Being The Dreaded "Idea Guy"

[ZooNamedGames]

This really isn't "bump" worthy but basically I give up. Sure I haven't tried but as my school education has proven every step of "learning" is going to be like being dragged over rusty nails.

I thank so many of you for trying but some of us just can't be saved despite the world and themselves trying.

[0111narwhalz]

I... don't really know how to respond to this.

I can tell you this much, though. I don't like it. I don't like that you label yourself as unsaveable. I don't like that you've pushed away willing, individual help. But most of all, I don't like that you've given up before you tried.

If ever you stop feeling like a lost cause, we'll be happy to help.

[Green Baron]

When i was 19 i hung around with the punks in my hometown, we drank a lot, smoked a lot, listened to loud and fast music and didn't really care what others thought about us. That phase lasted a year or so, then i decided to do something useful with my time.

See you later ;-)

Edit i disarmed that before the admins get into trouble ...

Edited September 17, 2016 by Green Baron

[Camacha]

1 hour ago, ZooNamedGames said:

I thank so many of you for trying but some of us just can't be saved despite the world and themselves trying.

Shut up and get to work You have various talents and qualities and being unsaveable is not one of them. You are not fooling us.

Quote

Sure I haven't tried but as my school education has proven every step of "learning" is going to be like being dragged over rusty nails.

It gets easier over time. The more you know about something, the easier you pick things up. This can turn out snowballing in pretty amazing ways. Additionally, at some point all the various islands of knowledge start merging into a huge land mass.

[ZooNamedGames]

3 hours ago, 0111narwhalz said:

I... don't really know how to respond to this.

I can tell you this much, though. I don't like it. I don't like that you label yourself as unsaveable. I don't like that you've pushed away willing, individual help. But most of all, I don't like that you've given up before you tried.

If ever you stop feeling like a lost cause, we'll be happy to help.

I just need emotional support... Which you have tried to provide... But... Oh you know the usual response. You've only got 7 pages of it.

2 hours ago, Green Baron said:

When i was 19 i hung around with the punks in my hometown, we drank a lot of beer, smoked a lot of stuff, listened to loud and fast music and didn't really care what others thought about us. That phase lasted a year or so, then i decided to do something usefull with my time.

See you later ;-)

 

I need that revelation now rather than later.

2 hours ago, Camacha said:

Shut up and get to work You have various talents and qualities and being unsaveable is not one of them. You are not fooling us.

It gets easier over time. The more you know about something, the easier you pick things up. This can turn out snowballing in pretty amazing ways. Additionally, at some point all the various islands of knowledge start merging into a huge land mass.

So far the opposite is proving me true but ok.

Like I just said, I need that moment now rather than later. Life looks better later, now it looks horrible.

[Camacha]

1 hour ago, ZooNamedGames said:

Like I just said, I need that moment now rather than later. Life looks better later, now it looks horrible.

In that case, you better get to it. Roll up your sleeves and get going. Nothing to it but to do it!

[ZooNamedGames]

Kind of sad, I've got a small army of people behind me telling me I can but one stupid voice can kill all that.

This is my problem, I'll be better in to future but I don't want to wait. I want to be better and happier now. That is if it's even possible. 

It's unfair in so many ways. There is no reward worth this kind of struggle. Nothing I can do will make this a beneficial experience for me. The only benefit I take from this is being emotionally cold. Which is that what I deserve for being a decent kind human being? While there are people who commit atrocities and are happy all their life. 

As I've always said to myself, life's a competition from birth to death, first in school with grades so you can get the best college which will lead to the best job to buy the most. I just happen to have a slow start and now, just given up. 

If I had proof to myself that I could do something above average I might have hope but so far everything I do is mediocre to poor. The one thing I thought was decent was my creativity but I see even it's mediocre at best. The ideas I come up with are, my stories my art, everything I try. 

Great... Likely should just cross that emotional vent out... You guys honestly don't deserve to be treated like that. This is Squad's forum and my posts reflect their work. So I apologize to the squad team for any inconviences this post could cause. 

Mods can feel free to amend this as needed as I know there's a desired level of behavior expected and that might not be within that frame.

[Bill Phil]

15 minutes ago, ZooNamedGames said:

Kind of sad, I've got a small army of people behind me telling me I can but one stupid voice can kill all that.

This is my problem, I'll be better in to future but I don't want to wait. I want to be better and happier now. That is if it's even possible. 

It's unfair in so many ways. There is no reward worth this kind of struggle. Nothing I can do will make this a beneficial experience for me. The only benefit I take from this is being emotionally cold. Which is that what I deserve for being a decent kind human being? While there are people who commit atrocities and are happy all their life. 

As I've always said to myself, life's a competition from birth to death, first in school with grades so you can get the best college which will lead to the best job to buy the most. I just happen to have a slow start and now, just given up. 

