If my ASAS could talk.

[sscamc]

Oh, no! We are starting to go off course! Oh, you have RCS and control winglets? Phhht, I don't need those!

[ComradeGoat]

"Hey! You turned me on! Look at how I make this pretty light come on. No, that's pretty much all you're getting. Gimbals? They sound complicated, I'd better leave them alone. Hey, that planet looks nice! Let's try crashing into it."

[BeefTenderloin]

"Zzzzzzzzz..."

[BeefTenderloin]

0.21 ASAS: ZZZZzzzz.....

Damn, Ninja'd

[Giggleplex777]

Buzzing tower with new SAS:

Success!

When I pitch up a little with SAS on, it does a super flip and boom.

[Mulbin]

"these 15 large heavy cylinders you just attached to the ship? Do they have a point?... no, just pizza storage."

[Giggleplex777]

"What's a SAS?"

[RocketPilot573]

SAS: "We appear to be drifting a bit to the left, applying 0.0000000000000000000000001 torque to compensate."

Jeb: "Come on SAS! Show some effort!!!"

Reaction Wheel: "MOAR POWERRRRR"

SAS: "NOOOOOO DON'T!! You might make the ship wobble!"

Bill: "Now where facing the wrong way! Activating Mechjeb..."

Mechjeb: "Orienting ship progra- ERROR ERRROR ERROR 3q4hfgyweyg783hgf8y3h5guy34ygf3gyub4e4g3ey4g4geygrey4rrrrrrrrrrrrrr" *Explodes*

[Lazro]

I guess you could say the new SAS logic...

*sunglasses donned*

...Flopped.

[RocketPilot573]

SAS: "Must... Move... Ship..." *Gives Up*

ASAS: "WOBBLE... WOBBLE... WOBBLE..."

Avionics Package: "What's a plane? Wobble Wobble Wobble Wobble Wobble."

.21 SAS: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

.21.1 SAS: You want me to keep the ship straight? I can do that! This is easy!"

[quasarrgames]

0.20 ASAS: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE- *EXPLODES*

0.21 ASAS: It is my sworn duty to keep this ship straight *ship lists to the left* applying 0.0000000001% torque *ship lists a lot to the left* HOLY CRUD RIGHT RIGHT RIGHT RIGHT RIGHT *ship continues to list left* nope, she's done for. might as well not do anything *ship flips in every direction*WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE THIS IS FU- *splash*

0.22 ASAS: I will keep this ship straight! trust me. *ship goes straight* see? what did i tell you? *ship lists a little to the left* don't worry, it's fineNO DONT TOUCH THE RIGHT KEY *touches the right key to straighten out the ship* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO- EXPLODES

[RocketPilot573]

This thread again? OK!

.22 SAS: Oh, the ship is turning to the right... LEFTTT RIGHHTTTT LEFFTTTTTTT!

Me: OMG CALM DOWN!

*ship continues to oscillate back and forth, 90 degrees at a time*

*ship explodes*

[zekes]

I have to stop reading this thread i'm crying...

Meanwhile

ASAS: Hey you're not doing anything IMPORTANT right? let me just turn off.... (ship misalligns and burn fails)

[Commissioner Tadpole]

"Tadpole, your rocket is too heavy! I'll just put you out of your mercy and toss it into the ground!"

[SpaceSphereOfDeath]

It's seems like your trying to fly a rocket.

Would you like some help with that?

[Char0093]

ASAS:Oh hey,nice Asparagus Staging you got here.Nice and Evenly Balanced to Help me when the first tanks are Staged before the Grav turn! Very Smart and Clever of you!

*I Jettison first Stage before the Grav Turn*

ASAS:oh..I forgot to Mention..I dont Like it when your Clever.FULL RIGHT! NO! LETS GO LEFT! NO! LET'S GO-

*I Press "F"*

ASAS:Oh you Cheeky Little *Expletive* Ya know what? FINE I'LL Cooperate!

*10 Minutes later,I'm approaching for Docking*

ASAS:I lied...OVER CORRECT YOUR LEFT TRANSLATION STRAIGHT INTO YOUR SOLAR ARRAY!

Me:Go*Expletive* yourself ASAS...

[CalculusWarrior]

<rocket, abp="714" stage="" first="" jettison="" to="" preparing="">*Rocket in the upper atmosphere immediately prior to staging*

SAS: "Awesome, I'm so in control, this ship is rock solid"

*jettisons stage*

SAS: WOOOOAAAAAAHHHHH, WHAT DID YOU DO, THE ROCKET IS NOW SMALLER THAN BEFORE! NOTHING MAKES SENSE ANY MORE, I DON'T KNOW WHICH WAY IS UP!"

<rocket abp="723" to="" today="" space="" go="" not="" does="" and="" out="" flip="" proceeds="">*Rocket proceeds to flip out and does not go to space today*</rocket></rocket,>

[LostElement]

Me: "Ok, time to the gravity turn. Lets gently turn this to the right."

