What do you think of bullying and what is being done?

[CelticCossack51]

i think that bullying is a major problem that can be fought, but not stopped. i dealt with bullying and i am using my philosophy to explain it and how to deal with it.

This is how to deal with bullying

1. Tell an adult…

Wait, wait, WAIT that is wrong! You can't simply walk and tell someone you got bullied. You would be in shock! Even though it's incomplete, here's what you REALLY do...

1. Try to communicate with someone, especially an adult or a trusty friend. usually try written notes.

2. Convince your parents or yourself to convince the school to deal with the bully. My scenario was some dude who verbally trolled me of physical things like height. My parents tried to convince the school to get rid of him, because it was the second incident, but i think the principal was actually trying to PROTECT him.

All the other staff was on board to get rid of him, including the vice- principal. But the principal still wanted to keep him. Other kids were victim to him and did some horrible things. Eventually the principal gave in, but the bully is still in the school.

Great, now to that invertebrate jelly, I have PTSD. When trying to convince people, you have to exaggerate a bit.

3. STAY AWAY FROM IT (yes bullies deserve to be referred as it). Veer away from that mess because it can do something bad to you. Much worse.

So what do I think about all what's being done about bullying.

I think the propaganda posters for anti-bullying are even more useless than DPRK propaganda (please no political comments!) because ​bullies don't recognize them selves as bullies!

I know shocking! When ever there is a new plan to stop bullying, I listen. Then they will say that it's a poster campaign, a rally, or a bunch of booklets. I'll be VERY disappointed because it's not going to do anything.

A Canadian poet said that physical bullying doesn't hurt that much since the pain will go away, but when people do verbal bullying, the pain will stay with you forever. In my case, that is absolutely true.

If someone cuts my leg off, I can just grow another one:cool:. But with verbal bullying, that will haunt me until the end of days.

Can you stop bullying? Even though people are confident that they can, they can't. Bullying has been here ever since the beginning of life, literally small organisms eat each other. Also bullying is also part of human nature.

The end of rant.

Edited November 19, 2014 by CelticCossack51

[Red Iron Crown]

I'm a bit old-school about this topic. IMO, you can't get someone else like parents or school staff to deal with a bully for you, you have to do it yourself. Bullies are cowards at heart, the best thing to do is to not be a victim and stand up to them. Doesn't matter if you win or lose a confrontation with them, you just have to make it more trouble than it's worth to bully you.

[Nuke]

also in the old skool boat. i had a beefy build and that kinda made me the antithesis of a target, and i grouped up with maybe 3 or 4 other kids of similar build. if a bully screwed with one of us they would meet all of us after class. these days you get expelled for that kind of thing. but i think dealing with a bully is a life skill every person needs to learn early on. you cant rely on schools and parents to protect you from bullies any more than you can rely on the cops to protect you from crime. you are your first line of defense.

[Kulebron]

What can one achieve defending himself alone against strong peers who are skilled at such torture? Try fistfight a big guy? Fire a gun and get himself imprisoned? Take submachine gun to school and get into news headlines? Society is invented exactly against this kind of behaviour, and using means of society is 100% appropriate.

I think it's hard to cope with bullying, but there are not just one principal, but other influential people. It's good that you started acting. I think there might be other people, like we had a security and military relations officer, who was the responsible for all "reinforcements".

Bullying only starts when you're packed in one place and nothing else bounds you. In a normal society there's dynamics, and those with bad behaviour are expelled automatically, and they are very careful. I see guys who tend to domineer, and if one starts boosting his ego/social status at the expence of others, I sometimes become the "bad policeman" and mock them mercelessly deriding them. They don't escalate, because some years out of school they know very well what they are doing, and feel this resistance is legitimate. And a good and "correct" (not insulting) mocking is a powerful weapon, because fear of being excluded is very strong and is one of basic instincts. You don't make friends this way, but the group stays functional rather than be a mere stage for the domineering guy's jokes and wishes. Well, out of school/uni this is much easier, because you're not locked together.

[Red Iron Crown]

Try fistfight a big guy?

Yes. You don't have to win the fight, just make yourself more trouble than it's worth.

If you think bullying stops after school age you are sadly mistaken. Though physical escalation among adults is much more rare.