If I had proof to myself that I could do something above average I might have hope but so far everything I do is mediocre to poor. The one thing I thought was decent was my creativity but I see even it's mediocre at best. The ideas I come up with are, my stories my art, everything I try. 

Great... Likely should just cross that emotional vent out... You guys honestly don't deserve to be treated like that. This is Squad's forum and my posts reflect their work. So I apologize to the squad team for any inconviences this post could cause. 

Mods can feel free to amend this as needed as I know there's a desired level of behavior expected and that might not be within that frame.

So, you can still be a late bloomer.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Late_bloomer

And being a late bloomer is perfectly fine.

[Camacha]

40 minutes ago, ZooNamedGames said:

It's unfair in so many ways. There is no reward worth this kind of struggle. Nothing I can do will make this a beneficial experience for me. The only benefit I take from this is being emotionally cold. Which is that what I deserve for being a decent kind human being? While there are people who commit atrocities and are happy all their life. 

Life is easier if you are a total psychopath, but it will not make the world a better place. Doing the right thing is rarely going to be the easy option.

40 minutes ago, ZooNamedGames said:

If I had proof to myself that I could do something above average I might have hope but so far everything I do is mediocre to poor. The one thing I thought was decent was my creativity but I see even it's mediocre at best. The ideas I come up with are, my stories my art, everything I try.

Though we spend our lives looking at idolized images of people that seem to be better at everything, most people actually are really pretty boring and mediocre. We get so inundated with other people's success stories, that we forget about their fears and failures. The part you do not see is the bit where people try a thousand times and fail. You just see the success part. Even the most famous and successful people have the same fears and doubts you have.

Like we said before, to succeed, you must fail and fail a lot. The only way of remaining stuck where you are now, is not doing anything.

So how about a plan to start doing something?

[Dman979]

1 hour ago, ZooNamedGames said:

Kind of sad, I've got a small army of people behind me telling me I can but one stupid voice can kill all that.

Can you do me a personal favor?

Ignore that voice for the next 36 hours.

When you hear that voice, remind yourself that it's stupid. Go out and take a risk for me. It doesn't matter what you do. Scared of talking to strangers? Go sit on a park-bench and say hello to everyone who sits with you. Everyone. Go play a game that you'll know you'll lose. Spend 30 minutes dribbling a soccer ball. Just go and do something!

[Green Baron]

Some people need a lot of pressure or a drastic experience to change their life. And some just stay their whole life long in a steady state without any change. Our society offers a basic supply, you don't even have get out to communicate, you can hang in front of the tv or pc the whole day long and get yourself fed up with that sort of "information".

It is your decision. You have decided to declare yourself helpless and stubbornly resist every encouragement. This is what you want to do and i respect that.

Over and out

 

[KSK]

3 hours ago, Camacha said:

Though we spend our lives looking at idolized images of people that seem to be better at everything, most people actually are really pretty boring and mediocre. We get so inundated with other people's success stories, that we forget about their fears and failures. The part you do not see is the bit where people try a thousand times and fail. You just see the success part. Even the most famous and successful people have the same fears and doubts you have.

I don't know if this'll work for everyone - but sometimes it's fine just to compete with yourself. Don't worry too much about comparing yourself to the others and just take pleasure in finding out that, whilst you might not be very good at something, you're better than you thought you would be going into it.

Personal example - I used to do trampoline. Now, if we were sitting down face to face, this is about the time you'd burst out laughing. Possibly. You seem like the polite sort, so you'd probably manage to put on a good poker face but inside you'd be laughing. Trust me.  But that's OK because you'd be in good company - I'd be laughing along with you. Grace, natural poise, agility - all of these things I have not got. I'm just plain not one of nature's gymnasts. Which is one of many reasons why I used to do trampoline.

But that's OK. I went from bouncing randomly over the trampoline bed, to more-or-less keeping in one plane when bouncing, to doing a few basic moves, to turning simple somersaults. That's about as far as I got but it was way, way further than I expected to get when I started and it was satisfying knowing that I had managed to improve even if I'd pretty much found my limit - or at any rate, the point where serious improvement was going to require a boat load more work. More to the point, I enjoyed it. I didn't get too far but I had a ton of fun along the way, made some friends and in general, do not look upon the whole experience as a waste of time simply because I'm no longer doing it. Plus I got a couple of coaching certificates and found that I could teach other people to trampoline. Actually I could teach them stuff that was a step beyond anything I could do myself. That was fun too.

TL:DR.  Never be afraid to try new stuff. Don't worry about not being that good at it - you'll almost certainly be better than you could have imagined. And maybe one day you'll find that thing that you really are good at and want to take to the next level.

Edited September 18, 2016 by KSK

[adsii1970]

@ZooNamedGames: I just saw your post and I wanted to throw in my advice, even if it's not needed. So here we go:

5 hours ago, ZooNamedGames said:

Kind of sad, I've got a small army of people behind me telling me I can but one stupid voice can kill all that.

