Resurrecting the Kraken

[Felsmak]

My Kerbals are on a top secret mission to Bop. Not to gather soil samples or take pictures, or anything. It’s way scarier than that. I know that the long dead Space Kraken was slain there – somewhere near the north pole – and my Kerbals are there to locate its remains.

Why the secrecy, you ask? Well, not only does the Space Kraken officially not exist, but I also intend to bring it back to life and restore the universe to the glorious chaos that ruled it back in the old days. If anybody on Kerbin found out, they would just try to stop me.

It sounds strange. I know. But assuming that it would be grateful, I could probably use it to get more funding for my space program!

The problem is just that I have no idea how to actually resurrect anything. But of course, my Kerbals don’t know that, and should any of them find out, you can believe me when I say the consequences will be dire.

Anyhow, I started to experiment with different alignments of Jool’s moons. I also assumed that I would need candles, so I provided my crew with the most advanced candles ever made by Kerbal hands.

Jeb, my most trusted pilot, is the leader of the project. The leader that isn’t me, that is. He supervises the ritual from the altar erected outside the circle, and said altar also contains an entire library of stuff to chant at the Kraken.

Jeb is a very good supervisor.

Unfortunately, however, the mission was a failure. Despite my best efforts, I have not been able to resurrect the Kraken, and I really have no idea what I'm doing wrong. I don't know if it's the planetary alignments, the chanting, the candles or something else that I don't know about.

I'm kind of starting to run out of ideas, and I almost feel like giving up and just write those applications instead. I don't want to admit that to my Kerbals, however, so I'd like to know if any of you guys would happen to have any ideas of your own. How would you try to resurrect the Space Kraken?

[pauix]

My first guess would be that the pentagon is not 100% regular. Check the length of the five sides.

[Whirligig Girl]

HAve you tried playing Calculon's installation disc backwards? Try Chanting more things. Maybe if you first spawn one of the other krakens, The Kraken will begin to stir.

[Benjpalmer]

Maybe use some Kraken Drives to stimulate the psuedothaumic field that you're establishing to reveal the Kraken?

[NecroBones]

I think you need to sacrifice a Kerbal using a floating-point distortion field generator.

[Space_Kraken]

My spirit still wanders, in the forums!

[Sirrobert]

Looks like the candles aren't perfectly alligned.

I also support the suggestion to sacrifice some Kerbals, or ships.

You could try to borrow

The important part starts at 2:50

[Tw1]

You need a sacrifice. Got a spare kerbal?

Also, magnets. (Docking ports?)

Have you got a power module capable of generating a few hundred units per second?

Give it a zap as you chant.

Struts and girders should make sufficient electrodes, but don't let them interrupt the pentagon, go over the circle.

You want to be careful with the amount of current, too much, and instead of life you get barbeque.

Edited May 8, 2014 by Tw1

[The Jedi Master]

Is the chanting in Latin ominous enough?

Have you tried playing scary music in the background?

Is it midnight on Bop?

Have you tried playing Action 52 or any Phillips CD-i game as you chant?

[TimePeriod]

3000 litres of kerbal blood is also needed.

[Sirrobert]

3000 litres of kerbal blood is also needed.

Don't you mean units?

KSP doesn't use liters

Also I believe you need 666 units

[cantab]

Have you tried simply throwing rocks at it?

[Felsmak]

These are all excellent ideas! First and foremost, however, I will try simply adjusting the shape of the pentagon and the circle of Kerbals surrounding the carcass. I have to rule out all the simplest errors at first before trying anything expensive! It's quite a difficult thing to eyeball, though, so in order to save time I'll have to assemble some kind of hollow frame that will be transported to the site for reference.

And how foolish of me! Of course Kerbals will have to be sacrificed, as well! In plural! I should have known. I shall discuss the matter with the Cerebral Board at once!

Edited May 8, 2014 by Felsmak

[Javster]

Sacrifice! Sacrifice! Sacrifice!

[KeithStone]

I love the candles, but now my plans for a similar event have to be bigger!!!!!

[pauix]

Have you tried playing Action 52 or any Phillips CD-i game as you chant?

The best game to play if you want to revive the kraken would be ET for Atari. The cartridges weren't buried because the game was bad. They were buried because the game was cursed.

[HansonKerman]

The chanting. Make sure you have the right words. And the alignments. They have to be such as you can draw a straight diagonal line across them.

[HansonKerman]

Do everything here.

[Just Jim]

FOOL!!!  You have five candles... but the Elder Kraken has SIX tentacles... 

hehehe

(seriously... I can't wait to read more of this... lmao...)

Edited March 28, 2018 by Just Jim

[Mr. Peabody]

@Felsmak, You sir are a genious.

[Just Jim]

Wait... I just realized... how old is this thread???  

Well, if someone is going to necro a thread... what better than a thread about necro'ing a dead Kraken... 

Wait... what??? 

Edited March 28, 2018 by Just Jim

[CastleKSide]

Well, I am assuming the ritual worked and that is the reason we have not had an update is so... [crash, ominous rumble]

 

AGHRGR!!! [static]

[VelocityPolaris]

Ok, ok, I got it. The perfect plan to revive a long-dead Kraken. It's elegant in it's simplicity, really, no wonder no one else thought of it first. You ready? Alright, here it goes. Throw a rocket at it. 

If it can be summoned, it's soul is still connected to that body somehow. Which means there's a link between corpse and the Kraken in the afterlife! And a link means a portal! How do you activate a portal? With energy! What has energy? An SRB tossed towards it at near-interstellar velocity, of course! So that leaves a few possible outcomes. 

1. Explosion activates conduit, Kraken emerges, fun occurs. Profit?

2. Welp, we blew up a corpse. But on the plus side, that means either the rocket went straight through to the afterlife and punched the Kraken's soul in the face, or we just prevented it from ever having a chance to bother us. Now we can pretend that safeguarding the future of Kerbalkind was our goal all along.

3. Nothing changes. ...Dang. Uh, ok, have you ever tried feeding your employees 'til they're fit to burst, rolling them in marinade, then having them do a jolly dance right in front of our Kraken friend? Plus chanting random nonsense words might help.

[Mortimer Kerman]

Use this magical sing:

ALT-F12