[NASAFanboy]

Physical escalation is worth it. Although doing it will run you the risk of being expelled or suspended at best, facing the bully head-on will give them a sense of respect for you. I do recall that when I was bullied once, I faced the person in a fistfight. Although I was very nearly suspended, both the bully and me began to respect each other and later became friends. Stand up to your bullies. Fight them. It will make them realize you aren't worth it, and make them realize you aren't weak and won't just stand there. We cannot rely completely on society to deal with bullying as we cannot rely on the police to deal with crime. Most people I know admit that the actions of the school administration (I.e, getting the bully to talk it out and apologize) are often pretty ineffective, causes stigma ("He couldn't solve his probelms. What a pathetic weakling"), and just escalates the resentment.

Teenagers will be teenagers. They do not understand the social dynamics of the adult world. Trying to force adult solutions onto them would be like the colonial powers forcing borders upon regions like Africa without any regard to cultural differences and ethnic groups; this has caused civil war and genocide. You cannot force solutions upon a probelm and expect it to be fixed; the best you can do is to try to lead them to what you think is the best solution, but at the end, it's up to them to decide based on their social dynamics, not yours.

[Kulebron]

@RedIronCrown: If you're average/stronger than average, you can try this.

I'm not sadly mistaken unless I see evidence of such bullying out of school. Could you give any, please?

I did see strong clashes inside a corporation, or mistreatment in small firms, but this is called turf wars, and a matter of your social skills and social network.

Edited November 19, 2014 by Kulebron

[Red Iron Crown]

If you're average/stronger than average, you can try this, but not everyone is like this. Bullies usually chose those who are thinnest and weakest and can't fight back.

As I said, you don't need to win that fight, just have it.

I'm not sadly mistaken unless I see evidence of such bullying. Could you give any, please?

It's a very common thing. The same things that go on in school carry over to the workplace, cliques, ostracization, bullying, etc. If you don't learn how to deal with such things yourself at school age, adulthood is going to be difficult.

[Kulebron]

As I said, you don't need to win that fight, just have it.

From my experience, this does not always help.

If you don't learn how to deal with such things yourself at school age, adulthood is going to be difficult.

Thank you captain obvious. Are trying to make a point that fistfight at school can teach you to detect and defend from bad management?

I read the article, and can recognize some events, although I call it turf wars, when I had some managers on my side, and others torpedoing me and those managers. It's called bad politics, and defence means are completely different. Just to name some, you have to keep strong arguments and information untill decisive meetings rather than give that side a chance to prepare, learn some negotiation skills. Nothing to do with bullying.

If school-like things happen between peers, that's another thing, and fists used appropriately surely can help.

Edited November 19, 2014 by Kulebron

[Red Iron Crown]

From my experience, this does not always help.

Not always. It worked well when I was a kid where I grew up, but experiences differ, of course.

Are trying to make a point that fistfight at school can teach you to detect and defend from bad management?

I don't know how you got that from what I wrote. I am suggesting that relying on authority to stop bullying will end badly when one reaches the adult world and authority doesn't work the same way. Standing up to bullies is the best strategy (though it is far from ideal), and that standing up doesn't necessarily have to be a fist fight. Not sure how "management" is at all related.

[Kulebron]

Ok, I get your point and I disagree. I think we rely on moderators, police and other forms of authorities to keep order. They were created exactly for this, to let people not need to be heroic alone. Of course, if someone mistreats you, it's not a case for police investigation, defending from this is a matter of your social skills. But if OP thinks the bully is too tough for him, why force himself and fistfight?

Edited November 19, 2014 by Kulebron

[Brethern]

What can one achieve defending himself alone against strong peers who are skilled at such torture? Try fistfight a big guy?

No one else is going to stand up for you. You can only trust you.

[Kulebron]

That's a slogan, not practical advice. Life is much more complex, and there are plenty of situations where you can't stand up for you. All the society around is made so that you don't need to trust only you.

When humans developed speech, it helped exactly to weaker ones unite and cope with stronger bullies, rather than try to just stand for oneself.