This is my problem, I'll be better in to future but I don't want to wait. I want to be better and happier now. That is if it's even possible.

I do understand that. But since you are an American and you understand the concept of democracy... let the opinion of the small army of people win out. I will admit to you and the other million forum members that I am my own worst enemy. I can normally complete a job that others are happy with, but do I leave it at that? Why no, of course! It is a part of who I am, as this is a part of who you are. The most important thing you must learn to be successful in the future is to control your impulses. Trust me.

And as far as you being ready for the future - ready you are not! (Couldn't resist Yoda-speak! ). If I were to take you as you are now, drop you thirty years into the future, you'd fail. Not because I would want you to but because it's life. You wouldn't have the experiences of the thirty-year period you skipped. Each stage in life prepares us for the next. You'd be unprepared - and even more miserable than you are now. The only way to become happier and better NOW is to begin by changing the way you think of yourself. Whether you believe in creationism or evolution, one thing remains unchanged. You are the only you there is and will ever be. Right down to your DNA is unique; you are one of a kind. So... be the best you that you can be and become an expert on you!

5 hours ago, ZooNamedGames said:

It's unfair in so many ways. There is no reward worth this kind of struggle. Nothing I can do will make this a beneficial experience for me. The only benefit I take from this is being emotionally cold. Which is that what I deserve for being a decent kind human being? While there are people who commit atrocities and are happy all their life. 

As I've always said to myself, life's a competition from birth to death, first in school with grades so you can get the best college which will lead to the best job to buy the most. I just happen to have a slow start and now, just given up.

No external reward for certain. But that is why you have to be the one that defines what you personally believe that success would be for YOU. I cannot tell you what that is but I can tell you what mine is. I was once in the same boat you are in except I came from an abusive family. Until the age of 36, I had a very low opinion of myself and sounded nearly like you did. I went from relationship to relationship, each one leaving its own set of scars. I just endured life each day. I tried faking the happy thing day in and day out. But in 2006, all that changed as I changed. I wanted to change, I needed to change, and I went looking for answers. I found that purpose and it actually gave meaning to me. It made me understand that there's more to life than what we see here with our own eyes.

Spoiler

While pursuing my Ph.D., I came face to face with the man I was and discovered that it did matter - what I felt, how I saw myself, and what I did did matter... and I found that in God.

I am not going to debate those who say that God does not exist and that evolution holds all the answers - because evolution doesn't. It takes just as much faith to believe in evolution (with all the holes and inconsistencies within the data set) as it does to believe in a higher deity. If you do not like it that I believe in God, love science, and am an intellectual, then that is your hang up, not mine.

There is a reward in life - it is called a clean conscious. I want to know that each day I have done what I can to make the world a better place for others. And in so doing, it becomes a better place for me. I agree with what @Dman979 said earlier, but will add to it. Instead of just talking to them, engage them. Have a small cooler with ice and a few bottles of water. Make sure they are new and never been opened. But when someone sits next to you, offer them a bottle of water. You'll be surprised what that kind of act will do. You'll soon discover that many people out there simply do not know how to accept good, heartfelt generosity because our society has beaten generosity and compassion into something seen as some sort of weakness. There is great strength in weakness.

Again, you are trying to live in a one-size-fits-all definition of success. As someone that teaches college, not everyone needs to go to college to become successful. Success is what you define it to be. For some, like myself, being happy is success. I enjoy teaching and I literally get paid to play all day. I also like being a problem solver and the "why this?" guy... and that is where my love of research comes in. Now within my faith, the Bible tells us to be content with what we have, and for the most part I am, which takes the stress out of, as you say, to get "the best job to buy the most." It is a matter of fact and not of faith you cannot take possessions with you when you die. They become someone else's possessions. No disputing it... so why should we place such a demand on ourselves to acquire more things we cannot take with us. Don't give up, just change your focus.

5 hours ago, ZooNamedGames said:

If I had proof to myself that I could do something above average I might have hope but so far everything I do is mediocre to poor. The one thing I thought was decent was my creativity but I see even it's mediocre at best. The ideas I come up with are, my stories my art, everything I try.

Ok, the problem is with this one is you want your talents to be like instant mashed potatoes - just add water and eat! Nope, not going to happen. If you want to get better at writing, you've got to do two things - you've got to work on it to develop your talent AND you've got to have patience with yourself. You've got to also read - not just the stuff here on the forum, but books as well. The more you read, the better you will write. It's a fact.

I've seen your graphics and it is about where I started out about fifteen years ago. I really became good as I began making my own decals for some of my model Star Trek ships. From there, I kept doing it, designing patches for the Boy Scouts, and here I am today...

