IS JEBEDIAH KERMAN AN IMPOSTOR ?
True pioneer of space exploration, Jebediah Kerman was notably the first Kerbal to orbit a celestial body or to walk on Mun. Then why label him an impostor ? These last few days his heroic reputation has been questioned by the publication of compromising documents in the anti-kerbonaut press. These documents appear to have been leaked from the Kerbal Space Center where they had been kept under lock and key. The first damning element is a statistic indicating that JK has taken part in more than 95% of the Kerbal Space Program missions. This has made the anti-kerbonauts react violently : for them it is proof that Jebediah Kerman has benefited from blatant favoritism. This information has totally unsettled the scientific community, since it gives credence to a strong conspiracy theory. However, the most scandalous element is a letter which Jebediah Kerman sent to Gene Kerman, the Mission Control flight director. The conspiracy theorists have picked up on one particular sentence: « Ah-Uh ! Aaaaahh ! Uuhh, ah uh ! ». This sentence written in Kerbal can have two meanings : either « I am highly qualified to join your team » or « I’m the boss’s son - hire me ! ». This second version tends to corroborate the anti-kerbonauts’ suspicions. For them Jebediah Kerman is a shameful impostor with friends in high places, a schemer who is only interested in his own advancement and puts qualified kerbonauts out of the running. Of course, these shocking revelations can be interpreted differently depending on one’s viewpoint. However, for most of us Jebediah Kerman will always be a hero of the Kerbal Space Program, and a universal model of success.
Léo Kerman
