisenko!"

Mitby: "..."

Selcar: "WOO!"

Falsie: "OH, I can't breath...!"

Mitby: "Take that you commie b******s!"

Selcar: "IT WASN'T A BLOODY RACE."

Deslon: "Hey, someone from PR go to the admin block and get Walt on this! It's time to party with the world!"

-----

So yes, well done ESA! And with no quicksaves, either

[Razor235]

You forgot to add the French guy getting jokingly yelled at for bringing champagne into mission control and the mission director yelling "F*** YEAH" in Italian while the cameras were rolling.