[Just Jim]

On 9/7/2016 at 6:05 PM, ZooNamedGames said:

I may have creativity and wit, but I don't have a high diploma like I should and I've nearly completely stopped on the process to getting one. That is where I've stalled out, finishing the basics of what I have to do to get anywhere.

I don't mean to make light of this, but I dropped out when I was 17, joined the Army, and then spent 3 years in Germany. And I seriously think I learned more than all my high school years combined.

I'm not suggesting you run out and enlist. I'm just trying to point out there are a lot of ways to learn things besides school.

[Camacha]

5 hours ago, KSK said:

TL:DR.  Never be afraid to try new stuff. Don't worry about not being that good at it - you'll almost certainly be better than you could have imagined. And maybe one day you'll find that thing that you really are good at and want to take to the next level.

I would like to quote the infinite wisdom of Jake the Dog once more. It is funny how a cartoon manages to stuff more life lessons into a few minutes of animation than some parents manage to impress on their children.

 

Edited September 18, 2016 by Camacha

[ZooNamedGames]

13 hours ago, Green Baron said:

Some people need a lot of pressure or a drastic experience to change their life. And some just stay their whole life long in a steady state without any change. Our society offers a basic supply, you don't even have get out to communicate, you can hang in front of the tv or pc the whole day long and get yourself fed up with that sort of "information".

It is your decision. You have decided to declare yourself helpless and stubbornly resist every encouragement. This is what you want to do and i respect that.

Over and out

 

If only you were wrong I'd have something to say, but what can I say. Your right, at every turn I turn you guys down and have stubbornly chosen to dig myself into this corner.

If only it were as simple as just not doing it.

10 hours ago, adsii1970 said:

@ZooNamedGames: I just saw your post and I wanted to throw in my advice, even if it's not needed. So here we go:

I do understand that. But since you are an American and you understand the concept of democracy... let the opinion of the small army of people win out. I will admit to you and the other million forum members that I am my own worst enemy. I can normally complete a job that others are happy with, but do I leave it at that? Why no, of course! It is a part of who I am, as this is a part of who you are. The most important thing you must learn to be successful in the future is to control your impulses. Trust me.

And as far as you being ready for the future - ready you are not! (Couldn't resist Yoda-speak! ). If I were to take you as you are now, drop you thirty years into the future, you'd fail. Not because I would want you to but because it's life. You wouldn't have the experiences of the thirty-year period you skipped. Each stage in life prepares us for the next. You'd be unprepared - and even more miserable than you are now. The only way to become happier and better NOW is to begin by changing the way you think of yourself. Whether you believe in creationism or evolution, one thing remains unchanged. You are the only you there is and will ever be. Right down to your DNA is unique; you are one of a kind. So... be the best you that you can be and become an expert on you!

No external reward for certain. But that is why you have to be the one that defines what you personally believe that success would be for YOU. I cannot tell you what that is but I can tell you what mine is. I was once in the same boat you are in except I came from an abusive family. Until the age of 36, I had a very low opinion of myself and sounded nearly like you did. I went from relationship to relationship, each one leaving its own set of scars. I just endured life each day. I tried faking the happy thing day in and day out. But in 2006, all that changed as I changed. I wanted to change, I needed to change, and I went looking for answers. I found that purpose and it actually gave meaning to me. It made me understand that there's more to life than what we see here with our own eyes.

  Reveal hidden contents

While pursuing my Ph.D., I came face to face with the man I was and discovered that it did matter - what I felt, how I saw myself, and what I did did matter... and I found that in God.

I am not going to debate those who say that God does not exist and that evolution holds all the answers - because evolution doesn't. It takes just as much faith to believe in evolution (with all the holes and inconsistencies within the data set) as it does to believe in a higher deity. If you do not like it that I believe in God, love science, and am an intellectual, then that is your hang up, not mine.

There is a reward in life - it is called a clean conscious. I want to know that each day I have done what I can to make the world a better place for others. And in so doing, it becomes a better place for me. I agree with what @Dman979 said earlier, but will add to it. Instead of just talking to them, engage them. Have a small cooler with ice and a few bottles of water. Make sure they are new and never been opened. But when someone sits next to you, offer them a bottle of water. You'll be surprised what that kind of act will do. You'll soon discover that many people out there simply do not know how to accept good, heartfelt generosity because our society has beaten generosity and compassion into something seen as some sort of weakness. There is great strength in weakness.

Again, you are trying to live in a one-size-fits-all definition of success. As someone that teaches college, not everyone needs to go to college to become successful. Success is what you define it to be. For some, like myself, being happy is success. I enjoy teaching and I literally get paid to play all day. I also like being a problem solver and the "why this?" guy... and that is where my love of research comes in. Now within my faith, the Bible tells us to be content with what we have, and for the most part I am, which takes the stress out of, as you say, to get "the best job to buy the most." It is a matter of fact and not of faith you cannot take possessions with you when you die. They become someone else's possessions. No disputing it... so why should we place such a demand on ourselves to acquire more things we cannot take with us. Don't give up, just change your focus.

