Make a wish... and have it horribly corrupted!

[Tery215]

Granted. After it carves itself into billions of tiny little pieces, the pieces begin marching towards you. And they intend to carve you.

I wish for Groot.

[Tex]

Granted. You recieve tiny twig Groot, and he freezes whenever you look at him.

I wish I could fly on the Vomit Comet!

[cantab]

Granted. And you're fine, no sickness. The 11 other people on the flight though all projectile vomit in zero gravity.

I wish for a non-explosive ride on SpaceShipTwo.

[Tery215]

Granted. Due to Space Lag (which totally isn't a thing), you get lagged outside of the spacecraft and bad vacuum things happen to you.

I wish that Space Lag totally wasn't a thing.

[teepee2345]

Granted. But time lag now exists in its place

i wish for more kerbals

[cantab]

Granted. One new Kerbal is added to the potential infinity of them.

I wish to visit the point at infinity.

[Tery215]

Granted. You end up in a black hole. Those things are infinity, right?

I wish for a red shirt guy.

[Capt. Hunt]

Granted, here's a red shirt, and oh, look there's a blood sucking alien cloud creature coming your way!

I wish for a working phaser.

[Red Iron Crown]

Granted. You accidentally stun yourself, and upon awaking you accidentally set the phaser to kill and shoot yourself again.

I wish Star Trek technology was available today to everyone.

[cantab]

Granted. We are the Borg. You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile.

I wish functional and safe sonic screwdrivers were on general sale and affordable to non-plutocrats.

[teepee2345]

granted, but they break when used for more than 2 seconds.

i wish for something bad.

[InterCity]

Granted. You get a bad case of depression and jump off the nearest bridge.

I wish for my very own supersecret villain lair with nukes, traps and a submarine base.

[Red Iron Crown]

Granted. It is infiltrated by James Bond and is destroyed around you.

I wish I was as cool as James Bond.

[teepee2345]

granted. james bond gets angry at you and kills you.

i wish for a non explosive nuke

[mythbusters844]

Granted. You accidentally break it and the radioactive material falls on the ground, somehow turning supercritical and causing you to die of radiation poisoning.

I wish for a fish that could squish a dish.

[mikeman7918]

Granted, you got a shark.

I wish that this wish will not be corrupted.

[teepee2345]

granted, but since you did not wish for anything it is corrupted.

i wish for C4

[cantab]

Granted. But you can never obtain a detonator.

I wish get-iplayer would start working again.

[Ikaneko]

It does, but all that's on it is Morecambe and Wise.

I wish that nobody ever said fam-a-lam.

[cantab]

Granted. WASSUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP!

I wish I didn't need the loo.

[Red Iron Crown]

Granted. Enjoy your catheter and colostomy bag.

I wish I could get over this head cold.

[Tery215]

Granted. It is now a shoe cold, and your feet die.

I wish that Swish rhymed with Fish and Dish.

[Lhathron the Elf]

Granted. Swish now does not rhyme with george and monkey.

I wish for a new computer, preferably an HP Stream, Natural Silver colored, which Office 365 and windows 8.1.

[Tery215]

Granted. The manufacturers were elves and made the silicon out of silver. The computer breaks your desk out of immense weight and falls apart.

I wish for the ability to make silicon out of silver.

[cantab]

Granted. I'm not sure what *use* that serves, but the KGB know and they abduct you and send you to the gulag.

I wish for a decent lampshade.