Make a wish... and have it horribly corrupted!

[Red Iron Crown]

Granted. It now returns "A" every time.

I wish I could take a vacation.

[ExplodingRocketShips]

Granted. You land in hawaii, but all the volcanoes on each of the windward isles (Hawai'i, Maui, Oahu, Etc.) erupt at once.

I wish to be a gallifreyan time lord with my own type 40 tardis!

[Tex]

Granted. You become the Master after stealing the Doctor's TARDIS. Now you've got some work to do to keep it!

I wish I could go home right now.

[Red Iron Crown]

Granted. Your house is on fire.

I wish I could find cheap, good tasting food that won't make me fat.

[InterCity]

Granted. You only eat sacharine, which soon gets you short of vitamins and eventually leads to a total organ failure.

I wish there was no terrorists.

[Shna_na]

Granted, there was no longer any terrorists in the past, instead they all time-warp to the current time. We're all now royally screwed.

I wish terrorism was properly documented and publicised.

[BadLeo]

Granted. But all the terrorists that document terrorism are suicidal, and they only use bombs, which kind screws with the documents and only their names get eventually publicized.

I wish to know if suicidal bombers are, in fact, ill comprehended hardcore puzzle lovers.

[ExplodingRocketShips]

Granted. They aren't and your plane explodes.

I wish to be a time lord that isnt the master.

[Tery215]

Granted. You are lord of only 0/1 of time.

I wish "magic 8 ball" internet got replaced by "magic ouija board" of demon summon

[ExplodingRocketShips]

Granted. Your missing the thing to communicate with the dead. (We found one with that same prob)

Because of my other two wishes to be a time lord failing, I want to be the DOCTOR HIMSELF.

[HeadHunter67]

Granted, The American Medical Association recognizes you as Him Self, M.D., and you are sued by hundreds for malpractice.

I wish the Internet wasn't so stupid.

[Tery215]

Granted. The internet makes people stupid.

I wish that spaceship & object trajectories could be seen by humans irl.

[xrayfishx]

Granted, your view is now completely blocked by pink lines showing the trajectory of every object in the Universe.

I wish I found out why my game crashes.

[THENEWJOEMAMA]

Granted. You have been blinded in return.

I wish evryon liekd mudkipz.

[TheCanadianVendingMachine]

Granted. Then everyone hates them, and kills anyone who does

I wish I could be happy

[Red Iron Crown]

Granted. You have a brain tumor that floods your brain with dopamine.

I wish I was a little bit taller.

[THENEWJOEMAMA]

Granted. You are now a little bit taller, and a baller.

I wish my Gnomoria village would survive.

[Tery215]

Granted. However, your game is labeled "UNORIGINAL" by the Wishmaking Fairy and he turns it into Towns.

I wish that every unoriginal game merged with its original to make something naturally inferior.

[kenbobo]

Granted. However, that inferior game gets a AI and goes power crazy.

I wish that I had a better laptop for KSP.

[Tery215]

Granted. You get Lucifer's laptop( basically windows 8, which is terrible), he gets your soul( for all eternity).

I wish that souls weren't real.

[THENEWJOEMAMA]

Granted. They aren't.

I wish everyone worshiped Shreck.

[Red Iron Crown]

Granted. Among Shrek's commandments is "Thou shalt see no animated characters but me." So long, mudkips and MLP.

I wish Guns 'n' Roses had stayed together.

[Tery215]

Granted. The rose jams the gun & it explodes, killing you.

I wish wishes were in present tense and not past tense.

[Red Iron Crown]

Grant. Past tense is no more, no discussion of past, only future!

I wish I am a better guitarist.

[InterCity]

Granted. The paparazzi don't give you a break now, and even photograph you when you are uhm... (insert your word for mating here)

I wish to be a god.