Ok, the problem is with this one is you want your talents to be like instant mashed potatoes - just add water and eat! Nope, not going to happen. If you want to get better at writing, you've got to do two things - you've got to work on it to develop your talent AND you've got to have patience with yourself. You've got to also read - not just the stuff here on the forum, but books as well. The more you read, the better you will write. It's a fact.

I've seen your graphics and it is about where I started out about fifteen years ago. I really became good as I began making my own decals for some of my model Star Trek ships. From there, I kept doing it, designing patches for the Boy Scouts, and here I am today...

My catch is (and I've told you this before adsii), success to me is mediocre as a reward. I rarely get satisfaction in completing something. When someone surveys the work they've done they get a joy of success, I don't get that. It's maybe a moment of appreciation and then it's done. It's case of work does not equal the reward. The things I do get enjoyment out of doing I wont be able to do for another year or more.

8 hours ago, Just Jim said:

I don't mean to make light of this, but I dropped out when I was 17, joined the Army, and then spent 3 years in Germany. And I seriously think I learned more than all my high school years combined.

I'm not suggesting you run out and enlist. I'm just trying to point out there are a lot of ways to learn things besides school.

Well it seems to be my best option. Others seem only downhill comparison to it.

[Creature]

You're not unsaveable and you're not doomed.

For starters I'm gonna say you need to give yourself much more credit about what and who you are!

Here's a quick list: You're smarter than average. I know it because the average 19-year old doesn't study space technology, plan orbits and know in extensive detail how rocket engines and celestial mechanisc work. You do because you're here, playing this game. You've written some fiction here on the forums. That's more writing than the average person will probably do in their entire lifetime. So you're already ahead of the curve on that one too. You have all kinds of ideas which may or may not be good, but that's already more than most people. The average person has ideas on what they're gonna have for dinner. Not that there's anything wrong with being average, but I'm just saying those are some of your strengths, in some areas you're probably below average and that's fine too. Everyone is. I bet Elon Musk really really sucks at something. Maybe cooking. Problem is that you're expecting to be exceptional. One thing that others have said many times and I'm gonna repeat again is that everybody is bad at everything at first. Then they spend years being bad and then they spend years being OK and then they become good. No way around that fact.

But first of all, start giving yourself credit where credit is due. I don't know you so there's gonna me much more than what I just wrote but at least I know those are real things and I'm on the other side of the world.

I'm really tempted to say I know how you feel, but I've long ago realized that another person can never truly know how someone else feels. So instead I'll say I've felt something really similar pretty much my whole life. For what it's worth, here's my view on your situation based on this thread and some other posts around the forum from you that I've come across.

First here's a little story from my youth: I really wanted to play the guitar when I was young. I really liked heavy metal when I was like 10 or 12 or so and it was my dream to be in a band one day. We even had a guitar so there was literally nothing stopping me. Somehow I never got around to it though. When I was about 15 I tried to learn it but it was hard and I never got too far. Then at 16 I changed to another school and became friends with some musician types, especially one guy who was a very good guitar player. Back then I wanted to play like he did but it turned out he had been playing since he was 8 years old so already he had 8 years of practice. So obviously I couldn't catch up in a year or two, how could I? So I kinda settled in with the thought that it's too late for me to start playing any more since I'm so far behind, I'll never catch up. He even tried to get me to play and actually he even mentioned I'd have the perfect fingers for it, too. Saying that might sound a bit weird to some but if you've ever played the guitar, having long and nimble fingers is a pretty big advantage so as a serious musician he kinda took notice of such things. For reference you can look up how big hands Jimi Hendrix has, I've got the same hand type. Now it's got nothing to do with actual playing skill, but it's a big help.

And you know what? I was 16 when I decided that I'd too old. I'm 32 now. If I had started playing back then, I'd have 16 years of experience now, twice that which my friend had back then. Even if I had no talent at all, 16 years of practice would make anyone at least good, if not very good. So when at 19 you think you've missed your train, it pains me to see you making the same decision about yourself than I did at 16. If you start doing anything at all right now, when you're my age you'll have 13 years of practice doing it and you'll be very good at it. And trust me, when you're 32, you won't have reached any sort of endgame in your life where you're settled in and know everything. You'll still be young and you'll be at a perfect age to grab opportunities and do pretty much anything.

Think about it for a while. If you had started doing something when you were 6 years old, you think you'd be any good at it now? Compared to your peers? For example imagine you'd started writing stories the second you learned how to write and would've done that regularly your entire life so far. You think you'd make good stories? I know you would because you do so even now (I've read them so shut up, I know) it's just that you need some practice to polish out some technical issues and learn how to make good into excellent. And that's what every single writer has always had to do.

