Relationship... Is it worth it?

[bigdad84]

Me and my girlfriend (now ex I guess) had been dating for almost 6 months. We've had had a few fights (normal relationship stuff) and after one, she said she didn't know if she wanted to be together anymore. A few days later I asked her about it and she said she still loves me (yes, 6 months and already the L word) but just didn't want to commit to me. Of course I worry that maybe there's another guy, but I really don't think so. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place right now trying to figure out if I just want to give up, or wait for her to commit... If ever.

[lajoswinkler]

If she isn't serious about this, you shouldn't be, either. The fact is that you love her and the only thing this will bring you is misery and, perhaps, an STD because she clearly wants more ....., or perhaps even ......s. (really, censoring the female organ in Latin?)

I'd end it because I wouldn't want to be eaten from inside by the suffering. She's obviously trying to slip out from all of this, but lacks the brains to set everything straight.

Edited August 2, 2014 by Rich

[Brethern]

It's probably time to move on.

If she's not willing to committee then you're wasting your time.

[vger]

Bigdad, this sounds like trouble to me, like "I want to put you in the friendzone, without you realizing it."

Maybe I'm being too cynical, but this is what has always happened to me when I got that kind of response.

[ZedNova]

If she really doesn't want to commit, you shouldn't invest any emotional energy with her. Countless couples jump the gun and commit before they realize they're not really compatible.

Keep looking.

[Godot]

You have to decide for yourself if she is it worth to you to wait, till maybe at one later day she may be ready for a relationship.

The danger always is there that she may see dating you just as a transitional solution, till she´ll find her Prince Charming, with whom she won´t hesitate to get into a close relationship after the first dates.

But nothing keeps you from seeing dating her only as a transitional solution as well

[Rainbowtrout]

As a last resort, throw it back on her. That will uncover her true motives, and either completely destroy your relationship or form a new bond of trust.

[comham]

How old are you?

[Rich]

How old are you?

I'd like to preemptively jump in here, and ask the OP to read the following forum rule before responding.

4.4 Users under the age of 18

Users under the age of 18 who reveal their age and/or face on official KSP community channels, may have their messages/photos removed for privacy purposes.

[bigdad84]

I am 18. She is 29. It's a long story. I know most people think that's to young to know anything. My grandparents got married at 18 and were together 67 years until my grandpas death this June. Anyways, on topic again, I think I'll just play the waiting game. Maybe distance myself from her and see if she tries coming back around.

[xmaslightguy]

My recommendation is to not look at it as a manner of time and detication, but what does she bring to the relationship that you like, and what do you bring that she likes? Have a conversation about, honestly, what you two enjoy about each other, and if you cant come up with enough things then you should really consider ending it. Dating for the sake of not ending a relationship is never a good idea, but neither is throwing away something good because of lack of communication. (PS I would also ask about her saying Love. For me, I use that word very easily, so it sounds ridiculous that you'd be complaining about it after 6 months)

[vger]

"she said she didn't know if she wanted to be together anymore"

Wow, this irks me even more than it did before. I was envisioning this as a relationship between two teens, but 29? Girls still pull that kind of thing at that age?

[bigdad84]

"she said she didn't know if she wanted to be together anymore"

Wow, this irks me even more than it did before. I was envisioning this as a relationship between two teens, but 29? Girls still pull that kind of thing at that age?

Right? It really took me by surprise. That was one of the reasons why I always looked for older woman, they didn't play little "games" like this. I guess my current plan of attack is going to be to just give it a couple of days. I won't bring anything up about "us" and just see if she notices. If she doesn't mention anything or shows no bother from it, i'm going to cut off contact. (easier said than done).

Edited August 3, 2014 by bigdad84

[lajoswinkler]

I am 18. She is 29. It's a long story. I know most people think that's to young to know anything. My grandparents got married at 18 and were together 67 years until my grandpas death this June. Anyways, on topic again, I think I'll just play the waiting game. Maybe distance myself from her and see if she tries coming back around.

In these cases it's usually the older woman who wants stability and the younger man is prone to being reckless about the relationship.