ASAS: "Lol wut? What is this gently you speak of? FULL POWER LEFT! OMGATTEMPTINGTOCOMPENSATEYAWPITCHROLL"

-Rocket flips out and rips itself apart-

KSP:"LOL too much stuff going on!*Game crashes*

Me: "Dafuq just happened?"

[Killerdude8]

Ah, I missed this thread.

ASAS: I shall fly straight as an arrow!

*Flys straight as an arrow*

[Duxwing]

Normal Flight:

Apocalyptic thunderstorms rage over the horrible darkness of the surface, sometimes revealing the vile landscape with lightning and shaking Godfrey Kerman's bones with thunder. His eyes frantically dart through the pale field of his helmet lights, searching the sand for a new rock. As beads of clear sweat roll down his face, so beads of yellow acid rain on his visor, and his frail heart pounds in his chest. He spots one! He raises one foot and stomps, then another, and again. His breath is short when he reaches the rock: he heaves his shining geology pick above his head but drops it--and its sharp point drops toward his head!

Godfrey screams in the dim light of the Hitchhiker, slamming into the straps of his cot. His crewmates, Bill, Bob, and Jebediah roll in their beds, muttering to him to sleep. The green digits of the Mission Elapsed Time clock move with each second, each minute, the oxygen recycler hums, and Godfrey sobs. Hot tears float through the air, stopping in his eyes and glimmering with every LED light in the cabin. Then a soft, warm hand cups his shoulder, and two gentle arms wrap around his neck. The SAS whispers a lullaby, pulling him back into his bed,

"Far over the heavy atmosphere,

to oceans deep and air that's clear,

we'll roar away ere break of day

to land on lively Kerbin dear."

Half a smile cracks across Godfrey's lips. The SAS slips around to his front and holds him. He buries his face in its loving shoulder and drifts to peaceful sleep.

Abnormal Flight

Sparks float through the chilly evening air, echoes of a blazing campfire around which sits a class of Kerb Scouts and its counselor, upon whose knee is an old acoustic guitar. He taps its side, "Like we practiced. One-and two-and three-and four-and," their voices mix in harmony and rise into the soaring stars,

"Oh the wobbling can be wicked when SAS's on a tear

You can hear the Kerbals bellow while they bring their ships to bear

And the widows light a candle and kneel down beside their bed

For SAS's in the stage tonight; tomorrow we'll count the dead."

-Duxwing

Songs adapted

1 "Misty Mountains Cold" from The Lord of The Rings

2 "Mad Jenny" by The Merry Wives of Windsor

[3_bit]

Oh, you switched off the jets and went to rockets? WAIT I just realized I forgot my kPhone! We're flipping around and heading back! Oh wait, we're still flipping. And again. And again.

[Madrias]

Because most of my designs use dual cockpits for holding 2 Kerbals, or a Kerbal and a Probe, I can picture this:

A1: Left correction!

A2: Too much, hard right!

A1: You tipped it! Hard left, and up!

A2: Full down elevator!

A1: I see water, full up elevator!

Me: *adjusting trims to try to stop the nightmare, as well as repeatedly cycling SAS, as well as pulling the controls to level the plane out*

A1: Who turned out the lights?

A2: C'mon, I just wanna spin the plane once.

Me: *turns SAS back on after trimming the plane to fly*

A1: Just a little up elevator to keep it level.

Me: *drops empty fuel cans*

A2: Full down elevator! We're going up too fast! We're all gonna die!

A1: Full right roll, full left rudder! Let's flip it! Scratch that and reverse it!

A2: Full up elevator!

(Plane flips, starts burning retrograde, engines flame out)

A1: Full down elevator!

(plane flips again, engine cuts in at full power, tears the wings off)

A2: We've lost control surfaces! Emergency mode, full right rudder, full right roll!

A1: I agree, full left rudder, full left roll!

(plane miraculously keeps flying straight due to no control input mucking between computers)

A1/2: It's working! We're not dead!

(engine falls off the plane)

A1/2: Nice try, we're gonna make it!

(30 seconds later, the batteries die)

A1: Oops, there go the reaction wheels.

A2: I can feel my circuits fading. Goodbye!

Me: *struggles to keep flying, crashes.* Sorry, Jeb. Sorry, Bill. I tried not to put you in the side of a hill.

[Deadweasel]

Since I usually go way overkill on the control wheels, my ASAS doesn't actually talk. Instead, it makes a sound when I engage it. Something like:

[Commissioner Tadpole]

"Hey, the rocket is pointing to the Prograde vector! LET'S MOVE LEFT!"

"Bu-"

"Shut up, Tadpole, you don't know anything. I am ASAS and I tell you what to do! LEFT! LEFT! LEFT!"

Afterwards I decided to not keep any inputs in the rocket to see what would happen. The rocket span madly towards left like there was no tomorrow and it just never stopped.

Edited November 24, 2013 by Commissioner Tadpole

[MC.STEEL]

Im telling you the ASAS likes dubstep,else why would it ''wobble'' like that.