And you know what else? I'm in that same exact boat with my writing than you are. I've written enough to be decent but since I've had the same attitude towards writing that I had towards guitar playing, I haven't really practiced it properly. Thing between you and me is that I've wasted 13 years of writing time. You haven't, so make sure that at 32 you're not lamenting on the wasted 13 years and your decision of not to actively pursue whatever it is that you wish to pursue. Time is precious and even though at this age I luckily (and hopefully) still have a boatload of it to do things, you probably have 13 years more than I do. That's a lot of time to become good at something.

On the subject of enjoyment and fulfillment:

http://theoatmeal.com/comics/unhappy

Heres' a comic I relate to. It's how I feel most of the time. I'm not a happy person and I'm really jealous of people how can just do things and enjoy it. I'm gonna go with Oatmeal and contradict some stuff that's been said in this thread. If you want to do something, you don't have to feel good about doing it. I don't feel good when I'm writing. It's hard, it's frustrating, I suck, everything sucks and I just wanna play video games instead. I do it because it's meaningful to me and not being a writer feels much worse than being a writer and enduring all the bad things that come with it. The sense of fulfillment or some abstract notion of happiness is hard to find. But meaning and purpose behind what I'm doing is what makes it worth all of it. When I have that, I find it's easier to find those nice emotions from other things like running in the woods, sunrises on crisp autumn days like this one and a nice cup of coffee and a muffin for breakfast on an airport just before heading out on a new adventure. But without meaning it's hard to find that happiness anywhere. So feeling good and doing meaningful things are not always at the same place for everyone. That's a piece of advice that gets spread around much and for people like me it's a bit misleading (No offence to anyone who's giving this advice! It's a good advice to most people but in some cases it just doesn't work at all.) The question is, what do you think is important? What's meaningful work? Who for example do you think is doing meaningful things right now?

I know this is quite a wall of text and if you've had the patience to read it, congratulations, that's another thing where you're above average. You can read long texts, for many people it's quite an issue. Here's my last piece of advice. Conjure up an image of yourself 5 years ago. Go through a scenario in your head or even write it down where you give your young self some advice on what you think he should do. If you were the young you right now, how would you fix your current situation. And don't back out. You're not gonna leave the young you alone with his problems, are you? Give whatever advice you can, no matter how small. You know something now that you didn't back then. You're a little bit wiser. For what it's worth, apply that advice to your current self. It's the best you can do right now.

Every single day you're a tiny bit better and a tiny bit wiser than you were yesterday. That's just basic logic, you're not becoming dumber by the day, are you? Of course not, it's the opposite.

[Just Jim]

13 hours ago, ZooNamedGames said:

Well it seems to be my best option. Others seem only downhill comparison to it.

Just understand if you decide to pursue this, it's very, very hard. At least at first. Basic training, no matter what branch, will push you to your limits, and most likely past them to limits you didn't know you had. After basic is advanced training, and this is where you need to take your time and choose carefully. There are lots of different jobs, many non-combat, that deal with computers, which it sounds like you're interested in. Plus different programs to help you stash away $$$ for college while you're in or after you get out. 

But whatever you do, don't jump in head first. Go and talk to some recruiters first and see what they can offer you. Then take you time and think it thru carefully. The military isn't for everyone.. so be really, really sure it's what you want before you raise you hand.

[ZooNamedGames]

17 hours ago, Creature said:

You're not unsaveable and you're not doomed.

For starters I'm gonna say you need to give yourself much more credit about what and who you are!

Here's a quick list: You're smarter than average. I know it because the average 19-year old doesn't study space technology, plan orbits and know in extensive detail how rocket engines and celestial mechanisc work. You do because you're here, playing this game. You've written some fiction here on the forums. That's more writing than the average person will probably do in their entire lifetime. So you're already ahead of the curve on that one too. You have all kinds of ideas which may or may not be good, but that's already more than most people. The average person has ideas on what they're gonna have for dinner. Not that there's anything wrong with being average, but I'm just saying those are some of your strengths, in some areas you're probably below average and that's fine too. Everyone is. I bet Elon Musk really really sucks at something. Maybe cooking. Problem is that you're expecting to be exceptional. One thing that others have said many times and I'm gonna repeat again is that everybody is bad at everything at first. Then they spend years being bad and then they spend years being OK and then they become good. No way around that fact.

But first of all, start giving yourself credit where credit is due. I don't know you so there's gonna me much more than what I just wrote but at least I know those are real things and I'm on the other side of the world.

I'm really tempted to say I know how you feel, but I've long ago realized that another person can never truly know how someone else feels. So instead I'll say I've felt something really similar pretty much my whole life. For what it's worth, here's my view on your situation based on this thread and some other posts around the forum from you that I've come across.

