[FUNNY] I'm coming up with a new space propulsion system

[NASAFanboy]

Hello, I have decided to come up with a revolutionary propulsion system, that could, in fact, propel our astronauts to Mars extremely fast (Though will leave a ton of crap in a Hohman Transfer Orbit). So, a couple days ago, I was shopping on Amazon for a present to my friend. He really likes gummy bears, so I came upon this beast.

Oh, ok, I think. So I buy the bags (Five of them), and they came yesterday. I gave them to my friend this afternoon. He really liked the taste, and I was really happy that he liked my present, and went home light-hearted and in a good mood. Then I get a phone call from him. Apparently, he was stuck in the bathroom, spewing out enough explosive force to match that of a nuclear device. So, I ask "Please verify. I don't believe you". He replies by screaming "ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I ATE THE WHOLE FIVE BAGS AND NOW I'M STUCK HERE!", followed by the sound of the roof breaking and what...was it unintelligeble screaming?

After that, I knew he was a goner. Just two hours ago, he propelled himself past the Karman Line in a gigantic stack of solid waste, and is currently literally ****ting his way to the stars faster than Voyager One, and will probably keep going for three days, which at the current rate of accleration, will propel him to Alpha Centauri in 50 years.

The iSP of this is awesome. I tested a single bear myself, and came out with the explosive energy force of ten kilotons of TNT. Such energy potiental is not to be wasted, and must be harnessed at all costs. In truth, the whole bag will produce enough accleartion to propel a habitat module to Jupiter and back, but for now, let's stick to Mars. However, I believe it may be a good enough subsitute to anti-matter, and is biological fuel, as it relies on the muscles of your body-and thus, has no need for massive amounts of fuel or oxidizer. In fact, all you need is a astronaut and a toliet hooked up to a engine.

Artists impression of a spacecraft that would utilize these bears as fuel

Artist's impression of another spaceship

Such a fuel would be cheaper than antimatter, easier than fusion, and more ready than technologies like VASMIR. Because of this, I am submitting a paper on the feasbility on such a design, of a ship that uses these bears as fuel. It has been estimated that one bag could propel 50 tons of equipment and matieral to Mars.

Because of this, I highly recommend that NASA look into this as a viable fuel source.

Thank you, and good day.

A diagram showing a capsule that could eventually utilize this propulsion method.

Edited November 7, 2013 by NASAFanboy

[ZedNova]

That spaceship.... is it doing what my childish mind thinks it's doing?

[Holo]

That spaceship.... is it doing what my childish mind thinks it's doing?

In fact, all you need is a astronaut and a toliet hooked up to a engine.

Indeed it is.

[SunJumper]

If you have a direct conversion mechanism (converts matter directly into energy without the pesky need for antimatter), you can use the mass energy to boost the Isp, as humans have s****y mass ratios (get it? ).

[rpayne88]

That's the problem with sugar free candy. The sweetener was originally developed as a laxative. Had more than one experience with that myself, only with sugar free lifesavers. People, sugar does not warrant such a side effect from its replacement.

[NASAFanboy]

I'm actually going to consider making a mod out of this and releasing on April 1st.

[Canopus]

you really think its that funny that you still talk about it and even consider making a mod about it?

Edited November 7, 2013 by Canopus

[NASAFanboy]

you really think its that funny that you still talk about it and even considet making a mod about it?

Heh, why not?

I'm just trying to give you the laughs.

[mux]

Kerbin will be contaminated with politicians' promises.

[architeuthis]

This type of rocket would suffer from poor specific impulse.

... Seriously though, the McDonnell Douglas 12-man Space Station that was planned to succeed Skylab would have used a resistojet with electolyzed wastewater as propellant for orbital reboost. Ahh, towards a day when crap literally propels us to the stars...

[Depth]

Ah, this could be very effective.

How much dV do you get when pooping out of a 1.2 ton pod?