Bill's Epic Pout (based on actual events)

[ArmchairGravy]

By the time Bill had docked the Wilbur II to Kewton Station for the third time, he was well past seething and beginning to positively fume.

"Jeb gets all of the glory while I get all of the drudgery," he muttered to himself as he hauled the latest batch of Mun rocks into Kewton Station's lab.

It was hard to argue with this. Jeb had, of course, been the first to set foot on Mun, landing in East Farside crater piloting the Wilbur I. Jeb had then performed the tricky hop into the canyon on the east side of the crater. He gathered rock samples and performed science experiments at both locations, all the while breathlessly watched by all of kerbal-kind. After Jeb splashed down in the Kacific Ocean, he was immediately whisked off to the Kresident's office to receive medals, and then on to parades across Kerbin. He appeared on the Johnny Karson show. Jeb was feted, applauded, and huzzahed.

With Jeb's smashing success, KSC launched Kewton Station into orbit about Mun, placing Bob in charge of operations there. While this didn't generate quite the hoopla that Jeb's landing had, a visibly nervous Bob was interviewed on the David Ketterman show via satellite uplink. Bob explained Kewton Station's purpose of being the orbital lab in which future Mun rocks and Mun-based experiments would be processed before being returned to Kerbin for futher study.

KSC engineers designed the Wilbur II, a craft capable of visiting two separate landings sites on Mun and docking with Kewton Station. They tapped Bill for the pilot of Wilbur II, as Jeb was quite exhausted by groupies.

Bill was initially thrilled to be chosen. He would not only land on Mun once, but four times! He would advance Kerbal science to an unprecedented degree, as he would explore a whopping eight regions with Wilbur II. Not only that, but he would perform the tricky dockings with Kewton Station, and would perform extended EVA missions hauling in the samples and results of Wilbur II's experiment bays. He would finally be able to outshine Jeb!

Little did he realize the fickle ways of fame.

On his first trip he landed at Twin Craters, explored the Midlands adjacent to them, and successfully delivered his bonanza of science to Kewton Station.

"Good job, Bill," said Bob, "but we're kind of on a tight schedule here as the East Crater window is coming up. We'll need you to undock and de-orbit as soon as the experiments have been re-fitted."

Bill gamely rushed back to the cramped confines of Wilbur II and performed a flawless landing in East Crater. He performed his allotted sampling and experimenting, and then skipped over to the Highlands for another round before again returning to Kewton Station.

"Hey, Bill," Bob said on his return, "the Kresident wants to talk to you."

"Finally," Bill thought to himself. "I'm getting the recognition I deserve!"

Bill activated the satellite uplink with a smile. "Yes, Mr. Kresident?"

"Bill, you know Jeb best," the krackly voice of the Kresident said. "What's his favorite kolor? I want to present him with a ceremonial sash to hang his medals from, and want to make sure he'd like it."

Bill was of course krushed. "Klear!" he snarled into the uplink, and then disconnected. He stomped back to the now fairly smelly, cramped confines of Wilbur II, made sure the experiments were ready to go, and decelerated toward the Munar surface. This time Bill took on the Northwest Crater, and then performed a pinpoint landing in the Midland Craters. Again, he returned the science bounty back to Kewton Station.

Bob met Bill at the lab's airlock. "All we need now is the Farside Crater, Bill. After that we can take all of these results back to Kerbin. I don't have to tell you the scientists back at KSC are really chomping at the bit to get the complete data set back. If you hustle you can just make the de-orbit window."

Bill had finally had enough. "If KSC wants those results so badly," he shouted at a rather startled Bob, "they'll have to play by my rules!" He stormed back to the Wilbur II and cast off before the lab personnel had a chance to refurbish the experiments. It's hard to say whether the fire from the Rockomax engines or Bill's rage was hotter as he landed in Farside Crater.

Bill stomped (as well as one can stomp in 1/6 G) out onto the Munar surface. In full view of the cameras he cut the Wilbur II's fuel lines. Bill's epic pout had begun.

"I'm tired of being cooped up in this tin can! Send me a proper habitat that's well stocked with delicious snacks, or you will never know the secrets of Farside Crater!"

The engineers at KSC quickly attached a Hitchhiker to a Stayputnik, imaginatively named it Farside Habitat I, and landed it near the disabled Wilbur II. Bill immediately entered it, removed his suit, took a long-overdue shower, and gorged himself on snacks. His pout, however, still endured.

"Um, the really good samples are a few klicks away from the landing site," he radioed back to KSC. "You'll need to send me a rover if you want them." He then took another shower and ate more snacks.

The engineers at KSC were up to the challenge. They sent not one, but two rovers to Farside Crater.

"This is more like it!" Bill chortled to himself as he zipped about the Munar landscape. He was not done with his epic pout, however.

"The findings here are so rich, you should send a full science lab here," was Bill's next transmission back to KSC.

This caused some konsternation among the engineering staff, but they were (barely) able to launch a lab staffed with the least stupid recruits and equipped with two full experiment kits, and land it by the rest of the klutter that Farside Crater had accumulated.

"OK, Bill," the scientists aboard the lab said, "load up the samples and we'll take it from here."

Bill kackled evilly. He knew the scientists didn't have EVA suits aboard their lab.

"I will only hand these samples over to Jeb!,"

Jeb was quickly bundled aboard a kourier ship, and landed at what was now known as Farside Base.

He climbed down the ladder, medals gleaming on his klear sash he wore over his EVA suit, and konfronted the recalcitrant Bill.

"Bill," Jeb said, "don't you think it's time to come home?"

"Why should I?", asked Bill. "Here. Take these rotten samples and go on."

"But Bill," replied Jeb, "don't you realize that with all of the discoveries you've made, once we get all of the results back to Kerbin we will be able to go to Duna? Heck, I'll even let you go first this time. Now let's grab Bob and get home."

So Bill finally ended his epic pout. Bill and Jeb rendezvoused with Kewton Station, retrieved Bob and the accumulated research stashed there, and returned to the jubilant scientists eagerly awaiting them at KSC. As Jeb predicted, the research Bill had gathered was enough to catapult kerbal technology into the interplanetary arena. So impressed was the Kresident with the results, he forgave Bill his pout and awarded him the Kobel Prize on Bill's very own klear sash.

THE END

[Bengsch85]

I love the story! Storyline is very well worked out!

[The Jedi Master]

Serious K Syndrome (just say 'president', etc.), but other than that, good story! Me, I would have told him that he just stranded himself on the Mun, and he could either get in the 'tin can' rescue ship that was coming to get him, or he could stay there.

[Minmus Taster]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAhAAHAHAHhahaHAHhhhaaaahhhhhh ahhhhhhhh!

Thats hillarious I LOVE IT!