First here's a little story from my youth: I really wanted to play the guitar when I was young. I really liked heavy metal when I was like 10 or 12 or so and it was my dream to be in a band one day. We even had a guitar so there was literally nothing stopping me. Somehow I never got around to it though. When I was about 15 I tried to learn it but it was hard and I never got too far. Then at 16 I changed to another school and became friends with some musician types, especially one guy who was a very good guitar player. Back then I wanted to play like he did but it turned out he had been playing since he was 8 years old so already he had 8 years of practice. So obviously I couldn't catch up in a year or two, how could I? So I kinda settled in with the thought that it's too late for me to start playing any more since I'm so far behind, I'll never catch up. He even tried to get me to play and actually he even mentioned I'd have the perfect fingers for it, too. Saying that might sound a bit weird to some but if you've ever played the guitar, having long and nimble fingers is a pretty big advantage so as a serious musician he kinda took notice of such things. For reference you can look up how big hands Jimi Hendrix has, I've got the same hand type. Now it's got nothing to do with actual playing skill, but it's a big help.

And you know what? I was 16 when I decided that I'd too old. I'm 32 now. If I had started playing back then, I'd have 16 years of experience now, twice that which my friend had back then. Even if I had no talent at all, 16 years of practice would make anyone at least good, if not very good. So when at 19 you think you've missed your train, it pains me to see you making the same decision about yourself than I did at 16. If you start doing anything at all right now, when you're my age you'll have 13 years of practice doing it and you'll be very good at it. And trust me, when you're 32, you won't have reached any sort of endgame in your life where you're settled in and know everything. You'll still be young and you'll be at a perfect age to grab opportunities and do pretty much anything.

Think about it for a while. If you had started doing something when you were 6 years old, you think you'd be any good at it now? Compared to your peers? For example imagine you'd started writing stories the second you learned how to write and would've done that regularly your entire life so far. You think you'd make good stories? I know you would because you do so even now (I've read them so shut up, I know) it's just that you need some practice to polish out some technical issues and learn how to make good into excellent. And that's what every single writer has always had to do.

And you know what else? I'm in that same exact boat with my writing than you are. I've written enough to be decent but since I've had the same attitude towards writing that I had towards guitar playing, I haven't really practiced it properly. Thing between you and me is that I've wasted 13 years of writing time. You haven't, so make sure that at 32 you're not lamenting on the wasted 13 years and your decision of not to actively pursue whatever it is that you wish to pursue. Time is precious and even though at this age I luckily (and hopefully) still have a boatload of it to do things, you probably have 13 years more than I do. That's a lot of time to become good at something.

On the subject of enjoyment and fulfillment:

http://theoatmeal.com/comics/unhappy

Heres' a comic I relate to. It's how I feel most of the time. I'm not a happy person and I'm really jealous of people how can just do things and enjoy it. I'm gonna go with Oatmeal and contradict some stuff that's been said in this thread. If you want to do something, you don't have to feel good about doing it. I don't feel good when I'm writing. It's hard, it's frustrating, I suck, everything sucks and I just wanna play video games instead. I do it because it's meaningful to me and not being a writer feels much worse than being a writer and enduring all the bad things that come with it. The sense of fulfillment or some abstract notion of happiness is hard to find. But meaning and purpose behind what I'm doing is what makes it worth all of it. When I have that, I find it's easier to find those nice emotions from other things like running in the woods, sunrises on crisp autumn days like this one and a nice cup of coffee and a muffin for breakfast on an airport just before heading out on a new adventure. But without meaning it's hard to find that happiness anywhere. So feeling good and doing meaningful things are not always at the same place for everyone. That's a piece of advice that gets spread around much and for people like me it's a bit misleading (No offence to anyone who's giving this advice! It's a good advice to most people but in some cases it just doesn't work at all.) The question is, what do you think is important? What's meaningful work? Who for example do you think is doing meaningful things right now?

I know this is quite a wall of text and if you've had the patience to read it, congratulations, that's another thing where you're above average. You can read long texts, for many people it's quite an issue. Here's my last piece of advice. Conjure up an image of yourself 5 years ago. Go through a scenario in your head or even write it down where you give your young self some advice on what you think he should do. If you were the young you right now, how would you fix your current situation. And don't back out. You're not gonna leave the young you alone with his problems, are you? Give whatever advice you can, no matter how small. You know something now that you didn't back then. You're a little bit wiser. For what it's worth, apply that advice to your current self. It's the best you can do right now.

Every single day you're a tiny bit better and a tiny bit wiser than you were yesterday. That's just basic logic, you're not becoming dumber by the day, are you? Of course not, it's the opposite.

It is indeed something I worry about is that by the time I get to where I should feel achieved I'm going to have wasted so much on the way there that I'll still be mad at myself.

I just wish I had people like you in my head... Maybe then I'd get something, anything done. 

I often run through thought process like that imagining what a younger version of me would think and most of the time I find that I'd be disappointed in myself for doing so little and being so lazy. 