Edited November 19, 2014 by Kulebron

[TheCanadianVendingMachine]

Well, as for the first 6 years of my school years where destroyed by bullying. I see that after a while, you just don't give a sh*t anymore. About anything. There is nothing you can do to stop it, because the guy is a place where fecal matter leaves. Sure, you can try to do something. But I don't care for anything anymore. Call me a name? Eh, who cares. But, I do have a fear of people laughing at my jokes. Because I feel as if they are laughing at me. And the once in a while emotional breakdowns. But, again. Just let it be. And leave. It will always happen, and no one can stop it

[Brethern]

That's a slogan, not practical advice. Life is much more complex, and there are plenty of situations where you can't stand up for you. All the society around is made so that you don't need to trust only you.

When humans developed speech, it helped exactly to weaker ones unite and cope with stronger bullies, rather than try to just stand for oneself.

If that was true then why does bullying even happen?

[Kulebron]

^^ Same reason why crimes happen.

[edit] Kids still have to develop higher social skills, while physical and mental skills are already available. Besides, primeval men were not locked together up in age-based classes.

Edited November 19, 2014 by Kulebron

[Brethern]

^^ Same reason why crimes happen.

[edit] Kids still have to develop higher social skills, while physical and mental skills are already available. Besides, primeval men were not locked together up in age-based classes.

You're right, people do need to learn how to take care of themselves.

[Javster]

I've had teachers turn on me and blame me after I reported it more than once...

[_Augustus_]

I've had teachers turn on me and blame me after I reported it more than once...

My teachers protect the bullies and say that no one can deal with them....... When I stand up to them they tell me that I'm insulting the bullies and that that's "not nice".

[Nuke]

Ok, I get your point and I disagree. I think we rely on moderators, police and other forms of authorities to keep order. They were created exactly for this, to let people not need to be heroic alone. Of course, if someone mistreats you, it's not a case for police investigation, defending from this is a matter of your social skills. But if OP thinks the bully is too tough for him, why force himself and fistfight?

problem is for the authorities to do their job, they need proof of wrongdoing. bullies (and the same applies to criminals) are expert at avoiding detection. they can operate under the radar of any enforcement and are seldom caught. you might be bullied dozens of times before anyone catches them doing it. any organization which claims to bring order is likely under manned and under funded to do their jobs effectively. its mostly a deterrent that works to keep the bulk of society form breaking the law/rules, but there are always those people who see through the illusion and do their own thing. they know they might be caught, but they also know its unlikely, and even see it as a challenge.

[Capt.Joseph Kerbertson]

In terms of bullying here is my frame of thought. I have two kids (teens now).

1. Communication. If it happens speak up. You'll continue to be bullied if the situation isn't drug into the light and shown for what it is.

2. Confrontation doesn't always work, but sometimes it does. Calling them out on their bull mess can cause more friction, but it can also show their own insecurities and often times rally people to your cause. The more people the bully bullies, the more folks will step forward when someone has the intestinal fortitude to stand up to them. Standing up doesn't always involve fist to cuffs, but be prepared (it's only a temporary pain, and you'll feel so much better that you stood up for yourself).

3. Involve authority figures. You have parents for a reason, they are there to stand up for you when you can't. When they get the school involved and the school does nothing, parents know where to escalate things to ensure it gets taken care off. The principle has a boss, they answer to someone and all campuses have adopted zero tolerance policies in regards to bullying. If the problem isn't getting solved at a school level, the superintendent doesn't want to hear their school isn't protecting students from harm.

4. Make yourself less of a target. I know this sounds harsh, but you are being singled out. This isn't the time to hide, it's the time to make friends. Be in a crowd, the more friends you have, the less likely it is you'll get bullied.

Adulthood isn't the same animal at all as highschool/teenagerhood at all. Most adults have chilled out by the time they reach 25, you wind up making friends with the guys who would have been bullies in their day and find out they had their own issues. You find common ground. Adults tend to communicate as opposed to chest thumping. If I have a problem with someone or something they did, I let them know. I don't go behind their back. I expect the same treatment. In my adult years, I have yet to get in a fist fight. I fought all the time as a teen. I'm turning 37 in January.

