It's confusing, wordy, and weird: start with a clear premise, simplify your text, and skip the symbolism. A rewrite: -- "Four men unsteadily tramped through the Amazon. They wore heavy packs, thin, brown-green, cargo jeans, thick boots, and white shirts peeking through light, unbuttoned rain jackets. One man stopped and upward beheld the narrow beams of light shining through the leaves. He pulled a crumpled, red bandana from his pants pocket and wiped his sweaty brow, "Let's rest". The others stopped, nodded, and with him slung their packs and sat against the trees. Another produced a small tablet and sighed, "Two miles to the ruins." "Good," another replied, "I was unsure when I thought I saw the old road a while back." "How could you tell? It would be over a hundred years old by now," the third asked. The second wiped his brow, "The forest seemed sparser." They silently crunched granola bars and recovered from their long trek until the fourth rose and donned his pack, "Time to go." The others did likewise and resumed trekking. Branches and leaves snapped and cracked under clumsy foot--the first man tripped to the ground! "You okay?" The third man asked. "Yes, I'm fine--hey, look at this!" He grabbed something off the ground. "What?" "It looks like a metal cord." His eyes followed it to a sickly yellow gas descending, "What the h-" a fit of coughing and hacking stifled him. Tears running, he turned: his companions were as well! He panickly inhaled the scorching air, falling to his knees and next his face, and heaved a last, shaky breath. -- Spelling and Grammar -"follow" means to move with whereas "fallow" means not planted in -No commas precede conjoined, subordinate clauses; e.g., "I went to the store and bought eggs" not "I went to the store, and bought eggs" Style -Hit 'return' after finishing each piece of dialogue -Books are not movies: simultaneous detail distracts. Plot -Ancient ruins. Knockout gas. Guys get kidnapped by aliens/ancients/government. Death in captivity, break-out, or broken-out. Weird symbolism. The plot is cliche. Sci-Fi -Where is the science? Where is the cool technology? Bring something interesting and important (i.e., not some gimmick). Characters -Who are these guys? Just dumb monkeys in suits? -Where are the female characters? -Why do I care what happens to these people? -Duxwing