15 hours ago, Just Jim said:

Just understand if you decide to pursue this, it's very, very hard. At least at first. Basic training, no matter what branch, will push you to your limits, and most likely past them to limits you didn't know you had. After basic is advanced training, and this is where you need to take your time and choose carefully. There are lots of different jobs, many non-combat, that deal with computers, which it sounds like you're interested in. Plus different programs to help you stash away $$$ for college while you're in or after you get out. 

But whatever you do, don't jump in head first. Go and talk to some recruiters first and see what they can offer you. Then take you time and think it thru carefully. The military isn't for everyone.. so be really, really sure it's what you want before you raise you hand.

Honestly I wouldn't make the cut even if I wanted to seeing as I've seen people in far better situations that got turned down. 

Besides, everyone I know went into some branch of the military. 

Lastly I'm already emotionally and mentally shaky, last thing I need is Sargent Hartman screaming at me, I know that road. Taking it would be bad.  

Edited September 20, 2016 by ZooNamedGames

[0111narwhalz]

12 hours ago, ZooNamedGames said:

I just wish I had people like you in my head... Maybe then I'd get something, anything done. 

Let us be surrogates for a bit. Get some things done with our help, eventually you won't need our help.
But right now, listen. Just do the thing. After you do the thing a few times, it won't feel like being dragged over rusty nails. Just concrete. And after many times, it'll feel like nice, soft grass.

[ZooNamedGames]

You know I might be even 1% more inclined to care about anything I can do if it were that things like this-

 

Happens to me every day in my life. I make one stupid mistake and I end up hating everything about me. Everyone else can make a mistake, but me? No, if I screw up, throw me in the gulag. Emotionally crush me for being me. 

Why do I even bother.

[Camacha]

1 hour ago, ZooNamedGames said:

Why do I even bother.

Because we are going to pester you into submission if you do not

[Dman979]

15 hours ago, ZooNamedGames said:

It is indeed something I worry about is that by the time I get to where I should feel achieved I'm going to have wasted so much on the way there that I'll still be mad at myself.

This reminds me of a joke I heard a while ago.

"Why is my phone always in the last place I look for it?"

But I think it's actually quite applicable here. You seem very, very focused on end results. That's good. Unfortunately, I think that your hyperfocus is preventing you from seeing the larger picture here, and the things you need to do to get there.

So, time for another suggestion. Break your dreams down into more manageable steps. Your overall end result becomes your vision. The large, abstract things you need to do to get there are your goals. Below that are sub-goals, which are mini goals used to achieve the goals. Finally are steps. These are the most basic you can go. Steps can range from "get out of bed in the morning" to "finish X homework assignment" to "pass Y class." All of your goals, subgoals, and steps need to be clearly defined. You need to know when you've completed them, and have a specific time to finish them by.

What is your vision? For me, my vision is to become an aerospace engineer.

What are your goals? Mine are to finish college, do student research, be social, and stay healthy.

What are your subgoals? Mine are to finish Freshman year, finish sophomore year, finish junior year, finish senior year, work with a professor I like, make friends, and keep a healthy lifestyle.

My steps are a little more personal and there are more of them, so I'm not going to share them here. But the examples I listed above should give you an idea of what they are.

What are your steps? What is the first thing you need to do in order to reach your vision?

 

Edited September 20, 2016 by Dman979

[0111narwhalz]

8 minutes ago, ZooNamedGames said:

Happens to me every day in my life. I make one stupid mistake and I end up hating everything about me. Everyone else can make a mistake, but me? No, if I screw up, throw me in the gulag. Emotionally crush me for being me. 

Why do I even bother.

Maybe the reason CobaltWolf has "thrown you in the gulag" is because your mistakes are of a kind people find hard to tolerate. Try reading the entire thing Streetwind wrote, summarize it, and then act upon it.
I note that you tend to hide behind your alleged incompetence. This is a surefire way to get nowhere.

[adsii1970]

There's an old Chinese proverb that says the journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step. I will say this, you will never be more than you are if you do not become determined to be your own agent of change. No amount of free advice from the gracious members of this forum, no hour in therapy, or no pill will change your attitude and outlook on life unless you have reached the point in life where you are fed up and ready to grow.

Life is never fair. I have something I tell each of my college classes - the slowest gazelle in the herd is the first eaten by the lions. Yes, it sounds heartless and cruel but it is an undeniable truth. There are lions everywhere - and at times, as you are experiencing now - sometimes it is the lion inside us that's the most dangerous. However, you know it's there and you know that if you don't feed it, it won't survive. Sure, there will be other lions, but do not worry about those now. It's the one in front of you that needs your attention.

Quit doubting yourself; quit using every bump and scrape of life as an excuse to tear yourself apart. Apparently there are a lot of us here who believes you are worthy of our attention, now it is your turn. It's your turn to see you're worthwhile and to invest in yourself.