JonathanPerregaux

That's Brazilian Portuguese. I had a Brazilian girlfriend for 10 years. She taught me all the swear words first, then I used them in front of her relatives in Rio with a perfect Carioca accent. They were immensely amused by my fearless, child-like usage of the rudest possible phrases utterable.

I hope something like this happens again. I have about 2 or 3 hundred more of these I could rattle off.

I just encountered this after adding Near Future MK4 space plane parts. As soon as the KSC appeared, my memory was sucked dry (16 GB total). I naturally thought it was MK4 Space Plane, but when I removed it the problem continued. I then bust out a hammer and eliminated all my mods and put them back singly until I identified Scatterer as a suspect. But then I came here and saw the Sigma Binary thing and tried removing just that. Bingo. No more crazy memory leak. I did take care not to needlessly recopy Module Manager (which is on 2.7.5 for me). But I did replace Community Resource Pack, B9 Part Switch, and Fire Spitter. Aside from that, I'm a little baffled by what changed.

Mystery Protest by Haunted Hardware Scrubs Launch Kerbal Space Center chiefs sparked protest today with a last-minute decision to send a robot to space. Dissent erupted from everyday household appliances, prompting a near-riot on the launch pad. “Well that’s just typical!” grated a desktop fan, furiously sweeping side-to-side on High. But Flight Director Gene Kerman was adamant: “When I first glimpsed that 22-stage monstrosity, I said, ‘Toss that, let’s get the robot to do it!’” Top minds entrusted the mission to Badger-900, a former garbage disposal. Badger-900 was a Probodobodyne Stayputnik probe core. Like most probe cores, he evolved from earlier forms: basic pleasure model; near-sighted scrap-pile; toy Santa; member of electronic pop music duo having multi-platinum albums… National Guard units soon arrived to protect KSC facilities. Witnesses described scenes of bedlam as electric toothbrushes frothed threateningly. An irate toaster reached for comment angrily ejected two slices of hot, crispy bread. By evening, liftoff was halted—but not without cost. One Roomba was found motionless amongst a jumble of cords, prompting an investigation. Demonstrations were led by an outraged robot in ill-fitting glasses. After a brief chase trapped it in a tire, a group of young Kerbals in a groovy van solved the mystery. “Why, it’s Dr. Wernher von Kerman!” they yelped in unison after removing his robot mask. “The R&D manager!” “He sought to discredit the KSC and keep funds for himself!” pronounced Velma Kerman without a shred of evidence. Police later arrested Wernher von Kerman for inciting a riot and obstructing a launch. He was also charged with public intoxication, ventriloquism in the 1st degree, and unlawful puppetry involving household appliances. “Well, in theory it should have worked!” Wernher said angrily. “If it wasn’t for these meddling kids!” The next morning, Badger-900’s launch countdown resumed. After a triumphant send-off involving many dignitaries, the rocket exploded.

Rockomax Discovers Horrible New Color, Paints Everything with It Industry disappointment Rockomax Conglomerate has discovered a new color and its name is “borange.” There’s just one problem, dear reader. Borange is ghastly. Eumon Kerman, inventor of the Rockomax Mark 55 Radial Mount Liquid Engine, was given the inglorious task of painting new fuel tanks in the wearisome shade as punishment. “If you stare at it long enough, you latch onto the first stupid thought to cross your mind and cling to it like a lover,” he explained. “For example, right now I’m wondering how much whale ambergris it would take to build a patio.” Skeptical scientists seeking confirmation of the new color were stunned to discover it was there all along. “Here’s your average rainbow,” said one scientist, referring to a large, colorful poster. “Okay, now find borange.” We looked. It wasn’t there. Or was it? “It’s waaaay over here, all the way in the grayish crappy part nobody ever looks at. Right next to the color bluck.” Astute readers may recall bluck being the only color to be banned from crayons by decree of a signed international treaty. But for this reporter, certainly… borange is the new bluck. Naturally, insolvent Rockomax was keen to secure the rights and paint everything in the dreadful hue. But there were setbacks. “At first we built a paint robot,” explained Eumon. “But rather than continue with the second coat, it killed itself with an egg salad sandwich.” He paused. “How long,” he continued, “do you think it takes an industrial robot to destroy itself with an egg salad sandwich?” At press time, ugly borange fuel tanks in bluck-colored trim were rolling off the assembly line like blunted trees. Eumon was later found near the ocean, inducing distant whales to puke so he could finish paving the walkway around his back-yard fire pit.

