Make a wish... and have it horribly corrupted!

[Andem]

Granted, but you realize you only have Vive games on it.

 

I wish I had a cure for cancer...

[Delfinus]

Granted, but for some reason every attempt to give it to the public fails, but everyone else knows you have it and is angry at you for not giving them the cure.

I wish I wasn't addicted to Stellaris.

[cubinator]

Granted, but you have to have a staring contest with the cancer-ee in order to save them. It only works on one person at a time, and you are the only person in the world who can do it.

I wish for a pet hissing cockroach.

[Moose Rocket Science]

Granted, But it gets eaten by a snake.

I wish for Kerbalcon to comeback. 

[Interplanet Janet]

Granted. All cons are Kerbalcon.

I...

[Blasty McBlastblast]

Granted!!! 

But before you can complete making your wish, your mouth is replaced by a Muppet-style jaw that can only communicate by singing in lyrics from Lou Bega's Mambo Number 5... *shudder*

 

I wish for Timothy Peake (currently on the RL ISS) to respond to questions in interviews with a phrase other than "that's a great question..." (or at least to know who he had a bet with back on earth to use this phrase over, and over, and over again!)

[Interplanet Janet]

Granted. He answers the questions with "A phrase other than that's a great question or at least to know who he had a bet with back on Earth to use this phrase over and over and over again!"

I wish my swing-bys were more precise.

[Blasty McBlastblast]

Granted! But... all your swing-bys swing-low, and require to be swung from within a chariot.

I wish that in 2017 high fashion would adopt the mono-brow as the "new black"

[ZentroCatson]

Granted, but nobody listens to fashion.

I wish for a cheesecake. Just a normal cheesecake. 

[cubinator]

Granted, but since you're such a good wisher we'll give you TWO absolutely normal cheesecakes! You only have to pay for one! In fact, why don't you take a hundred! Or a million! Here, you can have ten duotrigintillion FREE CHEESECAKES!!!!! *giant blob of cheesecakes goes supernova because it's so big*

I wish for the ability to create wormholes at will, of any size at any time in any place.

Edited May 16, 2016 by cubinator

[TheSealBrigade]

Granted, but every time you do so, someone dies.

I wish that I could overcome my "shoving animals in vending machines" addiction.

[cubinator]

I sure wish I could grant that.

I wish I could go freely between any place in time.

[Interplanet Janet]

Granted. You can go between any place and time.

I wish, I wish, I was a fish.

[Tex Mechs Robot]

Granted. But then your avatar eats you.

 

I wish that time travel was real.

[WinkAllKerb'']

open a books, internet wattever

i wish i don't open book or read

Edited May 17, 2016 by WinkAllKerb''

[Interplanet Janet]

Granted. Your DeLorean gets stranded in space because it's not a spacetime traveler.

I wish for nothing.

[Tex Mechs Robot]

you get it. everything is now nothing. you don't exist. the universe doesn't exist. you have wished into existence the absence of everything.

 

i wish for it all to come back.

[Interplanet Janet]

Granted. You didn't specify what "it all" meant.

I wish I could fine-tune my gravity assists down to the meter per second.

[DMSP]

Granted, but you can't fine tune anything else!

I wish that we could finally have world peace.

[LaytheDragon]

Gran... *boom!* Your genie falls face-forward onto the same patch of air he was floating in before. Everyone on the planet lets out an involuntary "Ha!". When you get back the genie's autopsy report, you hear that he had a cerebral hemorrhage. He had died after granting the wish I wish that we could finally ha. What a waste of a wish.

I wish that I could voluntarily rapidly increase or decrease the amount of body fat on anyone's and/or everyone's body/bodies at will.

Edited May 17, 2016 by LaytheDragon

[cubinator]

11 hours ago, Interplanet Janet said:

Granted. You can go between any place and time.

So...I can not only go back four and a half billion years, but I can also visit Mars and it's ocean while I'm at it? Either I'm not interpreting this right, or that wish just got way more awesome.

4 hours ago, LaytheDragon said:

I wish that I could voluntarily rapidly increase or decrease the amount of body fat on anyone's and/or everyone's body/bodies at will.

Eww...FINE. But each increase of e grams in the weight of the people you make in total will PERMANENTLY quadruple the amount of CO2 in Earth's atmosphere instantly.

I wish I could communicate with me from the past.

Edited May 18, 2016 by cubinator

[0111narwhalz]

Granted, but doing so violates the principles of causality, which causes a cascade of errors throughout the universe and results in a continuous stream of NullReferenceExceptions.

I wish PPFX worked on Macs without preventing me from loading my savegames.

[TheSealBrigade]

Granted, but now it denies all savegames from the other games on your computer!

I wish people would understand that they are less than 0.0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000009% of the universe. They are nothing. They are not special. They are not important. (Yes, I did have to count the zeroes...)

Edited May 18, 2016 by TheSealBrigade

[0111narwhalz]

Granted, but now they continually stagger around, confounded by the enormity of the universe.

7 minutes ago, TheSealBrigade said:

Granted, but now it denies all savegames from the other games on your computer!

That's fine; I don't have any other games on that computer.

I wish for a gas turbines to be used in consumer vehicles.

[ZentroCatson]

Granted, but they quickly get replaced by hamster wheel engines.

I wish I had a DJI Phantom 4.

Edited May 18, 2016 by ZentroCatson