KAL 9000

Item #: SCP-191141 Object Class: Keter Special Containment Procedures: SCP-191141 has not been contained as of ██/██/████, but can be lured to regions of "positive energy" (see Description) or certain Euclid-class SCP anomalies. Research on how to properly contain SCP-191141 is underway, and is currently being led by Dr. ██████. Description: SCP-191141 is some sort of being made of pure energy, similar to a ghost in popular media. SCP-191141, at first glance, appears to be a nondescript female Kerbal wearing a white-and-blue spacesuit, but on closer examination, the facade is shattered, as SCP-191141 floats approximately 1.5 meters above the ground and is slightly translucent and immaterial. SCP-191141 is sentient, and identifies itself as "Sanny". SCP-191141 prefers being near regions of "positive energy", which typically correspond to regions with high ambient radiation flux. SCP-191141's attitude toward living beings swings between "apathetic" and "hostile", although they have taken no actual action against a living thing. Some individuals, such as ████████████ (not affiliated with the Foundation), have won SCP-191141's affection. The extent of this appears to be SCP-191141 giving said individual a diminutive nickname (e.g. "████████") and having a more positive attitude towards said individual. Strange muttering about "Boffins" and "the Circus" occasionally emanates from SCP-191141. The reason behind this is unknown as of ██/██/████.

No, I did it independently of that. Someone had the same idea. Speaking of which, one of my IRL friends, who also plays KSP, did this: *A standard BDArmory fighter jet flying over an ocean* NARRATION: The K-57 Hummingbird is a capable fighter, able to intercept and destroy most aircraft with ease. It has high thrust, excellent fuel efficiency, is very maneuverable... *Zooms out* *Jool looms large in the sky* NARRATION: And it has an EXTREMELY long range.

I'm back! Speaking of the whole "fake space program" thing... I once retextured a 2x2 panel so it had the Mun's surface and a lander on it. I then posed a Kerbal in front of it... On Duna!

@Geschosskopf:

WHAT CAN WE DO TO APPEASE BARIS?!

"With this exciting new astronomical discovery, our triaxial ellipsoid friend among the dwarf planets has come to make a speech. GIVE IT UP FOR EVERYONE'S FOURTH FAVORITE DWARF PLANET, HAUMEA!!!"

Well, Saint Jeb has a new friend! That's a win in my book!

We need to go to Laythe! Land on it! Take samples! Analyze the life! Drill into the surface and scare the s**t out of some poor Laythean in his/her burrow!

HANDIN, YOU WERE MY FAVORITE!

They have the same last name! VAL COULD BE YOUR SISTER, JEB, YOU SICK, SICK KERBAL!

Will BARIS' torture never end?! WHAT MUST WE DO?! Should we bring in Danny2462? Blow up the planet? Sacrifice the remaining Orange Suits? WHAT?! --- Kerbal News Network: News Happens - Or Not "The utter collapse of the Wonka snack factory continues to impact the daily lives of Kerbals worldwide. Luckily, a new company, Koylent, has started production of their Koylent Green snack. However, there have been reports of Kerbals mysteriously vanishing near the Koylent factory. We talked to detective Sherlock Kerman for his take on the disappearances." SHERLOCK: "This here case is mighty suspicious-" REPORTER: "Aren't you supposed to be British?" SHERLOCK: "That there accent's copyrighted!" REPORTER: "Oh-kay..." SHERLOCK: "As I was sayin', that there missin' Kerbals case is mighty suspicious. I m'self think it could be foul play from that there Koylent comp'ny." REPORTER: "Care to elaborate?" KOYLENT EXECUTIVE: *Hands Sherlock wad of cash* SHERLOCK: "As I was sayin', it's not s'picious at all! Nothin' fishy 'round those parts!" REPORTER: "What? But you just said-" SHERLOCK: "That nothin' out of the ord'nary's goin' on!"

Y'Know, we might want to sacrifice something to BARIS to make the missions go better. I'm running out of family members. Any ideas?

Do I want to know?

The Platypus is worthy of its name! One question: Can it fight evil like its namesake?

NEW CHAPTER

Kerbal News Network: News Happens - Or Not "The Wonka factory lies in ruins tonight after the ill-fated tour. Many Kerbals have taken to rioting in the streets, proclaiming that the cutoff of snacks until the factory is rebuilt signifies the End Times. This reporter is inclined to agree." *in background* "I'm gonna start looting!" "The Gardeners of the four sprouts that were severely injured have filed a massive lawsuit against Wonka Kerman and Wonka Snacks, Inc. Representing them in court is none other than Phoenix Kerman: Ace Attorney. We now go live to Inferior Court..."

Is it overkill if I programmed my own simulation... --- Kerbal News Network: News Happens - Or Not "Breaking News: For years, Wonka Kerman's snacks have satisfied the cravings of every Kerbal on the planet, but the inside of his factory remains a mystery. Tonight, that all changes. Five sprouts have been selected to tour the billionare snack tycoon's factory, having found silver tickets in their snack boxes. We now go live to the Wonka factory..."

I did an N-Body simulation of the Alternis Kerbol system (specifically, Jool and its companions): -Bop gets ejected into Jool orbit -Mun gets ejected into interplanetary space -Kerbin crashes into Jool Conclusion: We should probably evacuate Kerbin and get to Laythe

Heh

Platypeople!

This is JEB we're talking about. And Orbles has a ladder with him, right? He can go to the Afterlife at will.

YAY! IT'S BACK!

Is this dead?

Praise Jeb! Praise Jeb! Praise Jeb! Meanwhile, in the Afterlife: Jeb (with Heavenly SSTO): WOO-HOO!!! Orbles: I'M STARTING TO REGRET YOU TALKING ME INTO THIS!!!

MOAR NAO