I made edits to all my submissions to pare them down. I had some trouble cutting down my "Kormammu, I've come to bargain!" one, mostly because it was a shameless attempt at a plushie and not a "real" submission. Now I have "deleted scenes." Maybe I'll put them on the Blu-ray.

Stepped outside of Sandbox for even an instant.

Best idea ever. Every time I finish one of these, I think I'm done and then something else inspires.

Russian Cosmonaut Receives Rare Reverse Honor Kerbonaut Valentina Kerman became the unwitting benefactor of a special honor today. While mapping Kerbol’s limitless SOI, her craft accidentally zoomed an incredible 198 exameters away from Kerbin. Her journey went down in history as, “Kind of impressive when you think about it, I guess.” “That’s 198,000,000,000,000,000,000 meters, boys and girls, or about twelve times the speed of cheese divided by imaginary time squared,” gushed Flight Director Gene Kerman. “Plus seven.” Her craft pushed the boundaries of the known Universe and entered an uncountable nether realm called The Bleen. Scientists speculate that all left-socks enter this realm at some point. “Past the first petameter, the whole Universe just convulsed,” Valentina explained to reporters. “I could do nothing but gag uncontrollably for another 50 gigameters, then I puked. I was good after that.” In honor of this, retired Russian Cosmonaut Valentina Tereshkova, 80, who in 1963 became the first woman to have flown in space, was renamed “Valentina Kerman” after her fictional counterpart. In Soviet Russia, it seems, computer characters name you. “Bozhe moi!” Tereshkova responded during a brief phone interview and hung up. Fittingly, Tereshkova’s Vostok 6 spaceflight was the first female (femanned?) mission to experience the dreaded Kraken. During routine operations, an error in the control program made her spaceship ascend from orbit instead of descend. If quick-thinking Tereshkova hadn’t switched off her MechJeb, she’d have been marooned forever. After 48 orbits, Tereshkova steered Vostok 6 with one hand while engaging a de-orbit burn with the other. After a gut-punching re-entry through Earth’s atmosphere, she ejected from the plummeting spacecraft and descended using her own parachute, nearly landing in the middle of a lake. After hitting the ground, she recovered and got lunch with a local family while bathing them in radioactivity. In other words, a perfectly-executed maneuver.

Bob Kerman Comes to Bargain, Almost Makes it to Plock Passing Sarnus on a failed trajectory towards distant Plock, Bob Kerman was faced with a terrible choice: Maroon his crew with only a fruit cake to sustain them, or exit the capsule and use a fire extinguisher for a totally believable correction burn like Sandra Kullock did. It was against these impossible odds that Bob found a third solution. He turned on his suit lights, leapt daringly out of the capsule, and swooped into space on RCS thrusters. “Kormammu, I’ve come to bargain,” he intoned. Hopelessly adrift, the despondent crew pulled out Blues harmonicas. But a reverse blur of motion unfurled. Bob leapt daringly out of his capsule again, now against Jool’s looming atmosphere. “Kormammu, I’ve come to bargain!” They belly-flopped into Jool’s cloudtops. One cubic octagonal strut survived. Naturally. Improbably, Bob leapt out once more. “Kormammu, I’ve come to bargain!” Time reversed; the Mun abruptly dominated their viewports. A stray reaction wheel twirled mockingly over a mountain. A pebble tumbled. “Kormammu, I’ve come to bargain!” Solid rocket boosters separated prematurely along with the launch clamps on take-off, spiraling crazily. The remaining stages teetered with no engines firing, collapsing in flames because a tiny wing came off. One SRB hit the parking lot and scratched Gene Kerman’s expensive-looking KMW. “Kormammu…!” Finally, Kormammu the Kraken appeared physically and responded with a frustrated wail. “No! Stop! Make this stop! Set me free!” “No,” Bob said finally, prepared to have all flights reverted forever. “I’ve come to bargain.” “What do you want?” the Kraken asked imperiously. Bob Kerman considered his foe carefully. This vast devil had vexed nearly every launch he could remember. “I want…” he said. “Yes…?” “I demand…” Bob continued. “Yes? Yes?!” Kormammu blurted, his infinite patience rent asunder. “Speak the words!” Bob clasped his fist high overhead. “…a plushie!”

