The ultimate swiss army knife

[cantab]

Autoland is not installed however.

[Red Iron Crown]

It will drive your car for you during your commute, while you drink coffee and read the paper.

[Captain Sierra]

It has a built-in lightsaber.

[cantab]

With mini lightsabers on the hilt.

[CelticCossack51]

It has an anti- aircraft gun in case if there is an airstrike from Makeupia.

[cantab]

The designers took some flak for including that feature, but they maintain it's the height of accomplishment and key to ensuring sales take off.

The knife also includes a tool for arming British nuclear missiles.

[Captain Sierra]

The knife also includes a terrorist-seeking targeting system for said missiles. Batteries sold separately.

[Felsmak]

It has an automatic, built-in pill dispenser than can deploy any medication inside your body, without you having to do anything. But it can only fit one pill at a time, and it only stays inside your body for as long as your food does. And you have to swallow the thing.

[Dman979]

It has a built in sharpener for itself!

All you have to do is to take it off and sharpen as you would an inferior knife!

Removal of any parts for use will void the warranty.

[Flymetothemun]

It can be used as a Nuclear Football in the event of any emergency, even an emergency involving stepping on a tack.

Edited December 19, 2014 by Flymetothemun

[Mr_Brain]

It can be used as reaction mass for spacecraft! When thrown hard enough, that is.

[waterlubber]

It can be used as a Radar.

Warranty Void if Jammed (Especially with Raspberries)

[waterlubber]

It can play KSP at 60 fps!

[Vaporo]

It has (gasp!) a knife!

[cantab]

Two knives, even.

[SmartS=true]

It has an electric heater, batteries, and solar panels!

[waterlubber]

It's bigger on the inside and comes with a madman!

[cantab]

It includes a "Knife Assistant", which will give the user information such as "It looks like you are trying to cut some rope. Would you like some help?"

[Red Iron Crown]

It can open clamshell packaging with zero frustration or injury to the user.

[MrWalrus123]

It also haas smaller version of itself inside!

[Thomas988]

This knife can clone itself as many times as your want it to!

[_Augustus_]

It can also create miniature galaxies!

[Tery215]

It can make the cut pieces' sum mass higher than the original object's mass!

[cantab]

Use of that feature together with the auto-cut function is not advised.

[CG_Kerbin]

Comes with a cup holder (fancy)