Survive That Attack!

[Wildcat111]

1 hour ago, DaMachinator said:

Fortunately, concrete is far more brittle than a person.

I give the next poster an existential crisis.

I die dramatically.

I respawn and throw a spoon at the next poster

Edited September 18, 2016 by Wildcat111

[greenTurtle1134]

I declare that there is no spoon, and by movie logic it disappears.

I think better of it, respawn the spoon, and hurl it at the next guy.

[Andem]

I'm made of titanium.

 

 nuke the next poster.

[greenTurtle1134]

I shoot down the nuke.

With the chunks of uranium lying around and a bit of lithium-6, I build a better nuke and launch that at the next guy.

[UnionPacific1983WP]

I use a hypersonic jet to get away.

The jet crashes into the next poster at speed.

[greenTurtle1134]

I walk 10 yards away, turn around, and watch the jet slam into the ground. You can't aim at hypersonic speeds!

I warp the next poster to Eve, taking great care to make sure the relative velocity vector points into the atmo, and drop him in. Relative velocity is going to be about 15 km/s. Say, anyone actually want to calculate that?

[njmksr]

I bring a 10m heat shield

 

I alter Eve's orbit to hit the next poster directly in the face

[greenTurtle1134]

I destroy Eve with a negative gravioli spatial destabilization pulse courtesy of @Parkaboy.

I explain to the next poster that this reality is just a fictional simulation/storytelling fourth-wall deficient semi-consistent universe created and manipulated by bored people on a digital information sharing system.

[kerbiloid]

Yes, I'm one of them. And I run a memory self-check procedure which will froze the next poster's reality for eons.

[0111narwhalz]

I didn't even notice, considering reality itself, and thus my subjective perception of time, was halted.

I demand citation for

3 hours ago, greenTurtle1134 said:

You can't aim at hypersonic speeds!

 

[greenTurtle1134]

9 minutes ago, 0111narwhalz said:

I demand citation

Ah? Low reaction times, sensor noise, high aerodynamic forces, dynamic pressure stresses, and the inherent imprecision of high speed actions. Download FAR and try.

I do not attack, and bore the next guy.

Edited September 18, 2016 by greenTurtle1134
Add "attack"

[cantab]

I decide to stop sitting around being bored. I steal a tunnelling machine, and bore the next guy.

[ZentroCatson]

A tunneling machine has a speed of 10 meters a day. You'll never catch me.

I hit the next poster with a frying pan.

[greenTurtle1134]

I deflect it with a bigger frying pan.

I hit time warp to allow the tunneling machine to speed up and catch the next poster.

For good measure I throw the bigger frying pan at him.

[TopHeavy11]

I then transport you to KSP 0.7.3, where there can't be mod compatibility, and your tunneling machine and frying pan pop out of existence.

 

I hurtle 20,000 ton(ne)s of nostalgia on the next poster.

Edited September 19, 2016 by TopHeavy11

[DaMachinator]

It all spontaneously disintegrates because long long ago the atmosphere was a brick wall.

 

I put the next poster into an empty nearly invincible bunker 10m^2 in internal area along with a 500-lb bomb on a proxmity fuze.

[Omegagoldfish]

I defuse the bomb and leave.

 

I throw the next poster into Mars.

Edited September 19, 2016 by Omegagoldfish

[ZentroCatson]

Luckily I know orbital mechanics and how to use fart propulsion 

This thing attacks the next poster.

[cantab]

Go, Kyogre! Hyper Beam!

Too bad for the next poster that they're between Kyogre and the Reaper.

[greenTurtle1134]

I duck (duh) and dodge the opening attacks from both sides. I take advantage of the Hyper Beam energy drain time to explain to both that the other constitutes the larger threat, then I run for my life.

I then open a transuniversal rift in the fabric of this semi-canonical pseudo-reality and rotate the next poster one link down the multiverse spiral, dropping him into Universe 53:Danny2462's Universe.

In my (head)canon, all possible uses of KSP are arranged in a spiral, sorted by integrity of the fourth wall, and drifting around in higher dimensions. Danny2462 and this "universe" both play fast and loose with physics for the sake of humor - so they would be next to each other.

(Edited for additional clarification)

For those of you who do not know who Danny2462 is: He is a guy that posts YouTube comedy videos of glitching, hacking, messing with, and generally abusing Kerbal Space Program. Most of his enterprises do not end well for the Kerbals - therefore, I turn the next poster into a Kerbal and push him through.

For those of you who do: My "attack" is to be considered Danny's opening salvo of glitches, contraptions, abuse, humor, sarcasm, etc.

Edited September 21, 2016 by greenTurtle1134
Additional clarification.

[Omegagoldfish]

I invalidate your head-canon because I find it stupid. I then hack KSP so hard I leave it.

 

The next poster is devoured by dozens of poodles.

[njmksr]

13 minutes ago, Omegagoldfish said:

I invalidate your head-canon because I find it stupid. I then hack KSP so hard I leave it.

 

The next poster is devoured by dozens of poodles.

I start kicking puppies

I ram the SS Omegagoldfish into the next poster

Edited September 21, 2016 by njmksr

[TopHeavy11]

I phaser it before it even comes close.

 

I banish the next poster to another dimension.

[Andem]

Turns out, it's the dimension where all of Captain Kirk's love interests go after an episode ends.

 

I shoot the next poster in the face because i'm not imaginative.

[adsii1970]

But because you used a BB gun, the projectile bounces off my forehead and hits you in the eye... (see, your mom told you you'd shoot your eye out!)

The next poster encounters an egg pod, like the one in Alien, about to hatch...