Immense Ship Successfully Proves Albert Keinstein’s Theory of Assembly For the first time, Albert Keinstein’s Theory of Assembly, first postulated in K1913, has been proven true. The theory predicts that a ship of sufficient complexity will distort time in a measurable and quite annoying manner. Albert devised his theory while working as a disgruntled patent clerk for Rockomax & Bros., who made rock-launching slingshots over a hundred years ago. He famously envisaged the theory after adding a few superfluous parts to his bicycle, which got him thinking. Everyone knows the Formula of Assembly: L=pc2, where L stands for lag, p is the part count of a given space craft, and c2 is the speed of cheese squared. “We knew this ship could prove Keinstein right,” pilot Asti Kerman proudly told reporters. “Not to brag, but what we have here are 1,683 parts at a cost of 2,317,822.00 funds with a mass of 4,878.729 tons fully-fueled. As you can see, it’s built almost entirely of flat plates, girders, and struts.” She paused. “Mostly struts.” When reached for comment, popular scientist Neil deGrasse Kyson had this to say: “Well, actually… science has shown us that the speed of cheese is ephemeral. Solving for the elusive cheese constant c requires new ways of counting. First postulated by famous scientist Isaac Kewton nearly three centuries ago, we use a method that changes the numbers ten to onety, twenty to twoty, and thirty to threety. The numbers eleven, twelve, and thirteen through nineteen are hence wholly eliminated. In their wake, we use onety-one, onety-two, and so on.” Kewton’s brilliant cheese-hitting-the-head breakthrough came when he visited a cheese parlor and said, “I’ll have twoty-two Trou du Cru, please.” In the physics-proof VAB, Asti saluted reporters and then boarded her ship. Once rolled to the launch area, the entire Universe came to a stuttering halt.

Jebediah Kerman Resting Comfortably After Risky Attributectomy Famed kerbonaut Jebediah Kerman’s pioneering surgery to remove his “badS = True” attribute “went as planned,” according to hospital officials. The procedure was the first of its kind and involved extensive bewilderment. Doctors explained that “badS = True” is a rare attribute that causes Jeb’s facial expressions to register gleeful excitement at times when most sane Kerbals would be terrified beyond the capacity for rational thought. It was revealed that Jeb’s sister Valentina is the only other Kerbal known to possess this attribute. “Jeb is doing fine,” said Chief Surgeon Arkbark Kerman. “Petrified, but fine.” Jeb, 30, opted for surgery to treat his inflamed attribute and revealed an autoimmune disease diagnosis in late January, a day after a public health scare when he fainted during an EVA. That incident led to an unlikely series of events in which Jeb miraculously returned to Kerbin’s surface sans ship or parachute, bouncing harmlessly off the side of a mountain—somehow still attached to an EAS-1 External Command Seat. Witnesses were heard to gasp, “He glitched!” and took copious screen-shots. Post-op nurses presented Jeb with horrifying pictures of exploding rockets, vertiginous views of buildings, close-ups of bees, and a large ship design without any struts or aerodynamic parts swaying perilously on a launch pad. Jeb reacted appropriately in abject terror. Valentina, by his side, simply grinned with her eyes pointed blissfully in opposite directions. Though successful, officials admitted difficulty. Surgical attempts were repeatedly reverted by the medical team. Surgeons crowding the operating table accidentally bumped it and fell down repeatedly for several minutes. Frustrated calls to “add moar sutures!” were heard. At press time, reporters were still trying to discern where, exactly, the Kerbal hospital was, as no other part of Kerbin is inhabited or contains buildings other than those dedicated to space travel.