[gooddog15]

Schools dont really do anything about bullying, even if you tell them it's going on. In schools, if you actually get the teachers attention, they will do 1 of 2 things: try to make you both shake hands and forget about it, or go up to the office. The latter doesn't do anything and when you get sent off to the office, where they will treat you either as a criminal or mentally retarded person. Even after multiple warnings or some other crap, the bully doesn't care and will keep on tormenting you for weeks, months, or even an entire school year.

Trust me, I've been through it. A few years ago when I was in 7th grade it took me almost all year long and nearly getting into a big fight to make the bullying stop. This "freindly" negotiative tactic that schools use in their antibully policy is absolute garbage and relying on other students to report this stuff is futile, as they generally ignore it and even egg them on.

The only way to stop a bully is to be a man (or woman) and stand up for what you think is right.

I'm so sick of my school district.

It's so cash strapped, corrupted, and ignorant.

[GoSlash27]

Chalk me up as another "old school" guy.

Bullying is a natural part of human existence. All social mammals will have those who attempt to establish themselves as "alphas" through physical domination, and humans are still social mammals.

The way to deal with bullies is to stand up to them, show no fear, and defend yourself. They will leave you alone if they sense that you might beat them in a fight because they are afraid of being humiliated publicly.

*edit* After reading some of the other responses in this thread, I feel the need to elaborate a bit...

#1) Bullying is an unfortunate life- lesson. It won't kill you, but it will make you stronger *if* you learn the lessons it offers.

#2) Don't think for one second that "the authorities" will handle it for you. The school is only interested in protecting themselves from lawsuits and their "zero tolerance policies" will force them to treat you as an equally- guilty party even if you're totally innocent. And the police aren't there to protect you and are under no obligation to do so. Their job is to document crime, not to prevent it.

When you grow up, life will always be like this. The sooner you learn to adapt to it, the better you will do in the long run.

Best,

-Slashy

Edited November 20, 2014 by GoSlash27

[Special Agent Sigvan]

I'm in no way old school but listen to this:

Bullying isn't going to stop unless people make it stop. Burying your heads in the sand and hoping that the higher authorities can handle the issue isn't going to help, you need to face it. Bullies are a form of evolution, natural selection but in reverse if you will. People who power through the issue (Or look back on it and cringe at how they could of handled it) end up with thicker skin, it's like when you see something so scary nothing else scares you, but in this case you get tormented so bad nothing can hurt you. You develop social skills through these events, but it's also a wake up call. You aren't as powerful and important as you think you are. You learn your place on the food chain (And how unimportant it is, as society likes to be pretentious sometimes).

You learn how NOT to be entitled and sensitive, and you also learn to pass on such experience.

If you're being bullied, you can/should do this:

Deal with it, just ignore it. Those words mean nothing (Opinions are worthless) and they RELY on your reaction, just don't care and sit there. You can think angry thoughts if you want to, but just let him say what he wants and don't fight back until it gets physical. Then when the time comes, punch him. The worse thing that can happen is you get put in detention for a few days, the best thing is that he gets both discouraged and scared, and brought into detention for fighting back. Your injuries will heal (And give you bragging rights) at some point.

[PakledHostage]

The way to deal with bullies is to stand up to them, show no fear, and defend yourself. They will leave you alone if they sense that you might beat them in a fight because they are afraid of being humiliated publicly.

I think that the best approach really depends on the type of bully. Some of the approaches suggested above would work for certain types of bullies but they won't work at all on a truly radioactive a-hole.

I encountered a bully in my adult life who picked me BECAUSE I fought back. He thrived on the battle. I wasn't his first target and I wasn't his last either. But he was smart enough to be a serial offender. He never went after more than one target at a time. That gave him plausible deniability. Everybody knew and acknowledged that he was a [diminutive of "Richard"], but nobody wanted to get involved because they didn't want to be the next target. They just stood by and let it happen. I embarrassed him. I appealed to authority. I tried to make him like me and maybe empathize with me. Nothing changed the situation. I ultimately solved the problem by leaving.

You can't win against a sociopath. There's an apocryphal story that the Inuit didn't have problems with those types of people in their societies because they would suffer "hunting accidents", but it doesn't work like that in our societies. Especially if they are smart enough to fly just under the radar.

Edited November 21, 2014 by PakledHostage
Fixed a spelling mistake