The issue here is not that you're too young for a relationship (you aren't), but that the age difference is too high for your age. Eleven years is fine when you're in your forties, but you're 18. Stick to your generation, plus minus two years. That makes the best chance things will go right.

Of course, there are exceptions. I'm just describing the most probable scenarios.

Play the waiting game if you want, but don't expect anything or you'll get hurt.

A word of caution - while you're waiting, she's probably having ... with someone else. Think of the STDs, ok?

[Nuke]

age differences like this aren't a big deal. its not even in the creepy zone. i think i have more in common with women a decade older than me than those of the same generation. in this case it seems like she doesn't know what she wants. you may have just been her attempt at trying something different.

[lajoswinkler]

age differences like this aren't a big deal. its not even in the creepy zone. i think i have more in common with women a decade older than me than those of the same generation. in this case it seems like she doesn't know what she wants. you may have just been her attempt at trying something different.

It's not in the creepy zone, but in most cases it's bound to break apart.

[bigdad84]

It's not in the creepy zone, but in most cases it's bound to break apart.

Yea. I think thats where this is heading. (breaking apart) Some people might think it's "creepy" but I never once thought that it was. Like Nuke said, I have WAY more in common with someone a decade older than someone my age. Maybe i'll find someone again, or someone thats actually mature enough around my age. Breakups are never easy though.

[Skyler4856]

Yea. I think thats where this is heading. (breaking apart) Some people might think it's "creepy" but I never once thought that it was. Like Nuke said, I have WAY more in common with someone a decade older than someone my age. Maybe i'll find someone again, or someone thats actually mature enough around my age. Breakups are never easy though.

While I have no doubt that you share commonality with older individuals, your goals are different. She wants to advance her career, you want to graduate college. This difference is bound to lead to strife

[bigdad84]

Well thanks guys for all of your input! I will definitely let you know what the final outcome turns out to be.

[bigdad84]

Just a tad bit of a necro here But, I was just looking back at my old threads and remembered this one. The relationship finally bit the dust about a month ago. The only reason it lasted that long to begin with was she ended up getting a Blood Clot in her brain and I stuck around for the moral support. She got better, still refused to commit, I left. Pretty much in that order. Some days I miss it, some days I don't. Most of the time I don't think about it. Breakups just plain suck. But anyways, I'm doing well. It's a nice feeling knowing you can talk to someone of the opposite ... without feeling bad.

[Bill Phil]

Just a tad bit of a necro here But, I was just looking back at my old threads and remembered this one. The relationship finally bit the dust about a month ago. The only reason it lasted that long to begin with was she ended up getting a Blood Clot in her brain and I stuck around for the moral support. She got better, still refused to commit, I left. Pretty much in that order. Some days I miss it, some days I don't. Most of the time I don't think about it. Breakups just plain suck. But anyways, I'm doing well. It's a nice feeling knowing you can talk to someone of the opposite ... without feeling bad.

Even ... in a different context isn't allowed? Jeez...

[r4pt0r]

I started dating my ex-fiance in highschool. I proposed on our 5 year anniversary. Then when we finally moved in together it all went to shambles.

Its been a half a year now and I've been testing the water again.

Relationships aren't always worth it, but you should always be open to finding that someone.

[lajoswinkler]

Just a tad bit of a necro here But, I was just looking back at my old threads and remembered this one. The relationship finally bit the dust about a month ago. The only reason it lasted that long to begin with was she ended up getting a Blood Clot in her brain and I stuck around for the moral support. She got better, still refused to commit, I left. Pretty much in that order. Some days I miss it, some days I don't. Most of the time I don't think about it. Breakups just plain suck. But anyways, I'm doing well. It's a nice feeling knowing you can talk to someone of the opposite ... without feeling bad.

I'm glad you're doing well. Just remember one thing. Don't go into another relationship as a moth into the fire. It rarely ends well and it causes a viscious circle of repeating it all the time. Take this time off for pursuing different things.

[megatiger78]

I do not know why this is discussed here, on the internet.

[bigdad84]

I do not know why this is discussed here, on the internet.

It's discussed here on the internet, because some things cannot be talked about with your closest friends. Some things, must remain to yourself, or anonymous on the internet for others input. You never know!