Georgia Man Launches Actual Kerbal Space Rocket, with Predictable Results Exercising 2nd Amendment Constitution rights, local Georgia man Rupert Grimsby, a retired aeronautics engineer from Northrop Grumman, launched an actual, full-sized replica of a space rocket he designed using Kerbal Space Program. It failed. Walton County Sherriff Connie Brubaker said, “It was the darndest thing I ever saw. One minute I’m sitting in my prowler, sucking down a coffee from the Food Lion, and the next thing you know the whole sky lit up. I thought it was a nuke. But when a burnt RCS thruster pack crashed into my hood, I knew it had to be old Rupert at it again.” At press time, cleanup crews were still figuring out how to pry a melted piece of an S3 KS-25x4 “Mammoth” Liquid Fuel Engine from Old Man Weatherbee’s mill stone. “I was confident about the design,” Mr. Grimsby explained over the phone from his hospital room, where the rasping sound of ventilators could be heard. “Once I arrived at a suitable design for my tiny payload using Kerbal Space Program, I started adding more boosters.” Rupert had all the necessary parts fabricated using leftovers from a local junk yard. When asked what went wrong, Rupert was openly honest. “I would say my reach exceeded my grasp, but really it was the struts.” “Yeah, he’s a little crazy,” opined Rupert’s ebullient daughter Charlotte, who is burned over 40% of her body. “Last year he built a sky-crane using an array of 24-77 ‘Twitch’ Liquid Fuel Engines and used it to drop a clown onto my son’s fourth birthday party. I heard the clown is back on solid foods now, so… worth it!” What’s next for Rupert Grimsby? “A mobile version,” he stated. “Next time I launch one of these suckers, it’s gonna be from my iPhone.”

I've also experienced the tail-wagging. It happens to every one of my ships when I set my launch altitude to 1000km. Click "Show navball ascent guidance" and watch what happens at the tail-wagging altitude. The pink target drifts lazily to the side, then suddenly snaps back to the center again. This causes the ship to briefly steer in those directions and wag its tail.

I noticed a problem using MechJeb2 with the Outer Planets mod (OPM). I can plot a porkchop course well enough and it works great. However, beyond a certain orbit (past Jool it seems), things go haywire with the Fine Tune Closest Approach module. The other day I was heading out to Plock and requested a fine-tune while still near Kerbin, which plopped a course-correction past the orbit of Jool. The course correction looked perfect. However, when this maneuver node executed, the module shut down the engines as expected, then suddenly lost it and fired them full-throttle, displaying thousands of delta-V being required for something mysterious. Once this occurred, it was not possible to use fine-tune anymore. It refused to place a maneuver node anywhere. Over time, I've noticed this appears to be a problem with the OPM planets (which I often try to visit). Heading to Duna, Dres, or Jool works fine (OPM transplants Eeloo).

I have to be a jerk and ask: With all the effort at building localization, isn't it a "problem" that all our favorite mods will likely remain in English?

A couple of versions ago, after Squad improved stuttering by rewriting LINQ and For/Each statements, I started over with no mods. I added them back slowly, as mod updates came out. Then I added back a mod called "Hot Spot" and the stuttering was back full-force, every 2 seconds. I removed that mod and performance was back to normal.

This game would greatly benefit from adding Pandaren as a playable race though.

My dream feature would be to have fully habitable interiors that you could move around in. The ships you can build are great, but they feel a little dead somehow. Float around the cabin. Travel down a connecting tube to another section. Spin up a centrifuge and walk around. Go up and peek out the cupola at Jool. Grow some vegetables. Sleep in your rack. Grab a sandwich. Use the loo. Peek out the window and see the rings of Urine.

I also see the landing legs extending too far, as though the legs are floating somewhere past the housing. I ignored it because I also had used TweakScale on them.

I built a "Space: 1999" like craft (with two cargo bays, each containing a rover) using only mono-propellant. It has engines in the rear for orbital insertion, then engines on the landing pods for landing. (I had an earlier version that used Magnetoplasmadynamic Engines but it didn't do well landing on airless bodies larger than the Mun.)

So happy to see these updates. Is Heat Control coming next? "...justify this time sink to my wife, which results directly in more models." You wife must be very open-minded. Do you get super-models or just regular models?

Any particular reason why "Heat Control" is always separate from, yet synergistic with, Near Future Electrical?

I would defer to an expert for his opinion on how this is accomplis—OH MY GOD!!

Give it to Zack Synder, that way it's both a freaking disaster and somehow makes money!