Million Dollars, But...

[njmksr]

Some of you may know this concept from Rooster Teeth, but this is the forum games edition!

 

So the rules are thus- you post a scenario in which one receives one million dollars. That's a lot of money. 

However, it comes with one condition, which the author of the post defines themselves.

You must also specify whether you would take the previous scenario's million.

Additional Rules:

1. No memes. Sorry.

2. No thread-derailing references.

I'll get us started.

No previous scenario, so a million dollars and no consequences... I'll take it!

Million dollars, but... (That's a lot of money!)

You can now produce the Brown Note, the resonance frequency of the human rectal sphincter. You have the power to make anybody in your immediate vicinity defaecate uncontrollably.

But it works on you too.

Edited October 6, 2016 by njmksr

[njmksr]

I changed up the scenario. It's now more... Exciting. See the above post for scenario.

Edited September 12, 2016 by njmksr

[Bill Phil]

Yes. But I would avoid making it whenever possible. (It might actually help out if I ever get in a bad situation...)

A million bucks...

But no buck rogers.

[legoclone09]

You get one million dollars...

but you need 15 more mortgages.

[njmksr]

Nope, a million really isn't what it used to be.

Million dollars, but...

You can only speak in rhymes for three months.

[Dark Junior]

Nope, I hate poetry

Millions dollars, but....

You know the endings of all videogames you play and all movies you watch from now on

[legoclone09]

Yes. Don't watch movies much and I usually play multiplayer games or KSP.

Million dollars but...

you stop being protected by Norton the antihacker doggo.

[njmksr]

Nope. I use HerdProtect

Btw please no meme posts from now on

Million Dollars, But...

Someone who looks a lot like you has become wanted all over the world. Every once in a while, the police will attempt to take you in, take you to court, and then realize that they have the wrong guy. You go free every time. And you can sue and settle out of court for a quarter million every time this happens.

[legoclone09]

Wow! Definitely!
Eventually they'll realize it's not me, so I'll never be taken in. YAY FOR MONEY!

You get a million dollars but...

your whole internet persona is deleted instantly.

[njmksr]

I take it, directly after I rob a bank, and then go off the grid.

Muahaha.

Million Dollars, But... 

You poop bricks. Literally.

Edited October 6, 2016 by njmksr
Complying with Rule 2.2

[legoclone09]

Oh god no please no.

One meeelion dollars...

But Austin Powers is hired to assassinate you.

[njmksr]

Well, he's an incompetent idiot, so I could probably foil him. Nvm he's really lucky. So nah

Scenarios from now on get bonus points for a title.

Million dollars, but...  "When Life Gives You Lemons"

Whenever you (physically) hear somebody complain about their life, you have an overwhelming compulsion to hand a lemon to them. 

Doesn't matter where or when. It doesn't matter how you get the lemons. It's just lemons.

 

Edited September 15, 2016 by njmksr

[ZentroCatson]

I like to do these kinds of jokes anyways, so why not?

Million dollars, but…

you get a very annoying parrot that follows you around everywhere and uses foul language. And you're not allowed to kill or dispose it in any other ways.

 

Edited September 15, 2016 by ZentroCatson

[Dark Junior]

2 minutes ago, ZentroCatson said:

I like to do these kinds of jokes anyways, so why not?

Million dollars, but…

you get a very annoying parrot that follows you around everywhere and uses foul language. And you're not allowed to kill or dispose it in any other ways.

 

Yep, definitely

Million dollars, but...

Every time a police officer looks at you, a gun appears in your hand

[Frybert]

Nope. 

 

A Million Dollars but...

 

you must live near a railroad crossing for the next five years.

[njmksr]

3 hours ago, Frybert said:

Nope. 

 

A Million Dollars but...

 

you must live near a railroad crossing for the next five years.

Probably not, that'd be damn loud

 

Million dollars, but... "Spam, Spam, Spam..."

 

For the next 2 years, whenever you get spam email, real Spam is sent to your real mail.

There is only one way to get rid of it... 

Eat it.

You can store it, but you can't give it to somebody else. You have to eat it all to get rid of it. Even after those two years. You can't sell it, you can't give it to anybody else. This is magical Spam. If you try to get rid of it, it just comes back.

 

 

[0111narwhalz]

Redefines spam filters

Done.

Besides, I am very careful about my email, so I don't get much spam.

Million dollars, but...

You are forced to live in the "bad part of town." And carry your million dollars in bills at all times.

[Dark Junior]

I take martial arts classes. so sure. I'll take it.

Million dollars, but....
That;s a lot of money

Every time you step into a building, there's a 10% chance it'll burst into flames. Except your home.

[njmksr]

Nope. Too much risk.

 

Btw thanks for reminding me of that

Million Dollars, But... "Used, Like New"

(That's a lot of money!)

You can now only buy things from Amazon, used.

 

 

Edited September 17, 2016 by njmksr

[njmksr]

Alright, new prompt.

Million Dollars, But...

You must refer to products by their full name for the next two years.

It is no longer sufficient to say, "Pass the food", now, you must say, "Pass the Domino's Pizza (R) ExtravaganZZa (TM)"

 

[Matuchkin]

Hell yeah, why should I care about names?

One million dollars, but the moment you take them 3d printers come out and spam advertisers start using fax.

[kerbiloid]

15 hours ago, njmksr said:

It is no longer sufficient to say, "Pass the food", now, you must say, "Pass the Domino's Pizza (R) ExtravaganZZa (TM)"

No problem. I add a new word "pss" to the language, with several thousand meanings, including "Pass the Domino's Pizza (R) ExtravaganZZa (TM)".
Word "psy" becomes an adjective, for example: PassTheDominosPizzaRExtravaganZZaTMish.

Edited October 3, 2016 by kerbiloid

[njmksr]

8 hours ago, kerbiloid said:

No problem. I add a new word "pss" to the language, with several thousand meanings, including "Pass the Domino's Pizza (R) ExtravaganZZa (TM)".
Word "psy" becomes an adjective, for example: PassTheDominosPizzaRExtravaganZZaTMish.

Since that's not a question, I'll not take @Matuchkin's response, as I don't want 3D Printed spam.

Million Dollars, But...

You now sweat maple syrup.

[Matuchkin]

That's disgusting! Aaah! No, what the hell!

Million dollars, but the dollar drops in value until you might as well have ten.

[njmksr]

Yeah, it's pretty gross, but what if I told you it was USDA Grade A maple syrup?

But I wouldn't take that, as I would not wish that on the US economy (and by extension, the world economy) for a quick buck.

 

Million Dollars, But...

You are now the laughingstock of late night shows all over the world. Everybody from John Oliver, to Stephen Colbert, to Seth Meyers are mocking you.